Ignoring Pregnancy Texts from SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was pregnant with DC2 SIL and BIL saw us occasionally throughout the pregnancy and did not ask one question about it. The actually actively dominated every conversation and pretty much talked exclusively about themselves...They occasionally asked us questions, but never about the pregnancy. They also never congratulated us after the birth and basically that's the status quo... It's almost like we never had a DC2. SIL and I were pregnant at the same time with our DC1s and we were in communication somewhat regularly, so I thought that when I was pregnant with DC2 that she and BIL would act similarly and inquire about how things were going when we saw them at family events. Obviously that didn't happen and I'm still hurt, especially because I had life threatening complications during the pregnancy and a miscarriage before conceiving DC2.

Anyway, SIL is pregnant with her DC2 and has started texting DH's entire family updates. I said congrats to the initial "OMGGGG! CAN'T BELIEVE I'M PREGNANT!! IT'S AMAZING. WE ARE ALL OVERJOYED!!!" text, but don't want to respond to any of her other updates. Can I feel good about this?

One thing other people have not talked about a lot:
1. Of course you can "not respond" to any message in a group text with any group of people at any time on any topic. This is common. You do you. People do not spend their time and energy fixated on who "hearted" their post and who didn't.
2. If you choose not to respond, you do not get to feel "good" about it in the sense that you are somehow acting out of justice and avenging what you see as a wrong that was one to you. You just feel....neutral...like you feel when you make any tiny insignificant decision in life.

?

What is your question? How can I help clarify for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. Always assume the best, OP. You don't know what someone else might be dealing with.

It’s not an excuse for rudeness.

How were they rude? Changing the subject after you blabbed about your second pregnancy is not rude

Ignoring OP’s pregnancy while expecting them to fawn over hers is both rude and clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. Always assume the best, OP. You don't know what someone else might be dealing with.

It’s not an excuse for rudeness.

How were they rude? Changing the subject after you blabbed about your second pregnancy is not rude

Ignoring OP’s pregnancy while expecting them to fawn over hers is both rude and clueless.

Show me the part where they were “expecting fawning.” No one is required to reply to a freaking group chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. Always assume the best, OP. You don't know what someone else might be dealing with.

It’s not an excuse for rudeness.

How were they rude? Changing the subject after you blabbed about your second pregnancy is not rude

Ignoring OP’s pregnancy while expecting them to fawn over hers is both rude and clueless.

Show me the part where they were “expecting fawning.” No one is required to reply to a freaking group chat.

This. No where has OP said that her SIL is pissed that OPs not fawning over her. Honestly, OP comes off petty and self-obsessed AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. Always assume the best, OP. You don't know what someone else might be dealing with.

It’s not an excuse for rudeness.

How were they rude? Changing the subject after you blabbed about your second pregnancy is not rude

Ignoring OP’s pregnancy while expecting them to fawn over hers is both rude and clueless.

Show me the part where they were “expecting fawning.” No one is required to reply to a freaking group chat.

This. No where has OP said that her SIL is pissed that OPs not fawning over her. Honestly, OP comes off petty and self-obsessed AF.

Lol. NP. Typical DCUM putting something on OP that isn't even there. OP doesn't sound obsessed but understandably hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. Always assume the best, OP. You don't know what someone else might be dealing with.

It’s not an excuse for rudeness.

How were they rude? Changing the subject after you blabbed about your second pregnancy is not rude

Ignoring OP’s pregnancy while expecting them to fawn over hers is both rude and clueless.

Show me the part where they were “expecting fawning.” No one is required to reply to a freaking group chat.

This. No where has OP said that her SIL is pissed that OPs not fawning over her. Honestly, OP comes off petty and self-obsessed AF.

Lol. NP. Typical DCUM putting something on OP that isn't even there. OP doesn't sound obsessed but understandably hurt.

The point is that she is focusing that “hurt” on a decision whether or not to “heart” a text in a group chain. As if that has any impact on reality or relationships. It literally does not matter to anyone.

