Opinions on family rift and accepting apology

[Anonymous]

What did she accuse him of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me try to make a very long story short. My uncle, my dad’s brother, passed away about 10 years ago very unexpectedly. He left a good amount of money to my dad vs. leaving everything to his wife and kids (my aunt/cousins). It’s not entirely clear why he did this since my dad is about just as well off as he was, but he did. The suggestion was made that my dad should not keep the money and give it back to my aunt and cousins but he ignored it and kept the money. About 5 years ago my aunt passed away (she was only 60) and one my cousins started to really resent my dad for taking money she believed was rightfully hers. She said some really, really horrible things to my dad and step mother, and from then on there has been a major rift in the family and our two sides have not really spoken or seen one another since. It’s really sad because our family had always been very close, and give that my cousins’ parents both passed we would have loved to stay close with them.

I know my cousin said what she did out of pain for losing both of her parents, and while I know it will never be forgotten, I think I would be willing to forgive her and move on just to keep the family together. After significant therapy she issued what I consider to be a heartfelt apology to my dad, but he will not accept it or talk to her and told her to never contact her again. I happen to know that my dad would be willing to forgive her, but my step mom will not and has forbade my did from talking to her and hearing her out.

I am just curious what others think about this situation. If someone said and did horrendous things would you ever be willing to forgive them and move on?

I can’t fully explain what she said/did, but let’s just say it involved saying some nasty things about my step mom and accusing my dad of a crime and trying to get him arrested (which didn’t happen since her story was fabricated).

Your dad sucks. And it sounds like your stepmom does too. That's what I think.

What if uncle had a good reason for not leaving the money to his family? I mean, that's a bold decision to make.

This.

Also, why are we not criticizing the uncle for not giving his kids/wife a heads up that money was going to the brother.

[Anonymous]

Of course your stepmother doesn’t want your dad to have my contact with your cousin so as not to risk him giving any money to her!
I understand why the cousin wouldn’t want anything to do with your dad, too. Even though a will is a will, she is hurt but she can’t do anything.
All in all, you can try to repair your own relationship with your cousin but I don’t think you can bring everyone together.
Your dad also seems to be under your stepmother’s influence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me try to make a very long story short. My uncle, my dad’s brother, passed away about 10 years ago very unexpectedly. He left a good amount of money to my dad vs. leaving everything to his wife and kids (my aunt/cousins). It’s not entirely clear why he did this since my dad is about just as well off as he was, but he did. The suggestion was made that my dad should not keep the money and give it back to my aunt and cousins but he ignored it and kept the money. About 5 years ago my aunt passed away (she was only 60) and one my cousins started to really resent my dad for taking money she believed was rightfully hers. She said some really, really horrible things to my dad and step mother, and from then on there has been a major rift in the family and our two sides have not really spoken or seen one another since. It’s really sad because our family had always been very close, and give that my cousins’ parents both passed we would have loved to stay close with them.

I know my cousin said what she did out of pain for losing both of her parents, and while I know it will never be forgotten, I think I would be willing to forgive her and move on just to keep the family together. After significant therapy she issued what I consider to be a heartfelt apology to my dad, but he will not accept it or talk to her and told her to never contact her again. I happen to know that my dad would be willing to forgive her, but my step mom will not and has forbade my did from talking to her and hearing her out.

I am just curious what others think about this situation. If someone said and did horrendous things would you ever be willing to forgive them and move on?

I can’t fully explain what she said/did, but let’s just say it involved saying some nasty things about my step mom and accusing my dad of a crime and trying to get him arrested (which didn’t happen since her story was fabricated).

I don't see this being resolved. Your uncle left a lot of money to his well-off brother when when he should have left it to his family- and your dad shouldn't have accepted it--it was morally wrong for him to accept it. Yes it sounds like your cousin shouldn't have lashed out by trying to have your dad arrested, but her anger is valid. I'm sure your stepmom is happy receiving money she's not entitled to, from someone she's not related to, at the expense of the person who lost both parents and should have received it.
It's not a resolvable situation.

Nope. There is no “should” and no “morally wrong” here — well, except for the disgusting person who lied about a crime because they were possed about money that wasn’t theirs and they were never entitled to.

The troll is also wrong. Are you disgusted by that too?

What “troll?” How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Something isn’t right with this story. Was the uncle married and living with his wife at the time of his death? If so, wasn’t the wife privy to the uncle’s will? This 20% inheritance seems to be reasonable.

[Anonymous]

If I were your dad, I would have accepted the money (he was being repaid a loan!) and would probably never trust your niece again. You can have a relationship with her, but even in your situation, I would tread lightly and keep her at arms length.

