Should I send my kid to private (Catholic) high school against her will?

[Anonymous]

Op again- and honestly, I hate our public high school now that DS has had such a bad experience. DS has mental illness, exacerbated by environment and low quality friends at school, lack of help from school, 3rd counselor switch in 3 years. Teachers never ever email me when DS starts failing class, I meet with social worker and counselor and lots of lip service with no action.
I feel like I can't repeat that process again (and can't share full extent with DD without seemingly bashing DS )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I was in your situation a few years back. My kid was in a large public middle with supposedly excellent academics but was getting As with no effort and his 504 was totally ignored. Given his good grades, we applied to private Catholic HS. He was totally opposed for the reasons your DD articulated. We essentially made him apply but told him that we would discuss options once the application process was over. He did a shadow day and I’m positive he went to the shadow day intending to hate it … but found he really liked it. He loved the small class sizes and classroom discussion and even the cafeteria. He liked the kids he met too.

When he got in, he did think about it, but finally decided to go. It has been a very good experience. He got the 504 support he needed (the school was much better for that than his public middle). Academically it was a shock and his first-year grades were not good. He went from “advanced” math to remedial math. I would say he was practically a year behind his Catholic school peers — they came in writing full essays, he had barely read a book at his school. It was a real struggle. But he is now getting As.

The one thing I will say is that we are in the college process now and his grades are markedly lower than some of his middle school peers who went to the local public. It may impact his college choices. At his school, the highest GPA any student can ever get is 4.2 because they don’t weight classes like the public school. On the other hand, he had had the benefit of a very rigorous education and is heading off the college very well prepared. And, hopefully the colleges understand the grading rigor. Since he wants to go to grad school, it may not be the worst thing to go to an undergraduate school that he will shine at. But he also just told me that he thinks his high school decision changed the course of his life. Some of his friends from middle school with similar profiles (boys who flew under the radar) aren’t even planning to go to college and he sees that.

Good luck!

Just a note on the college process: when we went through it a few years ago with my son now in college, we learned that for many colleges, the applications are directed to admissions staff based on region and they are familiar with the schools in the area. They knew what schools were more rigorous than others, they knew the grading scales and that all is not "even". So don't worry too much about that!

[Anonymous]

She can easily decide to bomb the HSPT and make it a moot issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know St. X is the best place for her. Can I make her go, or is she destined for failure if her heart isn't in it?

How do you know St. X is the "best place for her"?

As a PP stated, not all privates are the same.

Also, just because your older DC didn't do as well in public school doesn't mean your younger DC won't, either.

Whether public or private, it really is kid dependent. Some kids thrive in large settings (public), while others get lost and need a smaller school. IMO, small class size can be a con when it comes to social issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I was in your situation a few years back. My kid was in a large public middle with supposedly excellent academics but was getting As with no effort and his 504 was totally ignored. Given his good grades, we applied to private Catholic HS. He was totally opposed for the reasons your DD articulated. We essentially made him apply but told him that we would discuss options once the application process was over. He did a shadow day and I’m positive he went to the shadow day intending to hate it … but found he really liked it. He loved the small class sizes and classroom discussion and even the cafeteria. He liked the kids he met too.

When he got in, he did think about it, but finally decided to go. It has been a very good experience. He got the 504 support he needed (the school was much better for that than his public middle). Academically it was a shock and his first-year grades were not good. He went from “advanced” math to remedial math. I would say he was practically a year behind his Catholic school peers — they came in writing full essays, he had barely read a book at his school. It was a real struggle. But he is now getting As.

The one thing I will say is that we are in the college process now and his grades are markedly lower than some of his middle school peers who went to the local public. It may impact his college choices. At his school, the highest GPA any student can ever get is 4.2 because they don’t weight classes like the public school. On the other hand, he had had the benefit of a very rigorous education and is heading off the college very well prepared. And, hopefully the colleges understand the grading rigor. Since he wants to go to grad school, it may not be the worst thing to go to an undergraduate school that he will shine at. But he also just told me that he thinks his high school decision changed the course of his life. Some of his friends from middle school with similar profiles (boys who flew under the radar) aren’t even planning to go to college and he sees that.

Good luck!

eh..not all schools are the same, either public or private. There are plenty of private school kids who go public, and find they are behind in math.

