Jealous that younger sister and SIL are pregnant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

This. You think it’s wrong and unfair that your younger family members will be able to give you advice on babies? How completely obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get you. You probably had a lot of discomfort with waiting all along but suddenly these double pregnancies in the family really woke you up to the fact that you are not where you want to be in your own journey to parenthood. Now take the focus off of them and turn it where it should be.

You are already a “geriatric pregnancy.” If you want a baby, you need to be trying NOW, and DH either agrees and is ready or you need to make a tough choice. Because if you are 36 and he “doesn’t feel ready,” then he is essentially saying that he’s at minimum not sure he wants a baby WITH YOU. Because he is making it increasingly likely that you will never be able to conceive together every month he waits.

In your shoes, I would start by scheduling an appointment with your OBGYN and having DH come with you and ask the doctor in front of him how long they think you have. Because if he doesn’t know he needs to hear it loud and clear.

This is sound advice, particularly if you want more than 1 child! There’s never a perfect time to have a baby. I had my first at 30 when we were still newly married without any money. It was hard but we made it work. 3 kids later, we’re doing great. If you’re waiting for the perfect time, it was yesterday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uhm I don’t think your sister or SIL’s family has anything to do with yours. I would give you some sympathy if you tried for years and dealing with infertility.

+1

[Anonymous]

NP. If I read your earlier post correctly, OP, you are now OFF birth control and at the same time, he's using condoms for sex. You could end up pregnant in that scenario -- he does realize that, right? That unless condoms are used absolutely perfectly every time, they are only about 87 percent effective (I've read 85 more often than 87, actually!) but here's what Planned Parenthood says:

If you use condoms perfectly every single time you have sex, they’re 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. But people aren’t perfect, so in real life condoms are about 87% effective — that means about 13 out of 100 people who use condoms as their only birth control method will get pregnant each year.[b]

I suspect you will end up with an "oops" pregnancy and he will be angry and upset, but in reality, you're both dicing with your getting pregnant NOW even though you say you're not trying to conceive. Are you really ready for him to be shocked and mad if you get pregnant? Does he realize that the chance of his getting you pregnant now is as high as 13-15 percent, which is a hell of a lot higher than perfect pill use or perfect condom use (both 98-99 percent effective--again, if perfectly used). I'm thinking there is some denial going on, on his part, and some secret "If I just end up pregnant, it'll all work out and he'll be happy though he doesn't realize it now" thinking o your part.

You and he need a come to Jesus talk about this ASAP before you come home and announce you're pregnant and he freaks out. If you are hoping you'll just end up pregnant he'll be thrilled once he hears you say it--don't rely on that. Also: No mention from you, and I'm betting he hasn't even considered, the idea that once you both truly start working to conceive, you may not get pregnant right away. Or for a long time, or ever. Have you talked to him about that, too?

[Anonymous]

I'm jealous of my sibling who is childless Love my kid and make a lot of room for adult activities in my life, but WOW such freedom I won't have again for a long long time.

Grass is always greener, OP.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t want children. I’d cut my losses and move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t want children. I’d cut my losses and move on

This. It's time for the we start TTC now or I'm done ultimatum.

If you end up single I'd suggest getting pregnant through a donor if you know you want to be a mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

Cold hard truth right here.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the previous posters who have said to tell your husband you have to start trying now or else you need to move on if having kids is your goal. Unfortunately you really can't keep putting it off now that you're in your mid to late 30s.

I can understand feeling envious if your friends and family are having babies with spouses who seem excited about it, because that's what you want in your life. But the answer is to address the root issue with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

Cold hard truth right here.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

Cold hard truth right here.

But this can be a wonderful thing.

My DH would have been happy with zero kids, or happy with 1-2. We ended up having one and it's good. But nowhere near the low-stress life we would have had with zero. Childless (some say child-free) life is fabulous, OP. Keep an open mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

My sister is 45, married 17 years. No kids. Im due with my fourth this week. She hasnt reached out at all. Please dont let your relationship suffer like ours has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

My sister is 45, married 17 years. No kids. Im due with my fourth this week. She hasnt reached out at all. Please dont let your relationship suffer like ours has.

And you've told her how you feel about this by initiating a conversation with her about it, or are you simply waiting for her to intuit your utter disappointment that's been building for 17 years? Which is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

My sister is 45, married 17 years. No kids. Im due with my fourth this week. She hasnt reached out at all. Please dont let your relationship suffer like ours has.

And you've told her how you feel about this by initiating a conversation with her about it, or are you simply waiting for her to intuit your utter disappointment that's been building for 17 years? Which is it?

Too much to type out. She is 8 yrs older than me, if you have a sibling gap that large there are often dominant personalities that have a hard time seeing younger siblings as adults. I am referencing the Big Sister Shtick and jealousy of younger siblings life being very different. Hey, I get it. If my younger sibling had an incredible career that I did not achieve maybe Id withdraw, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

My sister is 45, married 17 years. No kids. Im due with my fourth this week. She hasnt reached out at all. Please dont let your relationship suffer like ours has.

And you've told her how you feel about this by initiating a conversation with her about it, or are you simply waiting for her to intuit your utter disappointment that's been building for 17 years? Which is it?

Too much to type out. She is 8 yrs older than me, if you have a sibling gap that large there are often dominant personalities that have a hard time seeing younger siblings as adults. I am referencing the Big Sister Shtick and jealousy of younger siblings life being very different. Hey, I get it. If my younger sibling had an incredible career that I did not achieve maybe Id withdraw, too.

PP again... I am not going to chase her down to force her to react or perform feelings she doesnt have. Boundaries right?