feeling guilty that husband left church because of me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I had no idea they were so strict on certain things! DH said he was ok marrying outside of the church, and I went obliviously along with it. I'm definitely not considering joining or attending mass, but I don't want to stand in his way, and I'm afraid I am, just by virtue of not wanting to be involved myself.

My wife was raised Catholic and she insisted on marrying outside the church because we would have had to pledge to raise our kids Catholic. We are now the parents of two happily non-Catholic kids. I don't know if you have kids or plan to someday, but it might have been a factor for him.

We have kids, baptized outside the Catholic church. He says they're the reason he left for good, but there's that nagging doubt that it's me (we had fights about me attending mass when we were first married). I mean, clergy of all denominations have abused children, so it seems like a tenuous reason for cutting ties completely with one specific church. Right?

Why don't you just take him at his word?

Because we had arguments about it when we first married. I had no idea what I'd gotten into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I learned a lot of what I know about Catholicism from Monty Python.

MR. HARRY BLACKITT: Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.

MRS. BLACKITT: What are we dear?

MR. BLACKITT: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it

MRS. BLACKITT: Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children?
MR. BLACKITT: Because... every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby
...
MR. BLACKITT: No, no. I mean, because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church, which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the Papacy in the mid- sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.
...
MR. BLACKITT: ...and, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I could insure... that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated.
...
MR. BLACKITT: That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in fifteen- seventeen, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas,...
...
MR. BLACKITT: But they-- Well, they cannot, 'cause their church never made the great leap out of the Middle Ages and the domination of alien episcopal supremacy.

Well at least you admit you dont know what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Does he politicize every organization or just the church?

He can make his mind up himself, nothing to do with that or with you. If he wants to follow mass media, so be it, a band of loud bigots, so be it, his friend to impress, so be it. Maybe he’s just narrow minded or black/white thinker with less empathy than you think. No, I don’t mean empathizing with pedophiles, I mean seeing the big picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Does he politicize every organization or just the church?

He can make his mind up himself, nothing to do with that or with you. If he wants to follow mass media, so be it, a band of loud bigots, so be it, his friend to impress, so be it. Maybe he’s just narrow minded or black/white thinker with less empathy than you think. No, I don’t mean empathizing with pedophiles, I mean seeing the big picture.

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider that you've actually saved him and his future children from being in a religion that has ruined the lives of many children and many women.

You were just the push / excuse he needed to get out.

We're still Christian.

Well, that’s pretty broad. Christian covers everything from Eastern Orthodox to snake handling Pentecostals. Which brand are you? I could never attend one of those feel good mega churches with a rock band and light show. The Righteous Gemstones is like a documentary of that sort out of church.

Interesting perspective (and probably more common). For me, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all seem similar in the grand scheme of things. But I know that there was a time when, for example, Presbyterians and Methodists fought like cats and dogs.

Christianity and Judaism maybe, they have held women in high esteem as rabbis, saints or nuns. And certaintly motherhood and similar sacraments or mitzvahs (mostly) for all sexes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Guilt and anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Episcopalians don’t have mass. Only Catholics and the Orthodox have the mass. It is something to be worried about since, for the husband and only the husband, this is a matter of grave mortal sin for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Episcopalians don’t have mass. Only Catholics and the Orthodox have the mass. It is something to be worried about since, for the husband and only the husband, this is a matter of grave mortal sin for him.

Stop telling others what they believe. Anglicans of all flavors most certainly have mass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I had no idea they were so strict on certain things! DH said he was ok marrying outside of the church, and I went obliviously along with it. I'm definitely not considering joining or attending mass, but I don't want to stand in his way, and I'm afraid I am, just by virtue of not wanting to be involved myself.

My wife was raised Catholic and she insisted on marrying outside the church because we would have had to pledge to raise our kids Catholic. We are now the parents of two happily non-Catholic kids. I don't know if you have kids or plan to someday, but it might have been a factor for him.

We have kids, baptized outside the Catholic church. He says they're the reason he left for good, but there's that nagging doubt that it's me (we had fights about me attending mass when we were first married). I mean, clergy of all denominations have abused children, so it seems like a tenuous reason for cutting ties completely with one specific church. Right?

Why don't you just take him at his word?

Because we had arguments about it when we first married. I had no idea what I'd gotten into.

You didn’t get in to anything. Yours acting paranoid. Stop.

I’m Catholic and got married outside on the beach with a Lutheran pastor. Maybe someday I’ll get my marriage blessed by a catholic priest, my secular Muslim/Protestant spouse who practices nothing wouldn’t mind.

We do send our kids to Sunday school so they know something about the history or religion and people.

There’s lots of reasons people leave their particular faith for another similar or drastically different - community, schools, marriage, current event, don’t care, whatever.

Stop sweating it. Who or what got to you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Episcopalians don’t have mass. Only Catholics and the Orthodox have the mass. It is something to be worried about since, for the husband and only the husband, this is a matter of grave mortal sin for him.

Whippee, go to mass, go to church service. Tomato tomahto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Episcopalians don’t have mass. Only Catholics and the Orthodox have the mass. It is something to be worried about since, for the husband and only the husband, this is a matter of grave mortal sin for him.

No mass at Natl cathedral. Move along people.

[Anonymous]

Stop guessing at why he does or does do something. Whatever he said 10 or 15 years ago also not totally relevant. Might be new or different reasons now. Or just busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Does he politicize every organization or just the church?

He can make his mind up himself, nothing to do with that or with you. If he wants to follow mass media, so be it, a band of loud bigots, so be it, his friend to impress, so be it. Maybe he’s just narrow minded or black/white thinker with less empathy than you think. No, I don’t mean empathizing with pedophiles, I mean seeing the big picture.

Mass media falsified Catholic priest pedophiles?? Did the Pope fall for it too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic husband hasn't been to mass since before we married, though we attend regularly elsewhere and would be considered devout/observant by most. The biggest reason is the protection of pedophiles from the church, but also because I'm not Catholic. I've been feeling increasingly guilty about this, since I know they prefer Catholics not marry Protestants because we tend to do exactly what happened - drag them away. I know he's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but let's be honest, he'd probably still be attending mass if it weren't for me. Any advice on getting over it?

Everything seems fine. So what if he goes to a different christian church for mass.

Is he bringing this up? Doesn’t sound like it.

Why are you bringing this up?

Guilt and anxiety.

But over WHAT exactly? This post makes no sense.