For married people: how often do you think of an ex or "the one that got away"?

[Anonymous]

Man. I never really think about my ex's. A couple fun sexual memories but if I am being candid, it's far more likely I am fantasizing about the women I meet at work, at the gym, whatever beautiful woman catches my eye. I used to fantasize about my wife but she gave up being sexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot. But my wife is much easier

So you are lazy?

[Anonymous]

Not in a regretful way, mostly in a “I’m so glad I married this guy and not one of the others” way. I think more about the awesome other people I currently know who I could be compatible with.

[Anonymous]

All the time until they started aggressively posting anti-vax stuff on social media. That was when I realized it really wasn't meant to be and felt grateful...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in a regretful way, mostly in a “I’m so glad I married this guy and not one of the others” way. I think more about the awesome other people I currently know who I could be compatible with.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think of her all the time. I think I partially married my wife to get back at her or get revenge. Also the wife was just "easier" and would do anything to make me happy. One that got away was much pricklier and more demanding. But I still think of her on a daily basis.

If you had married your ex you’d be pining over your easy-going wife. A lifetime with a prickly person is a challenge.

[Anonymous]

I only think of them the way I think of anyone who was a significant part of my past - it’s more about remembering a part of ME and who I was at the time/in my youth; it’s not about pining over the ex or anything like that. It’s similar to looking at letters my college roommates sent me a zillion years ago that I saved - pure reminiscing.

[Anonymous]

Also, my teen DD asks me about prior relationships. She’s just curious about my youth. For example, she knows I had my heart broken by my first BF my junior year of HS and when her best friend went through something similar she was asking my advice about how to support her. But I’m a very open person and it’s obvious there’s no baggage there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot. Like too much. It's my favorite go-to daydream/fantasy. My DH has no idea--doesn't even know about this person. Those events are seared into my memory--kind of hard not to think about it.

+1

Thought about him on my wedding day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot. Like too much. It's my favorite go-to daydream/fantasy. My DH has no idea--doesn't even know about this person. Those events are seared into my memory--kind of hard not to think about it.

+1

Thought about him on my wedding day

Dang

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One ex I think of on occasion when it comes to sexual fantasy. Although I ran into her a year ago and she doesn't look that good so that unfortunately killed the fantasy.

What changed?

She had a lot of bad plastic surgery, so superficially she wasn't as attractive. But we also started talking, and she brought up some anti-vax and seemingly Q-anon stuff. Even as a man, there are limits to attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe daily. Maybe a week or so goes by. I'm not sure.

I think, somewhere in the recesses of my subconscious, an alternate reality lives on where we're still together.

Yeah, this is me too.

It doesn't help that high school sweetheart pops up every few years and drops some kind of "I had to tell you about XYZ because only you would understand." I do feel like we have a unique and lasting bond. I don't think we would have been happy in reality.

My husband had an affair a few years ago when our kids were young. At the time high school sweetheart had just ended a long term relationship. I definitely thought, hey, I could confide in HSS, he would buoy my self-esteem. I didn't really care if I hurt my husband at that point, but I thought about how I would be enmeshing HSS in my problems just for an ego boost and I realized that was selfish and wrong. So I didn't reach out.

Also, I think I understood deep down that it's the WONDERING that's fun. There's no reason to throw a bucket of cold reality onto it.

[Anonymous]

A lot. I dream about them about once a week. Would never say or do anything about it though