Jealous that younger sister and SIL are pregnant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

My sister is 45, married 17 years. No kids. Im due with my fourth this week. She hasnt reached out at all. Please dont let your relationship suffer like ours has.

And you've told her how you feel about this by initiating a conversation with her about it, or are you simply waiting for her to intuit your utter disappointment that's been building for 17 years? Which is it?

Too much to type out. She is 8 yrs older than me, if you have a sibling gap that large there are often dominant personalities that have a hard time seeing younger siblings as adults. I am referencing the Big Sister Shtick and jealousy of younger siblings life being very different. Hey, I get it. If my younger sibling had an incredible career that I did not achieve maybe Id withdraw, too.

PP again... I am not going to chase her down to force her to react or perform feelings she doesnt have. Boundaries right?

So you haven’t done the adult thing and told her how you’ve felt about her not engaging with you every time you’ve announced a pregnancy. You’ve simply decided that’s it more comfortable to sit back and judge her for not meeting your expectations. No one said she had to be forced to express feelings she might not have. This is about you feeling morally superior and taking no responsibility for the piss-poor relationship with your sister. Hell, for all you know, she’s been struggling with infertility. But hey, take comfort in your “boundaries.” Go you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

My sister is 45, married 17 years. No kids. Im due with my fourth this week. She hasnt reached out at all. Please dont let your relationship suffer like ours has.

Why would she reach out to you?

LOL. Well... when a family member tells you they are adding to the family it is general behavior to engage. But youre right! Put me in my place 😂

I mean it’s your fourth, why do you need the validation?

[Anonymous]

I've never been jealous of anyone. Is that weird? Can't fathom it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is ridiculous, I know, but I am feeling blazing jealousy about the recently announced pregnancies of my younger female family members. SIL married earlier this year, and is now pregnant with her first at 30. My sister married last year and is due any day now. DH and I have been married for 4 years and have not TTC yet as he is not ready. At 36, I do not feel great about it and it has become a point of contention. I feel angry that my younger siblings will be telling ME what to do if and when I do have a baby! It feels SO wrong and unfair!

You haven't figured it out yet that your DH does not want children. Put on a happy face for your sister and SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

My sister is 45, married 17 years. No kids. Im due with my fourth this week. She hasnt reached out at all. Please dont let your relationship suffer like ours has.

Why would she reach out to you?

LOL. Well... when a family member tells you they are adding to the family it is general behavior to engage. But youre right! Put me in my place 😂

No one cares that you’re breeding for a fourth time. Really. We’re not celebrating the strain you’re putting on the environment, and you’re a total drag to hang out with. -NP

I'm ok with her endless breeding. I need my social security paid for. Thanks, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

Cold hard truth right here.

But this can be a wonderful thing.

My DH would have been happy with zero kids, or happy with 1-2. We ended up having one and it's good. But nowhere near the low-stress life we would have had with zero. Childless (some say child-free) life is fabulous, OP. Keep an open mind.

Except DH can change his mind at any time, divorce her and marry a younger women. She cannot.

This is a super unhealthy way to view things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never been jealous of anyone. Is that weird? Can't fathom it.

Start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus your energy on your spouse who is dragging his feet. You have a marriage problem, not a sister problem.

This one million percent.
OP, your husband is the one to blame, you need to start asking the tough questions.
Is there ever going to be a time that he he'll be ready? Then get a firm date when from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never been jealous of anyone. Is that weird? Can't fathom it.

The OP used the wrong word.
It's not technically jealousy -- it's envy.
She's envious.

Jealousy has to do with the emotions related to another person trying to take what's yours.
If you want something that someone else has, that's envy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

My sister is 45, married 17 years. No kids. Im due with my fourth this week. She hasnt reached out at all. Please dont let your relationship suffer like ours has.

And you've told her how you feel about this by initiating a conversation with her about it, or are you simply waiting for her to intuit your utter disappointment that's been building for 17 years? Which is it?

Too much to type out. She is 8 yrs older than me, if you have a sibling gap that large there are often dominant personalities that have a hard time seeing younger siblings as adults. I am referencing the Big Sister Shtick and jealousy of younger siblings life being very different. Hey, I get it. If my younger sibling had an incredible career that I did not achieve maybe Id withdraw, too.

PP again... I am not going to chase her down to force her to react or perform feelings she doesnt have. Boundaries right?

So you haven’t done the adult thing and told her how you’ve felt about her not engaging with you every time you’ve announced a pregnancy. You’ve simply decided that’s it more comfortable to sit back and judge her for not meeting your expectations. No one said she had to be forced to express feelings she might not have. This is about you feeling morally superior and taking no responsibility for the piss-poor relationship with your sister. Hell, for all you know, she’s been struggling with infertility. But hey, take comfort in your “boundaries.” Go you!

Oof, someone is triggered, lol.

Congrats on your 4th PP.
Contrary to what this triggered pp thinks, it's not your job to police her feelings about your pregnancies... this is a ridiculous expectation for an adult.

Her sister needs to take responsibility for her own feelings & inactions, that's not the pp's job, and she certainly shouldn't be putting it all on a woman who's weeks away from having her 4th child, as if she has no accountability... that's laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

Cold hard truth right here.

But this can be a wonderful thing.

My DH would have been happy with zero kids, or happy with 1-2. We ended up having one and it's good. But nowhere near the low-stress life we would have had with zero. Childless (some say child-free) life is fabulous, OP. Keep an open mind.

Except DH can change his mind at any time, divorce her and marry a younger women. She cannot.

This is a super unhealthy way to view things.

This is a realistic way to view things. For better or for worse, women have AT MOST 40-ish years of life to figure out if they want to be a biological parent. Men have another several decades before that door closes. So if a man “just doesn’t feel ready yet” he can keep goofing off for another 5, 10 whatever years and if he changes his mind, he can remarry or use a donor egg but if a woman would like to experience biological parenthood and she waited around too long to figure that out, her window is closed. Are there other ways to be a parent than biologically? Sure. But it is a very different experience. Anyone who has adopted and says that that’s not an emotionally complex experience is in denial and it’s really unhealthy for the child they are raising to be in denial about the fact that the child now essentially has two families and a history that is inherently somewhat traumatic.

[Anonymous]

My friend’s DH did not want to have any kid, and he used condom everytime. My friend had many talks, but it ended up no use. At the end, she did her research, timed her ovulation (probably using cycles and kits) and bribed her husband with his dream gift and only begged him for one night of unprotected sex. Ooop…….and here she went, and they have a beautiful daughter that is 4 year old now.

As of today, the husband still has no idea why one time unprotected sex would ended up in het getting pregnant and he was horrified telling my husband about that. I and my DH have decided not to say anything even though we know what happened. I got pregnant with timing as well. But a deal was a deal, and he promised for one night of unprotected sex. He is an awesome father and husband now, and he loves his only daughter. My friend cannot trick her husband to have another baby anymore.

Just want to tell you that there is always way to make it happen and work if you know your husband well.