Diversity of schools - can this work both ways? Am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

I truly value a diverse environment for my children. I want them to interact with and befriend people from all walks of life - economically, perspective, experience, racially and ethnically. Diversity isn't a buzzword for me - I truly see the value in it, across a variety of contexts.

My children are white. I would never send them to a school that was 95% white. I'm upper middle class, closer to upper class than middle class, I think (HHI - $200k). I would never send them to a school that was 95% UMC or wealthy.

However there is a flip side - there are many schools in DC that are <1% white. Is it racist for me to be uncomfortable sending my kid there? It feels like a lot to ask of a 14 year old to be one of two white kids in his whole grade. No one wants their kid to stand out, or to feel like they don't belong.

Is that a bad thing? I'm honestly wondering. Particularly interested in the opinion of people of color - I know it's not your job to educate me on matters of race, but I really struggle with this one, so any help would be appreciated.

I know that schools on both ends of this (95% white, and <1% white) are the result of policies of racism and discrimination that continue to this day, and I want to be a good citizen and a good neighbor and help to dismantle this. But there are much bigger societal forces at play. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this matter.

[Anonymous]

My son is Asian and has been the only Asian kid in his classes all through elementary and middle school. He has tons of friends and is doing fine.

[Anonymous]

It is not racist to want your child to not be the only child with a particular attribute (race, religion, etc). If your goal in life is for you not to be able to tell people that you are not racist because you are friends with black people and gay people and jewish people, not sending your kid to a 1% white school is fine.

If you want to be anti-racist, well, that does not cut it. To be anti-racist, you need to value the unique experience that your child would gain from being in a minority majority school.

Arguments about test scores and the learning environment are mostly bogus and can be offset by tutoring and engaging with your child at home.

[Anonymous]

I’m mixed race (black/white) and was often the only minority in my class growing up. In choosing schools for my kids I look solely at the quality of the school regardless of racial composition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not racist to want your child to not be the only child with a particular attribute (race, religion, etc). If your goal in life is for you not to be able to tell people that you are not racist because you are friends with black people and gay people and jewish people, not sending your kid to a 1% white school is fine.

If you want to be anti-racist, well, that does not cut it. To be anti-racist, you need to value the unique experience that your child would gain from being in a minority majority school.

Arguments about test scores and the learning environment are mostly bogus and can be offset by tutoring and engaging with your child at home.

Arguments about learning environment can be offset by tutoring and teaching your child at home what they aren't learning at school. What?? What's the point of them going to school in the first place if it takes that much work to compensate for it?

[Anonymous]

My kid was the only white kid in her class (and the only kid with gay parents). The school was very mixed by race/ethnicity/class so even though she was one of a small number of white kids, she didn't stick out that much. I think the most important things is to talk to people who have kids and the school and see what they have to say.

[Anonymous]

As Black person, my opinion is that being a minority in a particular part of your life (even just one of a few) would be a great experience for a white person. They will likely be a more empathetic human being. I find white people's concern with being one of few or one of one interesting, as that has been the lived experience for many POC. Its like you all are admitting that you think being a minority must suck or have some inherit disadvantages or something.. hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not racist to want your child to not be the only child with a particular attribute (race, religion, etc). If your goal in life is for you not to be able to tell people that you are not racist because you are friends with black people and gay people and jewish people, not sending your kid to a 1% white school is fine.

If you want to be anti-racist, well, that does not cut it. To be anti-racist, you need to value the unique experience that your child would gain from being in a minority majority school.

Arguments about test scores and the learning environment are mostly bogus and can be offset by tutoring and engaging with your child at home.

Arguments about learning environment can be offset by tutoring and teaching your child at home what they aren't learning at school. What?? What's the point of them going to school in the first place if it takes that much work to compensate for it?

+1. As a full time working parent without loads of $$, I cannot pay for tutoring to offset what's missed during school every day every year, no.

