Opinions on family rift and accepting apology

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

Let’s say the estate was $10m, mom/cousin still walked away with $8m. Trying to get someone arrested for a crime (!!) because you don’t get the last sliver of the pie is disgusting.

We don't even know what the "crime" was but you're sure it's disgusting? OP is a shit storyteller. Could be as simple as a dog bite.

[Anonymous]

I would stay out of it in terms of your dad and stepmom - as in just accept how they are handling it - but if you want to have a relationship with your cousin I think that is fine too.

Your uncle was probably very grateful to your dad for helping him be successful and that is how he showed it. Your dad did nothing wrong by keeping the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me try to make a very long story short. My uncle, my dad’s brother, passed away about 10 years ago very unexpectedly. He left a good amount of money to my dad vs. leaving everything to his wife and kids (my aunt/cousins). It’s not entirely clear why he did this since my dad is about just as well off as he was, but he did. The suggestion was made that my dad should not keep the money and give it back to my aunt and cousins but he ignored it and kept the money. About 5 years ago my aunt passed away (she was only 60) and one my cousins started to really resent my dad for taking money she believed was rightfully hers. She said some really, really horrible things to my dad and step mother, and from then on there has been a major rift in the family and our two sides have not really spoken or seen one another since. It’s really sad because our family had always been very close, and give that my cousins’ parents both passed we would have loved to stay close with them.

I know my cousin said what she did out of pain for losing both of her parents, and while I know it will never be forgotten, I think I would be willing to forgive her and move on just to keep the family together. After significant therapy she issued what I consider to be a heartfelt apology to my dad, but he will not accept it or talk to her and told her to never contact her again. I happen to know that my dad would be willing to forgive her, but my step mom will not and has forbade my did from talking to her and hearing her out.

I am just curious what others think about this situation. If someone said and did horrendous things would you ever be willing to forgive them and move on?

I can’t fully explain what she said/did, but let’s just say it involved saying some nasty things about my step mom and accusing my dad of a crime and trying to get him arrested (which didn’t happen since her story was fabricated).

Your dad sucks. And it sounds like your stepmom does too. That's what I think.

What if uncle had a good reason for not leaving the money to his family? I mean, that's a bold decision to make.

This.

Also, why are we not criticizing the uncle for not giving his kids/wife a heads up that money was going to the brother.

Because he’s dead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

Let’s say the estate was $10m, mom/cousin still walked away with $8m. Trying to get someone arrested for a crime (!!) because you don’t get the last sliver of the pie is disgusting.

We don't even know what the "crime" was but you're sure it's disgusting? OP is a shit storyteller. Could be as simple as a dog bite.

I didn’t say the crime was disgusting? And yes, OP is truth trickling. If cousin attempted to get the dad arrested/charged with a crime after walking away with millions of dollars, and is mad that the dad invested in the company for there to be a sizable estate, she’s an absolute loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

Let’s say the estate was $10m, mom/cousin still walked away with $8m. Trying to get someone arrested for a crime (!!) because you don’t get the last sliver of the pie is disgusting.

We don't even know what the "crime" was but you're sure it's disgusting? OP is a shit storyteller. Could be as simple as a dog bite.

I didn’t say the crime was disgusting? And yes, OP is truth trickling. If cousin attempted to get the dad arrested/charged with a crime after walking away with millions of dollars, and is mad that the dad invested in the company for there to be a sizable estate, she’s an absolute loser.

“Invested in the company & then got paid back via the estate…” darn not having an edit button

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. To clear up a couple points. He left about 20% of his estate to my dad. He did it because my dad loaned him money years ago to start his business, which became very successful. He was basically paying my dad back with interest.

Well, that's a pretty big detail to leave out.

Still, if your dad didn't need the money and it was causing a family rift he should have considered that. He's the adult and the older person here and he should be the bigger person and forgive someone who was angry and grieving the loss of their parent.

I stand by your dad sucking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. To clear up a couple points. He left about 20% of his estate to my dad. He did it because my dad loaned him money years ago to start his business, which became very successful. He was basically paying my dad back with interest.

Well, that's a pretty big detail to leave out.

Still, if your dad didn't need the money and it was causing a family rift he should have considered that. He's the adult and the older person here and he should be the bigger person and forgive someone who was angry and grieving the loss of their parent.

I stand by your dad sucking.

I didn’t realize estate planning was about who needs money more. I think what the uncle did was honorable and paid back his debts in death. His family sure didn’t mind having their hands held out for the funding when uncle was alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. To clear up a couple points. He left about 20% of his estate to my dad. He did it because my dad loaned him money years ago to start his business, which became very successful. He was basically paying my dad back with interest.

Well, that's a pretty big detail to leave out.

Still, if your dad didn't need the money and it was causing a family rift he should have considered that. He's the adult and the older person here and he should be the bigger person and forgive someone who was angry and grieving the loss of their parent.

I stand by your dad sucking.

I didn’t realize estate planning was about who needs money more. I think what the uncle did was honorable and paid back his debts in death. His family sure didn’t mind having their hands held out for the funding when uncle was alive.

