Ignoring Pregnancy Texts from SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. You still don't have to be over the moon; congratulate her and move on.

[Anonymous]

If she said “I can’t believe I’m pregnant” that points to she either had a miscarriage or had a very hard time getting pregnant the second time. The fact that you failed to imagine this scenario speaks volumes about you.

Haven’t you also figured out by now that no one cares as much as you do about your pregnancies/babies, especially after the first time around?

[Anonymous]

Are you the bigger person here or do you want to be just as nasty as your SIL was to you.

[Anonymous]

Agree with other PPs - she may have been struggling with secondary infertility or even a miscarriage or depression, etc. she could also be thoughtless but it doesn’t really matter, be better. My SIL is a very selfish person and never gets gifts for our kids but I always send them stuff because I genuinely want my nieces to enjoy them. I keep things pleasant enough to maintain a close relationship with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she said “I can’t believe I’m pregnant” that points to she either had a miscarriage or had a very hard time getting pregnant the second time. The fact that you failed to imagine this scenario speaks volumes about you.

Haven’t you also figured out by now that no one cares as much as you do about your pregnancies/babies, especially after the first time around?

Oh, she didn’t write that. I didn’t write her text out verbatim. It was like a paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the bigger person here or do you want to be just as nasty as your SIL was to you.

Why are you saying “SIL was nasty” and not “SIL and BIL were nasty,” hmm? Did BIL lose both arms in a tragic boating accident, and was unable to text or call OP and her husband to congratulate them on the pregnancy or the birth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she said “I can’t believe I’m pregnant” that points to she either had a miscarriage or had a very hard time getting pregnant the second time. The fact that you failed to imagine this scenario speaks volumes about you.

Haven’t you also figured out by now that no one cares as much as you do about your pregnancies/babies, especially after the first time around?

Oh, she didn’t write that. I didn’t write her text out verbatim. It was like a paragraph.

Did it or did it not include the words “I can’t believe I’m pregnant”? What other parts of this story are you lying about or exaggerating?

[Anonymous]

Relationships with the husbands sister are tough. Been there! Am there! +1 to sending gifts with the kids and not politics in mind. I have aunts I adored growing up that my mom could not STAND and am glad she didnt withhold us (or herself to their children). Do you have a good relationship with your own folks? I focus on that when I get bent out of shape over my perceptions of IL relations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relationships with the husbands sister are tough. Been there! Am there! +1 to sending gifts with the kids and not politics in mind. I have aunts I adored growing up that my mom could not STAND and am glad she didnt withhold us (or herself to their children). Do you have a good relationship with your own folks? I focus on that when I get bent out of shape over my perceptions of IL relations.

They’re only tough if you are a drama queen with high expectations. My SIL is nice to me but isn’t warm and fuzzy and open, but because I don’t expect her to be my best friend and open up her soul to me and braid my hair just because I married her brother, we’re cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she said “I can’t believe I’m pregnant” that points to she either had a miscarriage or had a very hard time getting pregnant the second time. The fact that you failed to imagine this scenario speaks volumes about you.

Haven’t you also figured out by now that no one cares as much as you do about your pregnancies/babies, especially after the first time around?

Well if that’s the case then OP doesn’t have to give a shit about her SIL’s second pregnancy. Everyone wins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she said “I can’t believe I’m pregnant” that points to she either had a miscarriage or had a very hard time getting pregnant the second time. The fact that you failed to imagine this scenario speaks volumes about you.

Haven’t you also figured out by now that no one cares as much as you do about your pregnancies/babies, especially after the first time around?

Well if that’s the case then OP doesn’t have to give a shit about her SIL’s second pregnancy. Everyone wins.

Well…yes. OP is free to drop the rope at any time. She’s got herself nice and wound up—only she can calm herself the eff down.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people inquire after the first pregnancy, but not after the others.

I never even thought to be offended by this, despite having complications the second time around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was pregnant with DC2 SIL and BIL saw us occasionally throughout the pregnancy and did not ask one question about it. The actually actively dominated every conversation and pretty much talked exclusively about themselves...They occasionally asked us questions, but never about the pregnancy. They also never congratulated us after the birth and basically that's the status quo... It's almost like we never had a DC2. SIL and I were pregnant at the same time with our DC1s and we were in communication somewhat regularly, so I thought that when I was pregnant with DC2 that she and BIL would act similarly and inquire about how things were going when we saw them at family events. Obviously that didn't happen and I'm still hurt, especially because I had life threatening complications during the pregnancy and a miscarriage before conceiving DC2.

Anyway, SIL is pregnant with her DC2 and has started texting DH's entire family updates. I said congrats to the initial "OMGGGG! CAN'T BELIEVE I'M PREGNANT!! IT'S AMAZING. WE ARE ALL OVERJOYED!!!" text, but don't want to respond to any of her other updates. Can I feel good about this?

One thing other people have not talked about a lot:
1. Of course you can "not respond" to any message in a group text with any group of people at any time on any topic. This is common. You do you. People do not spend their time and energy fixated on who "hearted" their post and who didn't.
2. If you choose not to respond, you do not get to feel "good" about it in the sense that you are somehow acting out of justice and avenging what you see as a wrong that was one to you. You just feel....neutral...like you feel when you make any tiny insignificant decision in life.

[Anonymous]

People really need to be less needy. Let it go. Rise above. Be the better person. Everyone’s fighting a battle, you don’t know what other people are dealing with. Just be pleasant. It will all work out in the end.

[Anonymous]

How the relationship overall? Honestly, it reads to me that they may just not like you/your husband.

If everything else is fine, then sure it's about your #2 and they likely had something going on during that time.

But if it is generally an uneasy relationship, then they may be trying to distance themselves from you. It sucks, for sure, but I would take the hint.