Pushy in laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting to see that OP hasn’t responded to the posts about how she might be reacting emotionally to her husband’s interactions and how they might be contributing to his stress.

Ha this is op. We were eating breakfast sorry my response doesn’t suit you. I am not adding stress. They are stressing him out not me. I am venting here not to him.

I am having my own individual stress from this because I am now getting texts and my kids are telling me they’re getting texts from the pushy in-laws telling them they should come on the trip. So I have my own stress about this now because they are directly contacting me and directly contacting my kids. We can’t go on the trip. It’s a lot to ask. Nothing more to be sad about it. As I said they all don’t work and the other sibling is a multi millionaire that also doesn’t “work” in an office daily. He works remotely a few hours here or there playing golf with clients twice a week which is wonderful but it prevents him from being able to a daily job that requires one to be in the office such as my husband has. He doesn’t get the two weeks of vacation a year idea. Doesn’t get it or understand that flying 3000 miles is a big deal especially when there are no direct flights.

And when they send these texts, what exactly is your response. Go look on your phone and tell us exactly what you type back. We’ll wait.

Are you okay? This is such a strange response. You sound almost psychotic and projecting.

I think this PP has assumed that the OP will do as instructed and is testing that theory. Funny.

[Anonymous]

When you say “ pushy people” this is another way of putting down Jews. I have heard this my entire life. “Pushy people” is code for Jews. Why should his parents wish you Merry Christmas? You have done a terrible thing to them by raising their grandchildren as Christians. You get no sympathy from me. You sound like the pushy one to me. So disrespectful to your own husband’s family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you obviously don’t have to go but perhaps if you were honest with yourself and others your responses would have more clarity. The more background you offered it seems clear you don’t like your in-laws, this trip seems triggering as it’s religious based and you denigrate that aspect. The ‘can’t go for 10 days is easily addressed by going for a portion of the trip; your DD last pre-college summer could instead be marked by an amazing experience in a part of the world it sounds like she’s never been - also - as she heads into adulthood-connecting with her family - some of whom you say she adores. Go or don’t go but be honest. It’s not that you can’t go it that you don’t want to and part of that reason for you is you dislike your in-laws.

You have reading comprehension issues. Husband can’t get off 10 days for trip plus another week for their own family vacation plus more time off to take daughter to college. You sound like in-laws self absorbed and don’t get it. If husband isn’t practicing and does not want to go himself why should op have to go?

What does being a “practicing” Jew have to do with any of this? It is clear to everyone here that the OP hates her in-laws and would never in 1 million years prioritize her husband‘s family. His family clearly loves their grandchildren and she is doing everything in her power to prevent them from having a nice anniversary together. It seems clear to me that she has cultivated a culture of disregard for her husband‘s parents. She fails to see how raising her children as Christians is a slap in the face to his parents and has no understanding or empathy for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you obviously don’t have to go but perhaps if you were honest with yourself and others your responses would have more clarity. The more background you offered it seems clear you don’t like your in-laws, this trip seems triggering as it’s religious based and you denigrate that aspect. The ‘can’t go for 10 days is easily addressed by going for a portion of the trip; your DD last pre-college summer could instead be marked by an amazing experience in a part of the world it sounds like she’s never been - also - as she heads into adulthood-connecting with her family - some of whom you say she adores. Go or don’t go but be honest. It’s not that you can’t go it that you don’t want to and part of that reason for you is you dislike your in-laws.

You have reading comprehension issues. Husband can’t get off 10 days for trip plus another week for their own family vacation plus more time off to take daughter to college. You sound like in-laws self absorbed and don’t get it. If husband isn’t practicing and does not want to go himself why should op have to go?

What does being a “practicing” Jew have to do with any of this?It is clear to everyone here that the OP hates her in-laws and would never in 1 million years prioritize her husband‘s family. His family clearly loves their grandchildren and she is doing everything in her power to prevent them from having a nice anniversary together. It seems clear to me that she has cultivated a culture of disregard for her husband‘s parents. She fails to see how raising her children as Christians is a slap in the face to his parents and has no understanding or empathy for them.

