If private school is a financial stretch for you, has it been worth it?

[Anonymous]

How did you decide that all three are better off in private? How do you know public is not good for them? Seems like they haven't even attended one. You are thinking of private based on your feeling and your income. Nothing to do what's best for the children.
Try public elementary first. DC attends a very good public which most kids and parents love. Only the ones not doing as well as they could, seem to be heading to private for middle school. The ones leaving may end up in a school that is a better fit, and the very smart ones staying for public. Now you see how public can move fast in science and math.

[Anonymous]

No sympathy from me. If someone cannot manage a very generous family budget, then I do not know how to respond. My parents spent roughly half of their much much lower (gross) income on our tuition and fees. We had clothes and food and ancient compact cars, but not much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotally, my parents and my in-laws made similar incomes.

My parents moved to the burbs and sent us through solid publics. My in-laws sent their kids to expensive privates. My parents now have significantly more money than my in-laws and we will inherit this money. It continues to grow.

The problem with private school is that it’s a very large fixed expense. It’s as large as a mortgage, yacht payment etc. Would you go and buy a yacht on your income and spend $4-5k a month on it? I get that it’s education, but you can also educate your children for free in a good public school district.

I think my in-laws wasted a lot of money on public schools and my husband and his siblings agree. They now the to make their kids feel guilty about how much they spent like they had any clue how much private K was.

I would never send my typically developing kid to a private during the elementary years…total waste of money. Started sending to her private during middle school after I saw what a sh—-show the public middle schools were. Totally worth the expense imo

Seriously. And this plays out by who you see in these schools. My kids joined a Big3 in high school.

Who are the lifers?

1)the rich.
2)the scholarship kids from areas with horrendous public schools
3)kids with neuroses about public school who have lived off ramen for 12 years because they couldn't bare to send their kids to public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sympathy from me. If someone cannot manage a very generous family budget, then I do not know how to respond. My parents spent roughly half of their much much lower (gross) income on our tuition and fees. We had clothes and food and ancient compact cars, but not much more.

Please. Spending 25% or more of your after tax income on education is a big deal. In your case, it was extremely foolish of your parents to spend 50%. What a tragic financial decision when they could have moved to a decent school district. A lot of people don’t want to make mistakes like your parents and OP has a gut feeling that she’s right about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotally, my parents and my in-laws made similar incomes.

My parents moved to the burbs and sent us through solid publics. My in-laws sent their kids to expensive privates. My parents now have significantly more money than my in-laws and we will inherit this money. It continues to grow.

The problem with private school is that it’s a very large fixed expense. It’s as large as a mortgage, yacht payment etc. Would you go and buy a yacht on your income and spend $4-5k a month on it? I get that it’s education, but you can also educate your children for free in a good public school district.

I think my in-laws wasted a lot of money on public schools and my husband and his siblings agree. They now the to make their kids feel guilty about how much they spent like they had any clue how much private K was.

I would never send my typically developing kid to a private during the elementary years…total waste of money. Started sending to her private during middle school after I saw what a sh—-show the public middle schools were. Totally worth the expense imo

I disagree. There is way too much screentime in public ES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotally, my parents and my in-laws made similar incomes.

My parents moved to the burbs and sent us through solid publics. My in-laws sent their kids to expensive privates. My parents now have significantly more money than my in-laws and we will inherit this money. It continues to grow.

The problem with private school is that it’s a very large fixed expense. It’s as large as a mortgage, yacht payment etc. Would you go and buy a yacht on your income and spend $4-5k a month on it? I get that it’s education, but you can also educate your children for free in a good public school district.

I think my in-laws wasted a lot of money on public schools and my husband and his siblings agree. They now the to make their kids feel guilty about how much they spent like they had any clue how much private K was.

This! ONLY SEND YOUR KID TO PRIVATE IF THEY ARE NOT DOING WELL IN PUBLIC. (Or if you are RICH). We have a very similar experience and it is also playing out with our kids. One did not do well in public, had very mild ADHD/anxiety but too big was too much and now he is in a small school. My younger public school kid has a curriculum that is equally stimulating and he is doing great. We would not dream of switching him and we could.

Honestly, I could have written this exact post. One kid thriving in public, one who needs the smaller school and more hand-holding of private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotally, my parents and my in-laws made similar incomes.

