What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?

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03/29/2022 12:28

Subject: What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?

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Anonymous wrote:Parents of kids under 13 are so cute.

“The toddler years are hard, but everything gets easier and cheaper once they get into school.”

-signed, mom of high schoolers

This type of response is so not cute.

Many families actually do have an easier time once the kids are older. Even in high school.

No they don’t. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Definitely not easier. There is this sweet spot like ages 6 to 9.

Excuse me, I didn't realize that you know definitively the experience for every family.

Look, I'm not saying that I don't think teenagers can be hard, or are even more likely to be harder in some ways than parenting young kids. But the know-it-all style of "oh how cute, if you think this is hard just wait" is patronizing and also not always accurate. Everyone finds challenges in different places; kids are different, too.

I have two kids and stopped at two because I didn't want to be overextended as household with two parents working out of the home, and I tried to quit while ahead, so to speak. But I know more than one family who had delightful teenage years following truly trying "childhood" years. So while I absolutely think people should realistically anticipate the needs of babies who grow into kids who grow into tweens who grow into teens who grow into young adults and so on, to assume that one stage is universally harder is simply blind to the multitude of lived experiences that would suggest otherwise.

Yikes, back down. Bigger kids DOES equal bigger problems. It’s not even a question. Not to say the teen years aren’t enjoyable in their own way, but seriously, it’s a new level of stress. And I had very demanding, young age children - including a special needs child, multiple deaths in my immediate family, career ups and downs and the like. I’m not trying to diminish your experience, but to remind you that there isn’t a get out of jail free card in your immediate future.

NP. You just sound like one of those people who always has to win the misery contest. First your little kids were unusually hard, but oh wait now your teens are even harder….

It’s not a misery contest, though for THAT to be your take away shows that you are not a compassionate or empathetic person. The point here is that it does not, in fact, get “easier.” The problems just change. The highs change too, but that’s not what we are talking about. I’ve found that the stressors of high school/college age is significantly more stressful than, say, potty training. Maybe I more generous person would equate the challenges of potty training with the stress of the college application process. But really, who would they be kidding.

NP. I agree with you PP. I also think that different people are better suited for parenting different age groups. I had twins when my oldest was two. I managed to navigate those years parenting, working, volunteering at school, and being a scout leader fairly well. I suppose I was suited for that age. Now that my kids are teens, the pandemic, work stress, serious health issues for one kid and my parents, perimenopause, and just downright exhaustion, I know I'm doing a worse job as a parent than I did early on. The bumps in the road become that much harder to manage and the missteps feel monumental.