Would you pay 200K for a baby that isn't biologically yours?

[Anonymous]

Would be cheaper to just start trying for a kid much earlier in the (23-28 age range) before you’re infertile.

[Anonymous]

No. Having children is over rated.

[Anonymous]

I basically did this, not quite $200k but more than 6 figures over 5 years. It was 7 rounds of IVF and finally DE. I adore DC; my life feels very fulfilled now. Who cares about the money; you cant take it with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would be cheaper to just start trying for a kid much earlier in the (23-28 age range) before you’re infertile.

I have multiple family members who had trouble conceiving or carrying a pregnancy in their 20’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just adopt” was an option 30 years ago. It’s NOT now. Do you know anyone who has pursued adoption lately? There are way, way more families interested in adopting than there are babies to adopt. In many cases, it’s basically not an option.

One friend of mine spoke to several adoption agencies in her area (not local) and was told that there are 25 families that have paid the fees, done the home visits, jumped through all the hoops, and are now approved for every one baby that is put up for adoption.

I have another friend, local, who was told she could only adopt if she was open to adopting a baby who had been exposed to drugs or alcohol prenatally. She did move forward, and was able to successfully adopt a baby from a mom with some drug use. So far, baby seems great and healthy, but obviously, there’s no telling what the future holds.

These are married, stable, high income, loving homes.

So yeah, if I had the money, I’d do it. It’s probably your only way to have a baby.

+1 there are basically no healthy newborns or even toddlers up for adoption. International adoptions have been severely curtailed. Then you have people who think that all adoptions are “trauma,” And I’m pretty sure in a few years’ time there will be some kind of unfortunate backlash against adopted kids/families because of it, sadly. Shelling out 100k+ on fertility treatments and/or even more $$$ on a surrogate is the only way. Unfortunately.

Serious question - how does DE curtail any of the adoption issues? With DE you're literally giving life to children who have biological families that they may find later in life, and who they may want to seek out. How will DE kids feel that their biological mother was paid a measly 10k or whatever to go through an egg retrieval? How will donors feel as they have their own kids, knowing that there are potential half siblings are out there which they are not aware of? Will the DE kids be mad at their parents if they end up with a biological disease that they weren't screened for? Or mad that they didn't pick a donor who was more athletic, attractive, etc? DE is going to honestly be more unethical than adoption in the next twenty years. How does spending 100k negotiate any of the adoption problems, and not just exasperate them?

For those using surrogate, you're asking a woman to risk her life to carry your child to term and financially reimbursing her. This is problematic for some.

I think the only "free and clear" DE situation is to have an open egg adoption within the family or a close friend and surrogate in the family or a close friend, where the donor is truly donating, not being reimbursed.

I am not judging anyone who has gone the DE route, as I believe REs are very predatory and all about making more money and not about finding medical solutions for infertility. I also understand the desperation of wanting your own child which is so easy for so many and the struggle.

I don't think anyone is saying there are not potential concerns with DE, but it does take away two of the concerns with adoption: (1) that the fetus was exposed to drugs or alcohol; and (2) knowing that your biological parents didn't want to raise you.

In adoption or surrogacy, it's often not that your biological parents don't want to raise you, in some cases, yes, but unable or doing it for another reason. With surrogacy, it's not about wanting to raise you, it's a way to make money and help out someone who want a child/family. With adoption, often the biological parents are unable to raise a child at that point in time. With DE, a child can still be exposed to drugs/alcohol.

Kids who grow up with their biological parents can have crummy lives too. Its hard to predict how a child will feel about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

You’re not a friend. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

OP how long have you been doing IVF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just adopt” was an option 30 years ago. It’s NOT now. Do you know anyone who has pursued adoption lately? There are way, way more families interested in adopting than there are babies to adopt. In many cases, it’s basically not an option.

One friend of mine spoke to several adoption agencies in her area (not local) and was told that there are 25 families that have paid the fees, done the home visits, jumped through all the hoops, and are now approved for every one baby that is put up for adoption.

I have another friend, local, who was told she could only adopt if she was open to adopting a baby who had been exposed to drugs or alcohol prenatally. She did move forward, and was able to successfully adopt a baby from a mom with some drug use. So far, baby seems great and healthy, but obviously, there’s no telling what the future holds.

These are married, stable, high income, loving homes.

So yeah, if I had the money, I’d do it. It’s probably your only way to have a baby.

+1 there are basically no healthy newborns or even toddlers up for adoption. International adoptions have been severely curtailed. Then you have people who think that all adoptions are “trauma,” And I’m pretty sure in a few years’ time there will be some kind of unfortunate backlash against adopted kids/families because of it, sadly. Shelling out 100k+ on fertility treatments and/or even more $$$ on a surrogate is the only way. Unfortunately.

Serious question - how does DE curtail any of the adoption issues? With DE you're literally giving life to children who have biological families that they may find later in life, and who they may want to seek out. How will DE kids feel that their biological mother was paid a measly 10k or whatever to go through an egg retrieval? How will donors feel as they have their own kids, knowing that there are potential half siblings are out there which they are not aware of? Will the DE kids be mad at their parents if they end up with a biological disease that they weren't screened for? Or mad that they didn't pick a donor who was more athletic, attractive, etc? DE is going to honestly be more unethical than adoption in the next twenty years. How does spending 100k negotiate any of the adoption problems, and not just exasperate them?

