Most young men are single - most young women are not

[Anonymous]

This has always been the case. Men get married later. My friend group we all lived in Manhattan when single we all started getting married between 32 and 36.

Why? We had an endless supply of 18-30 year old girls to date. From college right up to around 10 years after college.

I met my wife when I was 34. I would not say this out loud but she was option 7. I had four girlfriends I ended it as did not want marriage. I had 3 others chasing me but just boooty call girls. To go deeper I say 3-5 girls I never asked out as 100 percent clear they are looking marriage. Even after I proposed in that one year period I had two exes I dated briefly before getting engaged circling the waters.

A women’s peak years to get a great mate is 20-29 a man it goes 20-38.

My male friend got married first time at 44 to a beautiful
34 year old women and had three kids. Of course he told me he slept with 200 women so had special was that wedding night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that articles like these always frame the issue as some deficiency or failing with men, whereas when a demographic trend is unfavorable for women it is usually externalized, attributed to some outside force or...blamed on men again.

We need to start being honest about how held-preferences, individual action and societal forces are combining to foment these trends.

It's easy to just resort to bludgeoning men, but I don't think it's the answer long term.

I do think the answer is with men. My dh was raised by his parents to be a full partner: work, cook, clean, love children, remember holidays. So many men just weren't. They basically think all they need to do is get a job. Showing up doesn't count anymore for men. Women do it all and men need to step up. I'm raising my sons to do better.

I have both sons and daughters and I also think schools play a role. They are geared towards girls who sit better and don't need as much activity.

Schools have more movement, moving around, and movement breaks than they did when we were in school. I think the problem is the opposite, that schools expect a lot from girls but have low expectations of boys and low requirements. And therefore low results.

Um movement? Please define that because movement (yoga, stretching, arm circles) is not going to cut it for very active kids. They need to run, climb, hang, etc. and get real sensory input. They need to be outside and not required to sit/focus for multiple hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that articles like these always frame the issue as some deficiency or failing with men, whereas when a demographic trend is unfavorable for women it is usually externalized, attributed to some outside force or...blamed on men again.

We need to start being honest about how held-preferences, individual action and societal forces are combining to foment these trends.

It's easy to just resort to bludgeoning men, but I don't think it's the answer long term.

I do think the answer is with men. My dh was raised by his parents to be a full partner: work, cook, clean, love children, remember holidays. So many men just weren't. They basically think all they need to do is get a job. Showing up doesn't count anymore for men. Women do it all and men need to step up. I'm raising my sons to do better.

I have both sons and daughters and I also think schools play a role. They are geared towards girls who sit better and don't need as much activity.

Schools have more movement, moving around, and movement breaks than they did when we were in school. I think the problem is the opposite, that schools expect a lot from girls but have low expectations of boys and low requirements. And therefore low results.

Um movement? Please define that because movement (yoga, stretching, arm circles) is not going to cut it for very active kids. They need to run, climb, hang, etc. and get real sensory input. They need to be outside and not required to sit/focus for multiple hours a day.

Movement after school is less for kids today than when we were kids, yes; but in school, we sat at our desks - have you seen an elementary school class today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how this is a problem?

Same thing is Japan. They're fine.

https://www.nippon.com/en/japan-data/h00759/

they are not "fine". Their birth rate is declining, and there is no signs that things will change. The low birth rate is caused in part by women not wanting to get married and have kids. The reasons why they don't have kids may be slightly different, but Japan is not "fine".

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jan/24/japan-birthrate-population-pm-solution-already-rejected-by-young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has always been the case. Men get married later. My friend group we all lived in Manhattan when single we all started getting married between 32 and 36.

Why? We had an endless supply of 18-30 year old girls to date. From college right up to around 10 years after college.

I met my wife when I was 34. I would not say this out loud but she was option 7. I had four girlfriends I ended it as did not want marriage. I had 3 others chasing me but just boooty call girls. To go deeper I say 3-5 girls I never asked out as 100 percent clear they are looking marriage. Even after I proposed in that one year period I had two exes I dated briefly before getting engaged circling the waters.

A women’s peak years to get a great mate is 20-29 a man it goes 20-38.

My male friend got married first time at 44 to a beautiful
34 year old women and had three kids. Of course he told me he slept with 200 women so had special was that wedding night.

