Does anyone else get jealous of divorced friend’s custody schedule?

[Anonymous]

No, I'm not jealous that selfish adults have taken steps to mess up their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a separated parent, I don't understand this at all.

If you think every other weekend off is worth the huge hit to your finances that divorce or separation brings, why don't you just change your lifestyle, use that money, and go away every other weekend?

Yes. Im in a happy marriage and at some point we realized we could sort of give each other that time AND stay married. We both take lots of evenings off to do our own thing, portions of the weekend, etc. And have dates with each other (with a sitter, that's the one part that costs money). We probably spend less time all together as a family of four then some other families we know, but we do have that time many times a week.

[Anonymous]

Of course it sounds fun to have to have a week off from kids, but the reality would be pretty horrible I think.

[Anonymous]

Very honestly no, I cannot imagine wanting that AT all. I think it’s hard and sad for everyone involved, and would never want to trade places. I DO, however, feel serious envy of people who have healthy, local, involved grandparents and thus get a lot of help / time away that we don’t get. One friend’s parents take their kids for Sat morning - Sunday afternoon once a month or so, and that would be the dream to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a lot of sympathy for divorced or single adults. My heart bleeds for kids with divorced parents.

My parents never divorced but fought all the time. Hardcore Catholics who ran to marital retreats. They’re still dysfunctional 40 years later. My dad has no sense of self and my mom calls all the shots. I don’t hope to be like them. I think each would have become a better person without the other. They just validate each other’s bad behavior snd realkg come together as one when they berate me. That’s the most harmony I see between them.

So no, I would not be so fast to pity divorces people nor children of divorce. It’s often worse when you watch a dysfunctional marriage play out for the sake of religion and saving face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a lot of sympathy for divorced or single adults. My heart bleeds for kids with divorced parents.

My parents never divorced but fought all the time. Hardcore Catholics who ran to marital retreats. They’re still dysfunctional 40 years later. My dad has no sense of self and my mom calls all the shots. I don’t hope to be like them. I think each would have become a better person without the other. They just validate each other’s bad behavior snd realkg come together as one when they berate me. That’s the most harmony I see between them.

So no, I would not be so fast to pity divorces people nor children of divorce. It’s often worse when you watch a dysfunctional marriage play out for the sake of religion and saving face.

+1.

The thing to keep in mind is half of all pregnancies are unplanned. So often it’s two people that shouldn’t really be together, but gave it a shot in hopes of giving their child an intact home. Then it turns into a toxic situation.

Sure, you can list off all the “shoulds”. They should have used better birth control, should have just gotten over their issues, whatever. But that’s not the reality. And for many of these kids, two peaceful homes is better than one chaotic home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a lot of sympathy for divorced or single adults. My heart bleeds for kids with divorced parents.

My parents never divorced but fought all the time. Hardcore Catholics who ran to marital retreats. They’re still dysfunctional 40 years later. My dad has no sense of self and my mom calls all the shots. I don’t hope to be like them. I think each would have become a better person without the other. They just validate each other’s bad behavior snd realkg come together as one when they berate me. That’s the most harmony I see between them.

So no, I would not be so fast to pity divorces people nor children of divorce. It’s often worse when you watch a dysfunctional marriage play out for the sake of religion and saving face.

+1.

The thing to keep in mind is half of all pregnancies are unplanned. So often it’s two people that shouldn’t really be together, but gave it a shot in hopes of giving their child an intact home. Then it turns into a toxic situation.

Sure, you can list off all the “shoulds”. They should have used better birth control, should have just gotten over their issues, whatever. But that’s not the reality. And for many of these kids, two peaceful homes is better than one chaotic home.

Don't marry someone you wouldn't want to have an unplanned pregnancy with.

[Anonymous]

Come back when it's 2 am and you have to get ALL the kids out of bed to go to the ER because DC #2 has croup.

No one to run to the store at midnight when you need tylenol. Or watch them while you take a shower.

Never mind his actual standards of parenting when they aren't with me. Shudder.

Grass is always greener OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, don't be jealous. It was hell getting to this point. I get some free time; all it took was ripping my home, kids, soul, finances, and mental health apart. If you look at me now and think I'm happy and peaceful, understand the effort it took to get here. I'd prefer a healthy intact marriage, but that wasn't a choice.

+1000.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the friend you are jealous of. It is definitely a silver lining of divorce. I have my kids 60% of the time, and when I am with them I can focus on them and have quality time because I use the other days to work late and do errands and stuff. I also do not feel guilty doing things like getting a massage or a pedicure or going out with friends, because I don’t have to ask a “favor” from their dad, which is how it was when we were married. I can see that some of my friends who are married with children listen a little bit longingly. But, to be clear, I wouldn’t wish what happened with my marriage on anyone, and I would trade this for a strong partnership, loving husband and intact family. In other words I totally get why you might be jealous and it definitely has its advantages, but remember your friends probably suffered plenty to get there, so try to be happy for the ones who are now living well!

+100. I love that I can focus on quality time for myself and my children. But I would much prefer a loving, supportive marriage. That being said, I wouldn’t trade places with most of the married women I know because I’m not exactly blown away by what they have.

[Anonymous]

My kids are with me all the time except every other weekend and let me tell you how miuch I need those weekends to recharge. My kids know it too.
It is intense being on for everything all the time. A break is needed. My divorce wasn’t what what I wanted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are with me all the time except every other weekend and let me tell you how miuch I need those weekends to recharge. My kids know it too.
It is intense being on for everything all the time. A break is needed. My divorce wasn’t what what I wanted

Yes but it sounds like every other weekend is a rarity now.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is recently divorced and when I hear about her jetting off to Cabo for the weekend or even a few weekdays (now that anyone can work from anywhere) with her new boyfriend, that part does sound great. But there is a lot about divorce that sounds pretty miserable. She is definitely leading with the weekends in Cabo when we talk though (and posting a ton of pictures from her weekends away on the family group chat!!)

[Anonymous]

Don't be jealous ladies. Men still don't do a shit with kids. My exH just gave my son a new computer with advanced video games. The sports are dropped, son no longer invites friends, and nobody takes him white water rafting on weekends as it was during happier times. He's becoming a game dependent plant, but there is nothing I can do as dependent teens still go to that parent 50% who allows this crap.

My life personally improved by 200%: I have lots of time with friends, my personal care, more time to search for a new job or try different things with own business

But it all came at the expense of our son's mental and physical wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Includes half of birthdays, holidays, games, dances, college drop offs and breaks.

What? A lot of divorced people still do a lot of that together. Only the nasty ones are like you describe.

A LOT of divorced people take turns with holidays, not just "the nasty ones." Most divorced people don't spend Christmas or Thanksgiving together. They might attend the same birthday parties or games, but it's stilly to pretend that a 50-percent custody schedule doesn't come with those costs.