No grandchildren

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life may surprise you yet. My SIL and my husband’s best friend both married into being bonus parents of tweens and teens when they were in their mid-40s. They took the role gladly and my husband’s parents have embraced and included their step-grandchildren so smoothly and gracefully it’s hard to remember a time when they weren’t part of the family.

My husband’s parents went from having no grandchildren when their kids were 37, 33, and 29 - me going through IVF and 2 daughters who had no interest in being married. 7 years later they have 6 grandkids age 1-17, 2 married kids and an engaged 36yr old.

[Anonymous]

Also, for anyone who is on the fence- or if you’re wondering why people may not want kids- check out the regretful parents sub on Reddit. I can see myself writing some of those posts so easily. I value my time, quiet, and peace. I know there is great fulfillment to come with having kids, but it’s not worth what I would give up (and financial and health limitations)

[Anonymous]

My mom has one grandchild, from me. Growing up, she did not foster and encourage a family, in fact, the opposite, calling kids brats, our home life was chaos. I do the opposite with my child, I am fostering and encouraging family life and the importance of one day having own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

that's 3 kids, not 4. what about the 4th?

If you can afford to pay for freezing eggs, do it. My friend did this for her 22-year old daughter. That may sound crazy, but we were raised LDS and she raised her daughter LDS, and one big complaint among our generation of women raised LDS is that many rushed to get married and have babies out of fear, so she gave her daughters the gift of time so she could enjoy her twenties and thirties and date and find the right person without the pressure of ticking biological clock. I am inspired to do the same for my daughters!

I thought it was the whole "purity culture" thing. 20 year olds want to have sex. When they've been shamed to think they are ruined if they do that outside of marriage, well, they get married.

It is that, too. I am not raising my daughters in the church, so they won't have that hang up. Separate from the purity culture issue you raised, which is the biggest issue, many of us felt like our most important role as women was to marry and become mothers, and we felt like needed to pick a partner young and start a family young out of fear that if we waited too long, we'd miss out. I don't want my daughters to feel rushed like I did, so if I can spend a little money to freeze their eggs, I think I will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you, OP?

56. We don't live in DC, we live in the midwest.
we could help our daughter freeze her eggs, I suppose. She didn't want any help for her house and likely wouldn't take help for this either.

You'll never know unless you ask her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom has one grandchild, from me. Growing up, she did not foster and encourage a family, in fact, the opposite, calling kids brats, our home life was chaos. I do the opposite with my child, I am fostering and encouraging family life and the importance of one day having own family.

OP here - I fairly sure my husband and I encouraged this too. We are all still very close, spend every holiday together. I talk with my daughter's daily and sons weekly.
They had a normal childhood, they have told me.

[Anonymous]

My parents may not have grandchildren. I am 41 and did not want children. My brother is 37 and does not have a partner, although he might have children eventually.

I assume that my parents would love to have grandchildren but I am very thankful that they have never, not once, said anything negative to me about not giving them grandchildren.

I have other relatives without grandchildren who spend a lot of time with their grand nieces and nephews, similar to some other posters on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life may surprise you yet. My SIL and my husband’s best friend both married into being bonus parents of tweens and teens when they were in their mid-40s. They took the role gladly and my husband’s parents have embraced and included their step-grandchildren so smoothly and gracefully it’s hard to remember a time when they weren’t part of the family.

My husband’s parents went from having no grandchildren when their kids were 37, 33, and 29 - me going through IVF and 2 daughters who had no interest in being married. 7 years later they have 6 grandkids age 1-17, 2 married kids and an engaged 36yr old.

I've seen situations like this happen all the time. Your kids are still young enough to have families, OP. My cousin got married when he was 38, his wife was 32. She had a son from a previous relationship, they ended up getting pregnant on the honeymoon and then another baby a few more years later. My aunt and uncle have always treated the stepson like their grandchild and are very close to all three of the kids. Years later, their other daughter married later in life to a man with a teenager and now, ten years later, he is having his first child. So they will be great-grandparents too!

[Anonymous]

I'm 62, daughter is 41 and son is soon to be 37. Neither has children and neither are interested in having children. My daughter is in a long term relationship, no sign of a partner for my son. I come from a family of 7, lots of nieces and nephews with kids but they all live far away. I never bug my children about it, it's totally their choice but it does make me sad. I had my daughter when I was 20 and always thought I would be a young grandma. I get wistful when I hear my siblings talk about their grandchildren but still love hearing about it. What surprised me is watching shows like Finding your Roots, I get sad that my family tree is ending. But what's much worse is not having any children in my life, I haven't held a baby in ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A shoutout to grandparents who enjoy showing off their grandkids. Read the room. There are people out there who are sad about not having grandkids.

Oh, stop. The same logic applies to virtually everything.

[Anonymous]

I thought this would be the case for my friend’s family (he’s the middle of three, and they range in age from 35-42). But last year, their eldest had a kid, so they are now grandparents! I think it’s quite common for people to wait to have kids these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 62, daughter is 41 and son is soon to be 37. Neither has children and neither are interested in having children. My daughter is in a long term relationship, no sign of a partner for my son. I come from a family of 7, lots of nieces and nephews with kids but they all live far away. I never bug my children about it, it's totally their choice but it does make me sad. I had my daughter when I was 20 and always thought I would be a young grandma. I get wistful when I hear my siblings talk about their grandchildren but still love hearing about it. What surprised me is watching shows like Finding your Roots, I get sad that my family tree is ending. But what's much worse is not having any children in my life, I haven't held a baby in ages.

OP here - I'm sorry. I have that haven't held a baby thing too. And, I'd be really good at the gramma thing. My friends are starting to be grandparents and I love to hear about it and see pics too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 62, daughter is 41 and son is soon to be 37. Neither has children and neither are interested in having children. My daughter is in a long term relationship, no sign of a partner for my son. I come from a family of 7, lots of nieces and nephews with kids but they all live far away. I never bug my children about it, it's totally their choice but it does make me sad. I had my daughter when I was 20 and always thought I would be a young grandma. I get wistful when I hear my siblings talk about their grandchildren but still love hearing about it. What surprised me is watching shows like Finding your Roots, I get sad that my family tree is ending. But what's much worse is not having any children in my life, I haven't held a baby in ages.

You can volunteer to help babies in the NICU

[Anonymous]

You can always sign up to be "adoptable" grandparents for kids who don't have grandparents.

[Anonymous]

My kids (still teens) say they don't want kids. Obviously a lot could change but I don't feel sad about it. We give up a lot to be parents and I can't fault anyone who makes a different choice. My sister and several close friends opted not to have kids and have rich lives.

For those who miss holding babies, remember that this is a relatively short (a year or less) period! How about offering to help out new moms by holding their babies for an hour or two so they can take a shower, go the gym, meet a friend, etc? You could do this through a church or synagogue or a neighborhood group like NextDoor. I did that during the shutdown for a friend who had kids later in life. I would go over and hold the babies for a bit to allow her to do whatever she needed to get done - shower, laundry, a quick walk outside, whatever. I loved it and she was very appreciative!