Budgeting for Private School -- Convince my spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Blair magnet is highly selective and the admissions cycle is complete for next fall. You'd be better going to Richard Montgomery where you can take Honors classes starting in 9th grade and choose to enter the IB program in 11th if you qualify. In truth, your kid can get a great education at any FCPS or MCPS school. I'm confused about where you live, though. If you are in DC, then you have school choice. If you are near to DC, APS, FCPS, MCPS, with a short commute to Capitol Hill, your home school is fine. Not perfect, but neither is a private school. I mean sure, we'd all like our kids to be in small classes with great teachers from K-12, but that's not always realistic. Middle school at public is pretty bad IMO, which is why we did private for K-8 and then switched to public in 9th. That might be a good compromise for you. Seriously, though, what district close to Capitol Hill has you living in a place where your zoned high school is truly awful? Are you in PG County?

I haven't provided the details because I fear my spouse will find this thread if someone recognizes me, but we are in APS zoned for Swanson and W-L. Swanson was a train wreck for my kids; they basically were only engaged for 30 minutes a day, spent the rest of class time reading, drawing, sometimes napping -- and that was before the pandemic, and then everything went out the window and it was "no new learning" spring, followed by a year of "won't anyone turn on their camera" or "so-so, are you there" virtual schooling. we left for private and it was night and day, as did almost all of the kids who were in our elementary gifted cohort.

now swanson is apparently undergoing with fights, vandelism in the bathrooms, some kid running around with a taser? and i'm sure the teachers are 100% focused on catching the kids up and readying for SOLs, rather than ensuring children who are on track are engaged and actually spending the day learning. its just a numbers and incentive game; though they may enjoy teaching the interested kids, there are no rewards for pushing them further than required by the standards, but there are penalities if the kids who are struggling don't improve on the SOLs, and there are many more of those struggling students these days. on top of that, APS is going to standards based learning: no grades, re-take tests, continue no homework.

we had planned to return for IB at WL, but once we started digging into it, we realized IB starts at 11th grade, and basically 9th and 10th will be just like our experience in swanson. except the school will now be nearly 3000 kids because they built an addition on the 2000 student school, and even though no high schools were still over crowded after the great exodus, they are still moving over 200 kids/year for the next 3 years to justify spending $30M converting office space to classrooms. so they are making WL an unreasonable size, and the differentiation and rigor we were hoping would finally be starting got kicked down the road until 11th grade.
$7
as for cost, here's how we see it: we are going private for mostly high school (other kids are different and I think will be okay at Swanson as long as the disturbances subside), so $60k * 4 * 3 -> $720k. Let's say we just bought a house $720k more than our $1.2M house -- $1.92M that would not get a similar 4 bedroom SFH in any highly ranked close in FCPS or MCPS high school, even before you consider additional interest costs. House prices have gone up that much, its insane. I wish we had moved to McLean 10 years ago, we thought that APS would be a good school district, but realize now that parents are happy here because anyone who is concerned for academic rigor leaves for FCPS early, despite the longer commutes. APS parents are just way more chill, for better or for worse, but doesn't fit our family.

Real estate agent here. Yes prices have gone up, but there’s 4+ bedroom homes on the market this moment in McLean for less than $1.92. If that’s your measure, you are fine.

I see two houses on incredibly busy roads and a super shady flip. That's it. Just a different bad investment than private school.

You just don’t want to see options. No idea what your criteria are, but there are *many* great options that aren’t flips or on busy streets, and even more if you include Vienna, West Falls Church, Merrifield, and Arlington.

You very clearly are willing to make no compromises and are only looking for someone to take your side in a disagreement with your spouse in which you are clearly wrong.

I agree with you except I am convinced OP is a troll.

The budget numbers and scenario makes no sense. Wanting to saddle your college grads with debt makes no sense. Ignoring actual alternatives makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP all your comments seem to trash ALL the area public school systems without a lot of direct knowledge of any of them. Sure there's tons of complaining on DCUM about MCPS, FCPS, and the rest, and the class sizes are definitely larger than private. But there are great public schools in this area with tons of smart, motivated kids who get good educations and go on to very competitive colleges.

You also don't seem to understand that your kids won't have the option of paying for school with loans - there are strict limits on loans that undergrads can take out nowadays (somewhere around $5500/yr.) And at your income, your kids won't be eligible for financial aid. They can hunt for merit aid, but the top schools don't give merit. So what are you going to tell them when it's time to apply for college?

