Should I send my kid to private (Catholic) high school against her will?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP no Catholic school is going to do well with that 504.

Please do not do this.

Let your child have a voice.

BS that a Catholic School is more academic than her public. We know why you want it op...

This - our local McLean parish school had no idea what to do with SN kids and 504s (which they will give a different title to). Huge waste of our time sending an ADHD there. Cruel environment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her more input to the process

+ 1000. Why in the world would you tell her, “You are going to X school, like it or not!” Are you secretly wanting to have a control battle over it?!

Try treating her with more respect and lay out your thoughts. If the case seems so clear to you and your husband, do you not think your daughter might find some of the same reasons compelling? And if she has a different perspective, do her views not matter?!

As a younger sibling, I can say it sucks to have decisions made for you based on your older siblings experience alone. The siblings are different people. If you want DD to have major resentment against you *and* her brother, you are doing an ace job of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she doesn’t understand or appreciate the privilege and sacrifice, then no

This!

She is old enough to make this choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family forced boy to go to a Catholic school that we told him was a great fit. He didn’t believe it. After a year there was promised transfer anywhere he could get into.

He went and later agreed that this had been a great school for him. Never wanted to transfer out. At 13 some kids just aren’t ready to make good decisions.

The opposite happened in our family. Our parents pretty much forced my brother to go to well-regarded smaller private high school in our town. He wanted to go to the public high school and stay with his friends.

He was not involved in the decision, so my parents --- in his eyes --- owned it. In a number of subtle ways, he refused to adapt or accept the school as his place.

He lasted a year. My parents were eventually worn down by the negativity and moved him to the public school. He did much better there because it was his choice.

This is still a family bone of contention.

If he would have been indifferent between the two, that might have been different.

It's way, way better if kids are signed up to the decision. There may be changes of heart but counting on that is not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I have decided the high performing Catholic high school will be the best school for our DD. (DH and I went to Catholic schools and really like the model of rules, high expectations, etc)

We have an older DS who is a Senior at the local "good" public high school, but we have been very disappointed with it. Too huge, kid is quiet so gets totally overlooked, 504 plan for ADHD is basically ignored, little homework or way too much with no guidance. I feel like it's not college prer, but rather "get the kid through and out" We want much better for ou

So, we've told out 8th grader that she will be going to St. X school, but she is totally against it. She wants the "easy" path of her older brother. She's afraid of having 2-3 hours of homework per night. She's says she'll have no friends (she's shy and only has 2 now), doesn't want to travel farther for it, etc.

I know St. X is the best place for her. Can I make her go, or is she destined for failure if her heart isn't in it?

It appears that some posters think that your daughter also has a learning disability / special needs. Does she ?

How much additional travel is involved ?

Even though your daughter is just 13, it would be best to make this decision a family decision after doing a shadow day.

[Anonymous]

the Catholic middle schools teach more than the public middle schools but no parent on this site wants to hear it. It is TRUE.

[Anonymous]

The older brother has the 504, not the daughter, for those who have made the point about Catholic schools not honoring 504s to argue against the daughter going to St. X. (And for what it is worth, my daughter's well regarded public school repeatedly ignored her 504, so it's not like staying in public school is any guarantee).

OP, I echo others who are recommending a tour and a shadow day. She might be surprised. Mine are younger but nonetheless resisted and thought they wanted to stay in public because it was all they knew. They have been much, much happier. The standards are different, and they were significantly behind in English (especially grammar).

I am a believer in small schools. Studies have shown that small schools lead to better outcomes, so much so that NYC has tried subdividing some of their megaschools into smaller schools within a school (https://www.educationnext.org/new-york-citys-small-schools-revolution/). People in this area don't like to acknowledge it because our schools are so "good," but the very large public schools don't work at all for some kids.

[Anonymous]

Can you check their sports or event schedule and try to attend something more casual or admissions oriented than a shadow day? Maybe the school would grow on her if she saw kids having fun? If she doesn’t want to go, I don’t see how she’d get in if they have interviews/shadows

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely have her do a shadow day. You could also tell her that if she absolutely hates it at the end of freshman year that you’ll let her go back to public school. I’m sure the prospect of starting a new school not knowing anyone is scary. Once she settles in and has friends it will be easier for her to truly evaluate the experience.

I was going to suggest a shadow day and also see if you can speak to current parents. That will help you decide if it is truly the best place for your DC.

