Ignoring Pregnancy Texts from SIL

[Anonymous]

OP, I would've been hurt too. I don't think you suck. I dealt with infertility for 12 years before having a baby. Have six nieces and nephews who are all older than ds and I made sure to make sure their parents knew I was there for them, gave gifts, saw them when able after birth.

No, other people don't care about your pregnancy more than you, but just like pps are telling you a few words isn't a big effort on your part, neither was it for your in-laws and that's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. Always assume the best, OP. You don't know what someone else might be dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was pregnant with DC2 SIL and BIL saw us occasionally throughout the pregnancy and did not ask one question about it. The actually actively dominated every conversation and pretty much talked exclusively about themselves...They occasionally asked us questions, but never about the pregnancy. They also never congratulated us after the birth and basically that's the status quo... It's almost like we never had a DC2. SIL and I were pregnant at the same time with our DC1s and we were in communication somewhat regularly, so I thought that when I was pregnant with DC2 that she and BIL would act similarly and inquire about how things were going when we saw them at family events. Obviously that didn't happen and I'm still hurt, especially because I had life threatening complications during the pregnancy and a miscarriage before conceiving DC2.

Anyway, SIL is pregnant with her DC2 and has started texting DH's entire family updates. I said congrats to the initial "OMGGGG! CAN'T BELIEVE I'M PREGNANT!! IT'S AMAZING. WE ARE ALL OVERJOYED!!!" text, but don't want to respond to any of her other updates. Can I feel good about this?

You have no duty to respond. When she contacts you directly, a simple “I hope it goes well” then drop it

+1. I feel like I must be one of the only people who feels like infertility doesn't excuse being rude or even awful to other people? Not checking on someone in your family who is having life-threatening complications is inexcusable. I don't even see where it was said that they were even suffering from secondary infertility vs just spacing out their children through family planning.

OP, your initial response to the announcement text is enough-you were already polite and civil. Don't feel bad at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. Always assume the best, OP. You don't know what someone else might be dealing with.

It’s not an excuse for rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Does seem odd but I don’t know your relationship. Even with a good one, I am not sure what more one can say then “ congratulations” once they learn, an occasional “ how are you feeling” when they see you, and then a congrats text, call, card when born typically with a baby gift and gift card to restaurant or store for parents.

If they did none of this, I do not think it is about you being pregnant per week. It reads more like they do not like you, do not feel close to you, or are self- absorbed.

Take the high road, say congrats, send a gift when born. Does not sound like much of a relationship to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Per se!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

This. Always assume the best, OP. You don't know what someone else might be dealing with.

It’s not an excuse for rudeness.

How were they rude? Changing the subject after you blabbed about your second pregnancy is not rude

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. You said congratulations. You’re under no obligation to fawn all over her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This woman is gestating your kid's cousin, and your husband's niece/nephew, so a bit of kindness is probably in order.

Do better,OP.

Better than OP's SIL and BIL?

Yes. It's not a big lift to respond to a few texts. Look at it this way: OP thinks that they were wrong not to ask her about her pregnancy. So why would she want to be like them? Why not behave the way that she thinks people should behave?

Nope. Sorry. SIL and brother’s actions have consequences. It’s not like OP is responding and saying “ugh, shut up about your stupid baby already.” She’s just acknowledged it initially and us now under no obligation to keep showering SIL with ongoing attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

+1. You have no idea what was going on. I don’t see why you would want to do something to her that you felt was rude and hurtful?

In fact, it does excuse their reaction. Plus, OP, it's your baby, why should anybody else care?

Same for the SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she said “I can’t believe I’m pregnant” that points to she either had a miscarriage or had a very hard time getting pregnant the second time. The fact that you failed to imagine this scenario speaks volumes about you.

Haven’t you also figured out by now that no one cares as much as you do about your pregnancies/babies, especially after the first time around?

The fact that you all keep parroting this to OP while completely ignoring that the SIL is sending ongoing attention-seeking tests about HER OWN SECOND pregnancy is too funny, and no, I’m not OP.

[Anonymous]

If she’s texting the entire family it’s really not necessary to react. I’m sure if she left you off a new group text you’d be mad about that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. You said congratulations. You’re under no obligation to fawn all over her.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How the relationship overall? Honestly, it reads to me that they may just not like you/your husband.

If everything else is fine, then sure it's about your #2 and they likely had something going on during that time.

But if it is generally an uneasy relationship, then they may be trying to distance themselves from you. It sucks, for sure, but I would take the hint.

Why would they not congratulate OP and DH on pregnancy and then text them updates on their pregnancy if they were trying to distance. You can distance and still be polite when you see people in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was pregnant with DC2 SIL and BIL saw us occasionally throughout the pregnancy and did not ask one question about it. The actually actively dominated every conversation and pretty much talked exclusively about themselves...They occasionally asked us questions, but never about the pregnancy. They also never congratulated us after the birth and basically that's the status quo... It's almost like we never had a DC2. SIL and I were pregnant at the same time with our DC1s and we were in communication somewhat regularly, so I thought that when I was pregnant with DC2 that she and BIL would act similarly and inquire about how things were going when we saw them at family events. Obviously that didn't happen and I'm still hurt, especially because I had life threatening complications during the pregnancy and a miscarriage before conceiving DC2.

Anyway, SIL is pregnant with her DC2 and has started texting DH's entire family updates. I said congrats to the initial "OMGGGG! CAN'T BELIEVE I'M PREGNANT!! IT'S AMAZING. WE ARE ALL OVERJOYED!!!" text, but don't want to respond to any of her other updates. Can I feel good about this?

One thing other people have not talked about a lot:
1. Of course you can "not respond" to any message in a group text with any group of people at any time on any topic. This is common. You do you. People do not spend their time and energy fixated on who "hearted" their post and who didn't.
2. If you choose not to respond, you do not get to feel "good" about it in the sense that you are somehow acting out of justice and avenging what you see as a wrong that was one to you. You just feel....neutral...like you feel when you make any tiny insignificant decision in life.

?