Diversity of schools - can this work both ways? Am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think its okay to not choose say eastern for your child for high school. but a problem i see is people pulling happy kids out in upper elementary school and skipping out on the middle school feeder (which their child wants to attend w established friends) because they are concerned about high school. that always strikes me as a little bit like the woman who leans out professionally at a stage before she even has kids or something.

I actually live on the Hill and what happens WAY more frequently is that a family chooses the MS feed (SH, I don't know any E-H families) to keep their kid with their cohort, and then all or most of that cohort bails for charters or private either before MS or after the first year. I've seen this happen three times. It is terrible for the kids, who go from being excited about MS to feeling lonely and isolated, and the parents feel like they missed their shot to get them a positive MS experience.

Families are put in an impossible situation because you get one shot for Basis and Latin in 5th grade and then it's over, and you don't know who is going to take that shot, and who will win it, until it's over. So you can't just assume that your kid's friends are all going to be headed to SH for 6th grade. If they lottery for Basis/Latin and get in, they'll probably go. So you're going to lose part of the cohort in 5th. Then there will be families who didn't get spots and decide that's enough for them to decide to do private or move. And then you have families who will try SH and give up quick.

And you don't know who this will happen to until it's over. One day someone will just say "Oh we were offered a waitlist spot at Latin II and we decided to take it" and now your kid's best friend doesn't go to school with her anymore. And it will happen 5-10 times between 4th and 6th grade.

It's a prisoners dilemma. So yeah, a lot of us decide we're not going to sit around and watch it happen, and seek other MS/HS options in advance. I don't want to be making MS choices in the middle of MS in response to what other families have already done. You have to be proactive.

This exactly. Thank you for explaining so cogently

This is why we're moving soon. We have two kids. Maybe my older child will do ok with the IB school, but what if my 2nd child doesn't? What if my older child gets to lottery into a school that really works for them, but my 2nd child doesn't because they're far enough apart in age that sibling preference doesn't help after elementary school? So we'll move somewhere where both kids have the best shot of doing well with minimal needing to move schools again in the midst of middle school or highschool.

Before you jump to the 'burbs, do spend some time investigating those schools with the same critical eye you do DC schools.

I am. There is nowhere that is ideal. It's a really, really difficult decision.

It is. The trouble and the blessing of DC is school choice. Lots of options, but with that comes plenty of stress and fomo. The trouble with the burbs is that there are no options.

Well no, if school choice is dependent on lottery scores and you have to worry about how the lottery plays out for two kids, school choice still becomes moving to the location that provides the best promise to both children whether you're in DC or the burbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is the only white kid in class and seems to be the only UMC kid in class. And guess what, no one is friends with us. We had one person come to the birthday party. No one shows up to teacher organized playdates. I personally think it's impossible to truly be friends across different classes. Notice I didn't say races. I truly believe it's not a race issue in DC, it's a class issue. My husband and I were both born outside USA and have very strong cultural identities to our home countries, before people jump on me. So yes, while it's nice for the kid to have that experience of being a minority, it's also kinda sad.

The fact that you assume your whole class is poor and on welfare says all we need to know about you. Smh. How can you visually tell who is UMC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think its okay to not choose say eastern for your child for high school. but a problem i see is people pulling happy kids out in upper elementary school and skipping out on the middle school feeder (which their child wants to attend w established friends) because they are concerned about high school. that always strikes me as a little bit like the woman who leans out professionally at a stage before she even has kids or something.

I actually live on the Hill and what happens WAY more frequently is that a family chooses the MS feed (SH, I don't know any E-H families) to keep their kid with their cohort, and then all or most of that cohort bails for charters or private either before MS or after the first year. I've seen this happen three times. It is terrible for the kids, who go from being excited about MS to feeling lonely and isolated, and the parents feel like they missed their shot to get them a positive MS experience.

Families are put in an impossible situation because you get one shot for Basis and Latin in 5th grade and then it's over, and you don't know who is going to take that shot, and who will win it, until it's over. So you can't just assume that your kid's friends are all going to be headed to SH for 6th grade. If they lottery for Basis/Latin and get in, they'll probably go. So you're going to lose part of the cohort in 5th. Then there will be families who didn't get spots and decide that's enough for them to decide to do private or move. And then you have families who will try SH and give up quick.

