Jealous that younger sister and SIL are pregnant!

[Anonymous]

It is ridiculous, I know, but I am feeling blazing jealousy about the recently announced pregnancies of my younger female family members. SIL married earlier this year, and is now pregnant with her first at 30. My sister married last year and is due any day now. DH and I have been married for 4 years and have not TTC yet as he is not ready. At 36, I do not feel great about it and it has become a point of contention. I feel angry that my younger siblings will be telling ME what to do if and when I do have a baby! It feels SO wrong and unfair!

[Anonymous]

If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

[Anonymous]

Separately, I hear you on the jealousy part. So hard to have a sibling doing what you want to do, but for some reason haven't had success in doing yet. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Uhm I don’t think your sister or SIL’s family has anything to do with yours. I would give you some sympathy if you tried for years and dealing with infertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

This. Never mind your sister and SIL. It’s pretty out of the ordinary to not be ready for kids in (presumably) your mid to late 30s if you’re married and actually want them.

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

+1. This. There’s a clock on this. You can’t wait around for him forever

[Anonymous]

Focus your energy on your spouse who is dragging his feet. You have a marriage problem, not a sister problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

+1. This. There’s a clock on this. You can’t wait around for him forever

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

You have a husband problem. If you got married at 32, that would have been a perfect time to have a baby. You could have had two by now.

From my experience, pressuring never works. Did you have to pressure your Dh to get married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem. If you got married at 32, that would have been a perfect time to have a baby. You could have had two by now.

From my experience, pressuring never works. Did you have to pressure your Dh to get married?

OP here. We married at 30 and we were finishing up graduate school and then were in a series of underpaid jobs where we lived paycheck to paycheck. I did bring up TTC around 33 but husband felt since we didn't have money it wasn't the right time. We waited and it has paid off, we are finally making good money. I have stopped BC and when we have sex DH still wears a condom. I think he is nervous and to be honest, so have I been! Its a HUGE life change. BUT watching these back to back pregnancies is making my heart hurt and I am kicking myself for waiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem. If you got married at 32, that would have been a perfect time to have a baby. You could have had two by now.

From my experience, pressuring never works. Did you have to pressure your Dh to get married?

OP here. We married at 30 and we were finishing up graduate school and then were in a series of underpaid jobs where we lived paycheck to paycheck. I did bring up TTC around 33 but husband felt since we didn't have money it wasn't the right time. We waited and it has paid off, we are finally making good money. I have stopped BC and when we have sex DH still wears a condom. I think he is nervous and to be honest, so have I been! Its a HUGE life change. BUT watching these back to back pregnancies is making my heart hurt and I am kicking myself for waiting.

Sounds like you made a good decision in waiting til you’re more financially stable. However, there will never be a perfect time to have a kid. There will always be things you’d like to be better (more money, bigger house, more time to grow in your career, more opportunities to travel, etc) that make it seem like waiting to have a baby is a better choice but at some point soon you’ll have to actually go for it if you really want kids!

[Anonymous]

So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem. If you got married at 32, that would have been a perfect time to have a baby. You could have had two by now.

From my experience, pressuring never works. Did you have to pressure your Dh to get married?

OP here. We married at 30 and we were finishing up graduate school and then were in a series of underpaid jobs where we lived paycheck to paycheck. I did bring up TTC around 33 but husband felt since we didn't have money it wasn't the right time. We waited and it has paid off, we are finally making good money. I have stopped BC and when we have sex DH still wears a condom. I think he is nervous and to be honest, so have I been! Its a HUGE life change. BUT watching these back to back pregnancies is making my heart hurt and I am kicking myself for waiting.

You need to stop all birth control NOW. You’re 36. Stop with the immature response of being angry and get your own house in order. Time to step up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem. If you got married at 32, that would have been a perfect time to have a baby. You could have had two by now.

From my experience, pressuring never works. Did you have to pressure your Dh to get married?

OP here. We married at 30 and we were finishing up graduate school and then were in a series of underpaid jobs where we lived paycheck to paycheck. I did bring up TTC around 33 but husband felt since we didn't have money it wasn't the right time. We waited and it has paid off, we are finally making good money. I have stopped BC and when we have sex DH still wears a condom. I think he is nervous and to be honest, so have I been! Its a HUGE life change. BUT watching these back to back pregnancies is making my heart hurt and I am kicking myself for waiting.

I also got married right before 30. We got pregnant the first year after going on like 3 honeymoons. We made very little money back then.