Reply to Teacher calling your kid a liar and sending to detention for lying

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh. I was an admin a few years ago in a school. One of the teachers butted heads with one of her 5th graders. I am not sure why he triggered her so much but he did - he wasn't the easiest kid. One day she accused him of peeing on a project in the classroom while they were all out outside. It was nuts. They called mom, etc. Kid vociferously denied it. His parents ended up pulling him from the school because they stood by him.

A few months later a different kid confessed to doing it. [/quote]

Former admin, 
Do you also have anecdotes showing the teacher being correct? [/quote]

Of course but they didn't write total take down emails to the parents either.[/quote]

This. People on this thread are misunderstanding what the problem here is.

The teacher is handling the situation in a very unprofessional way that is forcing OP to have to choose sides either against or with her kid. It's not necessary. If the teacher just handled this situation calmly without claiming the child is "a liar" (which is different from accusing him of lying in this instance) or "unethical", or sending a long and angry screed to the parent, OP could support the teacher's decision and punishment. But the teacher has made this impossible because now if OP agrees with the teacher, she's agreeing her kid is an unethical liar, which I'm sure she doesn't believe he is.

I mean, just for a moment, let's consider the stupidity of calling a middle school student "unethical." What does that even mean? These kids are young, in the middle of puberty, and have extremely limited life experience. They likely have some understanding of ethics, especially around the idea that it's wrong to physically hurt others. But it's EXTREMELY COMMON for middle school kids to still engage in socially unethical behavior. This is peak "mean girl" era.

Middle school kids often are not ethical, because they are children and ethics is a social construct adults have to teach them. So yes, kids this age will lie or prevaricate, attempt to manipulate, gossip, etc. Our job as adult is to straighten them out, explain the problem with this behavior, and yes, administer consequences. I have no issue with the teacher giving this kid detention -- even if he's telling the truth, it's clear that he was trying to get away with videos in class on some kind of technicality, which is not within the spirit of the rule. I would support the teacher in giving him consequences for that.

BUT if the teacher came at me and my kid all "he's a liar!" and "he's an unethical person!" like he's an adult who just embezzled millions from his employer, I'd need to back my kid up because those are insane labels to put on a child.

The teacher is behaving unprofessionally and emotionally, I would absolutely report this behavior to her administrator and explain that it's one thing to address a problematic behavior in class, but sending angry, emotional screeds about it to a parent is not okay. Learn to self-regulate. Also, if that's what she wrote to the parent, I can only imagine what she said to the kid in class, and a kid misbehaving is not an excuse to verbally abuse him.

The teacher is in the wrong. She's the adult. The kid messed up but the role of the teacher and the parents is to correct and educate, not to declare him a terrible human being.[/quote]

I agree with the idea that this was an unprofessional and immature way to handle it.  However, I would just like to point out that the school environment that most teachers work in is in fact very unprofessional.  We are called liars and shouted out and are frequently the recipients of absurd "takedown" emails - all by administrators.  Perhaps if administrators were held to professional standards as much as teachers are, then teachers would behave more professionally.[/quote]

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