If she is hurt, she or her DH should have a conversation with the people involved. Or she should seek some help in processing. Making it about a text chain is unhelpful and unhealthy- for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

+1. You have no idea what was going on. I don’t see why you would want to do something to her that you felt was rude and hurtful?

In fact, it does excuse their reaction. Plus, OP, it's your baby, why should anybody else care?

Exactly. OP should not give an F about her SIL's baby either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relationships with the husbands sister are tough. Been there! Am there! +1 to sending gifts with the kids and not politics in mind. I have aunts I adored growing up that my mom could not STAND and am glad she didnt withhold us (or herself to their children). Do you have a good relationship with your own folks? I focus on that when I get bent out of shape over my perceptions of IL relations.

They’re only tough if you are a drama queen with high expectations. My SIL is nice to me but isn’t warm and fuzzy and open, but because I don’t expect her to be my best friend and open up her soul to me and braid my hair just because I married her brother, we’re cool.

If someone sending a text to their brother/BIL when he has a child is “high expectations” for you, what do you expect from your family?

[Anonymous]

No one can make you feel “good” about this if you conscience is telling you otherwise, but I think it’s good you sent a congratulations text and in general, I don’t think people need to respond to every single text sent in a group chat. And this is especially true when it’s your husband’s side of the family - he can respond for the both of you (additional texts, thumbs up emojis etc) if he feels it’s warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. Always assume the best, OP. You don't know what someone else might be dealing with.

It’s not an excuse for rudeness.

How were they rude? Changing the subject after you blabbed about your second pregnancy is not rude

Ignoring OP’s pregnancy while expecting them to fawn over hers is both rude and clueless.

Show me the part where they were “expecting fawning.” No one is required to reply to a freaking group chat.

This. No where has OP said that her SIL is pissed that OPs not fawning over her. Honestly, OP comes off petty and self-obsessed AF.

Lol. NP. Typical DCUM putting something on OP that isn't even there. OP doesn't sound obsessed but understandably hurt.

I mean…what does OP expect us to say? SIL and BIL were wrong to not acknowledge? OK. OP is free to ignore the group text now? Yeah.

Pretty simple, eh? Does any of that generate a time machine for all of this to be different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relationships with the husbands sister are tough. Been there! Am there! +1 to sending gifts with the kids and not politics in mind. I have aunts I adored growing up that my mom could not STAND and am glad she didnt withhold us (or herself to their children). Do you have a good relationship with your own folks? I focus on that when I get bent out of shape over my perceptions of IL relations.

They’re only tough if you are a drama queen with high expectations. My SIL is nice to me but isn’t warm and fuzzy and open, but because I don’t expect her to be my best friend and open up her soul to me and braid my hair just because I married her brother, we’re cool.

If someone sending a text to their brother/BIL when he has a child is “high expectations” for you, what do you expect from your family?

If someone doesn’t respond to a *group text,* I literally do not notice or care. If I want to communicate with someone directly and expect some type of response, I…communicate with them directly.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they are just focused on themselves and their situations in general, not even necessarily because of this pregnancy. Just accept that reality and do with it as you choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relationships with the husbands sister are tough. Been there! Am there! +1 to sending gifts with the kids and not politics in mind. I have aunts I adored growing up that my mom could not STAND and am glad she didnt withhold us (or herself to their children). Do you have a good relationship with your own folks? I focus on that when I get bent out of shape over my perceptions of IL relations.

They’re only tough if you are a drama queen with high expectations. My SIL is nice to me but isn’t warm and fuzzy and open, but because I don’t expect her to be my best friend and open up her soul to me and braid my hair just because I married her brother, we’re cool.

If someone sending a text to their brother/BIL when he has a child is “high expectations” for you, what do you expect from your family?

If someone doesn’t respond to a *group text,* I literally do not notice or care. If I want to communicate with someone directly and expect some type of response, I…communicate with them directly.

This right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people overthink this crap? Do enough so you won't be clearly marked as ignoring her and nothing else. Smile, interact normally, give the old 'thumbs up' on a text now and again. And kick the lady out of the apartment she's renting in your brain.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Yes. She’s a narcissist. Best to avoid her as much as possible. Nothing good will ever come from engaging with a narcissist.