Movie blow up - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

OP, your posts each eventually come to rest on sympathy for your DH and how hard his depression/mood/tempers are on HIM. It sounds like your whole family does a lot to try to manage him and his needs/wants--what to watch, what games to play, what to do. This despite the way he talked to your older DD about her mental health treatment. As another PP said, you should count your blessings that the kids are willing to come home and re-engage with him knowing his patterns of behavior.

it's not normal or acceptable to walk on eggshells around a family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your posts each eventually come to rest on sympathy for your DH and how hard his depression/mood/tempers are on HIM. It sounds like your whole family does a lot to try to manage him and his needs/wants--what to watch, what games to play, what to do. This despite the way he talked to your older DD about her mental health treatment. As another PP said, you should count your blessings that the kids are willing to come home and re-engage with him knowing his patterns of behavior.

it's not normal or acceptable to walk on eggshells around a family member.

+100 What are your DH’s redeeming qualities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and the kids are super high maintenance. Just watch the movie - like you are in a theatre.. No barking stupid questions. Just watch the movie.

No. Her husband needs to grow up. His temper tantrum about a stupid movie isn’t appropriate behavior for anyone over seven years old.

[Anonymous]

Don’t watch movies together. My husband likes to talk through tv shows and movies. It drives me crazy so we rarely watch them together. Subtitles are annoying. Team DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t watch movies together. My husband likes to talk through tv shows and movies. It drives me crazy so we rarely watch them together. Subtitles are annoying. Team DH.

You are missing the forest for the trees. It's not the subtitles and talking. The DH corralled his family together to watch something he has already seen and loves. Sounds like they don't have the same tastes but they are doing it out of love/fear of him. He then proceeds to tell them how they will "enjoy" it. What a way to alienate your adult children!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also Team DH. If someone in the room kept pausing the movie for anything other than a bathroom emergency, they'd get the remote smacked out of their hand. It does appear nobody else in the room was at all interested in watching the movie that this DH really likes which explains the extreme disappointment. It was obvious that no fun was going to happen from screening this movie.

People have different movie-watching styles. Some want complete silence and no interruptions. For others, talking about the movie as it’s going (and perhaps even pausing/rewinding) is part of the viewing experience. Same with subtitles. Some people can’t stand them, some people need them to follow a movie well (even without an actual hearing impairment), some are indifferent.

When watching a movie in one’s own home, there is no “right” way, there’s just the way each person enjoys it best. If you are going to rigidly insist on watching a movie one way, then you need to accept that it may mean not watching a movie with someone who enjoys movies differently. And that is the problem here - the DH insisted that they all had to watch it together even though they have very different viewing styles, and then threw a tantrum that everyone didn’t enjoy watching it his way.

I also think his expectations for the 11 yo were unrealistic. Just because a movie is rated PG-13 doesn’t mean an 11 yo is going to understand it. The 11yo kept pausing it to ask questions because he wasn’t able to follow it on his own. Dad put him in an impossible situation where he could only fail because dad was demanding that he watch and enjoy a movie that was too sophisticated for him without giving him the opportunity to have it explained to him as it went along. What was the kid supposed to do with that?

Very very few people think it’s acceptable to PAUSE a movie to ask a question because you can’t keep up with it. That is not normal movie-watching behavior.

+1 Particularly with young adults. I also happened to watch Knives Out with my kids the other day, 11 and 14 years old, and they got it without pausing. Save your questions/confusion for the end, and then discuss. This is basic movie watching etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You and the kids are super high maintenance. Just watch the movie - like you are in a theatre.. No barking stupid questions. Just watch the movie.

No. Her husband needs to grow up. His temper tantrum about a stupid movie isn’t appropriate behavior for anyone over seven years old.

Nor are the "adults" who have no idea how to sit and watch a movie. I would never watch a movie with any of them again. Maybe the DH because he seems the most normal in this dysfunctional bunch. The rest can't figure out how to appropriately watch a movie at their advanced ages. Do the adult kids in question have a social life or friends? Because this is pretty alienating behavior. The DH is probably disappointed that something so simple is impossible in this household.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds classic Asperger’s/ADHD and the inflexibility, sensory, rigidity pop up relatively randomly - he gets thru life and work ok and then bam random moments like this

[Anonymous]

I could hardly read the original posting because I almost could have wrote it. Not movies but other stuff. A husband who doesn’t want to accept or work on his own neurodiversity/mental health/relationships with others. Kids who have their own neurodiversity. A Mom who tries to reasonably work things through but isn’t a therapist and is pained to see hurt feelings.

I hate to say this OP but you have to decide if you want to battle this. Today the movies, tomorrow something else. And then you get to the point that everything is hard and frustrating. You can take a camel to water but you can’t make it drink. You want cooperative and supportive parenting but you aren’t likely to get it because the other parent is “my way or the highway” trying to shove kids into a desired mold. In the end it leaves your kids with an empty space in their hearts feeling like they are a disappointment when the reality is the parent needed to have more compassion.

