feeling guilty that husband left church because of me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I had no idea they were so strict on certain things! DH said he was ok marrying outside of the church, and I went obliviously along with it. I'm definitely not considering joining or attending mass, but I don't want to stand in his way, and I'm afraid I am, just by virtue of not wanting to be involved myself.

My wife was raised Catholic and she insisted on marrying outside the church because we would have had to pledge to raise our kids Catholic. We are now the parents of two happily non-Catholic kids. I don't know if you have kids or plan to someday, but it might have been a factor for him.

We have kids, baptized outside the Catholic church. He says they're the reason he left for good, but there's that nagging doubt that it's me (we had fights about me attending mass when we were first married). I mean, clergy of all denominations have abused children, so it seems like a tenuous reason for cutting ties completely with one specific church. Right?

Why don't you just take him at his word?

Because we had arguments about it when we first married. I had no idea what I'd gotten into.

You didn’t get in to anything. Yours acting paranoid. Stop.

I’m Catholic and got married outside on the beach with a Lutheran pastor. Maybe someday I’ll get my marriage blessed by a catholic priest, my secular Muslim/Protestant spouse who practices nothing wouldn’t mind.

We do send our kids to Sunday school so they know something about the history or religion and people.

There’s lots of reasons people leave their particular faith for another similar or drastically different - community, schools, marriage, current event, don’t care, whatever.

Stop sweating it. Who or what got to you OP?

Ok, you got me. Over Christmas MIL confessed to DH that the real reason she and FIL didn't attend the kids' baptisms was because they were not in the Catholic Church and not because she was having knee surgery as she'd claimed (and yes, I know the Catholic Church considers them valid lay baptisms). She asked him what she did so wrong that he left the church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Guilt and anxiety.

But over WHAT exactly? This post makes no sense.

I guess it's like I said - I'm pretty devout, and being told I'm standing in the way of my spouse's salvation by leading him away is a tough pill to swallow. That's the honest truth.

[Anonymous]

This is just pathetic.

People like my DH leave the Catholic Church because they can't stomach the arrogance and hypocrisy. No, they are not the one true church and you don't need a priest to have a blessed relationship with God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just pathetic.

People like my DH leave the Catholic Church because they can't stomach the arrogance and hypocrisy. No, they are not the one true church and you don't need a priest to have a blessed relationship with God.

FYI: Hypocrisy is part of the human condition. Good luck finding your hypocrisy-free zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just pathetic.

People like my DH leave the Catholic Church because they can't stomach the arrogance and hypocrisy. No, they are not the one true church and you don't need a priest to have a blessed relationship with God.

That’s one opinion…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just pathetic.

People like my DH leave the Catholic Church because they can't stomach the arrogance and hypocrisy. No, they are not the one true church and you don't need a priest to have a blessed relationship with God.

That’s one opinion…

For those who asked why I feel guilty/anxious, here you go.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see how you are being fair to yourself. I am a Protestant married to a Jew. In nearly 20 years of marriage, the fact that my husband is not attending with me has never been an issue. I attend church at least twice a month. This is his decision, not yours, and you shouldn’t bear that burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Episcopalians don’t have mass. Only Catholics and the Orthodox have the mass. It is something to be worried about since, for the husband and only the husband, this is a matter of grave mortal sin for him.

Stop telling others what they believe. Anglicans of all flavors most certainly have mass.

What on earth. I’m Episcopalian - we have mass every week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I had no idea they were so strict on certain things! DH said he was ok marrying outside of the church, and I went obliviously along with it. I'm definitely not considering joining or attending mass, but I don't want to stand in his way, and I'm afraid I am, just by virtue of not wanting to be involved myself.

My wife was raised Catholic and she insisted on marrying outside the church because we would have had to pledge to raise our kids Catholic. We are now the parents of two happily non-Catholic kids. I don't know if you have kids or plan to someday, but it might have been a factor for him.

We have kids, baptized outside the Catholic church. He says they're the reason he left for good, but there's that nagging doubt that it's me (we had fights about me attending mass when we were first married). I mean, clergy of all denominations have abused children, so it seems like a tenuous reason for cutting ties completely with one specific church. Right?

Why don't you just take him at his word?

Because we had arguments about it when we first married. I had no idea what I'd gotten into.

You didn’t get in to anything. Yours acting paranoid. Stop.

I’m Catholic and got married outside on the beach with a Lutheran pastor. Maybe someday I’ll get my marriage blessed by a catholic priest, my secular Muslim/Protestant spouse who practices nothing wouldn’t mind.

We do send our kids to Sunday school so they know something about the history or religion and people.

There’s lots of reasons people leave their particular faith for another similar or drastically different - community, schools, marriage, current event, don’t care, whatever.

Stop sweating it. Who or what got to you OP?

Ok, you got me. Over Christmas MIL confessed to DH that the real reason she and FIL didn't attend the kids' baptisms was because they were not in the Catholic Church and not because she was having knee surgery as she'd claimed (and yes, I know the Catholic Church considers them valid lay baptisms). She asked him what she did so wrong that he left the church.

What is with you two women taking responsibility for the choices of this grown adult man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Episcopalians don’t have mass. Only Catholics and the Orthodox have the mass. It is something to be worried about since, for the husband and only the husband, this is a matter of grave mortal sin for him.