Not when it comes to kids, but you shouldn't bypass kids for other extended family who need it more. Did uncle NEED his loan + interest paid off? Who charges family interest anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

Let’s say the estate was $10m, mom/cousin still walked away with $8m. Trying to get someone arrested for a crime (!!) because you don’t get the last sliver of the pie is disgusting.

We don't even know what the "crime" was but you're sure it's disgusting? OP is a shit storyteller. Could be as simple as a dog bite.

I didn’t say the crime was disgusting? And yes, OP is truth trickling. If cousin attempted to get the dad arrested/charged with a crime after walking away with millions of dollars, and is mad that the dad invested in the company for there to be a sizable estate, she’s an absolute loser.

Well maybe the "crime" is greedy uncle was molesting her and OP and her family is standing by him. What then? Given OPs truth trickling I wouldn't be surprised if she came back with yet another detail she omitted from the OP that drastically changes things. Just to keep this going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me try to make a very long story short. My uncle, my dad’s brother, passed away about 10 years ago very unexpectedly. He left a good amount of money to my dad vs. leaving everything to his wife and kids (my aunt/cousins). It’s not entirely clear why he did this since my dad is about just as well off as he was, but he did. The suggestion was made that my dad should not keep the money and give it back to my aunt and cousins but he ignored it and kept the money. About 5 years ago my aunt passed away (she was only 60) and one my cousins started to really resent my dad for taking money she believed was rightfully hers. She said some really, really horrible things to my dad and step mother, and from then on there has been a major rift in the family and our two sides have not really spoken or seen one another since. It’s really sad because our family had always been very close, and give that my cousins’ parents both passed we would have loved to stay close with them.

I know my cousin said what she did out of pain for losing both of her parents, and while I know it will never be forgotten, I think I would be willing to forgive her and move on just to keep the family together. After significant therapy she issued what I consider to be a heartfelt apology to my dad, but he will not accept it or talk to her and told her to never contact her again. I happen to know that my dad would be willing to forgive her, but my step mom will not and has forbade my did from talking to her and hearing her out.

I am just curious what others think about this situation. If someone said and did horrendous things would you ever be willing to forgive them and move on?

I can’t fully explain what she said/did, but let’s just say it involved saying some nasty things about my step mom and accusing my dad of a crime and trying to get him arrested (which didn’t happen since her story was fabricated).

I don't see this being resolved. Your uncle left a lot of money to his well-off brother when when he should have left it to his family- and your dad shouldn't have accepted it--it was morally wrong for him to accept it. Yes it sounds like your cousin shouldn't have lashed out by trying to have your dad arrested, but her anger is valid. I'm sure your stepmom is happy receiving money she's not entitled to, from someone she's not related to, at the expense of the person who lost both parents and should have received it.
It's not a resolvable situation.

Totally disagree with this. People can leave money to anyone they want to. You have no idea why the uncle chose to do what he did; how dare you say that he "should have" left it to someone else. Maybe he was completely wrong in doing so, but it was his choice and you, PP, have no right to second guess that.

Having said that, I do think that OP's dad is being a jerk in how he's handled this entire situation. It also doesn't work to blame the stepmom. Dad has his own voice.

Holy sh¡t +1000!!

That PP couldn’t be more wrong if she tried.

[Anonymous]

Your father is an avaricious tool as was his brother to disinherit his family. His wife should have contested will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your father is an avaricious tool as was his brother to disinherit his family. His wife should have contested will.

Wasn't 80% of the estate left to the wife/cousin?

[Anonymous]

Offhand -I am team your dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

But even taking OP’s story at face value - you are ok with the upset focusing lying to try to get OP’s father put in jail? I see being upset, I see saying terrible things to and about your greedy uncle and his wife because you’re angry— but lying to get someone arrested? There’s just no excuse for that and no getting over it, even if the “crime” is something stupid like a dog bite. I would have to disclose an arrest to my job, though not sire what happens next. It’s a really big deal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she accuse him of?

I’m assuming niece accused OP’s dad of stealing the money?

It sounds like if the business hadn’t taken off (with dad’s seed money), there would’ve been nothing in the way of an estate. OP’s dad being repaid with interest seems reasonable to me. The more details that come out make the niece sound like a greedy gimme pig.

As opposed to the rich guy who didn't need the money? Since OP is slowly trickling out details, for reasons that aren't entirely clear, sounds like Aunt/Mom spent a lot of her money on medical issues her last few years. Doesn't sound like anything was left for cousins. But greedy uncle is still richer yet. You can't see how that might irk the cousin?

But even taking OP’s story at face value - you are ok with the upset focusing lying to try to get OP’s father put in jail? I see being upset, I see saying terrible things to and about your greedy uncle and his wife because you’re angry— but lying to get someone arrested? There’s just no excuse for that and no getting over it, even if the “crime” is something stupid like a dog bite. I would have to disclose an arrest to my job, though not sire what happens next. It’s a really big deal!

Depends what dad is being accused of. If OP isn't going to fill in the details then I'm not inclined to pick a side. Not enough information. OP hasn't been very honest or clear the few times she's posted.