One leftover embryo and feeling sad about saying goodbye to it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, these are very normal feelings, they also aren’t decisions that need to be made today. Eventually I saw our embryos the same way I saw our positive pregnancy tests that ended in miscarriages. Each was the potential for something for a window of time, but it ultimately wasn’t meant to be. You can recognize and appreciate that potential for what it COULD mean for your life, while still recognizing that not all possibilities can or should happen. We spend so much time and emotional energy creating these embryos. It makes sense that our heart is bound to consider them in a certain way. And nothing wrong with making some decisions with your heart vs/ head, as long as it’s a reasonable choice under the circumstances. Give it time and see how you feel in a year or more.

OP here, thank you for this lovely and thoughtful reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where science fiction meets emotion? You have an artificially created embryo that you are emotionally attached to. Without any cognitive dissonance? Do you also feel bad for the headache when you take a tylenol?

Aaand the science denier strikes again! Read a biology book sweetheart. You can start at grade 1.

I didn't read the pp as a science denier at all. No science book is going to argue that a 3-5 day old embryo has any cognition or emotional awareness or pain receptors. The headache analogy is a decent analogy. In the embryo's case, it's a reaction to the future possibilities, not the present cluster of cells.

OP, if you're happy with your family of 4 and life feels complete and balanced, don't think twice. Don't go for a third child just because the embryo is there. It's only a shade closer to "real" than a couple contemplating birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is tough and I feel you. But logically, there's a decent chance you would not be able to carry this one to term. I had a few miscarriages and "destroying" the embryo is basically the same thing. It has no form yet. It's just a capsule with your genetic material. I also wouldn't donate if I were you.

This is so ridiculous. I guess you don't see the distinction between things happening naturally (like accidents happen) and you doing something to bring about a certain thing happening. People die all the time, so why not just kill him. Things get misplaced all the time so why not just steal it. Stellar logic.

Can you freeze a human for 50 years?

Yes, apparently you can.

No, you can’t. You can freeze any embryo.

[Anonymous]

Just renewed for another year even though I’m 42 and only want one child that we have. It’s irrational but I think if something happened to him tomorrow would I want the chance to have another? Yes. As messed up as that sounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just renewed for another year even though I’m 42 and only want one child that we have. It’s irrational but I think if something happened to him tomorrow would I want the chance to have another? Yes. As messed up as that sounds.

OP here, I think you are very much not alone in that feeling, even if it feels messed up. I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is tough and I feel you. But logically, there's a decent chance you would not be able to carry this one to term. I had a few miscarriages and "destroying" the embryo is basically the same thing. It has no form yet. It's just a capsule with your genetic material. I also wouldn't donate if I were you.

This is so ridiculous. I guess you don't see the distinction between things happening naturally (like accidents happen) and you doing something to bring about a certain thing happening. People die all the time, so why not just kill him. Things get misplaced all the time so why not just steal it. Stellar logic.

Can you freeze a human for 50 years?

Yes, apparently you can.

No, you can’t. You can freeze any embryo.

And what is an embryo? Pray tell, what is it? A cat? A dog? an insect? Scientifically speaking (as opposed to politically), no one has ever argued an embryo is anything but a human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is tough and I feel you. But logically, there's a decent chance you would not be able to carry this one to term. I had a few miscarriages and "destroying" the embryo is basically the same thing. It has no form yet. It's just a capsule with your genetic material. I also wouldn't donate if I were you.

This is so ridiculous. I guess you don't see the distinction between things happening naturally (like accidents happen) and you doing something to bring about a certain thing happening. People die all the time, so why not just kill him. Things get misplaced all the time so why not just steal it. Stellar logic.

Can you freeze a human for 50 years?

Yes, apparently you can.

No, you can’t. You can freeze any embryo.

And what is an embryo? Pray tell, what is it? A cat? A dog? an insect? Scientifically speaking (as opposed to politically), no one has ever argued an embryo is anything but a human.

I’m going to regret engaging the forced birth troll, but is an acorn a tree? No it’s not. An acorn is an acorn and a tree is a tree, both from the oak plant, but not both trees.

[Anonymous]

We are in the same boat. Three kids growing up, and three frozen, tested embryos. Two girls and a boy. I am 50 and we are 100% done having children. But it's SO hard to pull the plug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in the same boat. Three kids growing up, and three frozen, tested embryos. Two girls and a boy. I am 50 and we are 100% done having children. But it's SO hard to pull the plug.