[Anonymous]

You can forgive and move on, it doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It means you be an adult. My opinion. Having said that if your dad/stepmom aren’t budging that doesn’t mean you can’t move on and have a cousin relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me try to make a very long story short. My uncle, my dad’s brother, passed away about 10 years ago very unexpectedly. He left a good amount of money to my dad vs. leaving everything to his wife and kids (my aunt/cousins). It’s not entirely clear why he did this since my dad is about just as well off as he was, but he did. The suggestion was made that my dad should not keep the money and give it back to my aunt and cousins but he ignored it and kept the money. About 5 years ago my aunt passed away (she was only 60) and one my cousins started to really resent my dad for taking money she believed was rightfully hers. She said some really, really horrible things to my dad and step mother, and from then on there has been a major rift in the family and our two sides have not really spoken or seen one another since. It’s really sad because our family had always been very close, and give that my cousins’ parents both passed we would have loved to stay close with them.

I know my cousin said what she did out of pain for losing both of her parents, and while I know it will never be forgotten, I think I would be willing to forgive her and move on just to keep the family together. After significant therapy she issued what I consider to be a heartfelt apology to my dad, but he will not accept it or talk to her and told her to never contact her again. I happen to know that my dad would be willing to forgive her, but my step mom will not and has forbade my did from talking to her and hearing her out.

I am just curious what others think about this situation. If someone said and did horrendous things would you ever be willing to forgive them and move on?

I can’t fully explain what she said/did, but let’s just say it involved saying some nasty things about my step mom and accusing my dad of a crime and trying to get him arrested (which didn’t happen since her story was fabricated).

I don't see this being resolved. Your uncle left a lot of money to his well-off brother when when he should have left it to his family- and your dad shouldn't have accepted it--it was morally wrong for him to accept it. Yes it sounds like your cousin shouldn't have lashed out by trying to have your dad arrested, but her anger is valid. I'm sure your stepmom is happy receiving money she's not entitled to, from someone she's not related to, at the expense of the person who lost both parents and should have received it.
It's not a resolvable situation.

Nope. There is no “should” and no “morally wrong” here — well, except for the disgusting person who lied about a crime because they were possed about money that wasn’t theirs and they were never entitled to.

The troll is also wrong. Are you disgusted by that too?

What “troll?” How old are you?

Read the thread. Don’t be so gullible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad had the choice of accepting the money or having a relationship with his brothers family. He chose money. He may not have been morally obligated to give up the money, but no way should he have expected his brothers family to be happy for him to keep it. There was always going to be a rift in the family once he kept the money.

And I think while the possessor of the money has every right to distribute it as they wish, they should think about how the disparities in inheritance will make people feel and start rifts. We've seen this happen so many times, even in loving families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. To clear up a couple points. He left about 20% of his estate to my dad. He did it because my dad loaned him money years ago to start his business, which became very successful. He was basically paying my dad back with interest.

Troll fail. You said he left most of the money to your dad. Now it’s 20%? Find something better to do on a Saturday night, OP.

I said he left a good amount, not most. The 20% was a few million dollars, and it was much more than my dad loaned him originally (not sure of exact amount though). It’s unclear why he gave him that much vs. just paid back the original amount my dad loaned him.

For the others who asked, my cousins were in their mid 20s when their dad died, then almost 30/30 when their mom passed. She was sick for a while and spent a good amount of money on home health aides around the clock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me try to make a very long story short. My uncle, my dad’s brother, passed away about 10 years ago very unexpectedly. He left a good amount of money to my dad vs. leaving everything to his wife and kids (my aunt/cousins). It’s not entirely clear why he did this since my dad is about just as well off as he was, but he did....

I can’t fully explain what she said/did, but let’s just say it involved saying some nasty things about my step mom and accusing my dad of a crime and trying to get him arrested (which didn’t happen since her story was fabricated).

A later post from OP makes it perfectly clear why the uncle left $ to her dad. Dad loaned him money to start a business and that money was never repaid. And assume no ownership share for dad for what became a going concern business. Dad could have lost all the money he loaned if the uncle's new business failed.

Dad got 20% and the other 80% went elsewhere-wife and kids I assume. When uncle and dad were both alive they were not about the same since dad was out x$ that uncle never repaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of why it happened, I don’t think I would ever socialize with someone who LIED to try to put me or my parent in jail. That is so serious! I could accept their apology, try to understand their hurt, but yeah, we aren’t gonna be hanging out. That is not ok. And if OP is right that this came from someone with millions, who is mad because they don’t have more millions…? No. Just no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

Let’s say the estate was $10m, mom/cousin still walked away with $8m. Trying to get someone arrested for a crime (!!) because you don’t get the last sliver of the pie is disgusting.