If private school is a financial stretch for you, has it been worth it?

[Anonymous]

Our oldest of 3 is in a wonderful independent school for kindergarten. Or middle child is in preschool at a top school discussed on this Board. Our youngest is still a baby.

Our kindergartener is a hesitant and sometimes anxious kiddo and has been doing really well at his school. He's really thriving. We love our preschool and have seen both kids thrive there. We've never experienced public school so we have nothing to compare to but our oldest in particular is the kind of kid that I think could get lost in a big public school.

That said.... the price of all of this is pretty crushing. Our income is in the $500K range and the cost of 3 kids in private school for 15 years each (including preschool, before college) is kind of mind blowing. I believe these are special schools that will be great for my kids and it's been my approach to do everything I can to support their development.... but I also feel really, really tired and like we are always striving for something more... and that this private school choice leaves us no space to do less intense jobs or take some time off if we need it. (I am admittedly feeling professionally burnt out right now and started a new job without taking some much-needed time off because we couldn't afford the lack of income.) I'm just not sure if it's worth it. We aren't behaving irresponsibly by making this financial commitment but we absolutely are not saving much beyond retirement.

For those who are making good income but not uber wealthy / in a situation where money is no object -- and are toward the end of the journey, would you make the choice again?

Please don't pick apart if we should feel this way based on the income we are bringing in. That's not the point. The point is that we do feel stretched and I am surprised by the emotional toll of it. I feel tired and I don't really want to feel this way for the next 20 years. But I also know that my kids are my world and I would regret it if it pulled them out of an excellent environment and then saw them struggle so that my life felt easier.

[Anonymous]

Just for context, what is the tuition for three kids at this school?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, at $500k this should be manageable. Maybe not trivial but hardly gut wrenching.

[Anonymous]

You make $125k more than we do, though we only have 2 in private. We still save outside retirement, not crazy amounts but it’s an investment in our kids.

I would look at your budget, if you aren’t saving something is out of whack.

[Anonymous]

I am not in this situation but I know families that do a mix of public and private for their children depending on each of their needs. You could also try doing public for elementary if you have a good local option as the classes and schools are smaller than middle/high. If it doesn't work out your could switch to private.

[Anonymous]

You are tired because you have three children!

I think look at your budget and see if you can make some cuts elsewhere to give you some breathing room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, at $500k this should be manageable. Maybe not trivial but hardly gut wrenching.

I’m going to guess they have a mortgage that matches the $500k income, not one matching something like $300k, which would be more appropriate when paying tuition for three kids in the top tier private schools.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but this is why people move to the suburbs. No chance I would send 3 kids to private in DC on 500K. Our HHI is close to 1M and I still don't like it, but I do it because I want to be in the city. Almost everyone in your price range just sucks it up and moves to Bethesda or Potomac or Arlington, etc. and sends their special snowflake to public like 98% of the country.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. I'm a parent considering private school now for my three kids. HHI of $900k and a relatively low mortgage ($400k house, $2800/mo). And still the cost of private school is a major factor in our decision making process. About $100k/year in after tax dollars to send our three. I don't want to work forever but I want a retirement income that doesn't feel like a step back, so we need to save and invest a lot. Tuition would seriously impede our ability to do that, and it would also impact our travel budget, and just our general relaxed feeling about money. Three kids are expensive - all of the activities, enrichment, clothes, food, childcare for the baby. And like you said - when you add up the cost of a 13 year education for three kids - it most certainly is staggering. We are currently in public now and kids are doing well and are happy, but I am wrestling with whether we should move them to private to give them the best education we can.

[Anonymous]

I know the stressed feeling and felt it was worth it at the time (k-8), but it is real and takes a toll. I used to work with older colleagues whose kids had graduated, and they were unanimous in griping that if they could do it over, they would not have done private—that it was a huge outlay, and crazy in retrospect. But it’s easy to say that when your kids are grown, college-educated, successfully launched. When your kids are in the midst of it, and happy there, much harder to contemplate switching.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately it's hard to judge the value without experiencing the alternative.

On the whole, we've found private high school to be worth it for one of our kids but public will be better for our younger 2 and that's their choice also so we'll stick with that. Private elementary was worth it for K-3 for kid #1, K-5 for kid #2, and not at all for kid #3. Middle school was worth the $$$ for academics but costs a lot in terms of mental health because socially it's been a bad fit for all 3. Easy enough to see in hindsight but impossible to judge when you're in the thick of things without a basis of comparison.

Tuition will only keep going up, so if it already feels too expensive that's a big issue unless you foresee your income increasing significantly in the future.

[Anonymous]

We dealt with this by waiting to send our second kid to private. He thrived in our local public elementary and we knew we had a good shot at getting him in later bc sibling preferences are pretty strong.
At your income, I wouldn't want to stare at 3 tuitions for that long. It's amazing how much tuition has gone up since we started.

[Anonymous]

Also, I would definitely save $$ on the youngest pre-school. We did a really cheap low key preschool and honestly it was delightful. I would not pay these rates for preschool.

[Anonymous]

No. We lived in an area with terrible schools. Planned to change after moving, but kids didn’t want to change. There are a few pluses, maybe kids are stronger self-advocates in some situations. Too many weak teachers at lower school level. Note: do not mean curriculum was not rigorous.

[Anonymous]

We are also okay (two kids in private k8) but lacking financial wiggle room. Both of our kids are benefitting immensely from their very small private, but in different ways. If one was not, we would pull / make a change immediately.
I think a day could come (probably when the oldest leaves k8) when we’ll reconsider private vs public for the youngest. Personality wise he could maybe do with a larger peer group. But we will see bc he has absolutely benefited academically from having a smaller peer group! would say, def worth it right now but we reevaluate every year when contracts come out.