Ignoring Pregnancy Texts from SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

+1. You have no idea what was going on. I don’t see why you would want to do something to her that you felt was rude and hurtful?

In fact, it does excuse their reaction. Plus, OP, it's your baby, why should anybody else care?

[Anonymous]

it sounds like you're a little hung up on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

+however many at this point. I'm going through secondary infertility now and everyone that was pregnant "with" me with DC1 has had, or is pregnant with, their second kid, even the ones that had infertility struggles. The cheese stands alone. I'm not saying your SIL was right to ignore your second pregnancy (and I make it clear I'm happy for all my friends/familiy members who have had additional kids, because I am) but it realllllllly sucks. It hurts to see it happen for everyone else when it's not happening for you and it's what you want most.

Give her a little grace here OP. If the worst thing she ever did to you was avoid talking about your second pregnancy she's probably not that bad.

OP here. I'm sorry PP. That really sucks. I hope that you get pregnant soon. I don't know if my SIL and BIL were going through secondary infertility when I was pregnant with DC2 (SIL told my DH she didn't want to try for a DC2 at the time because she would need to stop drinking, but who knows if that is the truth), but if they were then I of course have empathy... But I would also think that they would be less in everyone's face about their DC2 pregnancy given that they just ignored the pregnancy and birth of our DC2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

+1. You have no idea what was going on. I don’t see why you would want to do something to her that you felt was rude and hurtful?

Because I'm still hurt that they were so obvious about not GAF. Even if you are upset at experiencing secondary infertility, when you know that in a PP's words "someone gestating your nice/nephew and your child's cousin" is in the hospital at 30 weeks because of unexplained bleeding, how hard is it to send a text saying "I hope you feel better." But they weren't able to do that and then they weren't able to say congrats after DC2 was born. Ever. But what bothers me beyond the hurt is the lack of self-reflection. It feels hypocritical for them to have completely ignored the pregnancy/birth of my DC2 and then to have a weekly text update about their DC2. And they still seem to be mad at us for having a DC2, because they hearted the "congrats" text responses from all of the family members except for me and DH. I don't even know why we're on their text thread, since they seem mad at us for responding.

Maybe she was going through a miscarriage at the same time, privately. Who knows. You say she lacks self-reflection, but you seem to also. You aren't thinking about whether they were resentful or sad they couldn't have a second on the same timeline (either because of infertility or finances or whatever), and now you are only interested in pursuing your own hurt.

[Anonymous]

Really we would all be better off if when dealing with friends or family that we generally like and get along with, we just acted how we wanted to, without reading others' motivations into it, and assumed the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

+however many at this point. I'm going through secondary infertility now and everyone that was pregnant "with" me with DC1 has had, or is pregnant with, their second kid, even the ones that had infertility struggles. The cheese stands alone. I'm not saying your SIL was right to ignore your second pregnancy (and I make it clear I'm happy for all my friends/familiy members who have had additional kids, because I am) but it realllllllly sucks. It hurts to see it happen for everyone else when it's not happening for you and it's what you want most.

Give her a little grace here OP. If the worst thing she ever did to you was avoid talking about your second pregnancy she's probably not that bad.

OP here. I'm sorry PP. That really sucks. I hope that you get pregnant soon. I don't know if my SIL and BIL were going through secondary infertility when I was pregnant with DC2 (SIL told my DH she didn't want to try for a DC2 at the time because she would need to stop drinking, but who knows if that is the truth), but if they were then I of course have empathy... But I would also think that they would be less in everyone's face about their DC2 pregnancy given that they just ignored the pregnancy and birth of our DC2.

OP as much as it feels like it's about YOU and YOUR BABY, it's probably not. If you're happy for them, just be happy. But stop trying to know what's going on. If they haven't told you it's because they don't want to, and they don't owe you that.

[Anonymous]

Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people overthink this crap? Do enough so you won't be clearly marked as ignoring her and nothing else. Smile, interact normally, give the old 'thumbs up' on a text now and again. And kick the lady out of the apartment she's renting in your brain.

