Teacher calling your kid a liar and sending to detention for lying

[Anonymous]

So OP you want the teacher to say no problem there is no detention? As a teacher I would do that for you. I would also let you know that I would not be redirecting your child’s attention back to a lesson again during this quarter. You and you child are now responsible for his time on task in my classroom. I will grade fairly and assuming you and he are correct his grade will reflect his diligent attention and work.

[Anonymous]

Sounds very unprofessional on the part of the teacher (and I'm a teacher), but I know plenty of teachers who are unprofessional.

Does the school name start with C? I know a teacher famous for doing things exactly like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before going around half-cocked, get a conference or phone call with the teacher. Talk to them. Listen to their side. Share your side. Learn. Then decide if this should be mentioned to the principal. Don’t just fly off the handle because of an email. Be open that more could be happening. Your child could be doing other shenanigans, too. Better to find out now so that you can straight the path for your DC. If the teacher still seems unhinged, then go to the principal. It’s not great to over-react to everything in life. Put yourself in the shoes of a teacher today. Be empathetic.

+1. I bet anything that OP’s kid is lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

Kids need consequences and I suspect your son is not telling you the truth.

I would also request a meeting with the teacher to get more information on what is going on. There might be a lot more than this 1 incident.

Frankly, I would believe the teacher over my son. Middle schoolers do lots of stupid things.

[Anonymous]

A parent just told me (teacher) that they appreciate that we correct kids at school so they don't have to.

Then I did, and they argued with me.

Clearly, they like being their kid's buddy and advocate, and my role is to be bad cop (for hire).

[Anonymous]

Without evidence, there is nothing you can do.

Teachers run shcool; parents run home. Communication is advisory only, in both directions.

One detention won't keep Larlo out of Mossy University. Larlo should go, do homework, and think about how to stay on teacher's good side.

This does remind me of one time in preschool, when the special ed bus driver wrote up a long disciplinary referral complaining the kids for yelling obscenities. The school admin had a laugh with the parents about it.

[Anonymous]

For future reference, the obvious, obvious answer, is: don't watch movies at school between classes.


Why did I even have to write that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

My child's 3rd grade teacher would shop on Amazon while the class was absorbed in coursework. One of the kids saw it and told his mom who told the other parents. Well, there really wasn't anything we could do about it.
When I was in 4th grade, my older sister noticed that my teacher only made a check mark on our homeworks. Older sister said my teacher was lazy for not going thru each sheet problem by problem. So one day I was helping out the 4th grade teacher, I naively and innocently remarked that my sister thought she was lazy for merely making check marks on our homeworks. Ms. 4th grade teacher became incensed and began yelling at me (in front of everyone). I don't remember what she said but I clearly touched a nerve.
It's called being defensive because they were caught being unprofessional.

I might save the information and give it to the school principal upon your child's promotion to the next school.

I am a teacher and I last week I was shopping on Amazon while my students were working. I was BUYING CLASSROOM SUPPLIES, with my own money.

God, you are a busybody idiot, you know that?

Parents like you are exactly the reason I am currently desperately trying to find another job in a different field. And you are the reason that I will walk out the day I get another job. Good luck finding somebody competent to perform for you in the classroom.

Why not monitor the children working, to help them complete the work promptly and effectively, and then shop for the class on Amazon during planning time?

Teachers #1 role is to be there for the kids, Teacher attention is worth a lot more than classroom supplies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

My child's 3rd grade teacher would shop on Amazon while the class was absorbed in coursework. One of the kids saw it and told his mom who told the other parents. Well, there really wasn't anything we could do about it.
When I was in 4th grade, my older sister noticed that my teacher only made a check mark on our homeworks. Older sister said my teacher was lazy for not going thru each sheet problem by problem. So one day I was helping out the 4th grade teacher, I naively and innocently remarked that my sister thought she was lazy for merely making check marks on our homeworks. Ms. 4th grade teacher became incensed and began yelling at me (in front of everyone). I don't remember what she said but I clearly touched a nerve.
It's called being defensive because they were caught being unprofessional.

I might save the information and give it to the school principal upon your child's promotion to the next school.

I am a teacher and I last week I was shopping on Amazon while my students were working. I was BUYING CLASSROOM SUPPLIES, with my own money.

God, you are a busybody idiot, you know that?

Parents like you are exactly the reason I am currently desperately trying to find another job in a different field. And you are the reason that I will walk out the day I get another job. Good luck finding somebody competent to perform for you in the classroom.

Why not monitor the children working, to help them complete the work promptly and effectively, and then shop for the class on Amazon during planning time?

Teachers #1 role is to be there for the kids, Teacher attention is worth a lot more than classroom supplies.

What makes you think she was unavailable to the kids? How does her staring at them while they work help anybody if no one has any questions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

My child's 3rd grade teacher would shop on Amazon while the class was absorbed in coursework. One of the kids saw it and told his mom who told the other parents. Well, there really wasn't anything we could do about it.
When I was in 4th grade, my older sister noticed that my teacher only made a check mark on our homeworks. Older sister said my teacher was lazy for not going thru each sheet problem by problem. So one day I was helping out the 4th grade teacher, I naively and innocently remarked that my sister thought she was lazy for merely making check marks on our homeworks. Ms. 4th grade teacher became incensed and began yelling at me (in front of everyone). I don't remember what she said but I clearly touched a nerve.
It's called being defensive because they were caught being unprofessional.

I might save the information and give it to the school principal upon your child's promotion to the next school.

