If private school is a financial stretch for you, has it been worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest of 3 is in a wonderful independent school for kindergarten. Or middle child is in preschool at a top school discussed on this Board. Our youngest is still a baby.

Our kindergartener is a hesitant and sometimes anxious kiddo and has been doing really well at his school. He's really thriving. We love our preschool and have seen both kids thrive there. We've never experienced public school so we have nothing to compare to but our oldest in particular is the kind of kid that I think could get lost in a big public school.

That said.... the price of all of this is pretty crushing. Our income is in the $500K range and the cost of 3 kids in private school for 15 years each (including preschool, before college) is kind of mind blowing. I believe these are special schools that will be great for my kids and it's been my approach to do everything I can to support their development.... but I also feel really, really tired and like we are always striving for something more... and that this private school choice leaves us no space to do less intense jobs or take some time off if we need it. (I am admittedly feeling professionally burnt out right now and started a new job without taking some much-needed time off because we couldn't afford the lack of income.) I'm just not sure if it's worth it. We aren't behaving irresponsibly by making this financial commitment but we absolutely are not saving much beyond retirement.

For those who are making good income but not uber wealthy / in a situation where money is no object -- and are toward the end of the journey, would you make the choice again?

Please don't pick apart if we should feel this way based on the income we are bringing in. That's not the point. The point is that we do feel stretched and I am surprised by the emotional toll of it. I feel tired and I don't really want to feel this way for the next 20 years. But I also know that my kids are my world and I would regret it if it pulled them out of an excellent environment and then saw them struggle so that my life felt easier.

Save your money.

I have done both public and private.Six kids so yes a sample. Plus nieces & nephews about 18 all together. Educated in NC & DMV. From boarding schools (Andover) to this board big 3 to a W school & a few Catholic schools (not my kids my sisters).

I can unequivocally tell you public is 99 out 100 times better. Especially in math and science.

We can afford privates no issue whatsoever I realize we are very lucky.

So money was not the issue.

If you are comfortable suplement with tutors where needed and stay in publc. College acceptances alone are better anyway.

[Anonymous]

It probably depends on the kid and the private. I’ve had a few in different schools, and I definitely think one shaped my child in a way that was more than worth the money. The other did not. K is a little early to tell.

Advice to start child 2 in public is good. With sibling preference you can get dc2 in later without as much competition. You can also get a taste of public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest of 3 is in a wonderful independent school for kindergarten. Or middle child is in preschool at a top school discussed on this Board. Our youngest is still a baby.

Our kindergartener is a hesitant and sometimes anxious kiddo and has been doing really well at his school. He's really thriving. We love our preschool and have seen both kids thrive there. We've never experienced public school so we have nothing to compare to but our oldest in particular is the kind of kid that I think could get lost in a big public school.

That said.... the price of all of this is pretty crushing. Our income is in the $500K range and the cost of 3 kids in private school for 15 years each (including preschool, before college) is kind of mind blowing. I believe these are special schools that will be great for my kids and it's been my approach to do everything I can to support their development.... but I also feel really, really tired and like we are always striving for something more... and that this private school choice leaves us no space to do less intense jobs or take some time off if we need it. (I am admittedly feeling professionally burnt out right now and started a new job without taking some much-needed time off because we couldn't afford the lack of income.) I'm just not sure if it's worth it. We aren't behaving irresponsibly by making this financial commitment but we absolutely are not saving much beyond retirement.

For those who are making good income but not uber wealthy / in a situation where money is no object -- and are toward the end of the journey, would you make the choice again?

Please don't pick apart if we should feel this way based on the income we are bringing in. That's not the point. The point is that we do feel stretched and I am surprised by the emotional toll of it. I feel tired and I don't really want to feel this way for the next 20 years. But I also know that my kids are my world and I would regret it if it pulled them out of an excellent environment and then saw them struggle so that my life felt easier.

What do you mean college acceptances are better? In public? Can you say more about this?

Save your money.

I have done both public and private.Six kids so yes a sample. Plus nieces & nephews about 18 all together. Educated in NC & DMV. From boarding schools (Andover) to this board big 3 to a W school & a few Catholic schools (not my kids my sisters).

I can unequivocally tell you public is 99 out 100 times better. Especially in math and science.

We can afford privates no issue whatsoever I realize we are very lucky.

So money was not the issue.

If you are comfortable suplement with tutors where needed and stay in publc. College acceptances alone are better anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, it seems like maybe you haven't quite grasped your spot in the private school ecosystem. There are some families who can afford it with no stress. There are some families who have grandparents or trust funds or whatever. And there are some families who sacrifice various other things because they're prioritizing education. It seems like you're the third kind of family. Ask yourself what you're willing to cut-- and remember, little kids don't need anywhere *near* the amount of activities that some parents sign up for. Especially if their school is excellent-- not having to supplement on the weekends is part of the benefit! So take out your calendar and cut, cut, cut. It'll free up your money and your time.

[Anonymous]

OP I don’t have advice for you but just solidarity- we are in the same income bracket with two young kids. I want a third but the thought of tuition for three kids (plus camp, etc.) is intimidating.