Agreed, there are a lot of FCPS/MCPS schools, unfortunately the ones we can afford and have the programs we are interested in are untenable commutes.

It really doesn’t sound right to me that your high school “doesn’t differentiate” until 11th grade. Aren’t there honors classes and on- grade-level classes? Even at our MCPS school that it sounds like wouldn’t impress you at all, my 10th grader has found honors and pre-IB classes challenging, plus one AP in 9th and one in 10th. What grade is your oldest actually in? It sounds like you have anxiety about a problem that is not a problem yet.

I've been quite curious about OP's claim there is no differentiation before the IB program starts in 11th grade, so I just looked up the APS high school course options at W-L. "Intensified" English is an option in both ninth and tenth grades, which specifically notes it is "designed for the needs of gifted and advanced students" with higher expectations as preparation for the IB curriculum. so they have accelerated/honors classes but call them something different. There are also "intensified" options in math, science, and social studies. There are also AP classes offered for freshmen in social studies. OP's claim that there isn't any differentiation before the IB program simply isn't accurate. If OP is genuinely confused about this (v. deliberate misrepresenting the public option), I'd suggest looking at the actual course planning documents.

Yeah, once she mentioned W-L I figured she had not done a lot of research. I would guess that many of the people moving to private in the last few years moved because of COVID . We all know last year was a mess and this year has different issues. I have seen reports in FCPS about kids taking classes that they were not capable of, especially in math, because of the way things were graded last year and needing to drop from AP or Honors to the next level down. I can see some honors level classes having a higher then average number of kids struggling and Teachers doing more to help those kids then they would in a normal year. That could pose a problem for kids who stayed on track last year. I know families whose kids graduated from W-L and they were very happy with their education and they landed at some really good colleges.

I think that there is more angst right now because of the COVID gap in areas.

Look at that OP. Many pages in, we solved your problem. Stay put and send your kids to your public high school, as it does offer advanced course options in all grades. All of this angst that could have been avoided by checking the actual course planning information.

I have no idea if there's a way to make your middle school workable - middle school is hard. But you could likely afford to send each kid to private for middle school, as it sounds like that would mostly be one tuition at a time, which is doable.

[Anonymous]

OP, I thought of you this morning while listening to last Friday's Planet Money podcast about college loans. I strongly suggest you take a listen. There are numerous interviews with people talking about how much having college debt has negatively impacted their lives, how burdensome it is, how stressful it is, how limiting it is. I think if you asked those people whether they would have rather gone to a good-but-not-great public schools and had less college debt or a great private school and had more debt, they'd choose the former. It would have far less negative impact on their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to chill out a little. You must save for college.
My kids are in DCPS. I’m sure you would find the schools unacceptable.
We have had ups and downs but the kids are learning and we also try to do a little enrichment.
My oldest is now at an Ivy and got all As her first year. I don’t think the schools are as bad as you think.
I’m sure privates are better but we could not pay for private and save a ton for college.

I would like to hear more about your experience. Readiness for college is my biggest concern and you seemed to take what you are reporting is a lackluster public education and fill in the gaps. And got accepted to an Ivy (which is not our goal — I’m an Ivy alum and have no love for them) which is impressive and means your DD had options. What do you think was her hook to stand out? Did she start a non profit or something?

No, she did not start a non-profit. We are not even legacy. Took a ton of APs at a DCPS Highschool. It was a huge amount of stress junior and senior year even though 9th and 10th grade were pretty easy for her.
I would say the top 50 kids out of a class of 450 were Uber competitive. She did some school clubs and was able to get a leadership role in one. Teachers wrote strong recommendations. Found a summer internship. It was not an easy path. First year at Ivy was not easy for her but she did well.

That is pretty atypical acceptance, congrats. What is her major?

Going to a high minority or rural high school with few Ivy acceptances is well known path, as long as you know your kid will stay on track this makes sense for PP. That's great she rose to the challenge of a difficult Freshman year, that is the hard part of that route.

