feeling guilty that husband left church because of me

[Anonymous]

Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

[Anonymous]

Did you ask him not to go to Mass? Did you make clear that you had no issue with him attending if he wanted? Would you be willing to go with him sometimes? I have no idea why you'd feel guilty unless you have put obstacles in the way of his attending.

[Anonymous]

Consider that you've actually saved him and his future children from being in a religion that has ruined the lives of many children and many women.

You were just the push / excuse he needed to get out.

[Anonymous]

You could talk to him about it, and let him know that if he'd like to resume attending mass you'd be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could talk to him about it, and let him know that if he'd like to resume attending mass you'd be supportive.

+1. If he wants to go to mass it might be helpful to hear it explicitly from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him not to go to Mass? Did you make clear that you had no issue with him attending if he wanted? Would you be willing to go with him sometimes? I have no idea why you'd feel guilty unless you have put obstacles in the way of his attending.

I am not willing to go, but I have zero issues with him going. I guess I'm afraid that's the obstacle I'm putting in front of him.

[Anonymous]

OP, you clearly had strong feelings about the Catholic church when you married, and your DH agreed enough to follow them. If your views have shifted, then it would seem that you would consider joining the Catholic church, and then you both go to Mass.
I'm not advocating that. I'm just saying it sounds like there were clear reasons for the decisions that were made in the past, and you can decide if you want to make different decisions now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider that you've actually saved him and his future children from being in a religion that has ruined the lives of many children and many women.

You were just the push / excuse he needed to get out.

We're still Christian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider that you've actually saved him and his future children from being in a religion that has ruined the lives of many children and many women.

You were just the push / excuse he needed to get out.

Great post.

+10000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider that you've actually saved him and his future children from being in a religion that has ruined the lives of many children and many women.

You were just the push / excuse he needed to get out.

This!!

And OP you said it yourself, he can make his own decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him not to go to Mass? Did you make clear that you had no issue with him attending if he wanted? Would you be willing to go with him sometimes? I have no idea why you'd feel guilty unless you have put obstacles in the way of his attending.

I am not willing to go, but I have zero issues with him going. I guess I'm afraid that's the obstacle I'm putting in front of him.

Omg OP grow up. Your husband is an adult. If it was important to him he would go.

This has got to be a troll. He's a adult.........

Your are absurd again grow up.

[Anonymous]

You and your husband have a shared faith practice now that works for you. That’s the most important thing. The way you get over it is by accepting that attending the other church is what works for your family. You need to let go of your guilt. You need to change how you frame it and how you talk about it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you clearly had strong feelings about the Catholic church when you married, and your DH agreed enough to follow them. If your views have shifted, then it would seem that you would consider joining the Catholic church, and then you both go to Mass.
I'm not advocating that. I'm just saying it sounds like there were clear reasons for the decisions that were made in the past, and you can decide if you want to make different decisions now.

Actually, I had no idea they were so strict on certain things! DH said he was ok marrying outside of the church, and I went obliviously along with it. I'm definitely not considering joining or attending mass, but I don't want to stand in his way, and I'm afraid I am, just by virtue of not wanting to be involved myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider that you've actually saved him and his future children from being in a religion that has ruined the lives of many children and many women.

You were just the push / excuse he needed to get out.

We're still Christian.

They meant Catholicism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him not to go to Mass? Did you make clear that you had no issue with him attending if he wanted? Would you be willing to go with him sometimes? I have no idea why you'd feel guilty unless you have put obstacles in the way of his attending.

I am not willing to go, but I have zero issues with him going. I guess I'm afraid that's the obstacle I'm putting in front of him.

Omg OP grow up. Your husband is an adult. If it was important to him he would go.

This has got to be a troll. He's a adult.........

Your are absurd again grow up.

No husband is going to do something his wife is vehemently against. Come on.