I’m sorry, you’re 50. 5. 0. With love, it’s time to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just renewed for another year even though I’m 42 and only want one child that we have. It’s irrational but I think if something happened to him tomorrow would I want the chance to have another? Yes. As messed up as that sounds.

OP here, I think you are very much not alone in that feeling, even if it feels messed up. I get it.

It’s not messed up. It’s smart. Keep it.

And honestly I’d keep it for years. What if your wife has fertility issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in the same boat. Three kids growing up, and three frozen, tested embryos. Two girls and a boy. I am 50 and we are 100% done having children. But it's SO hard to pull the plug.

I’m sorry, you’re 50. 5. 0. With love, it’s time to let it go.

I know! I know it's time to let go like I know it's time to get off my bum and exercise. All I'm saying it's HARD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is tough and I feel you. But logically, there's a decent chance you would not be able to carry this one to term. I had a few miscarriages and "destroying" the embryo is basically the same thing. It has no form yet. It's just a capsule with your genetic material. I also wouldn't donate if I were you.

You do realize that your statements are totally contradictory, right? If it's "just a capsule with genetic material" and it's OK to "destroy" because it may end in miscarriage, why the reluctance to donate?

NP. Um no, it's my genetic material. **MINE** I have no interest in giving my genetic material--whether the "capsule" is an egg, an embryo, or a newborn baby--to strangers. Get your grubby hands off my genes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is tough and I feel you. But logically, there's a decent chance you would not be able to carry this one to term. I had a few miscarriages and "destroying" the embryo is basically the same thing. It has no form yet. It's just a capsule with your genetic material. I also wouldn't donate if I were you.

This is so ridiculous. I guess you don't see the distinction between things happening naturally (like accidents happen) and you doing something to bring about a certain thing happening. People die all the time, so why not just kill him. Things get misplaced all the time so why not just steal it. Stellar logic.

Can you freeze a human for 50 years?

Yes, apparently you can.

No, you can’t. You can freeze any embryo.

And what is an embryo? Pray tell, what is it? A cat? A dog? an insect? Scientifically speaking (as opposed to politically), no one has ever argued an embryo is anything but a human.

I’m going to regret engaging the forced birth troll, but is an acorn a tree? No it’s not. An acorn is an acorn and a tree is a tree, both from the oak plant, but not both trees.

To follow your tree analogy, we cut down old, diseased trees without a second thought, and often discard saplings. Should we do the same for old people and young children, or just those in our way (i might cut a tree down to build a house)? If you answered no (I hope), you will see the uselessness of your acorn analogy. All you have shown is that an embryo is not a grown human, much like an acorn is not a grown tree. Each is something at its earliest stage of development, but the difference is that one is human and we value human life differently and (ideally) through all stages of its development and being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is tough and I feel you. But logically, there's a decent chance you would not be able to carry this one to term. I had a few miscarriages and "destroying" the embryo is basically the same thing. It has no form yet. It's just a capsule with your genetic material. I also wouldn't donate if I were you.

You do realize that your statements are totally contradictory, right? If it's "just a capsule with genetic material" and it's OK to "destroy" because it may end in miscarriage, why the reluctance to donate?

NP. Um no, it's my genetic material. **MINE** I have no interest in giving my genetic material--whether the "capsule" is an egg, an embryo, or a newborn baby--to strangers. Get your grubby hands off my genes.

Why do you think you own your genes? By your logic, your parents own you.

The only logical stance is that once you create a whole new human with his/her unique genetic code, you don't own that human anymore. "Your" genes have uniquely combined with another's to create a whole new vector of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is tough and I feel you. But logically, there's a decent chance you would not be able to carry this one to term. I had a few miscarriages and "destroying" the embryo is basically the same thing. It has no form yet. It's just a capsule with your genetic material. I also wouldn't donate if I were you.

You do realize that your statements are totally contradictory, right? If it's "just a capsule with genetic material" and it's OK to "destroy" because it may end in miscarriage, why the reluctance to donate?

NP. Um no, it's my genetic material. **MINE** I have no interest in giving my genetic material--whether the "capsule" is an egg, an embryo, or a newborn baby--to strangers. Get your grubby hands off my genes.

Why do you think you own your genes? By your logic, your parents own you.

The only logical stance is that once you create a whole new human with his/her unique genetic code, you don't own that human anymore. "Your" genes have uniquely combined with another's to create a whole new vector of life.

The rights of an embryo do not outweigh the rights of the sentient human without whom it cannot grow.

If you think embryos aren't owned by people, why are we even having this conversation? Obviously, the fertility clinic should be able to do whatever they want with the embryos.