Would you stay in a marriage with separate finances?

[Anonymous]

Well I'm a woman and I'd consider it. Esp. if you are making $150k and he is covering expenses. I'd max out my retirement savings. Save for a down payment and buy a property of my own. Rent it out. Make him provide you with life insurance. (Happy to do the same for him). Set up a trust for the children where all his assets go in the event of his death. Make him agree to fund 529s or whatever for the kids. Figure out what you would be entitled to today if you really did get divorced, and ask him to put that amount in an IRA for me. Or not. Point being I could happily live on my salary if someone else was paying all the bills. Also you are entitled to his social security if you are married a decade (I believe).

Why don't you talk to an attorney and find out how people usually arrange post nups so they are fair and equitable, and protect yourself in the event of a future divorce. Put in a clause, "null and void if he cheats and or/files for divorce within (x) years, in case that is his plan.

There are always compromises that can be made.

[Anonymous]

No way this is insane. It means he's thinking about dumping you when the kids are grown and flown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do separate finances and have never had an argument about money! Although we do separate finances we have a joint account for household bills + household project fund. We each contribute our determined share. We have a joint investment account where we both contribute our determined share. And we have a joint savings and travel account. For this, we determine our total savings goal for the new year by December 15th. For this account we contribute equal shares. If we get work bonuses, 20% goes into this savings regardless of the amount. Last year, my bonus was $17.5k and my wife got a $26k bonus. This all works really well for us. Together, these joint accounts equates to 43-48% of our annual salary. The rest we get to keep and do whatever without questions.

We are in our late 30s. Our 401ks are already over $700k each. Our joint savings crossed 250k last year and our joint investment account is slightly over $300k. Perhaps we could be doing better, but we love our lifestyle and it’s nice to not fight over money.

This is not separate finances. You have joint savings, joint travel and joint investment accounts and agree on joint goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm a woman and I'd consider it. Esp. if you are making $150k and he is covering expenses. I'd max out my retirement savings. Save for a down payment and buy a property of my own. Rent it out. Make him provide you with life insurance. (Happy to do the same for him). Set up a trust for the children where all his assets go in the event of his death. Make him agree to fund 529s or whatever for the kids. Figure out what you would be entitled to today if you really did get divorced, and ask him to put that amount in an IRA for me. Or not. Point being I could happily live on my salary if someone else was paying all the bills. Also you are entitled to his social security if you are married a decade (I believe).

Why don't you talk to an attorney and find out how people usually arrange post nups so they are fair and equitable, and protect yourself in the event of a future divorce. Put in a clause, "null and void if he cheats and or/files for divorce within (x) years, in case that is his plan.

There are always compromises that can be made.

What planet are you on. Love the people who say they would sure do everything separate and then give a long list of major expenditures they would “make” him do. Separate means you can’t make him to anything, and that he would not be gifting all these things for OP’s peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm a woman and I'd consider it. Esp. if you are making $150k and he is covering expenses. I'd max out my retirement savings. Save for a down payment and buy a property of my own. Rent it out. Make him provide you with life insurance. (Happy to do the same for him). Set up a trust for the children where all his assets go in the event of his death. Make him agree to fund 529s or whatever for the kids. Figure out what you would be entitled to today if you really did get divorced, and ask him to put that amount in an IRA for me. Or not. Point being I could happily live on my salary if someone else was paying all the bills. Also you are entitled to his social security if you are married a decade (I believe).

Why don't you talk to an attorney and find out how people usually arrange post nups so they are fair and equitable, and protect yourself in the event of a future divorce. Put in a clause, "null and void if he cheats and or/files for divorce within (x) years, in case that is his plan.

There are always compromises that can be made.

What planet are you on. Love the people who say they would sure do everything separate and then give a long list of major expenditures they would “make” him do. Separate means you can’t make him to anything, and that he would not be gifting all these things for OP’s peace of mind.

Everything is negotiable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm a woman and I'd consider it. Esp. if you are making $150k and he is covering expenses. I'd max out my retirement savings. Save for a down payment and buy a property of my own. Rent it out. Make him provide you with life insurance. (Happy to do the same for him). Set up a trust for the children where all his assets go in the event of his death. Make him agree to fund 529s or whatever for the kids. Figure out what you would be entitled to today if you really did get divorced, and ask him to put that amount in an IRA for me. Or not. Point being I could happily live on my salary if someone else was paying all the bills. Also you are entitled to his social security if you are married a decade (I believe).

Why don't you talk to an attorney and find out how people usually arrange post nups so they are fair and equitable, and protect yourself in the event of a future divorce. Put in a clause, "null and void if he cheats and or/files for divorce within (x) years, in case that is his plan.

There are always compromises that can be made.

What planet are you on. Love the people who say they would sure do everything separate and then give a long list of major expenditures they would “make” him do. Separate means you can’t make him to anything, and that he would not be gifting all these things for OP’s peace of mind.

Everything is negotiable.

I don’t think you grasp what “separate” means.

[Anonymous]

We were separate and it was pretty easy bc we both had enough money. But fair warning it was also pretty easy for him to walk out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm a woman and I'd consider it. Esp. if you are making $150k and he is covering expenses. I'd max out my retirement savings. Save for a down payment and buy a property of my own. Rent it out. Make him provide you with life insurance. (Happy to do the same for him). Set up a trust for the children where all his assets go in the event of his death. Make him agree to fund 529s or whatever for the kids. Figure out what you would be entitled to today if you really did get divorced, and ask him to put that amount in an IRA for me. Or not. Point being I could happily live on my salary if someone else was paying all the bills. Also you are entitled to his social security if you are married a decade (I believe).

