Would you gray divorce a “roommate” spouse if…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s a best seller book for awhile now.

Lol…I don’t know that that’s true, but I wish it were. There are too few stories that highlight the internal drama inherent in quiet domestic life.

[Anonymous]

BS it an extreme high. Late 50’s you will be luck to have sex twice a month. Also old person sex does nit come close to sex as a young person.

Poster - please tell us how you know that you will be lucky to have sex twice a month.

I am a divorced man in my late 50s and I have sex twice a week. The world for men and women dating in their 50s is great, and if you want to find an FWB it is easy to do.

The women I date lead the way in this area. Often, they do not want the same type of relationships they had when dating in their 20s. They have money, time, and sexual freedom, and often their kids are out of the house and do not require their full-time care.

Why would they tie themselves down when they can do what they want when they want it?

Of course, this post will inspire the usual age-bashing posts (such as, "who would want a 58-year-old man", "why date at 55-year-old woman when I can date a 25-year-old.") Please, you do you.

However, I (and the rest of the people my age who are dating) will do us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm the wife and we were wealthy. I'm glad I got out. I do feel bad for my adult kids. Being divorced is no fun for them. I'm doing great but in hindsight maybe I should have just sucked up being unhappy.

Time will tell.

Why exactly are the adult kids unhappy?

Are they getting pulled in two directions? Or feel forced into a relationship with one of their parents where they never had an actual relationship? Is there a step parent and blended family issues that somehow affect them?

Not PP, but this is part of why I won't seek a divorce. I don't want to put our adult kids through that and create the need for separate holidays, etc. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:… doing so would not be overly burdensome on your economic situation and your kids are out of the house?

I can see reasons to stay together, like companionship, even better economics, family unity, etc., but we like to spend time differently and she constantly nags me to do stuff I don’t want to do. Basically, we have different life and social priorities. We’re both in our mid-50’s, and I’m unsure I want to live my golden years this way. If you’re wondering, we have sex about once a week or two.

In essence, the relationship is OK, but not stimulating or interesting and a bit annoying to me. I’m guessing a lot of relationships are like this, and I may be fantasizing about something that doesn’t really exist, but I’m curious to hear from others in a similar situation.

What (specifically) does she "nag" you about, OP? What is it that you don't want to do, that she wants you to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:… doing so would not be overly burdensome on your economic situation and your kids are out of the house?

I can see reasons to stay together, like companionship, even better economics, family unity, etc., but we like to spend time differently and she constantly nags me to do stuff I don’t want to do. Basically, we have different life and social priorities. We’re both in our mid-50’s, and I’m unsure I want to live my golden years this way. If you’re wondering, we have sex about once a week or two.

In essence, the relationship is OK, but not stimulating or interesting and a bit annoying to me. I’m guessing a lot of relationships are like this, and I may be fantasizing about something that doesn’t really exist, but I’m curious to hear from others in a similar situation.

Up to you but think of old age and health issues, trustworthy companionship's value is high in that phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

BS it an extreme high. Late 50’s you will be luck to have sex twice a month. Also old person sex does nit come close to sex as a young person.

Poster - please tell us how you know that you will be lucky to have sex twice a month.

I am a divorced man in my late 50s and I have sex twice a week. The world for men and women dating in their 50s is great, and if you want to find an FWB it is easy to do.

The women I date lead the way in this area. Often, they do not want the same type of relationships they had when dating in their 20s. They have money, time, and sexual freedom, and often their kids are out of the house and do not require their full-time care.

Why would they tie themselves down when they can do what they want when they want it?

Of course, this post will inspire the usual age-bashing posts (such as, "who would want a 58-year-old man", "why date at 55-year-old woman when I can date a 25-year-old.") Please, you do you.

However, I (and the rest of the people my age who are dating) will do us.

Why are you posting about about sleeping around with FWBs in a thread about companionate marriage? Cool story bro?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:… doing so would not be overly burdensome on your economic situation and your kids are out of the house?

I can see reasons to stay together, like companionship, even better economics, family unity, etc., but we like to spend time differently and she constantly nags me to do stuff I don’t want to do. Basically, we have different life and social priorities. We’re both in our mid-50’s, and I’m unsure I want to live my golden years this way. If you’re wondering, we have sex about once a week or two.

In essence, the relationship is OK, but not stimulating or interesting and a bit annoying to me. I’m guessing a lot of relationships are like this, and I may be fantasizing about something that doesn’t really exist, but I’m curious to hear from others in a similar situation.

That is a very high sex frequency for someone your age and is in no way is that a roommate situation.

That is not a high sex frequency for mid-50s people. I'm late 50s and when I'm in a relationship, sex is 2x a day.

You know that is not the norm…but you wanted to brag.

How old is the relationship?

[Anonymous]

OP, reading your posts, it is clear that the main problem is that *you* are bored and apathetic, not that your spouse is boring or unpleasant. There is nothing to suggest that there is a huge conflict or that you have made any effort to improve your marriage or even discuss your concerns.

I don't mean this as a slam, I think that many (most?) people at some point in middle age get a little bored and unsatisfied. Perhaps your relationship indeed contributes to your malaise, but I would really suggest trying to improve your life, energy level, engagement, activities, outlook first. THEN, and only then, decide whether your marriage is really a drag or worth ending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:… doing so would not be overly burdensome on your economic situation and your kids are out of the house?

