Budgeting for Private School -- Convince my spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are running up against the unfortunate reality that you can't afford everything, even if they're all good things. And it sucks and it's not fair, but it is what it is.

I suspect most on here planning to put three kids through private school do indeed make more than you or gets financial support from family (usually grandparents) or financial aid.

Those at your income level have often made significant trade-offs that you're not making - say moving to a townhouse, cutting extracurriculars, etc.. One of my daughter's friend's families just decided to consolidate households with her grandparents to increase what they could save while also paying private school tuition. You're spending over $1,000 per month on extra activities between music lessons, camps, and extracurriculars. Those are all good things to spend money on, but it's a significant discretionary expenditure nonetheless. The same with the $300/month for house cleaners.

You need to decide what your priorities are and plan from there. Saving for retirement and college would be top of the list for me. Your child's life options will be far more limited by significant college debt than by going to a good-but-not-great public high school.

I understand your frustration with the public school, but one AP per year in 9th and 10th is not a disaster, nor a sign of a really terrible school. Also, think of what you could do to supplement outside of school with even a portion of what you're currently spending on tuition. Your kids could work with tutors to get ahead, take additional enrichment classes, etc., for far less than you're currently paying in tuition.

If the current public school is really a complete no-go for you, then you're either looking at moving or cutting some of the things that you consider nonnegotiable.

I don’t want to have to arrange and pay for enrichment; the most precious commodity is time and my child is spending 5 out 7 hrs in school twiddling their thumbs. They shouldn’t be reading books aloud or doing homework in class; there should be solid instruction for at least half the freaking day. We get that private school; we didn’t at our public. If you know of a good public with $1.7M houses I’m all ears. I’ll happily take a $1.2M house and renovate it, but the market has gone off the rails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are running up against the unfortunate reality that you can't afford everything, even if they're all good things. And it sucks and it's not fair, but it is what it is.

I suspect most on here planning to put three kids through private school do indeed make more than you or gets financial support from family (usually grandparents) or financial aid.

Those at your income level have often made significant trade-offs that you're not making - say moving to a townhouse, cutting extracurriculars, etc.. One of my daughter's friend's families just decided to consolidate households with her grandparents to increase what they could save while also paying private school tuition. You're spending over $1,000 per month on extra activities between music lessons, camps, and extracurriculars. Those are all good things to spend money on, but it's a significant discretionary expenditure nonetheless. The same with the $300/month for house cleaners.

You need to decide what your priorities are and plan from there. Saving for retirement and college would be top of the list for me. Your child's life options will be far more limited by significant college debt than by going to a good-but-not-great public high school.

I understand your frustration with the public school, but one AP per year in 9th and 10th is not a disaster, nor a sign of a really terrible school. Also, think of what you could do to supplement outside of school with even a portion of what you're currently spending on tuition. Your kids could work with tutors to get ahead, take additional enrichment classes, etc., for far less than you're currently paying in tuition.

If the current public school is really a complete no-go for you, then you're either looking at moving or cutting some of the things that you consider nonnegotiable.

I don’t want to have to arrange and pay for enrichment; the most precious commodity is time and my child is spending 5 out 7 hrs in school twiddling their thumbs. They shouldn’t be reading books aloud or doing homework in class; there should be solid instruction for at least half the freaking day. We get that private school; we didn’t at our public. If you know of a good public with $1.7M houses I’m all ears. I’ll happily take a $1.2M house and renovate it, but the market has gone off the rails.

You're not wrong about any of that. But you don't currently have a viable solution, and no one on here is going to be able to pull one out of a hat for you. If staying in the private school really is the #1 priority for you, cut other areas of your budget (camps, extracurricular activities, house cleaner, vacation spending etc.) so that you are able do at least some saving for college.

All that said, based on your initial post it sounds like you and your husband may have different views of what is most important and what tradeoffs are worth making. If that's the case, given that you're going to *have* to make tradeoffs, perhaps start with a couples' counselor who can help you navigate the necessary conversations and compromises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd invest the money instead. Each kids would have 3-5 million by the time the are 30. Instead, their parents paid for private school and expect them to have great careers. What a pressure on the kids.

What are you talking about $200k invested for 15 years only gets to $750k

Even 25 years only gets to $1.7M at 8% return which is crazy optimistic.

