Morbidly obese SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could buy them a six-month subscription to Blue Apron or similar?

This is a good idea. Make it about the DH trying to get healthy. Make the subscription something as easy as possible to eat so SIL will start eating it. DH should refuse to get her junk food on the way home.

OP here. I like this idea. But it only works if all are on board. Including her.

She doesn't have to be on board. If that's the only food available, she will eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.

She’s in her 40s. This is a problem in their own marriage. Stay out of it. He can order healthy food and have it delivered if he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DCUM has a very unhealthy taboo over never engaging with people who are overweight. There was a thread recently about an 18 year old who confided in her mother than her doctor had told her she was overweight, and the response was for the mother to not say a word to help her child. Pretty unfathomable to me. Here it's the same thing. You have an in-law who is literally killing herself slowly, and her husband has asked for your help, but DCUM says no, just watch them slowly die.

None of my friends or family or in-law would ever just stand by and do nothing in such circumstances.

I've been reading DCUM for 10 years, and in my mind, this is one of its most toxic aspects. Please note that DCUM always urges interventions when people are underweight, because they're deathly afraid they might have anorexia! Yet obesity kills way more people...

Well, I’d argue that DCUM posters that have a very unhealthy obsession with weight, especially other people’s weight. One just need just take 5 minutes over at the Diet and exercise board to see the level dysfunction related to food and weight, even very healthy weights that are not borderline underweight.

SIL is MORBIDLY OBESE. If you don't have any obese people in your family, if you really think MORBIDLY OBESE is the same as not hitting the gym enough or eating a pint of ice cream after your kids go to bed and feeling uncomfortable around skinny women because of it, then YOU SHOULD NOT BE POSTING ON THIS THREAD.

Obesity is a real health threat and a psychological problem that is as complex and dangerous as drug use and alcoholism. This is not petty DCUM women judging an extra few pounds. Get a clue.

It’s people like you and OP who do not see morbid obesity as the health concern it really is. OP has never checked in on the mental health of her SIL In the 20 years of her becoming morbidly obese. She’s just concerned now because SIL is actually fat. She has clearly been suffering this thing FOR QUITE SOME TIME, but no one thought to do anything about it until she was fully, unavoidably fat, because apparently no one cares about a suffering human until they are at rock bottom. Like all the people who post on here about concerns about their drinking, or people reaching out in loneliness who everyone tells to buck up, stop being a snowflake, just keep suffering.

OP is acting like this is about fat, and anyone who knows about addiction or mental illness knows that.

Sorry, last sentence should read “knows that isn’t the case at all”.

This is how addiction goes. It starts with normal use, then slowly, quietly escalates until people wonder if there is a problem but decide there isn't. A few more Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings come and go. A few people become aware. A few more years go by. The issue becomes obvious but no one wants to say anything. Finally it's at crisis level and there is an intervention.

The only reason this is any different -- for YOU -- is because yes, this is about FAT. Somehow saying someone is FAT is horrible but saying they are an alcoholic is okay? It's really, REALLY hard to deal with family dynamics around addiction. No need to jump all over OP simply because her issue is a SIL who is so fat she is cutting her life short. Yes, I said it. FAT.

OPs issue is that her SIL has a life she doesn’t approve of, is lazy and cooks food she doesn’t approve of, not that she is someone who is suffering from an addiction or mental illness. That’s why she’s not the appropriate person to intervene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL watches too much reality TV and doesn’t really do anything except work out. She hasn’t read a book in years and doesn’t have any intellectual interests. She is letting her mind go. Can I have an intervention with her where I tell her I am worried since people who don’t learn new things are more likely to get Alzheimer’s?

I love you.❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DCUM has a very unhealthy taboo over never engaging with people who are overweight. There was a thread recently about an 18 year old who confided in her mother than her doctor had told her she was overweight, and the response was for the mother to not say a word to help her child. Pretty unfathomable to me. Here it's the same thing. You have an in-law who is literally killing herself slowly, and her husband has asked for your help, but DCUM says no, just watch them slowly die.

None of my friends or family or in-law would ever just stand by and do nothing in such circumstances.

I've been reading DCUM for 10 years, and in my mind, this is one of its most toxic aspects. Please note that DCUM always urges interventions when people are underweight, because they're deathly afraid they might have anorexia! Yet obesity kills way more people...

Well, I’d argue that DCUM posters that have a very unhealthy obsession with weight, especially other people’s weight. One just need just take 5 minutes over at the Diet and exercise board to see the level dysfunction related to food and weight, even very healthy weights that are not borderline underweight.

SIL is MORBIDLY OBESE. If you don't have any obese people in your family, if you really think MORBIDLY OBESE is the same as not hitting the gym enough or eating a pint of ice cream after your kids go to bed and feeling uncomfortable around skinny women because of it, then YOU SHOULD NOT BE POSTING ON THIS THREAD.

Obesity is a real health threat and a psychological problem that is as complex and dangerous as drug use and alcoholism. This is not petty DCUM women judging an extra few pounds. Get a clue.

