What is a "pick me" woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

How is she determining that motive? Do these women tell her that that is why they behave the way they do?

What if that person behaves that way because they like to? Do women have to behave the same way she does in order to not be seeking male approval/ attention?

What on earth are you even saying at this point? We’re talking about being fake and putting other women down. And you say this women acts this way because she likes acting that way. Uh, ok. Then I’ll just focus on her behavior and say that’s pretty crummy.

+1

We're talking about the behavior, not the motive.

I don't care why a "pick me" woman does what she does. But when I encounter a woman who puts down other women to elevate herself, I recognize the behavior and dislike it. Call it "pick me", call it "cool girl", call it "I'm not like those other women." It doesn't matter. It's obnoxious behavior that demeans other women and creates competition between women where there needn't be any.

[Anonymous]

It’s the Cool Girl monologue from Gone Girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many threads finding ways to degrade women?

+1 All from women, no less. Internalized misogyny.

I'd argue that pick me women degrade us all, actually.

Speak for yourself and your insecurities.

Haha, Says the person offended with this thread.

I am not offended. That was my first post in this thread.

I am just surprised that people don't realize that this is internalized misogyny.

Maybe its just being different from you. Why attribute it to internalized misogyny when you dont even know the person?

I guess you also believe that all F to M transgender persons transition because of internslized misogyny too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

How is she determining that motive? Do these women tell her that that is why they behave the way they do?

What if that person behaves that way because they like to? Do women have to behave the same way she does in order to not be seeking male approval/ attention?

What on earth are you even saying at this point? We’re talking about being fake and putting other women down. And you say this women acts this way because she likes acting that way. Uh, ok. Then I’ll just focus on her behavior and say that’s pretty crummy.

+1

We're talking about the behavior, not the motive.

I don't care why a "pick me" woman does what she does. But when I encounter a woman who puts down other women to elevate herself, I recognize the behavior and dislike it. Call it "pick me", call it "cool girl", call it "I'm not like those other women." It doesn't matter. It's obnoxious behavior that demeans other women and creates competition between women where there needn't be any.

It only creates competition among others with the same mind-set. So its a competition only among those who choose to be a part of it. The same as any other life style choice in a free society. You are not a part of it unless you want to be. In fact women who criticize choose me girls are doing exactly the same thing in their own fashion--criticizing another woman's choices as indicating they are less than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

+1

I’m sorry but I’m pretty sure I never officially pledged my loyalty and fealty to all other women. Please keep the rest of us out of your childish “battle of the sexes.” I’ve met and been friends with some cool chicks in my time, but I’ve also meet some cruddy women too. The “sisterhood” isn’t always as kind and awesome as some of you make it out to be, and I’m certainly not concerned with “betraying” those types.

There's a special place in hell for women who don't support women. #chicks b4 dicks.

She said that right before going off to commit war crimes.

Underappreciated post.

[Anonymous]

See also: female intrasexual competition

[Anonymous]

Pick me's, especially on social media, always, always side with me and give long lectures on how women are at fault for everything and how if they just catered to every whim of their man, all would be well. They're pretty pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

How is she determining that motive? Do these women tell her that that is why they behave the way they do?

What if that person behaves that way because they like to? Do women have to behave the same way she does in order to not be seeking male approval/ attention?

What on earth are you even saying at this point? We’re talking about being fake and putting other women down. And you say this women acts this way because she likes acting that way. Uh, ok. Then I’ll just focus on her behavior and say that’s pretty crummy.

+1

We're talking about the behavior, not the motive.

I don't care why a "pick me" woman does what she does. But when I encounter a woman who puts down other women to elevate herself, I recognize the behavior and dislike it. Call it "pick me", call it "cool girl", call it "I'm not like those other women." It doesn't matter. It's obnoxious behavior that demeans other women and creates competition between women where there needn't be any.

