Should I send my kid to private (Catholic) high school against her will?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I was in your situation a few years back. My kid was in a large public middle with supposedly excellent academics but was getting As with no effort and his 504 was totally ignored. Given his good grades, we applied to private Catholic HS. He was totally opposed for the reasons your DD articulated. We essentially made him apply but told him that we would discuss options once the application process was over. He did a shadow day and I’m positive he went to the shadow day intending to hate it … but found he really liked it. He loved the small class sizes and classroom discussion and even the cafeteria. He liked the kids he met too.

When he got in, he did think about it, but finally decided to go. It has been a very good experience. He got the 504 support he needed (the school was much better for that than his public middle). Academically it was a shock and his first-year grades were not good. He went from “advanced” math to remedial math. I would say he was practically a year behind his Catholic school peers — they came in writing full essays, he had barely read a book at his school. It was a real struggle. But he is now getting As.

The one thing I will say is that we are in the college process now and his grades are markedly lower than some of his middle school peers who went to the local public. It may impact his college choices. At his school, the highest GPA any student can ever get is 4.2 because they don’t weight classes like the public school. On the other hand, he had had the benefit of a very rigorous education and is heading off the college very well prepared. And, hopefully the colleges understand the grading rigor. Since he wants to go to grad school, it may not be the worst thing to go to an undergraduate school that he will shine at. But he also just told me that he thinks his high school decision changed the course of his life. Some of his friends from middle school with similar profiles (boys who flew under the radar) aren’t even planning to go to college and he sees that.

Good luck!

Just a note on the college process: when we went through it a few years ago with my son now in college, we learned that for many colleges, the applications are directed to admissions staff based on region and they are familiar with the schools in the area. They knew what schools were more rigorous than others, they knew the grading scales and that all is not "even". So don't worry too much about that!

That is a relief. Thank you for sharing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the Catholic middle schools teach more than the public middle schools but no parent on this site wants to hear it. It is TRUE.

LOL. No. I’ve had children in both.

I’ve had kids in both too. My kids in public were literally a year behind their siblings who went to private.

Obviously this depends on your specific school.

This and same experience. Public MS/Private HS. Public school (moco) grades were grossly overstated. Publics have lost their way.

[Anonymous]

My single mom did this. My older brother was going down a bad path in middle school and she sent him to a very good catholic high school. I was the overachiever good student and got sent too when it was time. My friends all went to the easy public high school. It was hard but she told me to try it for one year. By then I’d made friends, was excelling and never looked back. I stayed friends with all my public school friends and made new catholic school friends. I’m so glad she pushed me. I’ve done really well (top university, grad school and good jobs) and I attribute it to having gotten a really good start in hs where I was pushed academically. I was pissed at the time but am very happy my mom pushed me. You’re the parent here.

[Anonymous]

I would get off the Catholic only perspective and look at several schools and find the school that fits your daughter the best instead of trying to have your daughter fit to a school.

[Anonymous]

You need to get her buying or at least a willingess to be open to the idea and try it out. You can't overlook the importance of their social and emotional needs at this age. We moved our DD to a private during covid and are moving her back to pubic next year because she hasn't made any real friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP no Catholic school is going to do well with that 504.

Please do not do this.

Let your child have a voice.

BS that a Catholic School is more academic than her public. We know why you want it op...

This - our local McLean parish school had no idea what to do with SN kids and 504s (which they will give a different title to). Huge waste of our time sending an ADHD there. Cruel environment

Our local parish middle school was amazing with my child's plan. and so far the high school has been even better. Public was a nightmare. You can't make generalizations like this because of your experience.

[Anonymous]

OP we did this—applied and DC did shadow and decided they wanted to attend. Even though the school supposedly has a program to support kids with ADHD and learning differences, it isn’t great. Just a glorified public school - ish environment that you have to pay for. I send DC because I went to catholic school for the reasons you state. It was a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I have decided the high performing Catholic high school will be the best school for our DD. (DH and I went to Catholic schools and really like the model of rules, high expectations, etc)

We have an older DS who is a Senior at the local "good" public high school, but we have been very disappointed with it. Too huge, kid is quiet so gets totally overlooked, 504 plan for ADHD is basically ignored, little homework or way too much with no guidance. I feel like it's not college prer, but rather "get the kid through and out" We want much better for ou

So, we've told out 8th grader that she will be going to St. X school, but she is totally against it. She wants the "easy" path of her older brother. She's afraid of having 2-3 hours of homework per night. She's says she'll have no friends (she's shy and only has 2 now), doesn't want to travel farther for it, etc.

I know St. X is the best place for her. Can I make her go, or is she destined for failure if her heart isn't in it?

It's a tough position for all of you. I was in your shoes not long ago, transitioning 4 children from public to Catholic school; among them there were various degrees of objection.

However, as their parent, I simply had to sit down and explain to each of my children that because I love them, and because I'm aware of certain things that they aren't aware yet about the way the world works and the importance of education, this was a decision that my spouse and I had to make for their own best interest.

We were fortunate enough to have a few different options to consider, and we involved them in that process, so they were able to have some input (although again, ultimately the decision was up to us as parents).

It's all worked out great! Sure, changing schools is never easy, and it's more difficult for some than others, but this happens to millions of kids every year as people move around the country for work etc. Especially in this area, kids come and kids go and I think that helps set the tone and makes children accepting of newcomers. Our children are thriving in their new schools; have made more friends than they had at their prior schools; and the angst about changing schools is a distant memory.

Now in fact we are juggling a similar issue but within the Catholic/private school universe. Our oldest is at Saint X and doing well. However, for various reasons, we think Saint Y is a better fit for our second child, and so we're getting a little pushback because she wants to do the same as her older brother; our third child is on track for yet a third high school. Haha the fun never ends! However, we approach it always the same way, and our children ultimately have confidence that we're making these decisions for well-thought out reasons with their best interest at heart, so we haven't had any issues.

Good luck whatever you decide -- I'm sure it will be OK.

[Anonymous]

Catholic schools in general are not good with special needs plans. St John’s High School has a special program.
In general, private schools aren’t the best for a child with learning disabilities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do this to your daughter.

Don’t do what?

[Anonymous]

You still have time to apply to Connelly School of the Holy Child -- there is still time. This school is excellent and isn't too strict.