It was mentioned it was going to be a trip with religious elements. You sound like the poster on every thread who immediately attacks the OP with
you’re a bad mother, wife, sister, friend, etc. and completely disregards all of the attendant extenuating circumstances.

[Anonymous]

There’s a lot going on within this family. Yes, OP and her husband should not have to go on this trip due to multiple conflicts and DH’s family should accept that. But, more concerning is DH’s inability to set boundaries with his parents and OP’s resentment of her inlaws and their religious beliefs/lifestyle. As a Jewish mother of boys I pray that my daughter in laws will be accepting and accommodating, whether Jewish or not.

[Anonymous]

5:01 here. And while ILs need to back off 100% about the trip, a small part of me understands why they cannot let it go. A trip to Israel is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I’m sure they are just devastated that it won’t work out for your schedule. Israel is such a spiritual place that even those who are not religious or atheist even, find it inspiring.

Unfortunately your inlaws didn’t plan well… booking a trip without asking everyone’s availability first is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you say “ pushy people” this is another way of putting down Jews. I have heard this my entire life. “Pushy people” is code for Jews. Why should his parents wish you Merry Christmas? You have done a terrible thing to them by raising their grandchildren as Christians. You get no sympathy from me. You sound like the pushy one to me. So disrespectful to your own husband’s family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you obviously don’t have to go but perhaps if you were honest with yourself and others your responses would have more clarity. The more background you offered it seems clear you don’t like your in-laws, this trip seems triggering as it’s religious based and you denigrate that aspect. The ‘can’t go for 10 days is easily addressed by going for a portion of the trip; your DD last pre-college summer could instead be marked by an amazing experience in a part of the world it sounds like she’s never been - also - as she heads into adulthood-connecting with her family - some of whom you say she adores. Go or don’t go but be honest. It’s not that you can’t go it that you don’t want to and part of that reason for you is you dislike your in-laws.

You have reading comprehension issues. Husband can’t get off 10 days for trip plus another week for their own family vacation plus more time off to take daughter to college. You sound like in-laws self absorbed and don’t get it. If husband isn’t practicing and does not want to go himself why should op have to go?

What does being a “practicing” Jew have to do with any of this? It is clear to everyone here that the OP hates her in-laws and would never in 1 million years prioritize her husband‘s family. His family clearly loves their grandchildren and she is doing everything in her power to prevent them from having a nice anniversary together. It seems clear to me that she has cultivated a culture of disregard for her husband‘s parents. She fails to see how raising her children as Christians is a slap in the face to his parents and has no understanding or empathy for them.

If her husband’s family is so intolerant that him choosing to raise his child in another religion is “a slap in the face” to them, then they deserve to be slapped in the face. Hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you say “ pushy people” this is another way of putting down Jews. I have heard this my entire life. “Pushy people” is code for Jews. Why should his parents wish you Merry Christmas? You have done a terrible thing to them by raising their grandchildren as Christians. You get no sympathy from me. You sound like the pushy one to me. So disrespectful to your own husband’s family.

All I can say is “if the shoe fits.” You do sound pushy and intolerant and if people are judging you on that then so be it. Btw being pushy is not a Jewish thing. I know lots of pushy people from all faiths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I know! It sounds amazing, I wish we could go. But we hope you have a wonderful time "

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

No, no, no to the bolded. I did that once to be nice and it came back and bit me in the backside. They used that as an excuse to hound even more. "There has got to be a way that you could make this work since you would like to go!"

I would also add that your DH had to have some backbone to marry out of his birth faith if his parents are religious.

His nervous situation might be from years of having to deal with the blowback. He has to find a way to not be effected now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you obviously don’t have to go but perhaps if you were honest with yourself and others your responses would have more clarity. The more background you offered it seems clear you don’t like your in-laws, this trip seems triggering as it’s religious based and you denigrate that aspect. The ‘can’t go for 10 days is easily addressed by going for a portion of the trip; your DD last pre-college summer could instead be marked by an amazing experience in a part of the world it sounds like she’s never been - also - as she heads into adulthood-connecting with her family - some of whom you say she adores. Go or don’t go but be honest. It’s not that you can’t go it that you don’t want to and part of that reason for you is you dislike your in-laws.