+1

Well said. Also, no one cares about your pregnancy and kids as much as you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

+1. You have no idea what was going on. I don’t see why you would want to do something to her that you felt was rude and hurtful?

+2 to both of these. Take the high road, OP. The view is much better from the high road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was pregnant with DC2 SIL and BIL saw us occasionally throughout the pregnancy and did not ask one question about it. The actually actively dominated every conversation and pretty much talked exclusively about themselves...They occasionally asked us questions, but never about the pregnancy. They also never congratulated us after the birth and basically that's the status quo... It's almost like we never had a DC2. SIL and I were pregnant at the same time with our DC1s and we were in communication somewhat regularly, so I thought that when I was pregnant with DC2 that she and BIL would act similarly and inquire about how things were going when we saw them at family events. Obviously that didn't happen and I'm still hurt, especially because I had life threatening complications during the pregnancy and a miscarriage before conceiving DC2.

Anyway, SIL is pregnant with her DC2 and has started texting DH's entire family updates. I said congrats to the initial "OMGGGG! CAN'T BELIEVE I'M PREGNANT!! IT'S AMAZING. WE ARE ALL OVERJOYED!!!" text, but don't want to respond to any of her other updates. Can I feel good about this?

You have no duty to respond. When she contacts you directly, a simple “I hope it goes well” then drop it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it sounds like you're a little hung up on this.

I agree. OP, why don't you just come clean. Tell them how hurt you were by their lack of interest in your pregnancy/kid. Although, as I type this out I can't imagine saying this to someone. It sounds ridiculous, honestly. It's like another poster said, nobody is as interested in your pregnancy and your kid as you are.

Personally, I'd be the bigger person here. Ignoring texts and continuing to fester bitter feelings will not end well. This kid is going to be your niece/nephew, your kids' cousin. Seems like it's time to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

+1. You have no idea what was going on. I don’t see why you would want to do something to her that you felt was rude and hurtful?

Because I'm still hurt that they were so obvious about not GAF. Even if you are upset at experiencing secondary infertility, when you know that in a PP's words "someone gestating your nice/nephew and your child's cousin" is in the hospital at 30 weeks because of unexplained bleeding, how hard is it to send a text saying "I hope you feel better." But they weren't able to do that and then they weren't able to say congrats after DC2 was born. Ever. But what bothers me beyond the hurt is the lack of self-reflection. It feels hypocritical for them to have completely ignored the pregnancy/birth of my DC2 and then to have a weekly text update about their DC2. And they still seem to be mad at us for having a DC2, because they hearted the "congrats" text responses from all of the family members except for me and DH. I don't even know why we're on their text thread, since they seem mad at us for responding.

Deal with it with a therapist but this petty bull is so unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they may have been dealing with secondary infertility and couldn't handle your pregnancy with DC2. Doesn't excuse their reaction, but may explain it.

+1. You have no idea what was going on. I don’t see why you would want to do something to her that you felt was rude and hurtful?

Because I'm still hurt that they were so obvious about not GAF. Even if you are upset at experiencing secondary infertility, when you know that in a PP's words "someone gestating your nice/nephew and your child's cousin" is in the hospital at 30 weeks because of unexplained bleeding, how hard is it to send a text saying "I hope you feel better." But they weren't able to do that and then they weren't able to say congrats after DC2 was born. Ever. But what bothers me beyond the hurt is the lack of self-reflection. It feels hypocritical for them to have completely ignored the pregnancy/birth of my DC2 and then to have a weekly text update about their DC2. And they still seem to be mad at us for having a DC2, because they hearted the "congrats" text responses from all of the family members except for me and DH. I don't even know why we're on their text thread, since they seem mad at us for responding.

Deal with it with a therapist but this petty bull is so unnecessary.

OMG, are you all in 7th grade?

[Anonymous]

Do you really lack common sense to the point where you didn’t wonder if they experienced secondary infertility? Hmm? So you were both pregnant at the same time with your first children, and then you got pregnant again, and it didn’t cross your mind that maybe just maybe they were trying and wanted to be pregnant then, too?

You suck.