We just started dating and she called me out over a joke. Petty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think it was that bad but I’m not her. It doesn’t matter what the rest of us think. Does she normally have a sense of humor? It sounds like your sense of humor doesn’t match with hers - that’s the issue.

This isn’t even a remotely funny “joke.” Even with all of OP’s context around how she likes celeb gossip…I mean, where’s the funny part? *What* was he even laughing at?

OP is negging and insecure. I’d not hesitate to move on and find someone clever with a real sense of humor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, here’s a primer on how jokes work, since you said in your title this was a joke, not some “negging” attempt that went awry.

A joke is successful if the person who hears the joke laughs/finds it funny. If they don’t, the joke fails. Whether -the person who is telling the joke finds it funny is irrelevant (we’ve all been in a room with someone laughing at their own joke while no one else does). Whether someone on the internet thinks your joke is funny is irrelevant unless you were telling the joke to them.

The correct response to this woman was “bad joke— sorry!” And moving on. We’ve all been there. That doesn’t make YTA. Deciding that there is something wrong with her (she’s “petty”) because she didn’t like your joke at her expense is why YTA.

This is so true about jokes and what makes them work. Too many people don’t get this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[vimeo][/vimeo]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, she is insecure as evidenced by her reaction. You just hit a nerve.

You mean OP is.

No, if she weren’t insecure, she would have laughed it off. OP was being playful and she took it seriously. It wasn’t a big deal, she made it a big deal.

If OP weren't insecure, he would have apologized and moved on, rather than trying to get anonymous people on the Internet to confirm he's right. He's making it a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds a little uptight. Men tease the women they like, and that is time for a woman’s wit, charm, and perspicacity to stand up for herself can shine.

In short, she doesn’t have very good girl game and that won’t change any time soon. I would end it if it were me because I personally don’t think the schoolmarmy, stick-up-the-butt attitude is attractive.

So, because OP insinuated that she’s an idiot his girlfriend should just laugh along, otherwise she’s “uptight”.

Women who have backbones = uptight. Got it.

People have lost their ability to communicate. Prior pp was right, men tease women they like. It doesn’t mean he really thought that’s what she was doing. In fact he most likely thought the exact opposite.

In your shoes op, I’d take it as a red flag. A relationship without humor is challenging.

We know men tease women they like. That doesn’t mean we have to find humor in teasing that comes across as insulting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think it was that bad but I’m not her. It doesn’t matter what the rest of us think. Does she normally have a sense of humor? It sounds like your sense of humor doesn’t match with hers - that’s the issue.

This isn’t even a remotely funny “joke.” Even with all of OP’s context around how she likes celeb gossip…I mean, where’s the funny part? *What* was he even laughing at?

OP is negging and insecure. I’d not hesitate to move on and find someone clever with a real sense of humor.

+1

There is no joke there. Lots of people (men and women) think that teasing is necessarily funny. It’s not. It can be, but in this case it certainly isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds a little uptight. Men tease the women they like, and that is time for a woman’s wit, charm, and perspicacity to stand up for herself can shine.

In short, she doesn’t have very good girl game and that won’t change any time soon. I would end it if it were me because I personally don’t think the schoolmarmy, stick-up-the-butt attitude is attractive.

So, because OP insinuated that she’s an idiot his girlfriend should just laugh along, otherwise she’s “uptight”.

Women who have backbones = uptight. Got it.

People have lost their ability to communicate. Prior pp was right, men tease women they like. It doesn’t mean he really thought that’s what she was doing. In fact he most likely thought the exact opposite.

In your shoes op, I’d take it as a red flag. A relationship without humor is challenging.

We know men tease women they like. That doesn’t mean we have to find humor in teasing that comes across as insulting.

I didn’t think his intention was to insult her intelligence. To me, it sounded like his intention was to tease her about her interest in celebrity gossip. Is that really so bad?

Now after the fact, I do think he should have apologized and just tucked this away as a lesson learned rather than post about it on DCUM and call her petty. So that makes him a bit of an ass. But the teasing itself I didn’t really think was that bad.

[Anonymous]

OP this is annoying because she didn’t like something you did, she explained that to you, and she asked you not to do it again. She sounds really upfront, rational, and level-headed. She didn’t laugh along to make you feel okay while secretly being hurt. She didn’t called you a jerk and hang up. She didnt take it out in you later in a passive-aggressive way. But she handled it well and you still found a way to make her the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds a little uptight. Men tease the women they like, and that is time for a woman’s wit, charm, and perspicacity to stand up for herself can shine.

In short, she doesn’t have very good girl game and that won’t change any time soon. I would end it if it were me because I personally don’t think the schoolmarmy, stick-up-the-butt attitude is attractive.

