Would you gray divorce a “roommate” spouse if…

[Anonymous]

… doing so would not be overly burdensome on your economic situation and your kids are out of the house?

I can see reasons to stay together, like companionship, even better economics, family unity, etc., but we like to spend time differently and she constantly nags me to do stuff I don’t want to do. Basically, we have different life and social priorities. We’re both in our mid-50’s, and I’m unsure I want to live my golden years this way. If you’re wondering, we have sex about once a week or two.

In essence, the relationship is OK, but not stimulating or interesting and a bit annoying to me. I’m guessing a lot of relationships are like this, and I may be fantasizing about something that doesn’t really exist, but I’m curious to hear from others in a similar situation.

[Anonymous]

What’s ‘gray divorce’?

[Anonymous]

What's a "roommate spouse"?

[Anonymous]

You have weekly sex but it’s a roommate situation?

[Anonymous]

I am facing this decision in 2 years when we become empty nesters. We want different things, live different places. Also, we are sexless.

But we are good friends and companions and financially successful. Do you throw it away? Not an easy decision. Only 47 years old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have weekly sex but it’s a roommate situation?

+1 I think we need to hear more about what kind of roommates you had back in the day.

[Anonymous]

If you were diagnosed with cancer next year, do you think she would be caring and supportive? Maybe there is a better life out there for you, but things can also go badly fast, and a longtime spouse can be a great support.

[Anonymous]

I was facing this, but then my spouse died. It's hard being alone even though we didn't do much together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were diagnosed with cancer next year, do you think she would be caring and supportive? Maybe there is a better life out there for you, but things can also go badly fast, and a longtime spouse can be a great support.

Yes, we have both supported each other in illness. If open marriages were acceptable, this would have a solution. Not OP but PP in sexless marriage

[Anonymous]

Yes this isn’t a roommate spouse situation if you’re on your 50s and having sex once a week. You just don’t like your spouse anymore.

[Anonymous]

Don't all marriages end up like this?

I am staying because:
1. Money. Separate homes are more expensive. Kids need college tuition. Retirement is less expensive as a couple.
2. Social life. Our circle is all married, with all more or less similar marriages. There is a lot of stability there, all the kids are happy and balanced. Divorce would be disruptive to our community of friends and families.
3. I don't really want to live by myself, and finding another partner and learning to live with a new person just sounds like a giant hassle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Don't all marriages end up like this?

I am staying because:
1. Money. Separate homes are more expensive. Kids need college tuition. Retirement is less expensive as a couple.
2. Social life. Our circle is all married, with all more or less similar marriages. There is a lot of stability there, all the kids are happy and balanced. Divorce would be disruptive to our community of friends and families.
3. I don't really want to live by myself, and finding another partner and learning to live with a new person just sounds like a giant hassle!

OP here. Kinda what I’m thinking.

[Anonymous]

Do her a favor and leave. You could not sound less into the relationship. That must be obvious and sad for her.

(Personally, I would not be motivated to have weekly sex with someone who I find to be boring and annoying...but men aren't known for having a high bar in that arena).

Make sure that the "things" that she keep nagging you to do, are not chores that you would not take on besides all of the household chores that she is currently doing.

Life is short. Just leave. But don't assume you will find the whole package (or anyone) down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were diagnosed with cancer next year, do you think she would be caring and supportive? Maybe there is a better life out there for you, but things can also go badly fast, and a longtime spouse can be a great support.

Yes, we have both supported each other in illness. If open marriages were acceptable, this would have a solution. Not OP but PP in sexless marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Do her a favor and leave. You could not sound less into the relationship. That must be obvious and sad for her.

(Personally, I would not be motivated to have weekly sex with someone who I find to be boring and annoying...but men aren't known for having a high bar in that arena).

Make sure that the "things" that she keep nagging you to do, are not chores that you would not take on besides all of the household chores that she is currently doing.

Life is short. Just leave. But don't assume you will find the whole package (or anyone) down the road.

Big +1