Opinions on family rift and accepting apology

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. To clear up a couple points. He left about 20% of his estate to my dad. He did it because my dad loaned him money years ago to start his business, which became very successful. He was basically paying my dad back with interest.

Well, that's a pretty big detail to leave out.

Still, if your dad didn't need the money and it was causing a family rift he should have considered that. He's the adult and the older person here and he should be the bigger person and forgive someone who was angry and grieving the loss of their parent.

I stand by your dad sucking.

I didn’t realize estate planning was about who needs money more. I think what the uncle did was honorable and paid back his debts in death. His family sure didn’t mind having their hands held out for the funding when uncle was alive.

You didn't? Seems a bit of a simplistic thought process, but ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

But even taking OP’s story at face value - you are ok with the upset focusing lying to try to get OP’s father put in jail? I see being upset, I see saying terrible things to and about your greedy uncle and his wife because you’re angry— but lying to get someone arrested? There’s just no excuse for that and no getting over it, even if the “crime” is something stupid like a dog bite. I would have to disclose an arrest to my job, though not sire what happens next. It’s a really big deal!

Depends what dad is being accused of. If OP isn't going to fill in the details then I'm not inclined to pick a side. Not enough information. OP hasn't been very honest or clear the few times she's posted.

We don’t know what the accusation was, but, according to OP (who isn’t super credible, but let’s take her at her word) it was a lie. It was fabricated *for the purpose* of trying to get dad arrested. If we assume that’s true, does it matter what the lie was? The nefarious purpose, and that it was untrue is sufficient to continue a grievance, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

Let’s say the estate was $10m, mom/cousin still walked away with $8m. Trying to get someone arrested for a crime (!!) because you don’t get the last sliver of the pie is disgusting.

We don't even know what the "crime" was but you're sure it's disgusting? OP is a shit storyteller. Could be as simple as a dog bite.

I didn’t say the crime was disgusting? And yes, OP is truth trickling. If cousin attempted to get the dad arrested/charged with a crime after walking away with millions of dollars, and is mad that the dad invested in the company for there to be a sizable estate, she’s an absolute loser.

DCUM at its best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

But even taking OP’s story at face value - you are ok with the upset focusing lying to try to get OP’s father put in jail? I see being upset, I see saying terrible things to and about your greedy uncle and his wife because you’re angry— but lying to get someone arrested? There’s just no excuse for that and no getting over it, even if the “crime” is something stupid like a dog bite. I would have to disclose an arrest to my job, though not sire what happens next. It’s a really big deal!

Depends what dad is being accused of. If OP isn't going to fill in the details then I'm not inclined to pick a side. Not enough information. OP hasn't been very honest or clear the few times she's posted.

We don’t know what the accusation was, but, according to OP (who isn’t super credible, but let’s take her at her word) it was a lie. It was fabricated *for the purpose* of trying to get dad arrested. If we assume that’s true, does it matter what the lie was? The nefarious purpose, and that it was untrue is sufficient to continue a grievance, IMO.

Yes it matters, OP has a very vested interested in protecting her dad at her cousin's expense. I can't think of many things a cousin would accuse an uncle of that wouldn't be very serious. Embezzlement? Fraud? Molestation? Maybe the money given to the dad was some kind of hush money to cover something. This whole story seems a bit off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

Let’s say the estate was $10m, mom/cousin still walked away with $8m. Trying to get someone arrested for a crime (!!) because you don’t get the last sliver of the pie is disgusting.

We don't even know what the "crime" was but you're sure it's disgusting? OP is a shit storyteller. Could be as simple as a dog bite.

I didn’t say the crime was disgusting? And yes, OP is truth trickling. If cousin attempted to get the dad arrested/charged with a crime after walking away with millions of dollars, and is mad that the dad invested in the company for there to be a sizable estate, she’s an absolute loser.

DCUM at its best.

OP didn't know why the money was left to her dad, and then a few posts later, remembers it's for money that was loaned and was being repaid through the estate. Why didn't OP mention that up front?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

Let’s say the estate was $10m, mom/cousin still walked away with $8m. Trying to get someone arrested for a crime (!!) because you don’t get the last sliver of the pie is disgusting.

We don't even know what the "crime" was but you're sure it's disgusting? OP is a shit storyteller. Could be as simple as a dog bite.

I didn’t say the crime was disgusting? And yes, OP is truth trickling. If cousin attempted to get the dad arrested/charged with a crime after walking away with millions of dollars, and is mad that the dad invested in the company for there to be a sizable estate, she’s an absolute loser.

DCUM at its best.

OP didn't know why the money was left to her dad, and then a few posts later, remembers it's for money that was loaned and was being repaid through the estate. Why didn't OP mention that up front?

exactly - why the slow trickle of the facts? To be fair, it may not seem as relevant to her due to her proximity, but it certainly is just one or two steps removed.

[Anonymous]

I might be willing to forgive for my own religious reasons but I wouldn’t want any further contact with a person who accused me falsely of a crime. The relationship would be over.

[Anonymous]

I still think OP’s dad is a jerk. If he is equally well off (NW in the 10s of millions) he could have, say, kept half of what his brother left him and given the other half back to the wife and kids. As a gesture of goodwill.

[Anonymous]

I think OP dad is a jerk. He s gaslighting your cousin.

[Anonymous]

I can’t fully explain what she said/did, but let’s just say it involved saying some nasty things about my step mom and accusing my dad of a crime and trying to get him arrested (which didn’t happen since her story was fabricated).

I was going to say, sure, of course I would be open to accepting an apology, but you kind of buried the lede here . . . Anger over an inheritance is one thing, but falsely accusing someone of a crime and trying to get that person arrested for it is a huge deal. That's not just "sorry about the awful things I said . . ." That demonstrates that a person is vindictive, unstable, manipulative, etc. And I would avoid having a relationship with someone who would try to harm me so much if they were ever angry at me, for my own protection. I would appreciate the apology, and probably say so, but I would still be very wary of letting that person back into my life to any degree.

[Anonymous]

Ignore everything except that cousin tried to have dad arrested. That is the only detail that matters. There is no coming back from that one. No contact ever.

[Anonymous]

OP is a troll. Burying the lede dramatically, actively lying in the OP (saying she/he didn't know why the Uncle left the money to the dad).

After reading the OP I thought the dad was unequivocally the jerk, but then with the truth trickling it becomes exponentially less clear. They are just trying to make us argue with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay out of it. They are adults and it’s their business. Have a relationship with your cousin if you want but don’t try to repair her relationship with your dad. It’s between them.

This is the best advice you have received.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. To clear up a couple points. He left about 20% of his estate to my dad. He did it because my dad loaned him money years ago to start his business, which became very successful. He was basically paying my dad back with interest.

Well that changes everything. You have to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

From the op

"It’s not entirely clear why he did this since my dad is about just as well off as he was, but he did."

What joy is there in being a troll? It's so pathetic.