This kid obviously went to Wilson, School without Walls or possibly Banneker. Those are the best DCPS schools. Not fabulous but decent. Motivated and hardworking kids do well at these schools. And strong AP scores show colleges that you can handle the academics at college

[Anonymous]

OP, assuming you are not a troll. You should check out the college acceptances at your local public high school. That gives you some sense of course rigor and academics at the high school. Colleges don’t keep taking kids from a high school where the accepted kids flunk out or do badly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, assuming you are not a troll. You should check out the college acceptances at your local public high school. That gives you some sense of course rigor and academics at the high school. Colleges don’t keep taking kids from a high school where the accepted kids flunk out or do badly

Here you go:

https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/how-many-arlington-students-get-into-ivy-league-schools/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, assuming you are not a troll. You should check out the college acceptances at your local public high school. That gives you some sense of course rigor and academics at the high school. Colleges don’t keep taking kids from a high school where the accepted kids flunk out or do badly

Here you go:

https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/how-many-arlington-students-get-into-ivy-league-schools/

Here’s a more complete (though still self-reported) list broken out by school. Lots of really good colleges on there for lots of students.

https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/where-arlingtons-class-of-2021-applied-to-college-and-got-in/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, assuming you are not a troll. You should check out the college acceptances at your local public high school. That gives you some sense of course rigor and academics at the high school. Colleges don’t keep taking kids from a high school where the accepted kids flunk out or do badly

Here you go:

https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/how-many-arlington-students-get-into-ivy-league-schools/

This is just as good as any private

https://wl.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/sites/38/2021/07/Score-Profiles-Class-of-2021.pdf

Here’s WL grad going to Yale!

https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/extraordinary-teen-awards-2021/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose pointing out that there are houses available in the Reston Herndon area that would be less expensive, saving money on the mortgage for more travel and the like, and feed into some great MS and very good HS with AP classes.

There are some excellent public schools in FCPS that provide a great education and experience and you don't have to buy a million dollar home, but they don't have the prestige that I suspect the OP actually wants. I don't know MCPS but I would guess that there are some very good public schools there. But OP has decided that all the public school are awful or will be awful and that the only why her kids can get a great education is to go private.

And that is cool. OPs problem is that her husband knows that she is wrong and sees that the cost of the private schools are not worth it for their family. And people here are saying the same thing. But this isn't about economics, it is about prestige and being able to say that the kids went to school X and that they are so much better then those kids who had to go to public schools and aren't we the best parents ever because we scrimped and saved to pay for our $1.2 million house and private schools for the 3 kids.

Kind of ridiculous.

WTAF I could give a rats tail about prestige. All I want is my kid to be learning my for most of the day in school, have a reasonable size house for my family, and not have a 2 hr commute. HERNDON?? To Capital Hill?? Do you own a private helicopter??

I personally like a lot of FCPS and MCPS, but the ones with decent commute are way way more expensive now and represent taking on debt NOW vs the slow pain of private and college. Neither option is great, though I am surprised we seem to be too poor for private but got zero aid.

No, "all" you want is a great private school, a big house with a short commute, music lessons, expensive camps and activities, a regular house cleaner, a $16k annual vacation budget, a big grocery budget, no second job/side hustle, and your husband to fall in line.

Am I missing anything? 🙄

Your HHI does not support this lifestyle. You need to make some sacrifices and you seem unwilling to consider any of them.

I’m really curious? What camps are cheap? Our county camps are $400/week? We only do rec sports, do your kids not do any activities? Stay home alone all summer by themselves when you are at work?

Half our travel budget is visiting family — I personally would be fine reducing that but they can’t travel to us.

Big house? Uh no. Ifs okay, but no one would call our house big.

OP, I have only one child with a similar HHI and regularly second guess if this is all worth it. And we have about $100k set aside for college right now for that one child who is 6. Given that you are trying to swing this with 3 children - you are certainly squeezed. Here is how we make it work, while still providing an enriching life for our child and traveling, and some extra frills - like once monthly cleaning and takeout when we want, etc etc.

We live in a less desirable part of MoCo. We knew private school was a priority for us so we picked a "cheap" house (mortgage is now $500k w a monthly payment around $2100). You cannot have it all. Full stop. One thing must give. For you, looking at your budget, it is schools or housing. Folks saying your grocery bill is high - I don't know, $1500/mo for a family of 5 works out to about $375/wk. For a family of 3, I spend $250, so that doesn't seem crazy to me. The savings on cheaper cell phone plan etc are also marginal.