I don't think it's just about getting married or being single by choice. If you read the article, it talks about how young men are single but not necessarily by choice. It talks about incels.

Also, the article refers to young men today, not 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has always been the case. Men get married later. My friend group we all lived in Manhattan when single we all started getting married between 32 and 36.

Why? We had an endless supply of 18-30 year old girls to date. From college right up to around 10 years after college.

I met my wife when I was 34. I would not say this out loud but she was option 7. I had four girlfriends I ended it as did not want marriage. I had 3 others chasing me but just boooty call girls. To go deeper I say 3-5 girls I never asked out as 100 percent clear they are looking marriage. Even after I proposed in that one year period I had two exes I dated briefly before getting engaged circling the waters.

A women’s peak years to get a great mate is 20-29 a man it goes 20-38.

My male friend got married first time at 44 to a beautiful
34 year old women and had three kids. Of course he told me he slept with 200 women so had special was that wedding night.

Exactly, I thought this was well known. When I was in high school, the most desirable girls had a college boyfriend. I remember one of my 16 year old friends was dating a 24 year old guy! A college dude was trying to steal my 15 year old girlfriend away for a couple months junior year. Crazy. Then in college, a lot of desirable girls are dating working professionals. My wife is 7 years younger than me. We met when I was 31 and she was 24. I thought this is how life has always been and somehow people are surprised at this survey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has always been the case. Men get married later. My friend group we all lived in Manhattan when single we all started getting married between 32 and 36.

Why? We had an endless supply of 18-30 year old girls to date. From college right up to around 10 years after college.

I met my wife when I was 34. I would not say this out loud but she was option 7. I had four girlfriends I ended it as did not want marriage. I had 3 others chasing me but just boooty call girls. To go deeper I say 3-5 girls I never asked out as 100 percent clear they are looking marriage. Even after I proposed in that one year period I had two exes I dated briefly before getting engaged circling the waters.

A women’s peak years to get a great mate is 20-29 a man it goes 20-38.

My male friend got married first time at 44 to a beautiful
34 year old women and had three kids. Of course he told me he slept with 200 women so had special was that wedding night.

Exactly, I thought this was well known. When I was in high school, the most desirable girls had a college boyfriend. I remember one of my 16 year old friends was dating a 24 year old guy! A college dude was trying to steal my 15 year old girlfriend away for a couple months junior year. Crazy. Then in college, a lot of desirable girls are dating working professionals. My wife is 7 years younger than me. We met when I was 31 and she was 24. I thought this is how life has always been and somehow people are surprised at this survey

Because this survey is showing a change - the college boys aren't dating young coeds or HS girls anymore. They aren't dating anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has always been the case. Men get married later. My friend group we all lived in Manhattan when single we all started getting married between 32 and 36.

Why? We had an endless supply of 18-30 year old girls to date. From college right up to around 10 years after college.

I met my wife when I was 34. I would not say this out loud but she was option 7. I had four girlfriends I ended it as did not want marriage. I had 3 others chasing me but just boooty call girls. To go deeper I say 3-5 girls I never asked out as 100 percent clear they are looking marriage. Even after I proposed in that one year period I had two exes I dated briefly before getting engaged circling the waters.

A women’s peak years to get a great mate is 20-29 a man it goes 20-38.

My male friend got married first time at 44 to a beautiful
34 year old women and had three kids. Of course he told me he slept with 200 women so had special was that wedding night.

I’m sorry but this reads as, “hey losers, just be hot 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥”.

Being really really attractive always helps but your story doesn’t at all help with what’s happening to society writ large. Your anecdote isn’t really useful. It’s interesting but doesn’t really do anything for this conversation. If I told my story people would be interested in a voyeristic way as well but it wouldn’t be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has always been the case. Men get married later. My friend group we all lived in Manhattan when single we all started getting married between 32 and 36.

Why? We had an endless supply of 18-30 year old girls to date. From college right up to around 10 years after college.

I met my wife when I was 34. I would not say this out loud but she was option 7. I had four girlfriends I ended it as did not want marriage. I had 3 others chasing me but just boooty call girls. To go deeper I say 3-5 girls I never asked out as 100 percent clear they are looking marriage. Even after I proposed in that one year period I had two exes I dated briefly before getting engaged circling the waters.

A women’s peak years to get a great mate is 20-29 a man it goes 20-38.