Why don't you talk to an attorney and find out how people usually arrange post nups so they are fair and equitable, and protect yourself in the event of a future divorce. Put in a clause, "null and void if he cheats and or/files for divorce within (x) years, in case that is his plan.

There are always compromises that can be made.

What planet are you on. Love the people who say they would sure do everything separate and then give a long list of major expenditures they would “make” him do. Separate means you can’t make him to anything, and that he would not be gifting all these things for OP’s peace of mind.

Everything is negotiable.

I don’t think you grasp what “separate” means.

I don't think you grasp that just because he wants "separate" doesn't mean she has to give him exactly what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm a woman and I'd consider it. Esp. if you are making $150k and he is covering expenses. I'd max out my retirement savings. Save for a down payment and buy a property of my own. Rent it out. Make him provide you with life insurance. (Happy to do the same for him). Set up a trust for the children where all his assets go in the event of his death. Make him agree to fund 529s or whatever for the kids. Figure out what you would be entitled to today if you really did get divorced, and ask him to put that amount in an IRA for me. Or not. Point being I could happily live on my salary if someone else was paying all the bills. Also you are entitled to his social security if you are married a decade (I believe).

Why don't you talk to an attorney and find out how people usually arrange post nups so they are fair and equitable, and protect yourself in the event of a future divorce. Put in a clause, "null and void if he cheats and or/files for divorce within (x) years, in case that is his plan.

There are always compromises that can be made.

What planet are you on. Love the people who say they would sure do everything separate and then give a long list of major expenditures they would “make” him do. Separate means you can’t make him to anything, and that he would not be gifting all these things for OP’s peace of mind.

Sounds like he earns most of the money so it isn’t hers to give.

Everything is negotiable.

I don’t think you grasp what “separate” means.

I don't think you grasp that just because he wants "separate" doesn't mean she has to give him exactly what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do separate finances and have never had an argument about money! Although we do separate finances we have a joint account for household bills + household project fund. We each contribute our determined share. We have a joint investment account where we both contribute our determined share. And we have a joint savings and travel account. For this, we determine our total savings goal for the new year by December 15th. For this account we contribute equal shares. If we get work bonuses, 20% goes into this savings regardless of the amount. Last year, my bonus was $17.5k and my wife got a $26k bonus. This all works really well for us. Together, these joint accounts equates to 43-48% of our annual salary. The rest we get to keep and do whatever without questions.

We are in our late 30s. Our 401ks are already over $700k each. Our joint savings crossed 250k last year and our joint investment account is slightly over $300k. Perhaps we could be doing better, but we love our lifestyle and it’s nice to not fight over money.

This is not separate finances. You have joint savings, joint travel and joint investment accounts and agree on joint goals.

I’m not the OP. But I do see this as separate finances in the sense that a large share (like 55 percent) of each person’s salary is their own to play with. In my case 100 percent of what we make (including bonuses) go into joint account. It’s fine for us—but once in a while my wife will badger me about something I want to buy. So what the OP describes sounds like a heck of a lot more freedom than some of us get.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a marriage with separate finances now. We kind of wound up like this after having irreconcilable differences over budgets.

It's terrible for the marriage. Shared goals are nearly impossible. Even simple things like going out for dinner, filling the car with gas, etc. can lead to one feeling like they are being taken advantage of.

Unless we can figure out a way to recombine finances we'll likely divorce at some point.

Would not recommend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do separate finances and have never had an argument about money! Although we do separate finances we have a joint account for household bills + household project fund. We each contribute our determined share. We have a joint investment account where we both contribute our determined share. And we have a joint savings and travel account. For this, we determine our total savings goal for the new year by December 15th. For this account we contribute equal shares. If we get work bonuses, 20% goes into this savings regardless of the amount. Last year, my bonus was $17.5k and my wife got a $26k bonus. This all works really well for us. Together, these joint accounts equates to 43-48% of our annual salary. The rest we get to keep and do whatever without questions.

We are in our late 30s. Our 401ks are already over $700k each. Our joint savings crossed 250k last year and our joint investment account is slightly over $300k. Perhaps we could be doing better, but we love our lifestyle and it’s nice to not fight over money.

We do something very similar and it works well for us. As long as the important stuff is getting paid/funded, I don't want to see my husband's golf expenses and he doesn't want to see what I spent at Target.

[Anonymous]

Again, this is not separate finances. This is one shared account for mutually agreed upon large expenses and separate accounts for his/hers stuff. You still have a claim on each others’ $ even if you maintain it separately. Conversely, what OP is describing is a legal financial separation with continued co-habitation and shared parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, this is not separate finances. This is one shared account for mutually agreed upon large expenses and separate accounts for his/hers stuff. You still have a claim on each others’ $ even if you maintain it separately. Conversely, what OP is describing is a legal financial separation with continued co-habitation and shared parenting.

Well it's not quite clear what OP is describing?

In answer to OP's question: no, I would not give up my entitlement to a share of marital assets after marriage and children, unless I was compensated for it in some way in a lump sum. What possible benefit could there be to me?

Yes, I would agree to separate bank accounts (that's what we have now and it works well). I think a lot of people have one account for agreed-upon joint expenses, then everything else goes in their individual accounts. The trick is agreeing on the joint expenses, and how much you each contribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a marriage with separate finances now. We kind of wound up like this after having irreconcilable differences over budgets.

It's terrible for the marriage. Shared goals are nearly impossible. Even simple things like going out for dinner, filling the car with gas, etc. can lead to one feeling like they are being taken advantage of.

Unless we can figure out a way to recombine finances we'll likely divorce at some point.

Would not recommend.

Ditto this. I'm in the same boat. Planning the divorce right now.