It’s people like you and OP who do not see morbid obesity as the health concern it really is. OP has never checked in on the mental health of her SIL In the 20 years of her becoming morbidly obese. She’s just concerned now because SIL is actually fat. She has clearly been suffering this thing FOR QUITE SOME TIME, but no one thought to do anything about it until she was fully, unavoidably fat, because apparently no one cares about a suffering human until they are at rock bottom. Like all the people who post on here about concerns about their drinking, or people reaching out in loneliness who everyone tells to buck up, stop being a snowflake, just keep suffering.

OP is acting like this is about fat, and anyone who knows about addiction or mental illness knows that.

Sorry, last sentence should read “knows that isn’t the case at all”.

This is how addiction goes. It starts with normal use, then slowly, quietly escalates until people wonder if there is a problem but decide there isn't. A few more Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings come and go. A few people become aware. A few more years go by. The issue becomes obvious but no one wants to say anything. Finally it's at crisis level and there is an intervention.

The only reason this is any different -- for YOU -- is because yes, this is about FAT. Somehow saying someone is FAT is horrible but saying they are an alcoholic is okay? It's really, REALLY hard to deal with family dynamics around addiction. No need to jump all over OP simply because her issue is a SIL who is so fat she is cutting her life short. Yes, I said it. FAT.

OP here. Addiction, I've seen this pattern with her. In our early holidays, years back, she'd push the food around eat a couple bites and then disappear to the guest room where she had junk food stash. Years go by and she becomes more open with us. More recently if we go there for holidays, we will be eating say turkey mashed potatoes grave stuffing. And her DH will cook her hot dogs and she'll eat it alongside us. But then more recently her DH was getting upset at that BC their young daughter is now emulating mom. Now SIL is back to pushing food around plate and running out discreetly to McDonald's to get food a couple hours later. With her teen daughter. It's like an addiction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DCUM has a very unhealthy taboo over never engaging with people who are overweight. There was a thread recently about an 18 year old who confided in her mother than her doctor had told her she was overweight, and the response was for the mother to not say a word to help her child. Pretty unfathomable to me. Here it's the same thing. You have an in-law who is literally killing herself slowly, and her husband has asked for your help, but DCUM says no, just watch them slowly die.

None of my friends or family or in-law would ever just stand by and do nothing in such circumstances.

I've been reading DCUM for 10 years, and in my mind, this is one of its most toxic aspects. Please note that DCUM always urges interventions when people are underweight, because they're deathly afraid they might have anorexia! Yet obesity kills way more people...

Well, I’d argue that DCUM posters that have a very unhealthy obsession with weight, especially other people’s weight. One just need just take 5 minutes over at the Diet and exercise board to see the level dysfunction related to food and weight, even very healthy weights that are not borderline underweight.

SIL is MORBIDLY OBESE. If you don't have any obese people in your family, if you really think MORBIDLY OBESE is the same as not hitting the gym enough or eating a pint of ice cream after your kids go to bed and feeling uncomfortable around skinny women because of it, then YOU SHOULD NOT BE POSTING ON THIS THREAD.

Obesity is a real health threat and a psychological problem that is as complex and dangerous as drug use and alcoholism. This is not petty DCUM women judging an extra few pounds. Get a clue.

It’s people like you and OP who do not see morbid obesity as the health concern it really is. OP has never checked in on the mental health of her SIL In the 20 years of her becoming morbidly obese. She’s just concerned now because SIL is actually fat. She has clearly been suffering this thing FOR QUITE SOME TIME, but no one thought to do anything about it until she was fully, unavoidably fat, because apparently no one cares about a suffering human until they are at rock bottom. Like all the people who post on here about concerns about their drinking, or people reaching out in loneliness who everyone tells to buck up, stop being a snowflake, just keep suffering.

OP is acting like this is about fat, and anyone who knows about addiction or mental illness knows that.

Sorry, last sentence should read “knows that isn’t the case at all”.

This is how addiction goes. It starts with normal use, then slowly, quietly escalates until people wonder if there is a problem but decide there isn't. A few more Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings come and go. A few people become aware. A few more years go by. The issue becomes obvious but no one wants to say anything. Finally it's at crisis level and there is an intervention.

The only reason this is any different -- for YOU -- is because yes, this is about FAT. Somehow saying someone is FAT is horrible but saying they are an alcoholic is okay? It's really, REALLY hard to deal with family dynamics around addiction. No need to jump all over OP simply because her issue is a SIL who is so fat she is cutting her life short. Yes, I said it. FAT.

OPs issue is that her SIL has a life she doesn’t approve of, is lazy and cooks food she doesn’t approve of, not that she is someone who is suffering from an addiction or mental illness. That’s why she’s not the appropriate person to intervene.

The issue is obesity. Do you know anyone obese? It makes normal life very difficult and they have zero chance of living a normal lifespan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DCUM has a very unhealthy taboo over never engaging with people who are overweight. There was a thread recently about an 18 year old who confided in her mother than her doctor had told her she was overweight, and the response was for the mother to not say a word to help her child. Pretty unfathomable to me. Here it's the same thing. You have an in-law who is literally killing herself slowly, and her husband has asked for your help, but DCUM says no, just watch them slowly die.