People with elite educations on this board pull in $700k/year, vs public school strivers who land a GS15 at $176k.

Yeah it’s a lot of pressure, but the world is turning into a tale of two cities. Places like Montana are expensive now.

First of all, plenty of high earners went to public schools. Second, no one needs to make $700k to be happy. Life is not a race and people don’t need to ski in Vale to be happy.

OP—having three kids in private is tough. I hate to say it but your choice to have three kids limits your options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd invest the money instead. Each kids would have 3-5 million by the time the are 30. Instead, their parents paid for private school and expect them to have great careers. What a pressure on the kids.

What are you talking about $200k invested for 15 years only gets to $750k

Even 25 years only gets to $1.7M at 8% return which is crazy optimistic.

People with elite educations on this board pull in $700k/year, vs public school strivers who land a GS15 at $176k.

Yeah it’s a lot of pressure, but the world is turning into a tale of two cities. Places like Montana are expensive now.

First of all, plenty of high earners went to public schools. Second, no one needs to make $700k to be happy. Life is not a race and people don’t need to ski in Vale to be happy.

OP—having three kids in private is tough. I hate to say it but your choice to have three kids limits your options.

I'll second this and add that most of the highest earners I know went to public school all the way - K through university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some houses for sale in the Longfellow MS draw area that are less that 1.6 for a 4 bedroom. I thought my DS's gifted education at Longfellow was excellent (especially in Math). It's not that far from Capital Hill especially if your DH and you are commuting together (can take 66 for free).

I looked at those houses, and every one is on a busy road or backs to a freeway or are a teardown.

Wow, for Mclean high school, even under $2M you have the same problem OR it's an obvious flip.

What?! There are plenty of houses in the McLean district under $2M that aren't flips, teardowns or on a freeway

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. My kid (now in private HS) went to a “good” public middle school. Was in the top math class. DC was assigned literally three books to read in all three years in that good public middle school. Despite being in the top math class, barely tested into regular math in private HS, barely missing remedial math. Got three Cs freshman year first semester and was absolutely shocked by the workload and expectations of private HS. We moved all our kids to private after that, and yes, it is a huge financial burden. I will never in a million years trust people claiming that their public school is “good” after our experience.

First, you haven’t clarified how much you actually have saved for retirement. That’s the first question here. Also, where do you want to live in retirement? That is the second question. If you have a good amount saved already, that gives you some options.

Third, could you consider downsizing to a condo for the HS years, and put some of the profit from the house into retirement savings?

I think there are still some key questions here about retirement that you have to answer before we can really do the budgeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are running up against the unfortunate reality that you can't afford everything, even if they're all good things. And it sucks and it's not fair, but it is what it is.

I suspect most on here planning to put three kids through private school do indeed make more than you or gets financial support from family (usually grandparents) or financial aid.

Those at your income level have often made significant trade-offs that you're not making - say moving to a townhouse, cutting extracurriculars, etc.. One of my daughter's friend's families just decided to consolidate households with her grandparents to increase what they could save while also paying private school tuition. You're spending over $1,000 per month on extra activities between music lessons, camps, and extracurriculars. Those are all good things to spend money on, but it's a significant discretionary expenditure nonetheless. The same with the $300/month for house cleaners.

You need to decide what your priorities are and plan from there. Saving for retirement and college would be top of the list for me. Your child's life options will be far more limited by significant college debt than by going to a good-but-not-great public high school.

I understand your frustration with the public school, but one AP per year in 9th and 10th is not a disaster, nor a sign of a really terrible school. Also, think of what you could do to supplement outside of school with even a portion of what you're currently spending on tuition. Your kids could work with tutors to get ahead, take additional enrichment classes, etc., for far less than you're currently paying in tuition.

If the current public school is really a complete no-go for you, then you're either looking at moving or cutting some of the things that you consider nonnegotiable.

I don’t want to have to arrange and pay for enrichment; the most precious commodity is time and my child is spending 5 out 7 hrs in school twiddling their thumbs. They shouldn’t be reading books aloud or doing homework in class; there should be solid instruction for at least half the freaking day. We get that private school; we didn’t at our public. If you know of a good public with $1.7M houses I’m all ears. I’ll happily take a $1.2M house and renovate it, but the market has gone off the rails.

