What is a "pick me" woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

Yes PP you should definitely put yourself in time out and “Think about what you have done!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

[Anonymous]

Earlier PP

Some of you clearly crave some kind of female/feminist brownie points for your behavior and beliefs. What makes that any different than craving attention from the opposite sex?

I support people doing what makes them happy, no matter what other people may think, male or female.

[Anonymous]

A "pick me" is a woman who doesn't lead with her stats (education, income, what she owns).

She doesn't reside in her masculine around a man she wants to attract. She is always in her feminine, and secure in her feminine enough to allow a man to be the man.

The "pick me" gets picked every time, too.

That should tell you everything.

[Anonymous]

"I'm not like other girls" personality

What is the "I'm not like other girls" personality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Earlier PP

Some of you clearly crave some kind of female/feminist brownie points for your behavior and beliefs. What makes that any different than craving attention from the opposite sex?

I support people doing what makes them happy, no matter what other people may think, male or female.

It's fake feminism.

They put down other women so they feel good about themselves. It's insecurity in its purest form.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Earlier PP

Some of you clearly crave some kind of female/feminist brownie points for your behavior and beliefs. What makes that any different than craving attention from the opposite sex?

I support people doing what makes them happy, no matter what other people may think, male or female.

Be genuine and don’t put other women down in your quest to garner attention. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A "pick me" is a woman who doesn't lead with her stats (education, income, what she owns).

She doesn't reside in her masculine around a man she wants to attract. She is always in her feminine, and secure in her feminine enough to allow a man to be the man.

The "pick me" gets picked every time, too.

That should tell you everything.

This is satire, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many threads finding ways to degrade women?

+1 All from women, no less. Internalized misogyny.

I think women who frequently toss the misogyny term around demean other women by making excuses for bad behavior, as if no woman can ever be criticized. Talk about degradation...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many threads finding ways to degrade women?

+1 All from women, no less. Internalized misogyny.

I think women who frequently toss the misogyny term around demean other women by making excuses for bad behavior, as if no woman can ever be criticized. Talk about degradation...

????
I’m not even understanding this thread anymore! I always thought there was a difference between criticizing and labeling. You can critique anyone or express your opinion of their behavior. That is natural everyone does it and it can even be expressed to the person. However, when you label the entire individual based on that behavior, you are doing more damage because the labeling creates in groups and out groups and implies group judgement and shame rather than hold an individual responsible for a behavior you don’t like.
I guess I’ve had it wrong but that is how I see it.

[Anonymous]

It's women who excuse incel doctrine and behavior and it's women who claim it's toxic to point it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

How is she determining that motive? Do these women tell her that that is why they behave the way they do?

What if that person behaves that way because they like to? Do women have to behave the same way she does in order to not be seeking male approval/ attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

Hard disagree and what a weird rule. We are allowed to use words to describe things. I also use words to label men sometimes. Sometimes I use labels that are good. I don't get what makes you think you just get to decree "no labels."

If you see yourself in the description of a "pick me" woman, then sit with that and ask yourself if you need to adjust some of your behavior. If you get a label that stings, ask yourself why and if it's a fair description of your behavior. If it's not, you can disregard it. If it's striking close to home for a reason, well then the label has done it's job, hasn't it?

This is not labeling someone based on a description. It's labeling based on a motive that you have ascribed to the behavior because you need to ascribe that motive to justify that person's actions being different from yours.

You need to sit in a corner and figure out why you need to that.

She is giving a motive for why one would engage in the toxic behavior. Are you engaging in that behavior or not? This isn’t as complicated as some of you are making it out to be.

How is she determining that motive? Do these women tell her that that is why they behave the way they do?

What if that person behaves that way because they like to? Do women have to behave the same way she does in order to not be seeking male approval/ attention?

What on earth are you even saying at this point? We’re talking about being fake and putting other women down. And you say this women acts this way because she likes acting that way. Uh, ok. Then I’ll just focus on her behavior and say that’s pretty crummy.