Would you stay in a marriage with separate finances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not except if he has good reason to be concerned with your spending. That's not a marriage. That's not a marriage.

My spending isn’t crazy although I’ve incurred some late penalties on taxes before. I do have goals that I’d need his income to achieve in terms of house, college funds, private school, vacations (I work FT and make about 25% of HHI). He is not into funding my dreams.

Not into finding your dreams? Or that of your child’s apparently. Sounds like a selfish jerk. Isn’t that part of marriage? Supporting each other?

I thought so, but he considers sharing his life to be the privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have bad money spending habit?

I think peoples definitions of this will differ, but in my opinion no I do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not except if he has good reason to be concerned with your spending. That's not a marriage. That's not a marriage.

My spending isn’t crazy although I’ve incurred some late penalties on taxes before. I do have goals that I’d need his income to achieve in terms of house, college funds, private school, vacations (I work FT and make about 25% of HHI). He is not into funding my dreams.

It sounds like you want to live way above your means but some tax penalties are serious. It sounds like he has good reason to keep things separate as if you file late it could impact him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not except if he has good reason to be concerned with your spending. That's not a marriage. That's not a marriage.

My spending isn’t crazy although I’ve incurred some late penalties on taxes before. I do have goals that I’d need his income to achieve in terms of house, college funds, private school, vacations (I work FT and make about 25% of HHI). He is not into funding my dreams.

It sounds like you want to live way above your means but some tax penalties are serious. It sounds like he has good reason to keep things separate as if you file late it could impact him.

This is well within our combined means. Combined HHI is $700K annually.

[Anonymous]

Separate finances are the only way I would marry or stay married.
If your husband makes much more than he used to, maybe he would do a post-nup instead of separate finances. He should have gotten a pre-nup though.

[Anonymous]

Married for 35 years. Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married for 35 years. Absolutely not.

Even if you were in your 50s or 60s? What’s your alternative at that point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, to clarify he basically said he will pay all expenses and I can save my paycheck. However, I will have no claim to his or to our house that he bought before marriage.

If he wanted this arrangement he needed a prenup. I’d divorce him and take half, alimony and child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have bad money spending habit?

I think peoples definitions of this will differ, but in my opinion no I do not.

For purposes of this discussion, the only opinion that matters is your husband's. I don't think I could live with someone who incurred tax penalties, so for me to propose what your husband has proposed would be generous. People on this forum may think I'm a jerk, but staying out of financial difficulty - and having a partner who is on the same page as me when it comes to finances - is extremely important to me. My DH passed away last year and I recently discovered that he took out some 401(k) loans 20 years ago without telling me, and I was furious! They were paid back long ago, and it does not impact me at all, but it could have!

[Anonymous]

Separate finances, but shared financial goals where finances are discussed and agreed upon? Yes. Been in one for 20+ years.

What ever the hell a financial divorce is? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have bad money spending habit?

I think peoples definitions of this will differ, but in my opinion no I do not.

For purposes of this discussion, the only opinion that matters is your husband's. I don't think I could live with someone who incurred tax penalties, so for me to propose what your husband has proposed would be generous. People on this forum may think I'm a jerk, but staying out of financial difficulty - and having a partner who is on the same page as me when it comes to finances - is extremely important to me. My DH passed away last year and I recently discovered that he took out some 401(k) loans 20 years ago without telling me, and I was furious! They were paid back long ago, and it does not impact me at all, but it could have!

Or he could have, you know, helped out instead of refusing to help or get involved and then criticizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not except if he has good reason to be concerned with your spending. That's not a marriage. That's not a marriage.

My spending isn’t crazy although I’ve incurred some late penalties on taxes before. I do have goals that I’d need his income to achieve in terms of house, college funds, private school, vacations (I work FT and make about 25% of HHI). He is not into funding my dreams.

It sounds like you want to live way above your means but some tax penalties are serious. It sounds like he has good reason to keep things separate as if you file late it could impact him.

This is well within our combined means. Combined HHI is $700K annually.

So you make at least 150K, and you are putting up with this nonsense.

Grow a backbone.

[Anonymous]

OP I am wondering if your DH does not agree with the private school or the vacation expenditures.

Perhaps you have discussed this with him and have been unable to come to an agreement? Thus leading him to pull back and take his $/salary off the table?

[Anonymous]

I believe in separate finances. As long as he is paying the bills and you can verify the claim I think it's okay. I would negotiate that he has to maintain a life insurance policy with you as the beneficiary that provides income while the kids are minors. He must also prove to you quarterly that the bills are being paid timely. He would also be responsible for saving for the kids, setting up a trust for them in case he passes and the only beneficiary I would allow for the house is the kids with a life estate for me.

You save your money op. This gives you the ability to reach your goals.

Some people are clueless with money but you still love them. That sounds like the case with you op. He has deemed your irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are better off divorcing and getting childsupport and alimony.

I am so, so, so sorry that you had a kid with this POS.

She demands that he finances her "dreams" and he is the POS? I would be pissed off too if someone had dreams for my money.