My male friend got married first time at 44 to a beautiful
34 year old women and had three kids. Of course he told me he slept with 200 women so had special was that wedding night.

As the article notes, average age for marriage for women is 28, for men 30. It's not a big enough gap to explain the difference in singleness. The math ain't mathing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has always been the case. Men get married later. My friend group we all lived in Manhattan when single we all started getting married between 32 and 36.

Why? We had an endless supply of 18-30 year old girls to date. From college right up to around 10 years after college.

I met my wife when I was 34. I would not say this out loud but she was option 7. I had four girlfriends I ended it as did not want marriage. I had 3 others chasing me but just boooty call girls. To go deeper I say 3-5 girls I never asked out as 100 percent clear they are looking marriage. Even after I proposed in that one year period I had two exes I dated briefly before getting engaged circling the waters.

A women’s peak years to get a great mate is 20-29 a man it goes 20-38.

My male friend got married first time at 44 to a beautiful
34 year old women and had three kids. Of course he told me he slept with 200 women so had special was that wedding night.

As the article notes, average age for marriage for women is 28, for men 30. It's not a big enough gap to explain the difference in singleness. The math ain't mathing

The math isn't mathing because you are leaving out huge segments of the sample - those cohabitating and in committed relationships. It is not a dichotomy between single and married. There are plenty of 40 year old men dating late 20s women but not married to them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has always been the case. Men get married later. My friend group we all lived in Manhattan when single we all started getting married between 32 and 36.

Why? We had an endless supply of 18-30 year old girls to date. From college right up to around 10 years after college.

I met my wife when I was 34. I would not say this out loud but she was option 7. I had four girlfriends I ended it as did not want marriage. I had 3 others chasing me but just boooty call girls. To go deeper I say 3-5 girls I never asked out as 100 percent clear they are looking marriage. Even after I proposed in that one year period I had two exes I dated briefly before getting engaged circling the waters.

A women’s peak years to get a great mate is 20-29 a man it goes 20-38.

My male friend got married first time at 44 to a beautiful
34 year old women and had three kids. Of course he told me he slept with 200 women so had special was that wedding night.

My man!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has always been the case. Men get married later. My friend group we all lived in Manhattan when single we all started getting married between 32 and 36.

Why? We had an endless supply of 18-30 year old girls to date. From college right up to around 10 years after college.

I met my wife when I was 34. I would not say this out loud but she was option 7. I had four girlfriends I ended it as did not want marriage. I had 3 others chasing me but just boooty call girls. To go deeper I say 3-5 girls I never asked out as 100 percent clear they are looking marriage. Even after I proposed in that one year period I had two exes I dated briefly before getting engaged circling the waters.

A women’s peak years to get a great mate is 20-29 a man it goes 20-38.

My male friend got married first time at 44 to a beautiful
34 year old women and had three kids. Of course he told me he slept with 200 women so had special was that wedding night.

As the article notes, average age for marriage for women is 28, for men 30. It's not a big enough gap to explain the difference in singleness. The math ain't mathing

The math isn't mathing because you are leaving out huge segments of the sample - those cohabitating and in committed relationships. It is not a dichotomy between single and married. There are plenty of 40 year old men dating late 20s women but not married to them

From Pew:

"Single adults refers to those who are not married, living with a partner or in a committed relationship".

What else ya got?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how this is a problem?

Same thing is Japan. They're fine.

https://www.nippon.com/en/japan-data/h00759/

they are not "fine". Their birth rate is declining, and there is no signs that things will change. The low birth rate is caused in part by women not wanting to get married and have kids. The reasons why they don't have kids may be slightly different, but Japan is not "fine".

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jan/24/japan-birthrate-population-pm-solution-already-rejected-by-young

The world doesn't need more people. Yes, it's going to cause some problems with disparity between old and young people, but really it's for the best.

[Anonymous]

All of the research on happiness indicates that the thing that correlates most reliably to happiness is relationships with people (not just romantic, but friends and family).

However, the trend is towards prioritizing ourselves at the expense of relationships - e.g. cutting off and grey-rocking family, letting go of friendships that don't "serve" you, saying "no" to family/social obligations in favor of self-care, etc.

I'm not saying any of that is wrong or unjustified, but it's going to make us less happy (as a society) in the long-term.

[Anonymous]

Single motherhood has exploded.