I can see reasons to stay together, like companionship, even better economics, family unity, etc., but we like to spend time differently and she constantly nags me to do stuff I don’t want to do. Basically, we have different life and social priorities. We’re both in our mid-50’s, and I’m unsure I want to live my golden years this way. If you’re wondering, we have sex about once a week or two.

In essence, the relationship is OK, but not stimulating or interesting and a bit annoying to me. I’m guessing a lot of relationships are like this, and I may be fantasizing about something that doesn’t really exist, but I’m curious to hear from others in a similar situation.

That is a very high sex frequency for someone your age and is in no way is that a roommate situation.

That is not a high sex frequency for mid-50s people. I'm late 50s and when I'm in a relationship, sex is 2x a day.

BS it an extreme high. Late 50’s you will be luck to have sex twice a month. Also old person sex does nit come close to sex as a young person.

Late 50s man here. No, sex is just as good, or better, than when I was 22. Why? I know what I'm doing and so does my partner. It also goes on longer....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:… doing so would not be overly burdensome on your economic situation and your kids are out of the house?

I can see reasons to stay together, like companionship, even better economics, family unity, etc., but we like to spend time differently and she constantly nags me to do stuff I don’t want to do. Basically, we have different life and social priorities. We’re both in our mid-50’s, and I’m unsure I want to live my golden years this way. If you’re wondering, we have sex about once a week or two.

In essence, the relationship is OK, but not stimulating or interesting and a bit annoying to me. I’m guessing a lot of relationships are like this, and I may be fantasizing about something that doesn’t really exist, but I’m curious to hear from others in a similar situation.

Up to you but think of old age and health issues, trustworthy companionship's value is high in that phase.

This. You may end up alone or with someone who doesn't have your best interest in their heart but self interest. A good companion who happens to be the parent of your children, is a blessing to have in old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a best seller book for awhile now.

Lol…I don’t know that that’s true, but I wish it were. There are too few stories that highlight the internal drama inherent in quiet domestic life.

It’s true.

Np. I bought a bunch of best sellers from target when they had a bogo sale.

Also bought: It Ends With Us.
About DV, a bit unrealistic since the abuser “agreed he was abusive” and left/ no narc tendencies. But it’s about breaking the abuse cycle for the sake of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went through a grey divorce in the past two years. I’m much happier now. So is my ex.

I also went through one and am happier. I think my spouse is too. Kids were out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a best seller book for awhile now.

Lol…I don’t know that that’s true, but I wish it were. There are too few stories that highlight the internal drama inherent in quiet domestic life.

It’s true.

Np. I bought a bunch of best sellers from target when they had a bogo sale.

Also bought: It Ends With Us.
About DV, a bit unrealistic since the abuser “agreed he was abusive” and left/ no narc tendencies. But it’s about breaking the abuse cycle for the sake of your children.

I feel like I’m derailing the thread, but I’m guessing this was a different book. “The Apple Tree” by Daphne DuMaurier is a short story published in the 1950’s in a collection that also included “The Birds” (made into a famous Hitchcock movie).
There is a great summary above, but it’s a fantastic story and so worth the read. It makes me think of this relationship in that I wonder if she really is a shrew or if OP kind of made her into one.

It makes me think of Amy from “Little Women” and her “skirts of illusion.” Women who make domestic life and work too visible or take too much pride in it are somehow seen as boring or shrews. You have to do it while pretending that it isn’t happening or that you don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:… doing so would not be overly burdensome on your economic situation and your kids are out of the house?

I can see reasons to stay together, like companionship, even better economics, family unity, etc., but we like to spend time differently and she constantly nags me to do stuff I don’t want to do. Basically, we have different life and social priorities. We’re both in our mid-50’s, and I’m unsure I want to live my golden years this way. If you’re wondering, we have sex about once a week or two.

In essence, the relationship is OK, but not stimulating or interesting and a bit annoying to me. I’m guessing a lot of relationships are like this, and I may be fantasizing about something that doesn’t really exist, but I’m curious to hear from others in a similar situation.

What (specifically) does she "nag" you about, OP? What is it that you don't want to do, that she wants you to do?

Yeah, I was wondering, is she "nagging" him to do basic household chores? To participate in some activity with her or attend some social or family event? It's not clear.

Also, what does OP consider "stimulating or interesting"?

[Anonymous]

Why are you posting about about sleeping around with FWBs in a thread about companionate marriage?

I was responding to the post where a poster said that

"Late 50’s you will be luck (sic) to have sex twice a month"

and that

old person sex does nit (sic) come close to sex as a young person

.

You would have known that had you read my post. Here is the entire post (poor grammar and all):

BS it an extreme high. Late 50’s you will be luck to have sex twice a month. Also old person sex does nit come close to sex as a young person.

The PP's writing style is similiar to yours (for example,

Why are you posting about about (sic) sleeping around

). If you are the PP, do not be a coward. Own it.

Cool story bro?

I am not your bro. Please get off mom's computer. I am sure you have homework.

I suggest focusing on your English classes. Your grammar needs work.