[Anonymous]

OP here:
DS 1 has ADHD and 504, and is at our public HS. I know not all public HS are bad- many of my friends have regular dialogs with teachers and such, but ours is too big, impersonal and just a number.
Twice now, teachers have pulled another kid out of class to take my son's makeup exam, because they didn't know who my son was. and don't care.

DD 2 is typical, honors type kid. She would probably be "fine" at public HS, but overlooked and not challenged, encouraged or motivated, just like DS 1. I know that St. X is the opposite with staff that really care about and encourage the kids to be their best self and reach their potential.

I will push her to do a shadow day.
I also like the idea that I send her for a year, and tell her if she's not happy, she can transfer to public HS or elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I was in your situation a few years back. My kid was in a large public middle with supposedly excellent academics but was getting As with no effort and his 504 was totally ignored. Given his good grades, we applied to private Catholic HS. He was totally opposed for the reasons your DD articulated. We essentially made him apply but told him that we would discuss options once the application process was over. He did a shadow day and I’m positive he went to the shadow day intending to hate it … but found he really liked it. He loved the small class sizes and classroom discussion and even the cafeteria. He liked the kids he met too.

When he got in, he did think about it, but finally decided to go. It has been a very good experience. He got the 504 support he needed (the school was much better for that than his public middle). Academically it was a shock and his first-year grades were not good. He went from “advanced” math to remedial math. I would say he was practically a year behind his Catholic school peers — they came in writing full essays, he had barely read a book at his school. It was a real struggle. But he is now getting As.

The one thing I will say is that we are in the college process now and his grades are markedly lower than some of his middle school peers who went to the local public. It may impact his college choices. At his school, the highest GPA any student can ever get is 4.2 because they don’t weight classes like the public school. On the other hand, he had had the benefit of a very rigorous education and is heading off the college very well prepared. And, hopefully the colleges understand the grading rigor. Since he wants to go to grad school, it may not be the worst thing to go to an undergraduate school that he will shine at. But he also just told me that he thinks his high school decision changed the course of his life. Some of his friends from middle school with similar profiles (boys who flew under the radar) aren’t even planning to go to college and he sees that.

Good luck!

Same experience here.

+1 and so very grateful, seeing how my DS’s former peers from public school are floundering

[Anonymous]

Your daughter shouldn't have to pay for her brother's issues. Sounds like the brother should have gone to Catholic school and she should go to the good public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP no Catholic school is going to do well with that 504.

Please do not do this.

Let your child have a voice.

BS that a Catholic School is more academic than her public. We know why you want it op...

This - our local McLean parish school had no idea what to do with SN kids and 504s (which they will give a different title to). Huge waste of our time sending an ADHD there. Cruel environment

This can only be St. Luke’s or St. John’s and it’s not relevant to OP anyway since her situation is re: HS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again- and honestly, I hate our public high school now that DS has had such a bad experience. DS has mental illness, exacerbated by environment and low quality friends at school, lack of help from school, 3rd counselor switch in 3 years. Teachers never ever email me when DS starts failing class, I meet with social worker and counselor and lots of lip service with no action.
I feel like I can't repeat that process again (and can't share full extent with DD without seemingly bashing DS )

No way to know if your DD will have the same experience. Public schools are deal with a range of kids are normally much better at dealing with kids with learning disabilities. It is what the nature of public school is. Hard to believe that you didn't know your DS was having issues in classes. School systems have online grading systems where you can see grades and even receive notifications when grades below a threshold are entered. Private schools are no where near as open. Make your DD a part of the process so you won't end up spinning your wheels. She has to own a portion of it. If she's in a magnet type program, I'd really compare the private school to the program. Magnets blow private schools away in terms of rigor and access (if it's a true magnet)....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely have her do a shadow day. You could also tell her that if she absolutely hates it at the end of freshman year that you’ll let her go back to public school. I’m sure the prospect of starting a new school not knowing anyone is scary. Once she settles in and has friends it will be easier for her to truly evaluate the experience.

I was going to suggest a shadow day and also see if you can speak to current parents. That will help you decide if it is truly the best place for your DC.

I've spoken to other parents on St. X for 3 years now, and know the families very well, and their kids' experiences. I even know the best teachers, the curriculum, the sports program. and like any school, the negatives.
With all this, I KNOW St. X is the right school. That is not in question a bit.

This is about my dd being 13, immature and not knowing what is best for her overall growth. I also won't let my kids sit and play video games and social media all day, because I know what's best for them.