It only creates competition among others with the same mind-set. So its a competition only among those who choose to be a part of it. The same as any other life style choice in a free society. You are not a part of it unless you want to be. In fact women who criticize choose me girls are doing exactly the same thing in their own fashion--criticizing another woman's choices as indicating they are less than.

No, you don’t seem to get how this dynamic works.

A “pick me” woman will literally insult other women, both to their face or behind their backs, to make themselves look good. It can absolutely drag a woman who has no interest in that competition into it, because “pick me” is USING other women in order to make herself look good.

Perhaps you have simply never experienced this. Or maybe you’re a “pick me” woman who likes to pretend her behavior harms no one. But when another woman points at you to literally be like “look his great I am, unlike HER,” trust me— it’s harmful and rude. “Pick me”s are users.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

How is she determining that motive? Do these women tell her that that is why they behave the way they do?

What if that person behaves that way because they like to? Do women have to behave the same way she does in order to not be seeking male approval/ attention?

What on earth are you even saying at this point? We’re talking about being fake and putting other women down. And you say this women acts this way because she likes acting that way. Uh, ok. Then I’ll just focus on her behavior and say that’s pretty crummy.

+1

We're talking about the behavior, not the motive.

I don't care why a "pick me" woman does what she does. But when I encounter a woman who puts down other women to elevate herself, I recognize the behavior and dislike it. Call it "pick me", call it "cool girl", call it "I'm not like those other women." It doesn't matter. It's obnoxious behavior that demeans other women and creates competition between women where there needn't be any.

It only creates competition among others with the same mind-set. So its a competition only among those who choose to be a part of it. The same as any other life style choice in a free society. You are not a part of it unless you want to be. In fact women who criticize choose me girls are doing exactly the same thing in their own fashion--criticizing another woman's choices as indicating they are less than.

No, you don’t seem to get how this dynamic works.

A “pick me” woman will literally insult other women, both to their face or behind their backs, to make themselves look good. It can absolutely drag a woman who has no interest in that competition into it, because “pick me” is USING other women in order to make herself look good.

Perhaps you have simply never experienced this. Or maybe you’re a “pick me” woman who likes to pretend her behavior harms no one. But when another woman points at you to literally be like “look his great I am, unlike HER,” trust me— it’s harmful and rude. “Pick me”s are users.

+1 and the difference between calling someone a “pick me” woman and what a pick me woman does is audience.

A “pick me”s audience is ALWAYS a man. She is creating competition with other women for the sole purpose of positioning herself with a man or men.

But when you call out “pick me” behavior, your audience is women, and you’re not doing it to impress a guy. In fact, calling out this behavior is probably going to make some people call you bitter. “You’re just jealous” is how a pick me triangulates the situation. But you’re not jealous. You are tired.

I don’t want to feel like I’m in competition with my girlfriends. Especially because I’m not— I’ve been with the same guy for 15 years. But in that time, I’ve had friends who pulled this BS on me. And not to attract my husband— they just wanted to use me as a competitor to make themselves look desirable to other men. No— I’m not here to play your foil.

It’s not a “lifestyle choice” FFS. It’s just crap behavior. If you do it, you deserve to get called out.

[Anonymous]

This term is just more hate for women by women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

How is she determining that motive? Do these women tell her that that is why they behave the way they do?

What if that person behaves that way because they like to? Do women have to behave the same way she does in order to not be seeking male approval/ attention?

What on earth are you even saying at this point? We’re talking about being fake and putting other women down. And you say this women acts this way because she likes acting that way. Uh, ok. Then I’ll just focus on her behavior and say that’s pretty crummy.

Yeah.

My problem is that the term is based on motive that people assume these women have. Even the word itself "pick me" tells this story. What if the woman is just misinformed? Or wrong without necessarily behaving a certain way because she wants to be " picked " by those men?

In trying to criticize these women, the term swings too far and gives men more power by automatically centering other women's behavior around men.

Let's call the behavior crappy without assuming it's done for male attention.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

How is she determining that motive? Do these women tell her that that is why they behave the way they do?

What if that person behaves that way because they like to? Do women have to behave the same way she does in order to not be seeking male approval/ attention?