A casual search on Redfin shows a number of house options under $1.7 million(some significantly under) that feed into great Fairfax County public schools. Perhaps your standards for an acceptable house are different from mine, but as others have said, something's gotta give here to make it all work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some houses for sale in the Longfellow MS draw area that are less that 1.6 for a 4 bedroom. I thought my DS's gifted education at Longfellow was excellent (especially in Math). It's not that far from Capital Hill especially if your DH and you are commuting together (can take 66 for free).

I looked at those houses, and every one is on a busy road or backs to a freeway or are a teardown.

Wow, for Mclean high school, even under $2M you have the same problem OR it's an obvious flip.

What?! There are plenty of houses in the McLean district under $2M that aren't flips, teardowns or on a freeway

Please post, I literally just looked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some houses for sale in the Longfellow MS draw area that are less that 1.6 for a 4 bedroom. I thought my DS's gifted education at Longfellow was excellent (especially in Math). It's not that far from Capital Hill especially if your DH and you are commuting together (can take 66 for free).

I looked at those houses, and every one is on a busy road or backs to a freeway or are a teardown.

Wow, for Mclean high school, even under $2M you have the same problem OR it's an obvious flip.

What?! There are plenty of houses in the McLean district under $2M that aren't flips, teardowns or on a freeway

Please post, I literally just looked

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/6728-Baron-Rd-22101/home/9276282

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some houses for sale in the Longfellow MS draw area that are less that 1.6 for a 4 bedroom. I thought my DS's gifted education at Longfellow was excellent (especially in Math). It's not that far from Capital Hill especially if your DH and you are commuting together (can take 66 for free).

I looked at those houses, and every one is on a busy road or backs to a freeway or are a teardown.

Wow, for Mclean high school, even under $2M you have the same problem OR it's an obvious flip.

What?! There are plenty of houses in the McLean district under $2M that aren't flips, teardowns or on a freeway

Please post, I literally just looked

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/6856-Chelsea-Rd-22101/home/162765313

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As for schools, there is no perfect school, but unless you are in TN or AL, your public school is going to be just fine if your kids are reasonably studious and you stay engaged as a parent. My kid did private preK-8 and is now at a MCPS magnet and doing wonderfully. Thinking about college and maybe law school. She has some terrific teachers and a solid group of friends. She is actually happier at her public, though that may have more to do with her age (adolescence/middle school is rough!) She has opportunities at her public she would not have at private and has developed good connections with a few of her teachers. Yes, she has some dud teachers, but she did at private school as well. Your kids' success depends mostly on you, not the school they go to. Having money helps...

All of this.

My kids went through MCPS and are doing great now as young adults. Was it all hearts and unicorns every year? No, but neither is private. (I taught at a Big Three for years and know of what I speak.)

OP, you cannot outsource your kids' education, no matter where they attend school. Their success is mostly dependent on you as their parent.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need aftercare if your kids are that old? Or do you have one way younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You definitely can’t afford it, you make no mention of retirement, investments, or savings. Seems you’re living beyond your means in several areas. If you take another job you could swing it or move somewhere that a house payment doesn’t cost $5100

... or college planning, either. OP, you say the kids can take out loans for college, but each of them can take out $27K TOTAL (not per year). Any other loans would be your Parents Plus loans. Believe me, you do not want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some houses for sale in the Longfellow MS draw area that are less that 1.6 for a 4 bedroom. I thought my DS's gifted education at Longfellow was excellent (especially in Math). It's not that far from Capital Hill especially if your DH and you are commuting together (can take 66 for free).

I looked at those houses, and every one is on a busy road or backs to a freeway or are a teardown.

Wow, for Mclean high school, even under $2M you have the same problem OR it's an obvious flip.

What?! There are plenty of houses in the McLean district under $2M that aren't flips, teardowns or on a freeway

Please post, I literally just looked

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1713-Birch-Rd-22101/home/9414177

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd invest the money instead. Each kids would have 3-5 million by the time the are 30. Instead, their parents paid for private school and expect them to have great careers. What a pressure on the kids.

What are you talking about $200k invested for 15 years only gets to $750k

Even 25 years only gets to $1.7M at 8% return which is crazy optimistic.

People with elite educations on this board pull in $700k/year, vs public school strivers who land a GS15 at $176k.

Yeah it’s a lot of pressure, but the world is turning into a tale of two cities. Places like Montana are expensive now.

What?