Diversity of schools - can this work both ways? Am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

here are better questions: are you overlooking/opting out of your closest neighborhood school or otherwise making school choices for reasons that when you really take a hard look at them are fundamentally demographic in nature?
what is the threshold that personally makes you uncomfortable and are there options that make sense for you and your child (e.g., geographic proximity etc.) where you can get maybe a little bit more uncomfortable?
the nice white parents podcast etc. basically found on average white parents are uncomfortable with middle schools that are less than 26% white. it is not entirely lost on me that maps entirely to deal, hardy, latin, basis (the same set of middle schools that a lot of dc urban moms posters repeatedly claim are the "acceptable" ones that they would be willing to consider).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly value a diverse environment for my children. I want them to interact with and befriend people from all walks of life - economically, perspective, experience, racially and ethnically. Diversity isn't a buzzword for me - I truly see the value in it, across a variety of contexts.

My children are white. I would never send them to a school that was 95% white. I'm upper middle class, closer to upper class than middle class, I think (HHI - $200k). I would never send them to a school that was 95% UMC or wealthy.

However there is a flip side - there are many schools in DC that are <1% white. Is it racist for me to be uncomfortable sending my kid there? It feels like a lot to ask of a 14 year old to be one of two white kids in his whole grade. No one wants their kid to stand out, or to feel like they don't belong.

Is that a bad thing? I'm honestly wondering. Particularly interested in the opinion of people of color - I know it's not your job to educate me on matters of race, but I really struggle with this one, so any help would be appreciated.

I know that schools on both ends of this (95% white, and <1% white) are the result of policies of racism and discrimination that continue to this day, and I want to be a good citizen and a good neighbor and help to dismantle this. But there are much bigger societal forces at play. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this matter.

Yes it is very racist of you….-A Black person

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a country that was almost exclusively white, I had very little diversity at school (except I was at a local school with kids from working class families before transferring to a magnet school with mostly educated families).
I am pretty good at communicating with people from all walks of life though. And guess where I mostly meet them? Not at work, not at school, but mostly in customer service situations.
Make of it what you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not racist to want your child to not be the only child with a particular attribute (race, religion, etc). If your goal in life is for you not to be able to tell people that you are not racist because you are friends with black people and gay people and jewish people, not sending your kid to a 1% white school is fine.

If you want to be anti-racist, well, that does not cut it. To be anti-racist, you need to value the unique experience that your child would gain from being in a minority majority school.

Arguments about test scores and the learning environment are mostly bogus and can be offset by tutoring and engaging with your child at home.

Hahaha, the antiracists have spoken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly value a diverse environment for my children. I want them to interact with and befriend people from all walks of life - economically, perspective, experience, racially and ethnically. Diversity isn't a buzzword for me - I truly see the value in it, across a variety of contexts.

My children are white. I would never send them to a school that was 95% white. I'm upper middle class, closer to upper class than middle class, I think (HHI - $200k). I would never send them to a school that was 95% UMC or wealthy.

However there is a flip side - there are many schools in DC that are <1% white. Is it racist for me to be uncomfortable sending my kid there? It feels like a lot to ask of a 14 year old to be one of two white kids in his whole grade. No one wants their kid to stand out, or to feel like they don't belong.

Is that a bad thing? I'm honestly wondering. Particularly interested in the opinion of people of color - I know it's not your job to educate me on matters of race, but I really struggle with this one, so any help would be appreciated.

I know that schools on both ends of this (95% white, and <1% white) are the result of policies of racism and discrimination that continue to this day, and I want to be a good citizen and a good neighbor and help to dismantle this. But there are much bigger societal forces at play. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this matter.

It sounds like your trying to convince yourself that you’re an ally when in fact you are not.

[Anonymous]

I'm the above (white) poster who was one of 2 white people in a 200-250 person black company. I now work in a another predominantly black company but it's it's probably 10% white. This has been a much easier social dynamic to be in as a "minority". It was really hard being the only person (or one of two). A Handful of coworkers said racially-based stuff to my face all.the.time "as a white girl you,..." It could get mean. I went home crying on more than one occasion and I have pretty thick skin. I think anytime you are the ONLY minority, a small faction of the majority may feel like they don't have to filter things because you are on their turf. the vast majority will remain respectful but there is a percentage who will lose their filter(s).
So regarding my kids--I'd probably put them in an majority (90, even 95%) black school but would hesitate to make them the ONLY white kids -- or the only Non-Asians or non Hispanics or whatever. As it stands my kids are in school that is close to 50-50 black-white with a majority black teaching staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As Black person, my opinion is that being a minority in a particular part of your life (even just one of a few) would be a great experience for a white person. They will likely be a more empathetic human being. I find white people's concern with being one of few or one of one interesting, as that has been the lived experience for many POC. Its like you all are admitting that you think being a minority must suck or have some inherit disadvantages or something.. hmm.