DC knows some kids in private schools, and their highest math class is two lower than the advanced math track in public where the advanced math classes are full of really smart kids. It really depends on the schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do this to your daughter.

This don’t do this to your daughter please!

[Anonymous]

For HS, she absolutely needs to be part of the decision. Have her tour both and see what she thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I was in your situation a few years back. My kid was in a large public middle with supposedly excellent academics but was getting As with no effort and his 504 was totally ignored. Given his good grades, we applied to private Catholic HS. He was totally opposed for the reasons your DD articulated. We essentially made him apply but told him that we would discuss options once the application process was over. He did a shadow day and I’m positive he went to the shadow day intending to hate it … but found he really liked it. He loved the small class sizes and classroom discussion and even the cafeteria. He liked the kids he met too.

When he got in, he did think about it, but finally decided to go. It has been a very good experience. He got the 504 support he needed (the school was much better for that than his public middle). Academically it was a shock and his first-year grades were not good. He went from “advanced” math to remedial math. I would say he was practically a year behind his Catholic school peers — they came in writing full essays, he had barely read a book at his school. It was a real struggle. But he is now getting As.

The one thing I will say is that we are in the college process now and his grades are markedly lower than some of his middle school peers who went to the local public. It may impact his college choices. At his school, the highest GPA any student can ever get is 4.2 because they don’t weight classes like the public school. On the other hand, he had had the benefit of a very rigorous education and is heading off the college very well prepared. And, hopefully the colleges understand the grading rigor. Since he wants to go to grad school, it may not be the worst thing to go to an undergraduate school that he will shine at. But he also just told me that he thinks his high school decision changed the course of his life. Some of his friends from middle school with similar profiles (boys who flew under the radar) aren’t even planning to go to college and he sees that.

Good luck!

eh..not all schools are the same, either public or private. There are plenty of private school kids who go public, and find they are behind in math.

DC knows some kids in private schools, and their highest math class is two lower than the advanced math track in public where the advanced math classes are full of really smart kids. It really depends on the schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do this to your daughter.

This don’t do this to your daughter please!

Op here- Why not, what are the reasons?

and for others who debate the rigor of the classes. Both St. X and the public school have equivalent classes, multiple APs, high level math available, etc. Let's not focus on that, it's more the environment at each school
Public HS is 3000 students, St. X is 1200 students.

[Anonymous]

Definitely have her do a shadow day. You could also tell her that if she absolutely hates it at the end of freshman year that you’ll let her go back to public school. I’m sure the prospect of starting a new school not knowing anyone is scary. Once she settles in and has friends it will be easier for her to truly evaluate the experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start the application for the high school and have your daughter do a shadow day. Maybe she will change her mind if she visits it. People have a lot of preconceived notions of what schools are like and seeing them in person is really the best way to tell. If she still hates it after the visit then don’t send her!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:have you socialized thids with her at all, or are you just telling her this is how it is?

You sound not in DC - our catholic schools have shadow days for the kids, open houses, and plenty of ways to get engaged. 2-3 hours of homework sounds excessive. Is she saying that because it's true or because it's what she fears? Here, there's also a competitive application process and an essay the kid has to write, as well as a test.

I dunno. I feel like working WITH you kids as much as possible is a better path than dictating to your kids. Something seems off here, especially with older son though I guess you kept him at local school and did'nt change things for him because of covid years.

2 to 3 hours for homework is normal in DC privates

Maybe the Catholic schools are easier though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start the application for the high school and have your daughter do a shadow day. Maybe she will change her mind if she visits it. People have a lot of preconceived notions of what schools are like and seeing them in person is really the best way to tell. If she still hates it after the visit then don’t send her!

+1

-1 If she doesn't want to go there, she can ensure she never gets admitted on a shadow day

[Anonymous]

Pulling a shy kid away from their only few friends against her will sounds really quite cruel, especially at that age. I’m struggling with this because I know preteens are not exactly the best decision makers, but if it’s really hard for her to make friends it sounds like she’s going to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

My family forced boy to go to a Catholic school that we told him was a great fit. He didn’t believe it. After a year there was promised transfer anywhere he could get into.

He went and later agreed that this had been a great school for him. Never wanted to transfer out. At 13 some kids just aren’t ready to make good decisions.