Unfortunately, you are at the worst possible time to find a cheaper house, as prices are sky high all around, but there are lots of options. Most people on DCUM will not consider PG county, but honestly, there are lovely established neighborhoods where you can have a house big enough for your family AND big enough for overseas relatives to come visit and stay for long times.

I grew up in PG county and still have friends and family in this neighborhood for instance: https://www.redfin.com/MD/Bowie/8310-Quill-Point-Dr-20720/home/10875921 and it is a diverse neighborhood with all kinds of people and decent houses that have held up well and the neighborhood is well maintained. A house like this that is fully $400k less than what you pay now would likely make a huge diff in your bottom line. And you can orange line commute from New Carrollton or drive in on 50, it is not that terrible.

If you want MoCo, something like this, that is walkable to the Kensington Marc train, and walkable to the Wheaton metro station would also give you FAR more wiggle room on your mortgage. https://www.redfin.com/MD/Kensington/10709-Drumm-Ave-20895/home/11139198

If you want to stay in VA, look in Springfield or similar places: https://www.redfin.com/VA/Springfield/5408-Danville-St-22151/home/9747763

The bottom line is, you can find PLENTY of nice houses in the $800k range, You just have to give up something and for you, if private school is a non negotiable, the thing to give up is a house in desirable, close in Arlington. You are also likely feeling the squeeze because you're looking at families around you with similar jobs, making it work and wondering why you can't? The answer is always family money. If you don't have any, you have to get creative if you want all these things.

My DH's commute downtown is about 35 mins in traffic and our school commute is similar. DH does drop off, I do pickup and it only adds about 10 mins on to his total morning commute. Sure, do the people who live in Chevy Chase have a 20-25 min school/work commute compared to us? Yes, but they can afford literally one million dollars more in housing than I can. It is what it is and I am not going to lament about it. We wanted a particular kind of educational experience for our child, so we deal with the commute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, assuming you are not a troll. You should check out the college acceptances at your local public high school. That gives you some sense of course rigor and academics at the high school. Colleges don’t keep taking kids from a high school where the accepted kids flunk out or do badly

Here you go:

https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/how-many-arlington-students-get-into-ivy-league-schools/

This is just as good as any private

https://wl.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/sites/38/2021/07/Score-Profiles-Class-of-2021.pdf

Here’s WL grad going to Yale!

https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/extraordinary-teen-awards-2021/

I love how the Arlington magazine make Arlington out to be this cultural hotbed, with the diversity on display in their star students while meanwhile schools are crazy white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose pointing out that there are houses available in the Reston Herndon area that would be less expensive, saving money on the mortgage for more travel and the like, and feed into some great MS and very good HS with AP classes.

There are some excellent public schools in FCPS that provide a great education and experience and you don't have to buy a million dollar home, but they don't have the prestige that I suspect the OP actually wants. I don't know MCPS but I would guess that there are some very good public schools there. But OP has decided that all the public school are awful or will be awful and that the only why her kids can get a great education is to go private.

And that is cool. OPs problem is that her husband knows that she is wrong and sees that the cost of the private schools are not worth it for their family. And people here are saying the same thing. But this isn't about economics, it is about prestige and being able to say that the kids went to school X and that they are so much better then those kids who had to go to public schools and aren't we the best parents ever because we scrimped and saved to pay for our $1.2 million house and private schools for the 3 kids.

Kind of ridiculous.

WTAF I could give a rats tail about prestige. All I want is my kid to be learning my for most of the day in school, have a reasonable size house for my family, and not have a 2 hr commute. HERNDON?? To Capital Hill?? Do you own a private helicopter??

I personally like a lot of FCPS and MCPS, but the ones with decent commute are way way more expensive now and represent taking on debt NOW vs the slow pain of private and college. Neither option is great, though I am surprised we seem to be too poor for private but got zero aid.

No, "all" you want is a great private school, a big house with a short commute, music lessons, expensive camps and activities, a regular house cleaner, a $16k annual vacation budget, a big grocery budget, no second job/side hustle, and your husband to fall in line.

Am I missing anything? 🙄

Your HHI does not support this lifestyle. You need to make some sacrifices and you seem unwilling to consider any of them.

I’m really curious? What camps are cheap? Our county camps are $400/week? We only do rec sports, do your kids not do any activities? Stay home alone all summer by themselves when you are at work?

