Budgeting for Private School -- Convince my spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some houses for sale in the Longfellow MS draw area that are less that 1.6 for a 4 bedroom. I thought my DS's gifted education at Longfellow was excellent (especially in Math). It's not that far from Capital Hill especially if your DH and you are commuting together (can take 66 for free).

I looked at those houses, and every one is on a busy road or backs to a freeway or are a teardown.

Wow, for Mclean high school, even under $2M you have the same problem OR it's an obvious flip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for schools, there is no perfect school, but unless you are in TN or AL, your public school is going to be just fine if your kids are reasonably studious and you stay engaged as a parent. My kid did private preK-8 and is now at a MCPS magnet and doing wonderfully. Thinking about college and maybe law school. She has some terrific teachers and a solid group of friends. She is actually happier at her public, though that may have more to do with her age (adolescence/middle school is rough!) She has opportunities at her public she would not have at private and has developed good connections with a few of her teachers. Yes, she has some dud teachers, but she did at private school as well. Your kids' success depends mostly on you, not the school they go to. Having money helps...

Yes, we think a magnet school would be good, but how do you ensure you will get into one? Our current school doesn't differentiate really until 11th grade.

There are good options in a lot of schools now, even without one of the more prestigious magnets. Many MCPS schools now have local IB programs, there's the Poolesville ecology and sci/math programs that are far away, but take a bunch of kids and bus them. Plus you can apply to the magnet and if DC doesn't get it, stick with private. You have choices. Maybe agree to stick with private through 8th and re-evaluate. Kids don't need extreme rigor to be successful. They need engaged parents and safe schools. Talk to your kids. Read with them. Heck, my we read a Greek tragedy with our DD during COVID year because she needed the support to understand the book. Education is not a race. We all end up in the grave. You have to enjoy the journey. And if that's with private school, great! You can make it work with sacrifices. And if you think you'd enjoy travel and fun camps more, switch to public. There are no truly bad outcomes here from what I see.

This is the best advice. I feel like private school is like flying first class. There are others in Coach who may not be having as cushy of an experience but they may still be happy (even happier), well rounded and extremely intelligent. In the end, we are all going to the same place and once the plane lands, the passengers in Coach can still outrun you to your final destination. I think looking back, I would not have spent the money on our top 3 private. I look at our public school peers and they've done just as well - maybe even better in some instances because they had a little more hustle, naturally know how to deal with people of different backgrounds and then just generally, life circumstances have created different outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for schools, there is no perfect school, but unless you are in TN or AL, your public school is going to be just fine if your kids are reasonably studious and you stay engaged as a parent. My kid did private preK-8 and is now at a MCPS magnet and doing wonderfully. Thinking about college and maybe law school. She has some terrific teachers and a solid group of friends. She is actually happier at her public, though that may have more to do with her age (adolescence/middle school is rough!) She has opportunities at her public she would not have at private and has developed good connections with a few of her teachers. Yes, she has some dud teachers, but she did at private school as well. Your kids' success depends mostly on you, not the school they go to. Having money helps...

Yes, we think a magnet school would be good, but how do you ensure you will get into one? Our current school doesn't differentiate really until 11th grade.

There are good options in a lot of schools now, even without one of the more prestigious magnets. Many MCPS schools now have local IB programs, there's the Poolesville ecology and sci/math programs that are far away, but take a bunch of kids and bus them. Plus you can apply to the magnet and if DC doesn't get it, stick with private. You have choices. Maybe agree to stick with private through 8th and re-evaluate. Kids don't need extreme rigor to be successful. They need engaged parents and safe schools. Talk to your kids. Read with them. Heck, my we read a Greek tragedy with our DD during COVID year because she needed the support to understand the book. Education is not a race. We all end up in the grave. You have to enjoy the journey. And if that's with private school, great! You can make it work with sacrifices. And if you think you'd enjoy travel and fun camps more, switch to public. There are no truly bad outcomes here from what I see.