+1 it's very rare to find a white person who is truly comfortable being a minority. The rest of us do it all the time... School, work, boards, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:here are better questions: are you overlooking/opting out of your closest neighborhood school or otherwise making school choices for reasons that when you really take a hard look at them are fundamentally demographic in nature?
what is the threshold that personally makes you uncomfortable and are there options that make sense for you and your child (e.g., geographic proximity etc.) where you can get maybe a little bit more uncomfortable?
the nice white parents podcast etc. basically found on average white parents are uncomfortable with middle schools that are less than 26% white. it is not entirely lost on me that maps entirely to deal, hardy, latin, basis (the same set of middle schools that a lot of dc urban moms posters repeatedly claim are the "acceptable" ones that they would be willing to consider).

OP here.

The answer to the first is potentially yes (this is all in the future, decisions haven’t been made yet). Or at least, that’s the scenario I’m anticipating.

The second - certainly we’re reviewing all options. I’m just trying to be honest - it’d be so easy to come up with some excuse as to why Dunbar, for example, isn’t in the mix. But truly, honestly, I think it’s demographics.

Your point about all the “acceptable” options on DCUM is well taken. And I bet most/many UMC white parents would have other reasons why those schools are “better” but I think we all know that many of them would be singing a different tune if race wasn’t a factor at all. It’s not some giant coincidence. And I’m trying my best to be aware of that and honest about it and how that shows up in my own feelings and my own life. I mean, we’re past the whole “I don’t see color” crap from the 90s right? That’s not the path for an ally either. Honesty feels like a start.

In answer to your question - certainly 10% and I wouldn’t balk. 5%? I’m not sure. 15 kids out of 300? That’s probably around the line for me. There are other demographic factors too. A few people have mentioned class - it’s an interesting spin off. Would you send your kid to 99% economically disadvantaged school. Also 5% white is going to feel different, I would think, if the other 95% is super homogeneous, that might be harder to swallow than if there were lots of different races and ethnicities represented.

I also have seen I think 2-3 people simply call out that this is racist or I want to be an ally but I’m actually not. I appreciate your candor. I know I can do better and I should do better. Maybe I’m not a true ally because I’m even asking this. But I can say at least that I’m trying.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a white person who was raised in an umc family and ended up going to a very poor school for middle school due to a move. The class difference was most obvious to me at rhe time when it came to the importance of education. Both of my parents have graduate degrees and as such value education. I remember being shocked at a friend whose parents were cool w her skipping school. My parents would never. Stuff like that showed a v big diff btw what was expected of me at home, school wise, vs what was expected of friends.

[Anonymous]

if you have an 8th grader who has grown up in dc public schools, id seriously consider letting them drive the hs decision (and application process) somewhat. my long-term hope is the next generation will do better and be more aware than us. but your child may at some level know where their friends are going, what the various options are, what makes the most sense for them.

[Anonymous]

There are ZERO schools that are more than 80% white.

The idea that sending your kid to a school of 70% white kids is somehow racist makes me chortle. Meanwhile, good luck finding a school with a decent cohort of Asian students. But of course, Asians don’t count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the above (white) poster who was one of 2 white people in a 200-250 person black company. I now work in a another predominantly black company but it's it's probably 10% white. This has been a much easier social dynamic to be in as a "minority". It was really hard being the only person (or one of two). A Handful of coworkers said racially-based stuff to my face all.the.time "as a white girl you,..." It could get mean. I went home crying on more than one occasion and I have pretty thick skin. I think anytime you are the ONLY minority, a small faction of the majority may feel like they don't have to filter things because you are on their turf. the vast majority will remain respectful but there is a percentage who will lose their filter(s).
So regarding my kids--I'd probably put them in an majority (90, even 95%) black school but would hesitate to make them the ONLY white kids -- or the only Non-Asians or non Hispanics or whatever. As it stands my kids are in school that is close to 50-50 black-white with a majority black teaching staff.

NP here. Also a white person that's worked in these two majority minority environments and had very similar experiences. I totally agree. My elementary kids are in a 10% white school because I DO think it's very important to get white kids comfortable being the minority in the room, having teachers and authority figures, and learning how to have diverse friends. That said, I do not think most children would do their best socio-emotionally being in the 1%, it's isolating and emotionally hard. Maybe there are some very flexible kids, but that's not my kids I completely understand that that's unavoidable for some minority children, but that doesn't make it ideal. That said, if my high school student wants to go to Banneker instead of Basis (for example), then that's very different from deciding on an elementary or middle school for your younger child.

[Anonymous]

Class differences are a bigger issue than race differences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are ZERO schools that are more than 80% white.

The idea that sending your kid to a school of 70% white kids is somehow racist makes me chortle. Meanwhile, good luck finding a school with a decent cohort of Asian students. But of course, Asians don’t count.

I’m the OP. My (public) high school was about 90% white. About 10% Asian, less than 1% black, less than 1% Latino. This was in a wealthy suburb of a major US city (not DC).

I do it want that for my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not racist to want your child to not be the only child with a particular attribute (race, religion, etc). If your goal in life is for you not to be able to tell people that you are not racist because you are friends with black people and gay people and jewish people, not sending your kid to a 1% white school is fine.

If you want to be anti-racist, well, that does not cut it. To be anti-racist, you need to value the unique experience that your child would gain from being in a minority majority school.

Arguments about test scores and the learning environment are mostly bogus and can be offset by tutoring and engaging with your child at home.

Hahaha, the antiracists have spoken.

What if your kids have special needs and you can’t tutor them at home? What then? What will you use for clout!!?!?!?