Does anyone else get jealous of divorced friend’s custody schedule?
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Anonymous
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I was reading the thread on staying together for the kids, and someone said that they no longer love their spouse, but it was worth it to stay in the marriage to see the kids every day.
I know that divorce is difficult and painful, but if you trust that your ex-spouse is a good parent, the one benefit seems to be that you have entire days or weeks that you aren’t responsible for the kids at all. Am I just a terrible mother? Looking in from the outside, every other weekend without the kids sounds great. |
Anonymous
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The reason I had kids was to spend time with them.
Also, if my spouse was a good parent, why on earth would I divorce them? |
Anonymous
Because he’s a bad husband. |
Anonymous
DP. Don't start. There is an entire thread arguing that good parents cannot be bad husbands. Lol |
Anonymous
I have days like that now. And my DH has those as well. So we don't need a divorce to do this. |
Anonymous
The reason you had kids was to spend time with them? You never want any time away from your kids or don’t think time away from you could be valuable for them? |
Anonymous
And/or he leaves you. I have 50/50 custody. It is hard to miss time with my kid, but I also do extra hours at work and adult socializing when she isn't with me so we can enjoy our time when we are together. I feel for my married default parent friends. |
Anonymous
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When the kids were very little I was jealous of divorced friends who had days to themselves. Now that they are middle school and older and easier I prefer to see them every day, especially since they will be gone to college sooner than I realized
Ask me if I am jealous of my divorced friends dating lives and I will say heck yes. My two best divorced friends have beautiful women will them all the time ! |
Anonymous
| "When you hate your husband more than you love your kids" - next on Oprah. |
Anonymous
I have a few divorced male friends who have beautiful GF’s but they all are envious of the married life I have. The grass often looks greener! |
Anonymous
It's ironic that as much as men like variety, they would all prefer a passionate marriage with one woman. My divorced friends say the same but they also tell me that the silver lining of divorce is they get to have some amazing sexual experiences they don't have in their failed marriage. |
Anonymous
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Everything has a cost. Your divorced friend, while having time to herself every other weekend, she has likely paid a huge price financially and emotionally. Ending a marriage is never easy.
I assume you’re in a positive relationship with your spouse and are benefiting both financially and emotionally. But you’re recognizing that you’d like some more time to yourself. What’s great is that you can start to figure out how to have some of that without having to blow up your marriage. It will take some work, but then most things worth having take some effort. |
Anonymous
Yes. Kids are better off in an intact family. If you need personal time, get a babysitter, nanny, childcare, camp, grandparent to give you a break. Its not an easy job to raise kids but by having kids, you signed up for it, unless you were a minor or was raped. If you feel too overwhelmed and need professional help, seek that. If you don't want to be in this marriage for other reasons, seek marriage counseling. Bottom line is to understand your problems and find healthy solutions. |
Anonymous
| I must add that divorce is fine but for right reasons, hating childcare isn't a good enough reason. |
Anonymous
| No one I know has that. Every other weekend off would be great. Most custody schedules are 50/50 and it is rough. you never get away from your ex, it is very hectic, and very disruptive. I still see kids on his days a lot. I still have no time. |