This is the best advice. I feel like private school is like flying first class. There are others in Coach who may not be having as cushy of an experience but they may still be happy (even happier), well rounded and extremely intelligent. In the end, we are all going to the same place and once the plane lands, the passengers in Coach can still outrun you to your final destination. I think looking back, I would not have spent the money on our top 3 private. I look at our public school peers and they've done just as well - maybe even better in some instances because they had a little more hustle, naturally know how to deal with people of different backgrounds and then just generally, life circumstances have created different outcomes.

Oh your kids graduated? You have no idea how bad high schools have gotten. They are overcrowded and eliminating differentiation every day. Even TJ is under pressure.

[Anonymous]

You definitely can’t afford it, you make no mention of retirement, investments, or savings. Seems you’re living beyond your means in several areas. If you take another job you could swing it or move somewhere that a house payment doesn’t cost $5100

[Anonymous]

Downsize, homeschool, spend time with your kids, get tutoring if necessary, have enough for college and retirement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You definitely can’t afford it, you make no mention of retirement, investments, or savings. Seems you’re living beyond your means in several areas. If you take another job you could swing it or move somewhere that a house payment doesn’t cost $5100

As mentioned before retirement is included on “after tax” part. But nothing outside 401k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Downsize, homeschool, spend time with your kids, get tutoring if necessary, have enough for college and retirement

Downside? We always live in a crappy colonial with water issues. Only way to downsize mortgage is to move to exurb. And then we can’t homeschool or spend time with kids. I wish our local publics didn’t implode.

[Anonymous]

So everyone on this forum makes more than $450k or gets aid? Or bought a house in the 90s?

[Anonymous]

OP, we take home half of what you do and we’re doing it for one. We couldn’t for two, but at double our income, I bet you can. It’s all down to if you think it’s worth it. For us, it is. But my spouse and I agree that it’s our top spending priority. If you don’t agree, I can see how that would be problematic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what schools are your kids attending for $5600 for two kids?

We have a similar total income and we spend about $4300/month for one high school tuition at a top school. It's doable but is about our max. It makes zero financial sense but at this point (two years in) it's a done deal. I'm honestly not sure I would do it over again. The education is fabulous (so much better than our subpar public was) but honestly, does one's high school education have to be the best and most challenging and well-rounded as possible? NO. On one hand I think "there is nothing better to spend money on than education?" and on the other I'm like "this is complete insanity and was a giant mistake".

I went to an elite school from a crappy high school, and was a miserable experience that rocked by confidence and really hindered my career since I was behind in college the entire time while my classmates were basically coasting since high school had laid strong foundation.

I see our current high school just not caring about the 'A' students, and in fact again most of my child's cohort of gifted students has left the system.

I don't disagree that the focus is currently on closing the achievement gap, but teachers like to teach the engaged, smart kids. There are plenty of these kids in your public school. AP classes are abundant in most of the area and many kids start with 1 in 9th grade. This sounds like fear-mongering. Most parents can't afford private schools and there aren't enough spots for everyone to go to them anyway. I attended DC's spring musical and holy cow! those are some smart kids and talented musicians. Teachers go the extra mile for those kids and that's never going to change.

Our local high school only has 1 AP class per grade until 11th.

You do not need more than two AP classes in ninth and 10th grade. My kid will have a total of three and one was studied for and taken outside of public school (music theory). She will ramp up in 11th and 12th grades and go on her merry way. It sounds like you are getting caught up in the education race. I urge you to go visit your public school, talk to the principal, find out about the counseling office. I’ve been very impressed with our local public school coming from private elem & middle school.

[Anonymous]

I havent read through your whole budget, but in my experience, tuition is just the beginning of private school expenses. Even lunch and school pictures are more expensive. I've been shocked at how all encompassing it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what schools are your kids attending for $5600 for two kids?