[Anonymous]

We are sucking it up at 200K HHI to send our DC to 4 years of private upper school, and we did not get FA.

You know private school tuition has gone bonkers when families with 500K HHI and above are worried about making it work. Based on what I remember from 30 years ago, if prices had kept with inflation, most schools would probably only be about 20K per year. I don't understand why there aren't saner options. Why the steep increases? Are they prioritizing unnecessary luxuries at the schools rather than just solid education? I honestly don't care about fancy facilities. I just want good teachers, supportive community, good academics, and motivated kids.

[Anonymous]

You are extremely wealthy. I don’t get the drama. Maybe pick your favorite and just send them?

[Anonymous]

We waited to send to private until MS.

[Anonymous]

Of course it was worth it for us. But, both DH + I always went to private. I am very anti- public.

[Anonymous]

At an income of $500k, private school is not a stretch for you if you decide it’s your priority for “luxury” in your life. If you also have a $2M home and lots of vacations, and lots of activities, self-care, and outsourcing, it will be a stretch. You don’t make enough that you can do/buy whatever you like, even though it seems like a lot of money.

When we put our first child in private school, we were making about $500K (paying for preschool and childcare for younger siblings). Money was tight becasue we bought a $2M house in the suburbs thinking we would use the public schools (we switched after K in public). DH’s income has gone up so we can afford to have all three in private and still save for retirement and it doesn’t feel quite as tight, but I still feel tired all the time. It does get easier as the kids get older - my youngest is 4 and it isn’t quite the grind it used to be.

But we don’t drive luxury cars, don’t buy expensive clothes, so modest vacations, etc. I sometimes wonder if people who haven’t been to our house think we are on financial aid because our lifestyle is much more visibly frugal than most families at our private school, and even more frugal than many of our friends who send their kids to public school. Many folks in our neighborhood (who use the public school) have luxury cars, have season passes for skiing, take several vacations each year, eat our regularly, etc.

Im not envious because we prioritize paying for private school and saving for retirement in our budget.

[Anonymous]

We make 900k and decided to stop at 2- our decision was private for both kids prek-12 instead of kid 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but this is why people move to the suburbs. No chance I would send 3 kids to private in DC on 500K. Our HHI is close to 1M and I still don't like it, but I do it because I want to be in the city. Almost everyone in your price range just sucks it up and moves to Bethesda or Potomac or Arlington, etc. and sends their special snowflake to public like 98% of the country.

This.

[Anonymous]

In your shoes and this economy no. Sorry at triple the expense it’s going to take a toll on you. The cost of private school was close to half the price 14 years ago!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. I'm a parent considering private school now for my three kids. HHI of $900k and a relatively low mortgage ($400k house, $2800/mo). And still the cost of private school is a major factor in our decision making process. About $100k/year in after tax dollars to send our three. I don't want to work forever but I want a retirement income that doesn't feel like a step back, so we need to save and invest a lot. Tuition would seriously impede our ability to do that, and it would also impact our travel budget, and just our general relaxed feeling about money. Three kids are expensive - all of the activities, enrichment, clothes, food, childcare for the baby. And like you said - when you add up the cost of a 13 year education for three kids - it most certainly is staggering. We are currently in public now and kids are doing well and are happy, but I am wrestling with whether we should move them to private to give them the best education we can.

You’re not in dc if you have a $400k HOUSE. And it sounds like private school is only $30k a kid where you live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest of 3 is in a wonderful independent school for kindergarten. Or middle child is in preschool at a top school discussed on this Board. Our youngest is still a baby.

Our kindergartener is a hesitant and sometimes anxious kiddo and has been doing really well at his school. He's really thriving. We love our preschool and have seen both kids thrive there. We've never experienced public school so we have nothing to compare to but our oldest in particular is the kind of kid that I think could get lost in a big public school.

That said.... the price of all of this is pretty crushing. Our income is in the $500K range and the cost of 3 kids in private school for 15 years each (including preschool, before college) is kind of mind blowing. I believe these are special schools that will be great for my kids and it's been my approach to do everything I can to support their development.... but I also feel really, really tired and like we are always striving for something more... and that this private school choice leaves us no space to do less intense jobs or take some time off if we need it. (I am admittedly feeling professionally burnt out right now and started a new job without taking some much-needed time off because we couldn't afford the lack of income.) I'm just not sure if it's worth it. We aren't behaving irresponsibly by making this financial commitment but we absolutely are not saving much beyond retirement.

For those who are making good income but not uber wealthy / in a situation where money is no object -- and are toward the end of the journey, would you make the choice again?

Please don't pick apart if we should feel this way based on the income we are bringing in. That's not the point. The point is that we do feel stretched and I am surprised by the emotional toll of it. I feel tired and I don't really want to feel this way for the next 20 years. But I also know that my kids are my world and I would regret it if it pulled them out of an excellent environment and then saw them struggle so that my life felt easier.

It’s a lot of money and in my opinion, not a great financial decision for someone at your income level. Why? You have the option to relocate to a suburb with good schools. There’s no reason to spend millions on private schools when you can do it for $0. At your income, your main investment will be private school. You’ll never know if it’s worth it.