What on earth are you even saying at this point? We’re talking about being fake and putting other women down. And you say this women acts this way because she likes acting that way. Uh, ok. Then I’ll just focus on her behavior and say that’s pretty crummy.

Yeah.

My problem is that the term is based on motive that people assume these women have. Even the word itself "pick me" tells this story. What if the woman is just misinformed? Or wrong without necessarily behaving a certain way because she wants to be " picked " by those men?

In trying to criticize these women, the term swings too far and gives men more power by automatically centering other women's behavior around men.

Let's call the behavior crappy without assuming it's done for male attention.

You're talking in circles.

A pick me woman's behavior is targeted at men. That's the whole point. Like once I was out with a group of men and women and one of the women (who happened to be short and curvy) kept going on and on about how short women are better in bed because of body ratios or something. She was the only woman there with that body type. She was literally talking about having sex. She was a pick me, and she wanted to draw a contrast between her and the other women present that made her look more desirable. I'm not making a big leap here to say her behavior was about men. It was obvious on its face. She was 100% doing it for male attention.

Calling that out is not "giving men power." It's pointing out to women that this behavior is obnoxious and that they should stop. Even if deep down the reason this woman was doing this was because she's insecure. Everyone is insecure about something. It doesn't justify behaving this way.

If you don't want to use the term pick me, that's fine, but I think it's useful because it describes exactly what is going on. I have even been in situations where I've looked at my own behavior and though "wait, am I being a pick me?" and curbed an instinct to behave in a certain way because I recognize it's shitty. It's helpful shorthand and it's about female behavior AS DEFINED BY OTHER WOMEN. It's not about what men think. I think men love pick me behavior because they like it when women battle it out over them, it feeds their egos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

How is she determining that motive? Do these women tell her that that is why they behave the way they do?

What if that person behaves that way because they like to? Do women have to behave the same way she does in order to not be seeking male approval/ attention?

What on earth are you even saying at this point? We’re talking about being fake and putting other women down. And you say this women acts this way because she likes acting that way. Uh, ok. Then I’ll just focus on her behavior and say that’s pretty crummy.

Yeah.

My problem is that the term is based on motive that people assume these women have. Even the word itself "pick me" tells this story. What if the woman is just misinformed? Or wrong without necessarily behaving a certain way because she wants to be " picked " by those men?

In trying to criticize these women, the term swings too far and gives men more power by automatically centering other women's behavior around men.

Let's call the behavior crappy without assuming it's done for male attention.

You're talking in circles.

A pick me woman's behavior is targeted at men. That's the whole point. Like once I was out with a group of men and women and one of the women (who happened to be short and curvy) kept going on and on about how short women are better in bed because of body ratios or something. She was the only woman there with that body type. She was literally talking about having sex. She was a pick me, and she wanted to draw a contrast between her and the other women present that made her look more desirable. I'm not making a big leap here to say her behavior was about men. It was obvious on its face. She was 100% doing it for male attention.

Calling that out is not "giving men power." It's pointing out to women that this behavior is obnoxious and that they should stop. Even if deep down the reason this woman was doing this was because she's insecure. Everyone is insecure about something. It doesn't justify behaving this way.

If you don't want to use the term pick me, that's fine, but I think it's useful because it describes exactly what is going on. I have even been in situations where I've looked at my own behavior and though "wait, am I being a pick me?" and curbed an instinct to behave in a certain way because I recognize it's shitty. It's helpful shorthand and it's about female behavior AS DEFINED BY OTHER WOMEN. It's not about what men think. I think men love pick me behavior because they like it when women battle it out over them, it feeds their egos.

But in your example, they already picked her and made that distinction before she even started talking, no?

I still don't get how she was trying to make a distinction that was already made .

It sounds like you all were in a Joseph and his siblings kind of scenario where one person was getting favored already and you chose to sell that person out and label her a pick me in order to quench your own jealousy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This video explains it quite well. Thanks.