And you don't know who this will happen to until it's over. One day someone will just say "Oh we were offered a waitlist spot at Latin II and we decided to take it" and now your kid's best friend doesn't go to school with her anymore. And it will happen 5-10 times between 4th and 6th grade.

It's a prisoners dilemma. So yeah, a lot of us decide we're not going to sit around and watch it happen, and seek other MS/HS options in advance. I don't want to be making MS choices in the middle of MS in response to what other families have already done. You have to be proactive.

This exactly. Thank you for explaining so cogently

This is why we're moving soon. We have two kids. Maybe my older child will do ok with the IB school, but what if my 2nd child doesn't? What if my older child gets to lottery into a school that really works for them, but my 2nd child doesn't because they're far enough apart in age that sibling preference doesn't help after elementary school? So we'll move somewhere where both kids have the best shot of doing well with minimal needing to move schools again in the midst of middle school or highschool.

Before you jump to the 'burbs, do spend some time investigating those schools with the same critical eye you do DC schools.

I am. There is nowhere that is ideal. It's a really, really difficult decision.

It is. The trouble and the blessing of DC is school choice. Lots of options, but with that comes plenty of stress and fomo. The trouble with the burbs is that there are no options.

Well no, if school choice is dependent on lottery scores and you have to worry about how the lottery plays out for two kids, school choice still becomes moving to the location that provides the best promise to both children whether you're in DC or the burbs.

Just because you aren't guaranteed your choice doesn't mean there's no choice. 73% of lottery applicants matched with a school on their list last year. There's choice, but there's also a risk you wont' get what you want. However, in the burbs you may find that what you have isn't what you want, and you're stuck. Risk both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly value a diverse environment for my children. I want them to interact with and befriend people from all walks of life - economically, perspective, experience, racially and ethnically. Diversity isn't a buzzword for me - I truly see the value in it, across a variety of contexts.

My children are white. I would never send them to a school that was 95% white. I'm upper middle class, closer to upper class than middle class, I think (HHI - $200k). I would never send them to a school that was 95% UMC or wealthy.

However there is a flip side - there are many schools in DC that are <1% white. Is it racist for me to be uncomfortable sending my kid there? It feels like a lot to ask of a 14 year old to be one of two white kids in his whole grade. No one wants their kid to stand out, or to feel like they don't belong.

Is that a bad thing? I'm honestly wondering. Particularly interested in the opinion of people of color - I know it's not your job to educate me on matters of race, but I really struggle with this one, so any help would be appreciated.

I know that schools on both ends of this (95% white, and <1% white) are the result of policies of racism and discrimination that continue to this day, and I want to be a good citizen and a good neighbor and help to dismantle this. But there are much bigger societal forces at play. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this matter.

Summary:

“Not to be racist, but …”

[Anonymous]

I would not send my kids to a school where they were the only.

If you need to know whether I am white or black or biracial in order to decide if this statement is defensive then you need to reexamine your moral "antiracism" superiority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not. Why are you contemplating it? Are the academics fantastic? Is it a great environment? What else do you know about this school other than the demographics?

School is where your child will spend the vast majority of his/her waking hours. Let them be happy at school. Don't make every aspect of their school existence a lesson of some sort.

I truly believe there are about 5% of DCUM parents who really prioritize sending their kid to a very diverse school. The rest of us care about diversity but care about academics and environment more. Diversity is a nice to have.

This is true for white parents. for POC, diversity actually is a priority, bc we don't want our kids to be the "only" and subject to horrific racism. So we are searching for a school that has it all -- academics and diversity.

Definitely agreeing with you here PP. Black/Latino kids will be treated like trash in all white schools.

[Anonymous]

hey not to take this on a tangent, but how diverse is McKinley Tech now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hey not to take this on a tangent, but how diverse is McKinley Tech now?

Enough to report PARCC proficiency rates for white and Hispanic students as well as Black. (Math is comparable to Latin for all three groups. ELA is better than Latin, again for all three groups.)

