I'm tired of being a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds awful - but I am just exhausted.

I have one 2 y/o and work full-time. It is exhausting meeting his needs - it's just constant demands for attention and tantrums. He will ask for food that he likes then immediately hates it when I bring it out. This morning he has pooped x6 and it's like this every morning. We've talked to his pediatrician and she says it's normal. He screams if I suggest trying the potty. Every food that I offer is "yucky", this morning he woke up at 5AM and ran out to his toy room and immediately began and tantrum when he couldn't' find a specific garbage truck toy.

He is just constantly running and bumping into things, he ran into the couch at full-speed. He screams if he sees an ant. He is so high energy and demanding. We take him to the park, zoo, museum, playdates, outside play for hours on end but its NEVER enough - when its time to leave it's just screaming meltdowns. I am embarassed at his behavior and blame myself for how he acts wondering if there's something i'm doing wrong.

My sisters daughter will just sit quietly and play by herself and sit on my sisters lap and read books. My son is just so much, all the time. It has completley turned me off from having another child and i'm considering having my tubes tied to prevent another pregnancy. I feel like my husband and son deserve a more attentive and engaging mother who is willing to play with him for 8+ hours/day and do crafts/art/fun things but the truth is I am TIRED of having my entire day and free time devoted to my son and his ever constant demands.

Everything is just a constant struggle - eating, potty training, getting in or out of the bath, going to sleep, leaving the park or leaving any kind of activity.

I'm 32. I've had a migraine for a week and my husband is very patient, loving and attentive. I am alone with my son today and just hate it. I have tried SSRI's and therapy but found the SSRI's caused weight gain and decreased libido. I'm withdrawing from one SSRI this week. The worst part is I can't have my husband watch him for any period of time without my son screaming MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY, if he gets hurt he refuses to let his Dad comfort him. It's just ... constant. I just always feel like I want to run away or cry. This isn't how I imagined motherhood.

In the teen years, your niece will be a terror and your son will be chill.

Girls are easier to raise as young children than boys.

Boys are easier to raise as teens than girls.

A generalization, yes, but based in some reality.

Doubt it. Girls who grow up to be "terrors" are usually spoiled brats when they're young too. People just ignore it because they find the behavior cute at that age and in miniature form.

A hyperactive little boy usually grows into a teen boy with rage issues and ADD/ADHD.

Boys are no easier to raise than girls. Parents tend to monitor and raise boys less than girls. Lowered expectations for boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds awful - but I am just exhausted.

I have one 2 y/o and work full-time. It is exhausting meeting his needs - it's just constant demands for attention and tantrums. He will ask for food that he likes then immediately hates it when I bring it out. This morning he has pooped x6 and it's like this every morning. We've talked to his pediatrician and she says it's normal. He screams if I suggest trying the potty. Every food that I offer is "yucky", this morning he woke up at 5AM and ran out to his toy room and immediately began and tantrum when he couldn't' find a specific garbage truck toy.

He is just constantly running and bumping into things, he ran into the couch at full-speed. He screams if he sees an ant. He is so high energy and demanding. We take him to the park, zoo, museum, playdates, outside play for hours on end but its NEVER enough - when its time to leave it's just screaming meltdowns. I am embarassed at his behavior and blame myself for how he acts wondering if there's something i'm doing wrong.

My sisters daughter will just sit quietly and play by herself and sit on my sisters lap and read books. My son is just so much, all the time. It has completley turned me off from having another child and i'm considering having my tubes tied to prevent another pregnancy. I feel like my husband and son deserve a more attentive and engaging mother who is willing to play with him for 8+ hours/day and do crafts/art/fun things but the truth is I am TIRED of having my entire day and free time devoted to my son and his ever constant demands.

Everything is just a constant struggle - eating, potty training, getting in or out of the bath, going to sleep, leaving the park or leaving any kind of activity.

I'm 32. I've had a migraine for a week and my husband is very patient, loving and attentive. I am alone with my son today and just hate it. I have tried SSRI's and therapy but found the SSRI's caused weight gain and decreased libido. I'm withdrawing from one SSRI this week. The worst part is I can't have my husband watch him for any period of time without my son screaming MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY, if he gets hurt he refuses to let his Dad comfort him. It's just ... constant. I just always feel like I want to run away or cry. This isn't how I imagined motherhood.

In the teen years, your niece will be a terror and your son will be chill.

Girls are easier to raise as young children than boys.

Boys are easier to raise as teens than girls.

A generalization, yes, but based in some reality.

Doubt it. Girls who grow up to be "terrors" are usually spoiled brats when they're young too. People just ignore it because they find the behavior cute at that age and in miniature form.

A hyperactive little boy usually grows into a teen boy with rage issues and ADD/ADHD.

Boys are no easier to raise than girls. Parents tend to monitor and raise boys less than girls. Lowered expectations for boys.