Half our travel budget is visiting family — I personally would be fine reducing that but they can’t travel to us.

Big house? Uh no. Ifs okay, but no one would call our house big.

OP, I have only one child with a similar HHI and regularly second guess if this is all worth it. And we have about $100k set aside for college right now for that one child who is 6. Given that you are trying to swing this with 3 children - you are certainly squeezed. Here is how we make it work, while still providing an enriching life for our child and traveling, and some extra frills - like once monthly cleaning and takeout when we want, etc etc.

We live in a less desirable part of MoCo. We knew private school was a priority for us so we picked a "cheap" house (mortgage is now $500k w a monthly payment around $2100). You cannot have it all. Full stop. One thing must give. For you, looking at your budget, it is schools or housing. Folks saying your grocery bill is high - I don't know, $1500/mo for a family of 5 works out to about $375/wk. For a family of 3, I spend $250, so that doesn't seem crazy to me. The savings on cheaper cell phone plan etc are also marginal.

Unfortunately, you are at the worst possible time to find a cheaper house, as prices are sky high all around, but there are lots of options. Most people on DCUM will not consider PG county, but honestly, there are lovely established neighborhoods where you can have a house big enough for your family AND big enough for overseas relatives to come visit and stay for long times.

I grew up in PG county and still have friends and family in this neighborhood for instance: https://www.redfin.com/MD/Bowie/8310-Quill-Point-Dr-20720/home/10875921 and it is a diverse neighborhood with all kinds of people and decent houses that have held up well and the neighborhood is well maintained. A house like this that is fully $400k less than what you pay now would likely make a huge diff in your bottom line. And you can orange line commute from New Carrollton or drive in on 50, it is not that terrible.

If you want MoCo, something like this, that is walkable to the Kensington Marc train, and walkable to the Wheaton metro station would also give you FAR more wiggle room on your mortgage. https://www.redfin.com/MD/Kensington/10709-Drumm-Ave-20895/home/11139198

If you want to stay in VA, look in Springfield or similar places: https://www.redfin.com/VA/Springfield/5408-Danville-St-22151/home/9747763

The bottom line is, you can find PLENTY of nice houses in the $800k range, You just have to give up something and for you, if private school is a non negotiable, the thing to give up is a house in desirable, close in Arlington. You are also likely feeling the squeeze because you're looking at families around you with similar jobs, making it work and wondering why you can't? The answer is always family money. If you don't have any, you have to get creative if you want all these things.

My DH's commute downtown is about 35 mins in traffic and our school commute is similar. DH does drop off, I do pickup and it only adds about 10 mins on to his total morning commute. Sure, do the people who live in Chevy Chase have a 20-25 min school/work commute compared to us? Yes, but they can afford literally one million dollars more in housing than I can. It is what it is and I am not going to lament about it. We wanted a particular kind of educational experience for our child, so we deal with the commute.

Something is really off if you cannot afford private or only have $100K in your child's college fund. You are overspending. We make far far less and with one child could make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose pointing out that there are houses available in the Reston Herndon area that would be less expensive, saving money on the mortgage for more travel and the like, and feed into some great MS and very good HS with AP classes.

There are some excellent public schools in FCPS that provide a great education and experience and you don't have to buy a million dollar home, but they don't have the prestige that I suspect the OP actually wants. I don't know MCPS but I would guess that there are some very good public schools there. But OP has decided that all the public school are awful or will be awful and that the only why her kids can get a great education is to go private.

And that is cool. OPs problem is that her husband knows that she is wrong and sees that the cost of the private schools are not worth it for their family. And people here are saying the same thing. But this isn't about economics, it is about prestige and being able to say that the kids went to school X and that they are so much better then those kids who had to go to public schools and aren't we the best parents ever because we scrimped and saved to pay for our $1.2 million house and private schools for the 3 kids.

Kind of ridiculous.

WTAF I could give a rats tail about prestige. All I want is my kid to be learning my for most of the day in school, have a reasonable size house for my family, and not have a 2 hr commute. HERNDON?? To Capital Hill?? Do you own a private helicopter??

I personally like a lot of FCPS and MCPS, but the ones with decent commute are way way more expensive now and represent taking on debt NOW vs the slow pain of private and college. Neither option is great, though I am surprised we seem to be too poor for private but got zero aid.