At some point you will wonder if it’s all with it. I decided to shelter my kids. Single parenting is no joke and no parent should ever be bad mouthed or denied access to a child. But stop, look and listen. Would your kids be better just with you?

People can suggest therapy for DH but that only works if he’ll embrace it. Chances are he won’t. And if won’t - what does that say about his commitment to his kids? I found out it could fit in the palm on my hand.

[Anonymous]

I would teach my kids to watch movies like normal people. I feel for your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t watch movies together. My husband likes to talk through tv shows and movies. It drives me crazy so we rarely watch them together. Subtitles are annoying. Team DH.

How can you be “Team DH” when the whole problem is him demanding that everyone watch a movie together, which no one else was inclined to do. That goes against the very first sentence of your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t watch movies together. My husband likes to talk through tv shows and movies. It drives me crazy so we rarely watch them together. Subtitles are annoying. Team DH.

How can you be “Team DH” when the whole problem is him demanding that everyone watch a movie together, which no one else was inclined to do. That goes against the very first sentence of your post.

Is it a bad thing to ask your family to share a movie you really liked? And we’re not talking Tartovsky. It’s a main-stream comedy/mystery. I have no doubt OP’s DH has some issues but I also get the distinct impression that OP and her kids are annoyingly clueless. A little consideration all around would be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t watch movies together. My husband likes to talk through tv shows and movies. It drives me crazy so we rarely watch them together. Subtitles are annoying. Team DH.

How can you be “Team DH” when the whole problem is him demanding that everyone watch a movie together, which no one else was inclined to do. That goes against the very first sentence of your post.

Is it a bad thing to ask your family to share a movie you really liked? And we’re not talking Tartovsky. It’s a main-stream comedy/mystery. I have no doubt OP’s DH has some issues but I also get the distinct impression that OP and her kids are annoyingly clueless. A little consideration all around would be a good idea.

DP. It's not a bad thing to ask your family to share a movie you really liked. It is a bad thing to then make it an experience they dislike. OP's DH could impose his requirements for watching a movie or accommodate his kids so that they would enjoy the movie. Sounds like he lost sight that he wanted to share something he (not they) liked. Sounds like he lost sight that one of his kids couldn't share it in the way the kid needed in order to understand it.

I get that it's annoying to have the interruptions. I have 16 yo with a processing disorder and we often have to pause movies (or rewind) in order for him to 'get' what happened. It's a small price to pay for 'sharing'.

I don't get all the hate for subtitles. I use them and I don't have a processing or hearing impairment. Sometimes it's hard to catch dialogue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could hardly read the original posting because I almost could have wrote it. Not movies but other stuff. A husband who doesn’t want to accept or work on his own neurodiversity/mental health/relationships with others. Kids who have their own neurodiversity. A Mom who tries to reasonably work things through but isn’t a therapist and is pained to see hurt feelings.

I hate to say this OP but you have to decide if you want to battle this. Today the movies, tomorrow something else. And then you get to the point that everything is hard and frustrating. You can take a camel to water but you can’t make it drink. You want cooperative and supportive parenting but you aren’t likely to get it because the other parent is “my way or the highway” trying to shove kids into a desired mold. In the end it leaves your kids with an empty space in their hearts feeling like they are a disappointment when the reality is the parent needed to have more compassion.

At some point you will wonder if it’s all with it. I decided to shelter my kids. Single parenting is no joke and no parent should ever be bad mouthed or denied access to a child. But stop, look and listen. Would your kids be better just with you?

People can suggest therapy for DH but that only works if he’ll embrace it. Chances are he won’t. And if won’t - what does that say about his commitment to his kids? I found out it could fit in the palm on my hand.

DP. Thanks for posting. You've summed up a lot of my own thoughts. I would also like to point out that living with someone with untreated mental illness is risky for one's own mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could hardly read the original posting because I almost could have wrote it. Not movies but other stuff. A husband who doesn’t want to accept or work on his own neurodiversity/mental health/relationships with others. Kids who have their own neurodiversity. A Mom who tries to reasonably work things through but isn’t a therapist and is pained to see hurt feelings.

I hate to say this OP but you have to decide if you want to battle this. Today the movies, tomorrow something else. And then you get to the point that everything is hard and frustrating. You can take a camel to water but you can’t make it drink. You want cooperative and supportive parenting but you aren’t likely to get it because the other parent is “my way or the highway” trying to shove kids into a desired mold. In the end it leaves your kids with an empty space in their hearts feeling like they are a disappointment when the reality is the parent needed to have more compassion.

At some point you will wonder if it’s all with it. I decided to shelter my kids. Single parenting is no joke and no parent should ever be bad mouthed or denied access to a child. But stop, look and listen. Would your kids be better just with you?

People can suggest therapy for DH but that only works if he’ll embrace it. Chances are he won’t. And if won’t - what does that say about his commitment to his kids? I found out it could fit in the palm on my hand.

DP. Thanks for posting. You've summed up a lot of my own thoughts. I would also like to point out that living with someone with untreated mental illness is risky for one's own mental health.

Are you talking about the adult children or the husband? All are cut from the same cloth.