Ehh, I (a lady) fit the mold PP is describing. Easy, docile toddler but horrible teen angst and a crier/emotional child in the ES/MS years.
But I've seen counterexamples too. My nephew was an easy-ish toddler but his sister was a demon child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds awful - but I am just exhausted.

I have one 2 y/o and work full-time. It is exhausting meeting his needs - it's just constant demands for attention and tantrums. He will ask for food that he likes then immediately hates it when I bring it out. This morning he has pooped x6 and it's like this every morning. We've talked to his pediatrician and she says it's normal. He screams if I suggest trying the potty. Every food that I offer is "yucky", this morning he woke up at 5AM and ran out to his toy room and immediately began and tantrum when he couldn't' find a specific garbage truck toy.

He is just constantly running and bumping into things, he ran into the couch at full-speed. He screams if he sees an ant. He is so high energy and demanding. We take him to the park, zoo, museum, playdates, outside play for hours on end but its NEVER enough - when its time to leave it's just screaming meltdowns. I am embarassed at his behavior and blame myself for how he acts wondering if there's something i'm doing wrong.

My sisters daughter will just sit quietly and play by herself and sit on my sisters lap and read books. My son is just so much, all the time. It has completley turned me off from having another child and i'm considering having my tubes tied to prevent another pregnancy. I feel like my husband and son deserve a more attentive and engaging mother who is willing to play with him for 8+ hours/day and do crafts/art/fun things but the truth is I am TIRED of having my entire day and free time devoted to my son and his ever constant demands.

Everything is just a constant struggle - eating, potty training, getting in or out of the bath, going to sleep, leaving the park or leaving any kind of activity.

I'm 32. I've had a migraine for a week and my husband is very patient, loving and attentive. I am alone with my son today and just hate it. I have tried SSRI's and therapy but found the SSRI's caused weight gain and decreased libido. I'm withdrawing from one SSRI this week. The worst part is I can't have my husband watch him for any period of time without my son screaming MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY, if he gets hurt he refuses to let his Dad comfort him. It's just ... constant. I just always feel like I want to run away or cry. This isn't how I imagined motherhood.

In the teen years, your niece will be a terror and your son will be chill.

Girls are easier to raise as young children than boys.

Boys are easier to raise as teens than girls.

A generalization, yes, but based in some reality.

I’m a OP with a difficult older child with multiple diagnoses and an typical younger child. My kid who needs extra help is a girl and my typical one is a boy. These generalizations are really really not useful and contribute to boys not getting the help they need early enough AND girls being vilified for being active when younger. If you and your child are struggling do NOT assume they will grow out of it and be an easy teen.

It also vilifies “good girls,” and presents parents of those girls as being unfairly lucky in the early years, when most everyone’s got stuff going on that acquaintances won’t know anything about.

OP, our DC potty trained late for this board, at 3.5. We did the long weekend strategy and just physically carried them to the potty ar every mere hint of a bathroom need. It was a tough weekend but it worked quite well, so that’s something that could maybe work, no pressure. The weighted blanket idea is such a good one. Good luck, you can do this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sending hugs. I have a little boy who is older now but who gave me similar feelings and exhaustion. I imagine you will get an ADHD diagnosis at some point, especially with your husband’s history. For my son, things got a little better when he started hyperfocusing on something. So he was wild except if he had a book to read. Hopefully something will emerge for your son that he loves. Beyond that, reframing my thinking was helpful. I was so frustrated, angry, embarrassed, helpless. But when I thought of this poor child whose brain wasn’t helping him cope and who was getting so much anger and negative feedback from the whole world and especially me, my heart hurt deeply for my child who wasn’t choosing to behave this way and really could not help it. That compassion helps me remember to make his time with me unconditionally safe. I do slip up and yell and I am not close to perfect. But empathizing with his position helped me reframe when times were hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

He has always been this way. Let me add he is a very loving boy which is part of why I feel so guilty. He doesn't hit or kick thankfully.

He has always been active and high energy. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and took Ritalin. He is ... 34 months old so almost 3.

He has never slept through the night and still wakes 1-2x/night. He will not respond to my husband at night and cry/scream for me. We are encouraging him to try the potty and having him sit before and after meals and before and after sleeping. We read him books while he sits on the potty and give rewards and praise if he goes (he has 2x so far), but now the potty has become a spot he likes to sit and be read to.

The tantrums I just kind of zone out. I have to try really hard to not scream and reciprocate. I try to speak to him in a low, calm voice and give warning indicators that we will be leaving soon. He won't get up and and walk or take my hand when it's time to go, so at the end of the 5 minute indicator I have to pick him up and he begins thrashing.

Yes, boys are like this. Much harder IMO.

[Anonymous]

I have a 3.5yo boy who sounds very similar. Very loving, but very energetic, very stubborn, and very emotional. I've had all of the same feelings as you - this isn't what I expected parenthood to be, wanting to run away, affecting my physical health, etc. So first off, sending a hug and some commiseration.