We have a similar total income and we spend about $4300/month for one high school tuition at a top school. It's doable but is about our max. It makes zero financial sense but at this point (two years in) it's a done deal. I'm honestly not sure I would do it over again. The education is fabulous (so much better than our subpar public was) but honestly, does one's high school education have to be the best and most challenging and well-rounded as possible? NO. On one hand I think "there is nothing better to spend money on than education?" and on the other I'm like "this is complete insanity and was a giant mistake".

I went to an elite school from a crappy high school, and was a miserable experience that rocked by confidence and really hindered my career since I was behind in college the entire time while my classmates were basically coasting since high school had laid strong foundation.

I see our current high school just not caring about the 'A' students, and in fact again most of my child's cohort of gifted students has left the system.

I don't disagree that the focus is currently on closing the achievement gap, but teachers like to teach the engaged, smart kids. There are plenty of these kids in your public school. AP classes are abundant in most of the area and many kids start with 1 in 9th grade. This sounds like fear-mongering. Most parents can't afford private schools and there aren't enough spots for everyone to go to them anyway. I attended DC's spring musical and holy cow! those are some smart kids and talented musicians. Teachers go the extra mile for those kids and that's never going to change.

Our local high school only has 1 AP class per grade until 11th.

You do not need more than two AP classes in ninth and 10th grade. My kid will have a total of three and one was studied for and taken outside of public school (music theory). She will ramp up in 11th and 12th grades and go on her merry way. It sounds like you are getting caught up in the education race. I urge you to go visit your public school, talk to the principal, find out about the counseling office. I’ve been very impressed with our local public school coming from private elem & middle school.

We have visited our local school, talked to the counselor and they made it clear: until 11th grade 5 out of 7 classes would be general education until 11th including English. They have tracked math and honors history. Basically it was babysitting for my teen in middle school, so most of the day is squandered while the class reads novels out loud in class and the teacher gives them time to do “homework” in class while helping struggling students. Class sizes get up to 32 kids. We even put together a prelim freshman schedule but couldn’t take computer science or math class that wouldn’t be remedial for our kid. They are very strict: no differentiation except for math and history, no taking upper level courses early.

[Anonymous]

You are running up against the unfortunate reality that you can't afford everything, even if they're all good things. And it sucks and it's not fair, but it is what it is.

I suspect most on here planning to put three kids through private school do indeed make more than you or gets financial support from family (usually grandparents) or financial aid.

Those at your income level have often made significant trade-offs that you're not making - say moving to a townhouse, cutting extracurriculars, etc.. One of my daughter's friend's families just decided to consolidate households with her grandparents to increase what they could save while also paying private school tuition. You're spending over $1,000 per month on extra activities between music lessons, camps, and extracurriculars. Those are all good things to spend money on, but it's a significant discretionary expenditure nonetheless. The same with the $300/month for house cleaners.

You need to decide what your priorities are and plan from there. Saving for retirement and college would be top of the list for me. Your child's life options will be far more limited by significant college debt than by going to a good-but-not-great public high school.

I understand your frustration with the public school, but one AP per year in 9th and 10th is not a disaster, nor a sign of a really terrible school. Also, think of what you could do to supplement outside of school with even a portion of what you're currently spending on tuition. Your kids could work with tutors to get ahead, take additional enrichment classes, etc., for far less than you're currently paying in tuition.

If the current public school is really a complete no-go for you, then you're either looking at moving or cutting some of the things that you consider nonnegotiable.

[Anonymous]

I'd invest the money instead. Each kids would have 3-5 million by the time the are 30. Instead, their parents paid for private school and expect them to have great careers. What a pressure on the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd invest the money instead. Each kids would have 3-5 million by the time the are 30. Instead, their parents paid for private school and expect them to have great careers. What a pressure on the kids.

What are you talking about $200k invested for 15 years only gets to $750k

Even 25 years only gets to $1.7M at 8% return which is crazy optimistic.

People with elite educations on this board pull in $700k/year, vs public school strivers who land a GS15 at $176k.

Yeah it’s a lot of pressure, but the world is turning into a tale of two cities. Places like Montana are expensive now.