For those using surrogate, you're asking a woman to risk her life to carry your child to term and financially reimbursing her. This is problematic for some.

I think the only "free and clear" DE situation is to have an open egg adoption within the family or a close friend and surrogate in the family or a close friend, where the donor is truly donating, not being reimbursed.

I am not judging anyone who has gone the DE route, as I believe REs are very predatory and all about making more money and not about finding medical solutions for infertility. I also understand the desperation of wanting your own child which is so easy for so many and the struggle.

Agreed 100% not once has an RE suggested solutions to my infertility issue, just IVF.

What kind of solution are you looking for?

I know people who've had other interventions - progesterone, fibroid removal, etc. Or Clomid alone prior to IUI etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just adopt” was an option 30 years ago. It’s NOT now. Do you know anyone who has pursued adoption lately? There are way, way more families interested in adopting than there are babies to adopt. In many cases, it’s basically not an option.

One friend of mine spoke to several adoption agencies in her area (not local) and was told that there are 25 families that have paid the fees, done the home visits, jumped through all the hoops, and are now approved for every one baby that is put up for adoption.

I have another friend, local, who was told she could only adopt if she was open to adopting a baby who had been exposed to drugs or alcohol prenatally. She did move forward, and was able to successfully adopt a baby from a mom with some drug use. So far, baby seems great and healthy, but obviously, there’s no telling what the future holds.

These are married, stable, high income, loving homes.

So yeah, if I had the money, I’d do it. It’s probably your only way to have a baby.

+1 there are basically no healthy newborns or even toddlers up for adoption. International adoptions have been severely curtailed. Then you have people who think that all adoptions are “trauma,” And I’m pretty sure in a few years’ time there will be some kind of unfortunate backlash against adopted kids/families because of it, sadly. Shelling out 100k+ on fertility treatments and/or even more $$$ on a surrogate is the only way. Unfortunately.

Serious question - how does DE curtail any of the adoption issues? With DE you're literally giving life to children who have biological families that they may find later in life, and who they may want to seek out. How will DE kids feel that their biological mother was paid a measly 10k or whatever to go through an egg retrieval? How will donors feel as they have their own kids, knowing that there are potential half siblings are out there which they are not aware of? Will the DE kids be mad at their parents if they end up with a biological disease that they weren't screened for? Or mad that they didn't pick a donor who was more athletic, attractive, etc? DE is going to honestly be more unethical than adoption in the next twenty years. How does spending 100k negotiate any of the adoption problems, and not just exasperate them?

For those using surrogate, you're asking a woman to risk her life to carry your child to term and financially reimbursing her. This is problematic for some.

I think the only "free and clear" DE situation is to have an open egg adoption within the family or a close friend and surrogate in the family or a close friend, where the donor is truly donating, not being reimbursed.

I am not judging anyone who has gone the DE route, as I believe REs are very predatory and all about making more money and not about finding medical solutions for infertility. I also understand the desperation of wanting your own child which is so easy for so many and the struggle.

Agreed 100% not once has an RE suggested solutions to my infertility issue, just IVF.

What kind of solution are you looking for?

I know people who've had other interventions - progesterone, fibroid removal, etc. Or Clomid alone prior to IUI etc.

????? An actual diagnosis other than your numbers are normal and you have unexplained infertility so we suggest IVF would be a starter.

If you have fibroids and your RE did treatments with them that seems like malpractice. Have you ever been in infertility treatment or just armchairing? This response is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just adopt” was an option 30 years ago. It’s NOT now. Do you know anyone who has pursued adoption lately? There are way, way more families interested in adopting than there are babies to adopt. In many cases, it’s basically not an option.

One friend of mine spoke to several adoption agencies in her area (not local) and was told that there are 25 families that have paid the fees, done the home visits, jumped through all the hoops, and are now approved for every one baby that is put up for adoption.

I have another friend, local, who was told she could only adopt if she was open to adopting a baby who had been exposed to drugs or alcohol prenatally. She did move forward, and was able to successfully adopt a baby from a mom with some drug use. So far, baby seems great and healthy, but obviously, there’s no telling what the future holds.

These are married, stable, high income, loving homes.

So yeah, if I had the money, I’d do it. It’s probably your only way to have a baby.

+1 there are basically no healthy newborns or even toddlers up for adoption. International adoptions have been severely curtailed. Then you have people who think that all adoptions are “trauma,” And I’m pretty sure in a few years’ time there will be some kind of unfortunate backlash against adopted kids/families because of it, sadly. Shelling out 100k+ on fertility treatments and/or even more $$$ on a surrogate is the only way. Unfortunately.