We had the same issue with DS preferring me, and nipping that in the bud was really helpful. Have them establish something that is just for the two of them, for my DH he took DS to a new park and that became "their park." And then at home, when he yelled that he wanted me, I would consistently say "Mommy is busy right now, Daddy is here to help you now" and prompting when I wouldn't be available "Mommy is going to do a workout now, you and Daddy are going to play."

I think you're handling tantrums the best you can. You just have to let them have the emotional release.

Do you have family that can take him overnight? DH and I started planning a night or two away every 4ish months and DS stays at his grandparents. So when we go through a rough patch I always know that we have a break coming up.

[Anonymous]

OP chose to have a child with her ADHD husband. No sympathy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP chose to have a child with her ADHD husband. No sympathy for her.

Don’t be awful. A lot of people don’t even think about this until after the fact. It’s not a normal thing to consider when you’re young and dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - first, hugs to you.

Second - you need to stop catering to his whims. Whims do not equal needs.

Him not liking the food he just asked for? That's a whim, and that's too bad.

Him wanting you instead of Daddy? That's a whim, and that's too bad.

Tantrum because he doesn't want to leave? You guessed it - that's a whim, and that's too bad.

Are you SAHM? If so, get a job, almost any job, and put him in daycare. The structure, rules, and routine will do him a world of good.

\

Np No, she is not. Op works full time so probably doesn't see him that much. Agree that it sounds tough but, something might be going on with him and you should get him evaluated. Sometimes there is a reason and it isn't because they are trying to be difficult.

Hugs, though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds exhausting! I'm sorry, op.

But I did notice that you said a few times that you give in--if he goes with dad he cries, he cries until he gets what he wants. You're creating a tiny monster by giving hj
What he wants when he cries. He knows that next time--he just has to cry and he gets what he wants! He should have regular time with dad every day, maybe dad does bath time and you take a walk. Every single day, so it becomes routine. Don't give in! You think you're helping him, but I think you're showing him you have inconsistent and weak boundaries and he's going to use that to his advantage, but it also scares kids when they don't know what to expect.

This. He’s just spoiled.

PP this isn't helpful. When did you raise your kids? Was it this century?

[Anonymous]

No one should be on an SSRI at your age OP.

[Anonymous]

First of all get back on your SSRIs or try another. Do not sacrifice your mental health over weight gain and libido.

[Anonymous]

All the boys vs girls commenters drive me crazy as a parent of a girl who was so very much like op's child at that age.

OP, just a hunch here, have you noticed how your child responds to sensory stimuli? Do they seek out noise or avoid it? Do they like wrestling and firm hugs or prefer a lighter touch? With food, can you tell if it's the texture or the flavor that makes something unappealing?

Behavior is communication. It's hard, but if you can, try to pretend you're a scientist studying your child's reactions. They are not personal, even though it feels profoundly personal in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the boys vs girls commenters drive me crazy as a parent of a girl who was so very much like op's child at that age.

OP, just a hunch here, have you noticed how your child responds to sensory stimuli? Do they seek out noise or avoid it? Do they like wrestling and firm hugs or prefer a lighter touch? With food, can you tell if it's the texture or the flavor that makes something unappealing?

Behavior is communication. It's hard, but if you can, try to pretend you're a scientist studying your child's reactions. They are not personal, even though it feels profoundly personal in the moment.

Not the OP but interested in this. I suspect my difficult four-year-old has some sensory issues--relatively mild because she functions fine in daycare. But she's highly temperamental, prone to meltdowns at home, and just...challenging. So challenging. Anyway, your bolded question caught my eye because I have noticed some sensory things: For example, she is extremely averse to "scary" loud noises/things, like lawnmowers. Lawnmowers are a big problem. Self-flushing toilets are an issue when we're out, and automatic hand-dryers are out of the question. But she also does some sensory-seeking things, like scratching or running her nails over various surfaces (walls, counters, upholstery), knocking/banging, and her favorite thing is dramatically smashing something her older sister has meticulously built, like a LEGO construction or art project or the like. She definitely plays rough.

But since you asked the OP, I'm curious about what that indicates, especially when (in my case) she seems to be able to keep it generally under control in her classroom setting? She probably does engage in some of these behaviors there too, but not to a degree that her teachers have ever said anything, even when I've asked.

And OP...hugs to you. I had the exact same thought as your subject line this morning. It was a rough morning. It feels like a very long and sometimes regrettable road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think this warrants an evaluation. It sounds extreme to me, even for a 3 year old.

I agree. I have a very high energy 7 year old boy who is being evaluated for ADHD right now, and he never stops moving but he's never been quite this untamed.
The other thing that strikes me is that he may be chronically sleep deprived. Have you tried melatonin (with pediatrician approval)?