You have reading comprehension issues. Husband can’t get off 10 days for trip plus another week for their own family vacation plus more time off to take daughter to college. You sound like in-laws self absorbed and don’t get it. If husband isn’t practicing and does not want to go himself why should op have to go?

What does being a “practicing” Jew have to do with any of this? It is clear to everyone here that the OP hates her in-laws and would never in 1 million years prioritize her husband‘s family. His family clearly loves their grandchildren and she is doing everything in her power to prevent them from having a nice anniversary together. It seems clear to me that she has cultivated a culture of disregard for her husband‘s parents. She fails to see how raising her children as Christians is a slap in the face to his parents and has no understanding or empathy for them.

If her husband’s family is so intolerant that him choosing to raise his child in another religion is “a slap in the face” to them, then they deserve to be slapped in the face. Hard.

You are so disgusting to wish violence on someone. Go think about this and reflect on your life.

[Anonymous]

You’re full of reasons you can’t go aka you just don’t want to go. Tell the in laws the truth- I’m sorry I don’t want to go. The end, move on, stop lying to yourself and others that you couldn’t possibly figure it out within a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In laws want us to travel to Israel for their anniversary next summer for 10 days. We can’t go for a number of reasons ie: daughter will be heading to college so it is her last summer here and she does not know when orientations are etc…, spouse can’t get off of work for 10 days, other child has travel competitive sports all summer, plus spouse and kids just don’t want to go to on such a long trip. They planned the trip without checking the dates and are really hounding us and pushing us to go. These people do not take no for an answer. They keep saying hopefully you will come even though spouse told them we can’t. They love across the country and we have been to visit them 3-4 times over the years and they have never come here which is fine but they give us major guilt trips for not seeing them enough. They travel all around the world on personal vacations yet never come here and still give us guilt trips. My spouse is a total wuss when it comes to his family and has no backbone so their constant pestering makes him a nervous wreck.

Need advise on how to handle this. Spouse has no backbone and won’t handle it. We will continue to get pleas and comments for the next year. Husband nw we told them we were not raising kids Jewish. He is not religious at all but they are. They don’t respect our decisions or religion. They don’t even say merry Christmas to me or kids. They only say happy holidays and only send hannukah gifts. How to handle such pushy people. We just went to see them this month across the country and they are already pressuring us for next visit. These are wealthy people that travel all over so they could easily see us here but choose not to and pressure us to come there. It’s exhausting.

How many times have you invited them to visit you? How many of those times did they say yes? How many times did they initiate visits without your invitation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am on the side of your in laws. You don't seem to have a good reason to not visit except that you clearly don't like them. So let your husband and your child visit. You stay home. Everyone will be happy.

You cannot read, apparently. OP’s husband CANNOT TAKE 10 DAYS OFF WORK. Are you suffering from poor eyesight, reading comprehension skills, dementia, or some combination thereof?

Exactly pp sounds pushy as well. This is op. Yes husbamd can not take off 10 days for the trip plus take off time to take child to college plus go to the family orientation which is in July most likely for the colleges they are applying to. Not to mention a few days hopefully to have some type of family vacation with just our immediate family. He doesn’t have that type of job. They don’t get it. They are retired and other sibling works rarely and remotely as he owns businesses.

You could go alone.

[Anonymous]

This is not a pushy in laws problem.

This is a failure on you and your DH's part to say no and stick to it.

"No we won't be going - no need to ask again"
"No you don't need to ask again - we've said before we're not going"
"Please don't use the kids to try and change our minds - we're not going"
"No"

It's your reaction. All of the noise about where they live and whether they visit you and all the other "stuff" doesn't matter. You're not going. You say you're not going. All the "it makes me feel" doesn't matter. They are not going to change who they are - but you can change how you respond.