No, "all" you want is a great private school, a big house with a short commute, music lessons, expensive camps and activities, a regular house cleaner, a $16k annual vacation budget, a big grocery budget, no second job/side hustle, and your husband to fall in line.

Am I missing anything? 🙄

Your HHI does not support this lifestyle. You need to make some sacrifices and you seem unwilling to consider any of them.

I’m really curious? What camps are cheap? Our county camps are $400/week? We only do rec sports, do your kids not do any activities? Stay home alone all summer by themselves when you are at work?

Half our travel budget is visiting family — I personally would be fine reducing that but they can’t travel to us.

Big house? Uh no. Ifs okay, but no one would call our house big.

OP, I have only one child with a similar HHI and regularly second guess if this is all worth it. And we have about $100k set aside for college right now for that one child who is 6. Given that you are trying to swing this with 3 children - you are certainly squeezed. Here is how we make it work, while still providing an enriching life for our child and traveling, and some extra frills - like once monthly cleaning and takeout when we want, etc etc.

We live in a less desirable part of MoCo. We knew private school was a priority for us so we picked a "cheap" house (mortgage is now $500k w a monthly payment around $2100). You cannot have it all. Full stop. One thing must give. For you, looking at your budget, it is schools or housing. Folks saying your grocery bill is high - I don't know, $1500/mo for a family of 5 works out to about $375/wk. For a family of 3, I spend $250, so that doesn't seem crazy to me. The savings on cheaper cell phone plan etc are also marginal.

Unfortunately, you are at the worst possible time to find a cheaper house, as prices are sky high all around, but there are lots of options. Most people on DCUM will not consider PG county, but honestly, there are lovely established neighborhoods where you can have a house big enough for your family AND big enough for overseas relatives to come visit and stay for long times.

I grew up in PG county and still have friends and family in this neighborhood for instance: https://www.redfin.com/MD/Bowie/8310-Quill-Point-Dr-20720/home/10875921 and it is a diverse neighborhood with all kinds of people and decent houses that have held up well and the neighborhood is well maintained. A house like this that is fully $400k less than what you pay now would likely make a huge diff in your bottom line. And you can orange line commute from New Carrollton or drive in on 50, it is not that terrible.

If you want MoCo, something like this, that is walkable to the Kensington Marc train, and walkable to the Wheaton metro station would also give you FAR more wiggle room on your mortgage. https://www.redfin.com/MD/Kensington/10709-Drumm-Ave-20895/home/11139198

If you want to stay in VA, look in Springfield or similar places: https://www.redfin.com/VA/Springfield/5408-Danville-St-22151/home/9747763

The bottom line is, you can find PLENTY of nice houses in the $800k range, You just have to give up something and for you, if private school is a non negotiable, the thing to give up is a house in desirable, close in Arlington. You are also likely feeling the squeeze because you're looking at families around you with similar jobs, making it work and wondering why you can't? The answer is always family money. If you don't have any, you have to get creative if you want all these things.

My DH's commute downtown is about 35 mins in traffic and our school commute is similar. DH does drop off, I do pickup and it only adds about 10 mins on to his total morning commute. Sure, do the people who live in Chevy Chase have a 20-25 min school/work commute compared to us? Yes, but they can afford literally one million dollars more in housing than I can. It is what it is and I am not going to lament about it. We wanted a particular kind of educational experience for our child, so we deal with the commute.

Something is really off if you cannot afford private or only have $100K in your child's college fund. You are overspending. We make far far less and with one child could make it work.

I’m the PP you’re referring to. We likely do overspend in some areas but we also are saving A LOT for retirement and travel a good bit, which we couldn’t do if we had more children. Could we “make it work” as you say, on less? Sure. But it would be less comfortable and we are otherwise content with our current quality of life, neighborhood and ability to spend on extras that we want, which we could not do if we lived in more expensive place. Also, $100k for one 6 year old child isn’t nothing. Even if between now and 12 years from now when my kindergartner needs to use that money, we put nothing else in - which is not likely, that should grow enough to fund 4 years at a state school at a minimum. We intend for our child to finish undergrad debt free, as we would be far wealthier now had DH and I not had nearly $150k in student loans that we paid off in the first 10 years post grad. Given where we started, I’m pretty content with how things are going for my family and disagree with your assessment that something is “off.”