None of my friends or family or in-law would ever just stand by and do nothing in such circumstances.

I've been reading DCUM for 10 years, and in my mind, this is one of its most toxic aspects. Please note that DCUM always urges interventions when people are underweight, because they're deathly afraid they might have anorexia! Yet obesity kills way more people...

Well, I’d argue that DCUM posters that have a very unhealthy obsession with weight, especially other people’s weight. One just need just take 5 minutes over at the Diet and exercise board to see the level dysfunction related to food and weight, even very healthy weights that are not borderline underweight.

SIL is MORBIDLY OBESE. If you don't have any obese people in your family, if you really think MORBIDLY OBESE is the same as not hitting the gym enough or eating a pint of ice cream after your kids go to bed and feeling uncomfortable around skinny women because of it, then YOU SHOULD NOT BE POSTING ON THIS THREAD.

Obesity is a real health threat and a psychological problem that is as complex and dangerous as drug use and alcoholism. This is not petty DCUM women judging an extra few pounds. Get a clue.

It’s people like you and OP who do not see morbid obesity as the health concern it really is. OP has never checked in on the mental health of her SIL In the 20 years of her becoming morbidly obese. She’s just concerned now because SIL is actually fat. She has clearly been suffering this thing FOR QUITE SOME TIME, but no one thought to do anything about it until she was fully, unavoidably fat, because apparently no one cares about a suffering human until they are at rock bottom. Like all the people who post on here about concerns about their drinking, or people reaching out in loneliness who everyone tells to buck up, stop being a snowflake, just keep suffering.

OP is acting like this is about fat, and anyone who knows about addiction or mental illness knows that.

Sorry, last sentence should read “knows that isn’t the case at all”.

This is how addiction goes. It starts with normal use, then slowly, quietly escalates until people wonder if there is a problem but decide there isn't. A few more Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings come and go. A few people become aware. A few more years go by. The issue becomes obvious but no one wants to say anything. Finally it's at crisis level and there is an intervention.

The only reason this is any different -- for YOU -- is because yes, this is about FAT. Somehow saying someone is FAT is horrible but saying they are an alcoholic is okay? It's really, REALLY hard to deal with family dynamics around addiction. No need to jump all over OP simply because her issue is a SIL who is so fat she is cutting her life short. Yes, I said it. FAT.

OP here. Addiction, I've seen this pattern with her. In our early holidays, years back, she'd push the food around eat a couple bites and then disappear to the guest room where she had junk food stash. Years go by and she becomes more open with us. More recently if we go there for holidays, we will be eating say turkey mashed potatoes grave stuffing. And her DH will cook her hot dogs and she'll eat it alongside us. But then more recently her DH was getting upset at that BC their young daughter is now emulating mom. Now SIL is back to pushing food around plate and running out discreetly to McDonald's to get food a couple hours later. With her teen daughter. It's like an addiction

it is an addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.

We don't hate you just trying to warn you not to interfere. If her DH couldn't do anything what makes you think you can?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people don’t like to cook. They can do a delivery like Mighty Meals in the DMV. I would work on having healthy dinners first for a while and then see if they would like to learn some simple breakfasts or lunch ideas.

If she has a limited diet, she may have sensory issues. I would not try to make her try all new food AND learn to cook/ plan at the same time. That’s a lot of change. Also she has to want to change. Maybe her DH could just get some healthy delivery for himself.

OP here. Mighty meals is great. Part of the problem with SIL is that she literally won't eat anything but 5-6 things. Certain brand of frozen pizza, Tyson's frozen tenders, ballpark hotdogs, pepsi and captain crunch. That's it.

You can’t help with a diet like this- would need psychiatrist and dietician and a willing participant. Likely how her family ate. Recommend that your brother take care of his own health and diet, by purchasing healthy subscription food service. He should take a couple of days off work to discuss with dietician and pediatrician for child. He needs to take responsibility and quit the blame game.

[Anonymous]

She will never change, and it might kill her husband. If he wants to LIVE, he should give up the expensive community so at least they can afford healthy restaurant food every day. Better yet, he changes jobs too so he has time to cook dinner himself. Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mind your own business you horrible witch. This is her husband's problem and he sounds like a pretty shitty husband if he's DEMANDING that she cook healthier food for him. Your family sucks.

I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better.

[Anonymous]

It's really interesting to see the majority are Team SIL while the minority are Team DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She will never change, and it might kill her husband. If he wants to LIVE, he should give up the expensive community so at least they can afford healthy restaurant food every day. Better yet, he changes jobs too so he has time to cook dinner himself. Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change

Yes, tell your BIL that she is a basket case, and he should watch out for himself and the children. He needs to prioritize healthy eating for himself and kids

[Anonymous]

"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

[Anonymous]

OP need an intervention- she is addicted to chronic meddling.