My parents moved to the burbs and sent us through solid publics. My in-laws sent their kids to expensive privates. My parents now have significantly more money than my in-laws and we will inherit this money. It continues to grow.

The problem with private school is that it’s a very large fixed expense. It’s as large as a mortgage, yacht payment etc. Would you go and buy a yacht on your income and spend $4-5k a month on it? I get that it’s education, but you can also educate your children for free in a good public school district.

I think my in-laws wasted a lot of money on public schools and my husband and his siblings agree. They now the to make their kids feel guilty about how much they spent like they had any clue how much private K was.

I would never send my typically developing kid to a private during the elementary years…total waste of money. Started sending to her private during middle school after I saw what a sh—-show the public middle schools were. Totally worth the expense imo

I disagree. There is way too much screentime in public ES.

Have you had a child in a public elementary school? How is private so much less screen time?

[Anonymous]

Yes yes and yes
It’s very hard to explain unless you experience it

[Anonymous]

I should clarify. We did both. We wouldn’t think it was worth it for not the top 3 schools or so unless our public was really bad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotally, my parents and my in-laws made similar incomes.

My parents moved to the burbs and sent us through solid publics. My in-laws sent their kids to expensive privates. My parents now have significantly more money than my in-laws and we will inherit this money. It continues to grow.

The problem with private school is that it’s a very large fixed expense. It’s as large as a mortgage, yacht payment etc. Would you go and buy a yacht on your income and spend $4-5k a month on it? I get that it’s education, but you can also educate your children for free in a good public school district.

I think my in-laws wasted a lot of money on public schools and my husband and his siblings agree. They now the to make their kids feel guilty about how much they spent like they had any clue how much private K was.

I would never send my typically developing kid to a private during the elementary years…total waste of money. Started sending to her private during middle school after I saw what a sh—-show the public middle schools were. Totally worth the expense imo

I disagree. There is way too much screentime in public ES.

Have you had a child in a public elementary school? How is private so much less screen time?

Yes my first was in public K-1 (pre-Covid). Way too much screentime. Moved over to private and much better. So I moved the second one over starting K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest of 3 is in a wonderful independent school for kindergarten. Or middle child is in preschool at a top school discussed on this Board. Our youngest is still a baby.

Our kindergartener is a hesitant and sometimes anxious kiddo and has been doing really well at his school. He's really thriving. We love our preschool and have seen both kids thrive there. We've never experienced public school so we have nothing to compare to but our oldest in particular is the kind of kid that I think could get lost in a big public school.

That said.... the price of all of this is pretty crushing. Our income is in the $500K range and the cost of 3 kids in private school for 15 years each (including preschool, before college) is kind of mind blowing. I believe these are special schools that will be great for my kids and it's been my approach to do everything I can to support their development.... but I also feel really, really tired and like we are always striving for something more... and that this private school choice leaves us no space to do less intense jobs or take some time off if we need it. (I am admittedly feeling professionally burnt out right now and started a new job without taking some much-needed time off because we couldn't afford the lack of income.) I'm just not sure if it's worth it. We aren't behaving irresponsibly by making this financial commitment but we absolutely are not saving much beyond retirement.

For those who are making good income but not uber wealthy / in a situation where money is no object -- and are toward the end of the journey, would you make the choice again?

Please don't pick apart if we should feel this way based on the income we are bringing in. That's not the point. The point is that we do feel stretched and I am surprised by the emotional toll of it. I feel tired and I don't really want to feel this way for the next 20 years. But I also know that my kids are my world and I would regret it if it pulled them out of an excellent environment and then saw them struggle so that my life felt easier.

OP, it is a hard choice. We have three kids, HHI of $600K, and opted for public. We weighed the decision heavily particularly since I did private school from K-12 which was so impactful on my life. I wanted the same for my kids. BUT, my parents were not able to pay for all of my higher education, as a result, and those loans were crushing. I often wonder where I'd be had my parents saved their $ on private and applied to my college career.

I will say that the decision to keep my own kids in public has made a huge difference in our quality of life. I do not stress about money. I save a ton. I will fully fund their college and grad schools. We spend a lot on music lessons, travel sports, math enrichment, language, domestic and international travel, eating well, and upgrades to our home. The kids are AAP and have done great in public. Ye, there are things that I'm not happy about but realize that there would likely be things in private that would drive me mad.

