Perpetually lonely and miserable -- will I ever be happy?

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re incredibly ungrateful and lack any perspective. You have an Ivy League degree, a job at one of the best firms for a recent college grad, and you’ll be debt-free within a year.

I recommend you volunteer to serve a needy population. Hopefully that’ll teach you to count some blessings and also help you make friends.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP! Sorry to hear what you're going through. A lot of what you wrote resonates with me - I'm also East Asian, came to the US when I was a kid, moved around and didn't keep childhood friends, went to an Ivy. I ended up making a lot of friends in grad school (way more close ones than I had in college for whatever reason). Maybe business school would be a good next step for you? You might find a pool of people to date too, which can help with the loneliness.

Just remember, friends (or partners) aren't just going to show up at your door step. All it takes sometimes is for you to make a little effort at striking up a conversation and showing interest in people. Join some groups/activities too. I'm not that outgoing, but I find that being a good listener and asking questions has helped develop close relationships with people even if they're way more talkative or sociable than me.

You'll get through it! I actually felt quite lonely at times in college despite there being a lot of people my age around me. But things got better for me and I haven't felt that "low" since then. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re incredibly ungrateful and lack any perspective. You have an Ivy League degree, a job at one of the best firms for a recent college grad, and you’ll be debt-free within a year.

I recommend you volunteer to serve a needy population. Hopefully that’ll teach you to count some blessings and also help you make friends.

These types of posts are quite mean and make me scratch my head! Just because someone is "successful" or isn't poor doesn't mean they're happy. Have some empathy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like the op from the post a few days back who was pretending to be the Korean father but was actually the daughter. (Clearly I spend too much time on DCUM). OP if this is you just stop feeling guilty and tell your parents you’re not going to be their retirement plan. Quit the job you hate and find something that is more in tune with your interests.

OMG is this the same person? Oh gosh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re incredibly ungrateful and lack any perspective. You have an Ivy League degree, a job at one of the best firms for a recent college grad, and you’ll be debt-free within a year.

I recommend you volunteer to serve a needy population. Hopefully that’ll teach you to count some blessings and also help you make friends.

These types of posts are quite mean and make me scratch my head! Just because someone is "successful" or isn't poor doesn't mean they're happy. Have some empathy!

Agree. OP is posting asking how to feel less lonely… she’s asking for advice. Telling someone they are ungrateful when they express an issue like this is like telling a new mom with an infant to “just be grateful she has a baby” when she explains that she is struggling with baby care/recovery/breast feeding or whatnot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The good news is that you are young, and still have plenty of time to make long lasting friends. I didn’t have any lasting friends from college or childhood, but made several friends in my 20s and 30s that I’ve now been friends with for 10-15 years (I’m now in my 40s).

One key is finding “your people” and living in a neighborhood and city where folks you feel connected to are abundant. If you tell us a bit about your interests maybe we could help you find such a spot in the DC area. Then I’d say live in a setting that has built in social interactions, such as a group house, shared apartment, or even a building where you have your own place but there are other young people like you. And then as everyone else has said, seek out meet ups and what not based on your interests.

Your job sounds like it’s not doing you any favors. I would try to find a job that’s more 9-5 though you might have to take a pay cut.

Sure. I have to live somewhere relatively close to downtown — I take the Metro to my office and since I come home around ~11 PM every night, it can’t be too far away from where I work (my company pays for my Ubers back home after 8 PM).

OP here. Thanks for offering. My interests are in the arts (visual and performing), activism, nature, screenwriting/film, really anything creative/granola/crunchy. I think DC tends to lean more formal — maybe I should request an office transfer to LA? Not sure, hahaha.

Yes, I realize that doesn’t exactly scream “management consultant” — probably why I’m having a hard time fitting into my workplace. Definitely NOT a fan of the work hard/play hard/fratty vibe, I prefer a much more laid-back/low-key area (I’m sure there are neighborhoods like this in DC, not sure where).

I would love to leave my job. Definitely not happening anytime soon though.

Hey OP, I’m the person you replied to here. I have similar artsy interests and when I was in my 20s and 30s (in the 2000s and 2010s) people “like me” tended to congregate in Mt Pleasant, Columbia Heights, Petworth, and I had a very tight network in these neighborhoods. Now in my 40s, I’m not sure where the young artsy people hang out. Maybe along the red line along the MBT (like Eckington, Edgewood, Brookland)? Maybe still along the green line, like in Park View or Petworth? Your people are here, you just have to find them. I’d suggest signing up for event newsletters like 730DC to find some artsy events to attend and see where people live. If you’re into experimental and DIY music I’d suggest Rhizome DC and Hamlin St diner — but again, I’m on the older side for this stuff so tap your networks for the underground artsy events among young people.

Id missed earlier the note about your job. Understood — you have to do what you have to do. Though another way we could help you on here is if you post your minimum salary requirements we might be able to brainstorm about more 9-5 jobs that might be suitable once you’re ready to take a leap.