Should I send my kid to private (Catholic) high school against her will?

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have decided the high performing Catholic high school will be the best school for our DD. (DH and I went to Catholic schools and really like the model of rules, high expectations, etc)

We have an older DS who is a Senior at the local "good" public high school, but we have been very disappointed with it. Too huge, kid is quiet so gets totally overlooked, 504 plan for ADHD is basically ignored, little homework or way too much with no guidance. I feel like it's not college prer, but rather "get the kid through and out" We want much better for ou

So, we've told out 8th grader that she will be going to St. X school, but she is totally against it. She wants the "easy" path of her older brother. She's afraid of having 2-3 hours of homework per night. She's says she'll have no friends (she's shy and only has 2 now), doesn't want to travel farther for it, etc.

I know St. X is the best place for her. Can I make her go, or is she destined for failure if her heart isn't in it?

[Anonymous]

Don't do this to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Start the application for the high school and have your daughter do a shadow day. Maybe she will change her mind if she visits it. People have a lot of preconceived notions of what schools are like and seeing them in person is really the best way to tell. If she still hates it after the visit then don’t send her!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she doesn't want to go based on a bunch of assumptions. Why would you even allow her to have an opinion at this point if she literally knows nothing about the actual school?

[Anonymous]

have you socialized thids with her at all, or are you just telling her this is how it is?

You sound not in DC - our catholic schools have shadow days for the kids, open houses, and plenty of ways to get engaged. 2-3 hours of homework sounds excessive. Is she saying that because it's true or because it's what she fears? Here, there's also a competitive application process and an essay the kid has to write, as well as a test.

I dunno. I feel like working WITH you kids as much as possible is a better path than dictating to your kids. Something seems off here, especially with older son though I guess you kept him at local school and did'nt change things for him because of covid years.

[Anonymous]

Are the only choices the public school or St. X? You and she need to have a collaborative conversation about all of your concerns (her concerns are as valid as yours!) and discuss which school(s) meet which concerns. Once you have established trust and that you will listen and consider your daughter's concerns, she will be more likely to listen to your concerns -- but you have to actually listen!

[Anonymous]

If she doesn’t understand or appreciate the privilege and sacrifice, then no

[Anonymous]

OP no Catholic school is going to do well with that 504.

Please do not do this.

Let your child have a voice.

BS that a Catholic School is more academic than her public. We know why you want it op...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I have decided the high performing Catholic high school will be the best school for our DD. (DH and I went to Catholic schools and really like the model of rules, high expectations, etc)

We have an older DS who is a Senior at the local "good" public high school, but we have been very disappointed with it. Too huge, kid is quiet so gets totally overlooked, 504 plan for ADHD is basically ignored, little homework or way too much with no guidance. I feel like it's not college prer, but rather "get the kid through and out" We want much better for ou

So, we've told out 8th grader that she will be going to St. X school, but she is totally against it. She wants the "easy" path of her older brother. She's afraid of having 2-3 hours of homework per night. She's says she'll have no friends (she's shy and only has 2 now), doesn't want to travel farther for it, etc.

I know St. X is the best place for her. Can I make her go, or is she destined for failure if her heart isn't in it?

Not all Catholic schools are the same. Do you know that the school you are looking at is going to be a good fit for her? It might be very different then the school you attended.

[Anonymous]

OP I was in your situation a few years back. My kid was in a large public middle with supposedly excellent academics but was getting As with no effort and his 504 was totally ignored. Given his good grades, we applied to private Catholic HS. He was totally opposed for the reasons your DD articulated. We essentially made him apply but told him that we would discuss options once the application process was over. He did a shadow day and I’m positive he went to the shadow day intending to hate it … but found he really liked it. He loved the small class sizes and classroom discussion and even the cafeteria. He liked the kids he met too.

When he got in, he did think about it, but finally decided to go. It has been a very good experience. He got the 504 support he needed (the school was much better for that than his public middle). Academically it was a shock and his first-year grades were not good. He went from “advanced” math to remedial math. I would say he was practically a year behind his Catholic school peers — they came in writing full essays, he had barely read a book at his school. It was a real struggle. But he is now getting As.

The one thing I will say is that we are in the college process now and his grades are markedly lower than some of his middle school peers who went to the local public. It may impact his college choices. At his school, the highest GPA any student can ever get is 4.2 because they don’t weight classes like the public school. On the other hand, he had had the benefit of a very rigorous education and is heading off the college very well prepared. And, hopefully the colleges understand the grading rigor. Since he wants to go to grad school, it may not be the worst thing to go to an undergraduate school that he will shine at. But he also just told me that he thinks his high school decision changed the course of his life. Some of his friends from middle school with similar profiles (boys who flew under the radar) aren’t even planning to go to college and he sees that.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Give her more input to the process

[Anonymous]

My kids had no choice. Of course they didn't want to leave their friends and the type of school environment they knew, but my husband and I are the adults and we made the decision based on what we felt was best for them.

[Anonymous]

Why not start the process and encourage her to keep her options open. Go to the open house, have her shadow, meet a few current students. Apply; get accepted. How happy you'll all be when she decides it's the best fit for her after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I was in your situation a few years back. My kid was in a large public middle with supposedly excellent academics but was getting As with no effort and his 504 was totally ignored. Given his good grades, we applied to private Catholic HS. He was totally opposed for the reasons your DD articulated. We essentially made him apply but told him that we would discuss options once the application process was over. He did a shadow day and I’m positive he went to the shadow day intending to hate it … but found he really liked it. He loved the small class sizes and classroom discussion and even the cafeteria. He liked the kids he met too.

When he got in, he did think about it, but finally decided to go. It has been a very good experience. He got the 504 support he needed (the school was much better for that than his public middle). Academically it was a shock and his first-year grades were not good. He went from “advanced” math to remedial math. I would say he was practically a year behind his Catholic school peers — they came in writing full essays, he had barely read a book at his school. It was a real struggle. But he is now getting As.

The one thing I will say is that we are in the college process now and his grades are markedly lower than some of his middle school peers who went to the local public. It may impact his college choices. At his school, the highest GPA any student can ever get is 4.2 because they don’t weight classes like the public school. On the other hand, he had had the benefit of a very rigorous education and is heading off the college very well prepared. And, hopefully the colleges understand the grading rigor. Since he wants to go to grad school, it may not be the worst thing to go to an undergraduate school that he will shine at. But he also just told me that he thinks his high school decision changed the course of his life. Some of his friends from middle school with similar profiles (boys who flew under the radar) aren’t even planning to go to college and he sees that.

Good luck!

Same experience here.

[Anonymous]

Op here. We're not in DC, but other major metro.
We've been telling DD we want her to go to St. X for over a year now.
We do have close family friends with kids at St. X, so I know exactly what to expect (and the large # of kids that go to top 50 schools from St. X)
I had a meeting with admissions officer and got even more questions answered.
I know with certainty that there is 2-3 hours homework per night (for honors kids), and my dd is scared by that (although she willingly puts that time in now in her Middle school gifted classes).
I want her to do a shadow day, but she doesn't want to .
She is also my kid who likes to say no to everything and that she dislikes everything. She likes to be argumentative (future lawyer?)