[Anonymous]

last year: 84% black, 11% hispanic, 4% white, 33% at-risk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is the only white kid in class and seems to be the only UMC kid in class. And guess what, no one is friends with us. We had one person come to the birthday party. No one shows up to teacher organized playdates. I personally think it's impossible to truly be friends across different classes. Notice I didn't say races. I truly believe it's not a race issue in DC, it's a class issue. My husband and I were both born outside USA and have very strong cultural identities to our home countries, before people jump on me. So yes, while it's nice for the kid to have that experience of being a minority, it's also kinda sad.

Ding ding ding! Class and culture is the issue, not race.

[Anonymous]

My kids have been in majority black schools, ES and HS. There have been minimal problems. I’m not sure what you fear about your kid being in the minority. I don’t know why you post this? Do you want us to come reassure you that you’re not racist? What do you think it’s like to be one of the few white kids? From my observation, it’s not like being the only minority because there is something broken in white culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly value a diverse environment for my children. I want them to interact with and befriend people from all walks of life - economically, perspective, experience, racially and ethnically. Diversity isn't a buzzword for me - I truly see the value in it, across a variety of contexts.

My children are white. I would never send them to a school that was 95% white. I'm upper middle class, closer to upper class than middle class, I think (HHI - $200k). I would never send them to a school that was 95% UMC or wealthy.

However there is a flip side - there are many schools in DC that are <1% white. Is it racist for me to be uncomfortable sending my kid there? It feels like a lot to ask of a 14 year old to be one of two white kids in his whole grade. No one wants their kid to stand out, or to feel like they don't belong.

Is that a bad thing? I'm honestly wondering. Particularly interested in the opinion of people of color - I know it's not your job to educate me on matters of race, but I really struggle with this one, so any help would be appreciated.

I know that schools on both ends of this (95% white, and <1% white) are the result of policies of racism and discrimination that continue to this day, and I want to be a good citizen and a good neighbor and help to dismantle this. But there are much bigger societal forces at play. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this matter.

My parents did this to me as a child and I felt incredibly disoriented. Unless you are prepared to walk by your child's side on this journey and keep them in this scenario the long haul so they eventually can own and maximize the experience - perhaps attending an HBCU, I would skip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been in majority black schools, ES and HS. There have been minimal problems. I’m not sure what you fear about your kid being in the minority. I don’t know why you post this? Do you want us to come reassure you that you’re not racist? What do you think it’s like to be one of the few white kids? From my observation, it’s not like being the only minority because there is something broken in white culture.

OP said being one of one or two kids. Is this your child's experience? I'd check in with them--there's lots to be concerned about, just like if your child were the only AA child in an all-other race school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been in majority black schools, ES and HS. There have been minimal problems. I’m not sure what you fear about your kid being in the minority. I don’t know why you post this? Do you want us to come reassure you that you’re not racist? What do you think it’s like to be one of the few white kids? From my observation, it’s not like being the only minority because there is something broken in white culture.

OP said being one of one or two kids. Is this your child's experience? I'd check in with them--there's lots to be concerned about, just like if your child were the only AA child in an all-other race school.

There it is. Those two things are not the same thing. The woke mob is so quick to response and indict OP while they obliviate the line between "only" and "not majority". And they do it with that extreme judgement that freezes any possible discussion. I'm an extremely liberal voter and tend towards very liberal positions on public policy, but it infuriates me to watch people who are ostensibly on my team behave like MAGA voters and just blindly dismiss any position they don't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not. Why are you contemplating it? Are the academics fantastic? Is it a great environment? What else do you know about this school other than the demographics?

School is where your child will spend the vast majority of his/her waking hours. Let them be happy at school. Don't make every aspect of their school existence a lesson of some sort.

I truly believe there are about 5% of DCUM parents who really prioritize sending their kid to a very diverse school. The rest of us care about diversity but care about academics and environment more. Diversity is a nice to have.

This is true for white parents. for POC, diversity actually is a priority, bc we don't want our kids to be the "only" and subject to horrific racism. So we are searching for a school that has it all -- academics and diversity.

Definitely agreeing with you here PP. Black/Latino kids will be treated like trash in all white schools.

Cite?