So, because OP insinuated that she’s an idiot his girlfriend should just laugh along, otherwise she’s “uptight”.

Women who have backbones = uptight. Got it.

People have lost their ability to communicate. Prior pp was right, men tease women they like. It doesn’t mean he really thought that’s what she was doing. In fact he most likely thought the exact opposite.

In your shoes op, I’d take it as a red flag. A relationship without humor is challenging.

We know men tease women they like. That doesn’t mean we have to find humor in teasing that comes across as insulting.

I didn’t think his intention was to insult her intelligence. To me, it sounded like his intention was to tease her about her interest in celebrity gossip. Is that really so bad?

Now after the fact, I do think he should have apologized and just tucked this away as a lesson learned rather than post about it on DCUM and call her petty. So that makes him a bit of an ass. But the teasing itself I didn’t really think was that bad.

If he’d quickly apologized and moved on I think it’s no biggie. Doubling down, and then being so butt-hurt that he came to post about how petty she is on the internet, makes me think he’s probably like this IRL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds a little uptight. Men tease the women they like, and that is time for a woman’s wit, charm, and perspicacity to stand up for herself can shine.

In short, she doesn’t have very good girl game and that won’t change any time soon. I would end it if it were me because I personally don’t think the schoolmarmy, stick-up-the-butt attitude is attractive.

So, because OP insinuated that she’s an idiot his girlfriend should just laugh along, otherwise she’s “uptight”.

Women who have backbones = uptight. Got it.

People have lost their ability to communicate. Prior pp was right, men tease women they like. It doesn’t mean he really thought that’s what she was doing. In fact he most likely thought the exact opposite.

In your shoes op, I’d take it as a red flag. A relationship without humor is challenging.

We know men tease women they like. That doesn’t mean we have to find humor in teasing that comes across as insulting.

I didn’t think his intention was to insult her intelligence. To me, it sounded like his intention was to tease her about her interest in celebrity gossip. Is that really so bad?

Now after the fact, I do think he should have apologized and just tucked this away as a lesson learned rather than post about it on DCUM and call her petty. So that makes him a bit of an ass. But the teasing itself I didn’t really think was that bad.

If his intention was actually to insult her intelligence the appropriate thing for her to do would be tell him that and break up with them. Of course he wasn’t trying to insult her intentionally. OP doesn’t sound like a narcissist. But intent matters less than impact.

And we do need a little context here about gender stereotypes. Lots of men think that women aren’t as intelligent as they are and are more interested in celebrity gossip than real news. Even if OP isn’t like that deep down inside, he should understand that many men are and his girlfriend has to live in a world where her intelligence is called into question on a regular basis, especially when she also likes stereotypically “unintelligent” things like celebrity gossip. I think that if OP’s girlfriend (or whatever she is to him right now) really and truly knew that OP sincerely respected and admired her intelligence and her other interests, the joke still wouldn’t have been very funny but maybe not potentially insulting. But they haven’t been dating for too long and it’s easy to hide sexism for that amount of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - when she asked if you thought she was an airhead what did you say?

Well technically she didn’t ask but I started laughing and said “woah , don’t say that about yourself”

You realize this makes you sound like a total dick, right?

OP here - how?

Gimme her @ I’ll give her a few come backs that will make you cry, funny guy.

[Anonymous]

I would dump her now. This will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this is annoying because she didn’t like something you did, she explained that to you, and she asked you not to do it again. She sounds really upfront, rational, and level-headed. She didn’t laugh along to make you feel okay while secretly being hurt. She didn’t called you a jerk and hang up. She didnt take it out in you later in a passive-aggressive way. But she handled it well and you still found a way to make her the problem.

This. The correct response was "sorry, I won't make a joke like that again." A woman speaking up for herself, and letting you know what crosses a line for her, is not being petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - when she asked if you thought she was an airhead what did you say?

Well technically she didn’t ask but I started laughing and said “woah , don’t say that about yourself”

……so you never actually disagreed with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think it was that bad but I’m not her. It doesn’t matter what the rest of us think. Does she normally have a sense of humor? It sounds like your sense of humor doesn’t match with hers - that’s the issue.

Yea, she does have a sense of humor usually. That’s why this threw me off and made me think she’s petty because she doesn’t usually got offended and finds a lot of things humorous.[/quote

Oh so you insult her and she is the petty one??? No, dude you are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think it was that bad but I’m not her. It doesn’t matter what the rest of us think. Does she normally have a sense of humor? It sounds like your sense of humor doesn’t match with hers - that’s the issue.

+1 I wouldn’t have taken it personally and I would’ve understood it was a joke but this maybe your sense of humor doesn’t align with hers. I would not say you were an a-hole, unless you refused to apologize when you realized you hurt her feelings.