They also have a ton of neighborhood friends, which has been a godsend. They walk themselves to play dates, walk with friends to school, ride bikes around the neighborhood, and essentially manage their own social lives. I rarely drive them to anything outside of sports.

I don't knock the private experience at all. It is great for some. However, we weighed all the factors heavily and opted for public. I was very nervous about it having never experience public school before. I am very comfortable financially and can give the kids whatever they need. It's a load off

[Anonymous]

YES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest of 3 is in a wonderful independent school for kindergarten. Or middle child is in preschool at a top school discussed on this Board. Our youngest is still a baby.

Our kindergartener is a hesitant and sometimes anxious kiddo and has been doing really well at his school. He's really thriving. We love our preschool and have seen both kids thrive there. We've never experienced public school so we have nothing to compare to but our oldest in particular is the kind of kid that I think could get lost in a big public school.

That said.... the price of all of this is pretty crushing. Our income is in the $500K range and the cost of 3 kids in private school for 15 years each (including preschool, before college) is kind of mind blowing. I believe these are special schools that will be great for my kids and it's been my approach to do everything I can to support their development.... but I also feel really, really tired and like we are always striving for something more... and that this private school choice leaves us no space to do less intense jobs or take some time off if we need it. (I am admittedly feeling professionally burnt out right now and started a new job without taking some much-needed time off because we couldn't afford the lack of income.) I'm just not sure if it's worth it. We aren't behaving irresponsibly by making this financial commitment but we absolutely are not saving much beyond retirement.

For those who are making good income but not uber wealthy / in a situation where money is no object -- and are toward the end of the journey, would you make the choice again?

Please don't pick apart if we should feel this way based on the income we are bringing in. That's not the point. The point is that we do feel stretched and I am surprised by the emotional toll of it. I feel tired and I don't really want to feel this way for the next 20 years. But I also know that my kids are my world and I would regret it if it pulled them out of an excellent environment and then saw them struggle so that my life felt easier.

OP, it is a hard choice. We have three kids, HHI of $600K, and opted for public. We weighed the decision heavily particularly since I did private school from K-12 which was so impactful on my life. I wanted the same for my kids. BUT, my parents were not able to pay for all of my higher education, as a result, and those loans were crushing. I often wonder where I'd be had my parents saved their $ on private and applied to my college career.

I will say that the decision to keep my own kids in public has made a huge difference in our quality of life. I do not stress about money. I save a ton. I will fully fund their college and grad schools. We spend a lot on music lessons, travel sports, math enrichment, language, domestic and international travel, eating well, and upgrades to our home. The kids are AAP and have done great in public. Ye, there are things that I'm not happy about but realize that there would likely be things in private that would drive me mad.

They also have a ton of neighborhood friends, which has been a godsend. They walk themselves to play dates, walk with friends to school, ride bikes around the neighborhood, and essentially manage their own social lives. I rarely drive them to anything outside of sports.

I don't knock the private experience at all. It is great for some. However, we weighed all the factors heavily and opted for public. I was very nervous about it having never experience public school before. I am very comfortable financially and can give the kids whatever they need. It's a load off

This was not OP’s question, you elected not to send any of your kids to private she asked about those who made the choice to do it. You also have an extra 100K income over OP which gives you a bigger cushion. Also making 600K per year puts you in top 1% of DC households. Where would you be indeed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are sucking it up at 200K HHI to send our DC to 4 years of private upper school, and we did not get FA.

You know private school tuition has gone bonkers when families with 500K HHI and above are worried about making it work. Based on what I remember from 30 years ago, if prices had kept with inflation, most schools would probably only be about 20K per year. I don't understand why there aren't saner options. Why the steep increases? Are they prioritizing unnecessary luxuries at the schools rather than just solid education? I honestly don't care about fancy facilities. I just want good teachers, supportive community, good academics, and motivated kids.

+1
I can't believe I had to scroll so far through the insane wealth on this thread for this.

[Anonymous]

We have 2 kids in private with an HHI of 320. It’s hard, but doable and totally worth it for us. Our third will start school in 1 year (2024). Our income should go up to 340-360, but honestly if income does not go up, I am not sure how we can make it happen. We are a big 3 and have experience public for 1 year and it was a night and day experience for us.