Serious question - how does DE curtail any of the adoption issues? With DE you're literally giving life to children who have biological families that they may find later in life, and who they may want to seek out. How will DE kids feel that their biological mother was paid a measly 10k or whatever to go through an egg retrieval? How will donors feel as they have their own kids, knowing that there are potential half siblings are out there which they are not aware of? Will the DE kids be mad at their parents if they end up with a biological disease that they weren't screened for? Or mad that they didn't pick a donor who was more athletic, attractive, etc? DE is going to honestly be more unethical than adoption in the next twenty years. How does spending 100k negotiate any of the adoption problems, and not just exasperate them?

For those using surrogate, you're asking a woman to risk her life to carry your child to term and financially reimbursing her. This is problematic for some.

I think the only "free and clear" DE situation is to have an open egg adoption within the family or a close friend and surrogate in the family or a close friend, where the donor is truly donating, not being reimbursed.

I am not judging anyone who has gone the DE route, as I believe REs are very predatory and all about making more money and not about finding medical solutions for infertility. I also understand the desperation of wanting your own child which is so easy for so many and the struggle.

Agreed 100% not once has an RE suggested solutions to my infertility issue, just IVF.

What kind of solution are you looking for?

I know people who've had other interventions - progesterone, fibroid removal, etc. Or Clomid alone prior to IUI etc.

????? An actual diagnosis other than your numbers are normal and you have unexplained infertility so we suggest IVF would be a starter.

If you have fibroids and your RE did treatments with them that seems like malpractice. Have you ever been in infertility treatment or just armchairing? This response is weird.

Also "clomid alone" is likely timed sex, another RE treatment.

The complaint is that they are focused on treatments without understanding causes which make correct or improve outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

Adoption isn’t the same at all. Potential for kid to have trauma from separation, drug/alcohol exposure during pregnancy, and issues with birth family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just adopt” was an option 30 years ago. It’s NOT now. Do you know anyone who has pursued adoption lately? There are way, way more families interested in adopting than there are babies to adopt. In many cases, it’s basically not an option.

One friend of mine spoke to several adoption agencies in her area (not local) and was told that there are 25 families that have paid the fees, done the home visits, jumped through all the hoops, and are now approved for every one baby that is put up for adoption.

I have another friend, local, who was told she could only adopt if she was open to adopting a baby who had been exposed to drugs or alcohol prenatally. She did move forward, and was able to successfully adopt a baby from a mom with some drug use. So far, baby seems great and healthy, but obviously, there’s no telling what the future holds.

These are married, stable, high income, loving homes.

So yeah, if I had the money, I’d do it. It’s probably your only way to have a baby.

+1 there are basically no healthy newborns or even toddlers up for adoption. International adoptions have been severely curtailed. Then you have people who think that all adoptions are “trauma,” And I’m pretty sure in a few years’ time there will be some kind of unfortunate backlash against adopted kids/families because of it, sadly. Shelling out 100k+ on fertility treatments and/or even more $$$ on a surrogate is the only way. Unfortunately.

Serious question - how does DE curtail any of the adoption issues? With DE you're literally giving life to children who have biological families that they may find later in life, and who they may want to seek out. How will DE kids feel that their biological mother was paid a measly 10k or whatever to go through an egg retrieval? How will donors feel as they have their own kids, knowing that there are potential half siblings are out there which they are not aware of? Will the DE kids be mad at their parents if they end up with a biological disease that they weren't screened for? Or mad that they didn't pick a donor who was more athletic, attractive, etc? DE is going to honestly be more unethical than adoption in the next twenty years. How does spending 100k negotiate any of the adoption problems, and not just exasperate them?

For those using surrogate, you're asking a woman to risk her life to carry your child to term and financially reimbursing her. This is problematic for some.

I think the only "free and clear" DE situation is to have an open egg adoption within the family or a close friend and surrogate in the family or a close friend, where the donor is truly donating, not being reimbursed.

I am not judging anyone who has gone the DE route, as I believe REs are very predatory and all about making more money and not about finding medical solutions for infertility. I also understand the desperation of wanting your own child which is so easy for so many and the struggle.

Agreed 100% not once has an RE suggested solutions to my infertility issue, just IVF.

What kind of solution are you looking for?

I know people who've had other interventions - progesterone, fibroid removal, etc. Or Clomid alone prior to IUI etc.

????? An actual diagnosis other than your numbers are normal and you have unexplained infertility so we suggest IVF would be a starter.

If you have fibroids and your RE did treatments with them that seems like malpractice. Have you ever been in infertility treatment or just armchairing? This response is weird.

Also "clomid alone" is likely timed sex, another RE treatment.

The complaint is that they are focused on treatments without understanding causes which make correct or improve outcomes.

This was 100% my experience. Zero effort to figure out the issue aside from the standard handful of tests, then “unexplained infertility” and let’s do IVF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

Adoption isn’t the same at all. Potential for kid to have trauma from separation, drug/alcohol exposure during pregnancy, and issues with birth family.

Every newborn taken from her mother is traumatized, even if the separation results in a better situation. It’s baffling that this isn’t common sense.

[Anonymous]

Why did this thread move to special needs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I believe human trafficking should be illegal. Including when gay men do it.

How is this human trafficking?

What else is buying a human being?

Awww. One of the adoption trolls found this thread. So cute.