Stop telling others what they believe. Anglicans of all flavors most certainly have mass.

What on earth. I’m Episcopalian - we have mass every week.

The Catholic PP was referring to "Anglican orders null and void." No clergy = no mass. They're wrong, of course. Just arrogant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I had no idea they were so strict on certain things! DH said he was ok marrying outside of the church, and I went obliviously along with it. I'm definitely not considering joining or attending mass, but I don't want to stand in his way, and I'm afraid I am, just by virtue of not wanting to be involved myself.

My wife was raised Catholic and she insisted on marrying outside the church because we would have had to pledge to raise our kids Catholic. We are now the parents of two happily non-Catholic kids. I don't know if you have kids or plan to someday, but it might have been a factor for him.

We have kids, baptized outside the Catholic church. He says they're the reason he left for good, but there's that nagging doubt that it's me (we had fights about me attending mass when we were first married). I mean, clergy of all denominations have abused children, so it seems like a tenuous reason for cutting ties completely with one specific church. Right?

Why don't you just take him at his word?

Because we had arguments about it when we first married. I had no idea what I'd gotten into.

You didn’t get in to anything. Yours acting paranoid. Stop.

I’m Catholic and got married outside on the beach with a Lutheran pastor. Maybe someday I’ll get my marriage blessed by a catholic priest, my secular Muslim/Protestant spouse who practices nothing wouldn’t mind.

We do send our kids to Sunday school so they know something about the history or religion and people.

There’s lots of reasons people leave their particular faith for another similar or drastically different - community, schools, marriage, current event, don’t care, whatever.

Stop sweating it. Who or what got to you OP?

Ok, you got me. Over Christmas MIL confessed to DH that the real reason she and FIL didn't attend the kids' baptisms was because they were not in the Catholic Church and not because she was having knee surgery as she'd claimed (and yes, I know the Catholic Church considers them valid lay baptisms). She asked him what she did so wrong that he left the church.

Hope he told her it had Maybe nothing to do with her.

Lots of parents feel they failed at teaching or strengthening a sense of religion or spirituality in their kids.

It can be one positive pillar to build and strengthen a sense of community, something sorely lacking in half this country.

[Anonymous]

All my friends who weren’t Jewish and dated Jewish men in their teens or 20s got totally dropped by their man’s family intervention, guilt trip, and religious rules. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how you are being fair to yourself. I am a Protestant married to a Jew. In nearly 20 years of marriage, the fact that my husband is not attending with me has never been an issue. I attend church at least twice a month. This is his decision, not yours, and you shouldn’t bear that burden.

I agree.

I’m a Catholic married to an atheist. He is comfortable with me taking the kids to Mass, but he has no desire to go himself. He is very active in parish activities, even serving on the parish school’s board at one point, but prefers not to join in anything faith-based.

We’ve come to a nice balance, but it did take some discussion about expectations and comfort levels. Our beliefs are our own and we respect each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I had no idea they were so strict on certain things! DH said he was ok marrying outside of the church, and I went obliviously along with it. I'm definitely not considering joining or attending mass, but I don't want to stand in his way, and I'm afraid I am, just by virtue of not wanting to be involved myself.

My wife was raised Catholic and she insisted on marrying outside the church because we would have had to pledge to raise our kids Catholic. We are now the parents of two happily non-Catholic kids. I don't know if you have kids or plan to someday, but it might have been a factor for him.

We have kids, baptized outside the Catholic church. He says they're the reason he left for good, but there's that nagging doubt that it's me (we had fights about me attending mass when we were first married). I mean, clergy of all denominations have abused children, so it seems like a tenuous reason for cutting ties completely with one specific church. Right?

Why don't you just take him at his word?

Because we had arguments about it when we first married. I had no idea what I'd gotten into.

You didn’t get in to anything. Yours acting paranoid. Stop.

I’m Catholic and got married outside on the beach with a Lutheran pastor. Maybe someday I’ll get my marriage blessed by a catholic priest, my secular Muslim/Protestant spouse who practices nothing wouldn’t mind.

We do send our kids to Sunday school so they know something about the history or religion and people.

There’s lots of reasons people leave their particular faith for another similar or drastically different - community, schools, marriage, current event, don’t care, whatever.

Stop sweating it. Who or what got to you OP?

Ok, you got me. Over Christmas MIL confessed to DH that the real reason she and FIL didn't attend the kids' baptisms was because they were not in the Catholic Church and not because she was having knee surgery as she'd claimed (and yes, I know the Catholic Church considers them valid lay baptisms). She asked him what she did so wrong that he left the church.

This is a conversation lots of families have. Hopefully everyone handled it maturely. Don’t worry Op. explore what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Episcopalians don’t have mass. Only Catholics and the Orthodox have the mass. It is something to be worried about since, for the husband and only the husband, this is a matter of grave mortal sin for him.

Stop telling others what they believe. Anglicans of all flavors most certainly have mass.

They may have “mass” (as in numbers or bodily weight, but they categorically do not have “Mass,” as in the Eucharistic sacrifice because their ministers lack both the capacity and the requisite intention to confect the Eucharist.