[Anonymous]

My kid is the only white kid in class and seems to be the only UMC kid in class. And guess what, no one is friends with us. We had one person come to the birthday party. No one shows up to teacher organized playdates. I personally think it's impossible to truly be friends across different classes. Notice I didn't say races. I truly believe it's not a race issue in DC, it's a class issue. My husband and I were both born outside USA and have very strong cultural identities to our home countries, before people jump on me. So yes, while it's nice for the kid to have that experience of being a minority, it's also kinda sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As Black person, my opinion is that being a minority in a particular part of your life (even just one of a few) would be a great experience for a white person. They will likely be a more empathetic human being. I find white people's concern with being one of few or one of one interesting, as that has been the lived experience for many POC. Its like you all are admitting that you think being a minority must suck or have some inherit disadvantages or something.. hmm.

Well said. I was happy to have my white kids attend a minority-majority school precisely because I thought this would be a valuable perspective. My now college kids are far more aware and thoughtful than I was at their age.

[Anonymous]

Im a white person who was a minority in middle/high school. It sucked but also made me a much more empathetic person.

One thing that might challenge you as a parent is that your kid will have a lot of black friends and want to be like their friends. So you will likely have a kid who will want to “talk” and “dress” and “act” black. They might have a black significant other. Is this something you are truly ok with? My parents were not. At all. I wanted to wear Cross Colors and get bamboo earrings and my parents wouldnt let me. I didnt get why, i just wanted to dress like my friends.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I really appreciate the perspectives here. Thank you.

One thing I want to distinguish here. I’m not talking about a white kid being in the minority. I agree that would be a valuable experience.

I’m talking about schools that are <1% white. So a high school with 300 kids, 2 of whom are white. That’s what I’m talking about.

[Anonymous]

We've sent our white child to schools that are 1%-5% white. Everything has been fine.

Some here may see something when I state further that these schools in the northern-central part of the city are majority Latino.

Everyone wants to just put their kids in school and not have to worry that they're going to get taught well and be secure in being themselves. The trouble is that while we want a better world for our kids they live in the one we've got. So, sure, you're right to feel insecure about being an extreme minority in a school community.

But that doesn't automatically mean you can't make a go of it. It's not the American norm, but I for one want to keep trying to do better. If no one works at integration, we've seen it'll never happen. But nobody said you have to be part of that. I hope you find what you need wherever you decide to send your kids.

[Anonymous]

I was once one of 2 white people in a company of 200+ black people.
I made some very close (hopefully life-long) friends but there were also many coworkers who would never talk to me. As in, NEVER---despite working shoulder to shoulder.
It was a lonely and hard but invaluable experience. I think it would be easier as a kid but I'm not sure I'd choose it for my kid. I think it depends on my kid's personality.
I'm not even sure what I mean by this but I have 3 kids and two of them are just more flexible, go-with-the-flow types.

[Anonymous]

I think it is a completely different analysis if you’re the only white kid in a majority minority school versus if you’re the only minority in a majority white school.

Having been the only Latin family in a predominantly white school I can confidently say that is not ideal. My sister has an undiagnosed learning disorder that was just dismissed as inability to speak good English. This is petty but it broke my heart as a third grader- we had a reading contest, and I read more books than everyone else and should have won! But my evil racist third grade teacher refused to give me the award because she told the class that someone from Central America would not be able to read that many books.

So yeah, I would never ever send a black or Latino student to a predominantly white school. I also would not send a Latino to a predominantly black school or a black kid to a predominantly Latino school. I am certain there are exceptions all over the place, but it is so important for kids to see teachers of their own race and know they’re not the only one.

However, there is a special place in hell for those who try to make parents feel bad about the choices they make for their kids. This is usually white saviors who use black and brown people for clout. There is no need to force your kid to fit in at a school so you can feel anti racist. If your kid is doing amazing at a school or a poor fit as another, it truly doesn’t matter what racist Karen thinks.