I can’t imagine how teachers feel about you if I, with no experience working in education, dislike you as much as I do based on this post. You’re awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP you want the teacher to say no problem there is no detention? As a teacher I would do that for you. I would also let you know that I would not be redirecting your child’s attention back to a lesson again during this quarter. You and you child are now responsible for his time on task in my classroom. I will grade fairly and assuming you and he are correct his grade will reflect his diligent attention and work.

This. In the first year post-pandemic, so many teachers let online distractions slide. After a year spent getting classrooms more under control, they are finally trying to crack down on this behavior. Keep in mind that once kids reach high school, it's a free-for-all. Teachers won't even bother to intervene and good luck to the kids who can't control themselves, and their classmates whose experience will be diminished as a result. Advocate for your kid if you need to, but please be careful not to undermine the teachers' efforts as a whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

My child's 3rd grade teacher would shop on Amazon while the class was absorbed in coursework. One of the kids saw it and told his mom who told the other parents. Well, there really wasn't anything we could do about it.
When I was in 4th grade, my older sister noticed that my teacher only made a check mark on our homeworks. Older sister said my teacher was lazy for not going thru each sheet problem by problem. So one day I was helping out the 4th grade teacher, I naively and innocently remarked that my sister thought she was lazy for merely making check marks on our homeworks. Ms. 4th grade teacher became incensed and began yelling at me (in front of everyone). I don't remember what she said but I clearly touched a nerve.
It's called being defensive because they were caught being unprofessional.

I might save the information and give it to the school principal upon your child's promotion to the next school.

I am a teacher and I last week I was shopping on Amazon while my students were working. I was BUYING CLASSROOM SUPPLIES, with my own money.

God, you are a busybody idiot, you know that?

Parents like you are exactly the reason I am currently desperately trying to find another job in a different field. And you are the reason that I will walk out the day I get another job. Good luck finding somebody competent to perform for you in the classroom.

Why not monitor the children working, to help them complete the work promptly and effectively, and then shop for the class on Amazon during planning time?

Teachers #1 role is to be there for the kids, Teacher attention is worth a lot more than classroom supplies.

I’m sure, PP, that you are “on” all 8 hours of your work day. I’m sure you never check personal emails, purchase something on Amazon, etc.

We really expect teachers to martyr themselves for us.

[Anonymous]

Back your kid up.

This happened to me when I was in HS. I had a disagreement with a teacher and she decided to pre-emptively accuse me of being a liar -- I hadn't even tried to tell anyone about what had happened yet, she just reported out to the school guidance counselor and my parents that I was "a liar" and not to trust what I said about the incident.

I think she knew if I told people what had happened, it would quickly become clear that she was either in the wrong OR it was a valid disagreement and she'd lost her temper with a student (which she had).

The school guidance counselor actually backed me up but my parents didn't. They apologized for my behavior and told the school they'd punish me at home, it was actually the guidance counselor who suggested it had been a misunderstanding and suggested we resolve it by just moving me to another section of that class with another teacher. I was moved and there were no issues in the new class, and everyone forgot about it.

Except I remembered that my parents had immediately disbelieved me and believed a teacher they had never even met over me. I also never forgot how that teacher preemptively tried to discredit me before I'd even told anyone what happened. Those lessons about when you can trust an adult and who I could rely on really stuck with me.

Back up your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

Kids need consequences and I suspect your son is not telling you the truth.

I would also request a meeting with the teacher to get more information on what is going on. There might be a lot more than this 1 incident.

Frankly, I would believe the teacher over my son. Middle schoolers do lots of stupid things.

This might be good advice if the teacher had stayed professional. She didn't. I would forward the email to the principal or VP, note that it feels like an overreaction to the situation based on the facts and what your son has told you, and request a meeting with the teacher AND an administrator or school guidance counselor to discuss the situation. I'd want to make sure the teacher could remain objective towards my child moving forward.

Yes, middle schoolers do lots of stupid things, which is why a teacher who flips out and accuses one student of being "a liar" and "unethical" in a long email to a parent raises a lot of red flags for me about whether that teacher is treating my student fairly. I wouldn't have an issue with my kid being disciplined for having a video on his computer even if it was a misunderstanding and he hadn't been watching during class -- I'd tell him the easy way to fix this is to simply not bring videos up on his computer at school. But I also wouldn't just accept that the teacher is being truthful and my son is lying, when my son is calmly reporting the event and the teacher is sending long angry screeds based on ONE incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back your kid up.

This happened to me when I was in HS. I had a disagreement with a teacher and she decided to pre-emptively accuse me of being a liar -- I hadn't even tried to tell anyone about what had happened yet, she just reported out to the school guidance counselor and my parents that I was "a liar" and not to trust what I said about the incident.

I think she knew if I told people what had happened, it would quickly become clear that she was either in the wrong OR it was a valid disagreement and she'd lost her temper with a student (which she had).

The school guidance counselor actually backed me up but my parents didn't. They apologized for my behavior and told the school they'd punish me at home, it was actually the guidance counselor who suggested it had been a misunderstanding and suggested we resolve it by just moving me to another section of that class with another teacher. I was moved and there were no issues in the new class, and everyone forgot about it.

Except I remembered that my parents had immediately disbelieved me and believed a teacher they had never even met over me. I also never forgot how that teacher preemptively tried to discredit me before I'd even told anyone what happened. Those lessons about when you can trust an adult and who I could rely on really stuck with me.

Back up your kid.

While I’m sure your story is true, I can counter with dozens of stories of lying students. I’ve sat through many conferences over the years during which students swear they are innocent, yet I personally witnessed the behaviors that caused the conferences.

I’ve learned students lie regularly to stay out of trouble with their parents. Regularly.