Jealous that younger sister and SIL are pregnant!

[Anonymous]

At 36 and with good jobs there is no reason you shouldn’t be full on trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem. If you got married at 32, that would have been a perfect time to have a baby. You could have had two by now.

From my experience, pressuring never works. Did you have to pressure your Dh to get married?

OP here. We married at 30 and we were finishing up graduate school and then were in a series of underpaid jobs where we lived paycheck to paycheck. I did bring up TTC around 33 but husband felt since we didn't have money it wasn't the right time. We waited and it has paid off, we are finally making good money. I have stopped BC and when we have sex DH still wears a condom. I think he is nervous and to be honest, so have I been! Its a HUGE life change. BUT watching these back to back pregnancies is making my heart hurt and I am kicking myself for waiting.

What did your husband say when you told him what you wrote above?

[Anonymous]

So you’re jealous and you haven’t even tried to get pregnant yet? Ok then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

This. OP, do you think your narcissism and immaturity are part of the reason why DH doesn’t want to procreate with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

This. OP, do you think your narcissism and immaturity are part of the reason why DH doesn’t want to procreate with you?

Yeah, on a Sunday afternoon, OP spends her time complaining on an online forum rather than sitting down with her husband and having a serious conversation about starting a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem. If you got married at 32, that would have been a perfect time to have a baby. You could have had two by now.

From my experience, pressuring never works. Did you have to pressure your Dh to get married?

OP here. We married at 30 and we were finishing up graduate school and then were in a series of underpaid jobs where we lived paycheck to paycheck. I did bring up TTC around 33 but husband felt since we didn't have money it wasn't the right time. We waited and it has paid off, we are finally making good money. I have stopped BC and when we have sex DH still wears a condom. I think he is nervous and to be honest, so have I been! Its a HUGE life change. BUT watching these back to back pregnancies is making my heart hurt and I am kicking myself for waiting.

I also got married right before 30. We got pregnant the first year after going on like 3 honeymoons. We made very little money back then.

Damn. I wish I’d thought to have gone on three honeymoons. That sounds amazing 🤩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

This. OP, do you think your narcissism and immaturity are part of the reason why DH doesn’t want to procreate with you?

Yeah, on a Sunday afternoon, OP spends her time complaining on an online forum rather than sitting down with her husband and having a serious conversation about starting a family.

Or actually doing the deed.

[Anonymous]

What would be wrong and unfair to you is if you know you want kids now but keep on choosing to not try to have kids. This includes having a candid and direct convo with husband that you want to start trying NOW. And if it comes out that he doesn’t want kids then getting yourself out of this relationship asap because that is a big thing to not be on the same page about. For most kids or no kids is a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is ridiculous, I know, but I am feeling blazing jealousy about the recently announced pregnancies of my younger female family members. SIL married earlier this year, and is now pregnant with her first at 30. My sister married last year and is due any day now. DH and I have been married for 4 years and have not TTC yet as he is not ready. At 36, I do not feel great about it and it has become a point of contention. I feel angry that my younger siblings will be telling ME what to do if and when I do have a baby! It feels SO wrong and unfair!

You have a DH problem. Are you jealous that their husband's want children? Is your DH waiting until it's too late?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

This. OP, do you think your narcissism and immaturity are part of the reason why DH doesn’t want to procreate with you?

Yeah, on a Sunday afternoon, OP spends her time complaining on an online forum rather than sitting down with her husband and having a serious conversation about starting a family.

Or actually doing the deed.

Well, she’d have to talk with him first about his use of a condom. So whether or not they do the deed, a discussion is in order.

[Anonymous]

If you wait until you can afford to have children,you will never have children.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get you. You probably had a lot of discomfort with waiting all along but suddenly these double pregnancies in the family really woke you up to the fact that you are not where you want to be in your own journey to parenthood. Now take the focus off of them and turn it where it should be.

You are already a “geriatric pregnancy.” If you want a baby, you need to be trying NOW, and DH either agrees and is ready or you need to make a tough choice. Because if you are 36 and he “doesn’t feel ready,” then he is essentially saying that he’s at minimum not sure he wants a baby WITH YOU. Because he is making it increasingly likely that you will never be able to conceive together every month he waits.

In your shoes, I would start by scheduling an appointment with your OBGYN and having DH come with you and ask the doctor in front of him how long they think you have. Because if he doesn’t know he needs to hear it loud and clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is saying he's not ready at 36 or older, after 4 years of marriage, I would be worried that he doesn't actually want kids.

+1. This. There’s a clock on this. You can’t wait around for him forever

+100 time to offer an ultimatum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

This. OP, do you think your narcissism and immaturity are part of the reason why DH doesn’t want to procreate with you?

Disagree. She’s not actually upset about her younger siblings having kids and being more “knowledgeable.” She’s upset that her selfish (or uneducated) husband might be depriving her of children. No narcissist would sit around waiting for her DH to be more ready when she’s 36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people younger than you aren’t allowed to gain more life experience and earned wisdom because they’re younger than you?

Yeah, you lost all sympathy with that premise. Lose the “Big Sister” schtick, OP. Not an attractive look on a woman pushing 40.

This. OP, do you think your narcissism and immaturity are part of the reason why DH doesn’t want to procreate with you?

Disagree. She’s not actually upset about her younger siblings having kids and being more “knowledgeable.” She’s upset that her selfish (or uneducated) husband might be depriving her of children. No narcissist would sit around waiting for her DH to be more ready when she’s 36.

Yep. Missed the point.