I'm tired of being a mother.
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Anonymous
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I know this sounds awful - but I am just exhausted.
I have one 2 y/o and work full-time. It is exhausting meeting his needs - it's just constant demands for attention and tantrums. He will ask for food that he likes then immediately hates it when I bring it out. This morning he has pooped x6 and it's like this every morning. We've talked to his pediatrician and she says it's normal. He screams if I suggest trying the potty. Every food that I offer is "yucky", this morning he woke up at 5AM and ran out to his toy room and immediately began and tantrum when he couldn't' find a specific garbage truck toy. He is just constantly running and bumping into things, he ran into the couch at full-speed. He screams if he sees an ant. He is so high energy and demanding. We take him to the park, zoo, museum, playdates, outside play for hours on end but its NEVER enough - when its time to leave it's just screaming meltdowns. I am embarassed at his behavior and blame myself for how he acts wondering if there's something i'm doing wrong. My sisters daughter will just sit quietly and play by herself and sit on my sisters lap and read books. My son is just so much, all the time. It has completley turned me off from having another child and i'm considering having my tubes tied to prevent another pregnancy. I feel like my husband and son deserve a more attentive and engaging mother who is willing to play with him for 8+ hours/day and do crafts/art/fun things but the truth is I am TIRED of having my entire day and free time devoted to my son and his ever constant demands. Everything is just a constant struggle - eating, potty training, getting in or out of the bath, going to sleep, leaving the park or leaving any kind of activity. I'm 32. I've had a migraine for a week and my husband is very patient, loving and attentive. I am alone with my son today and just hate it. I have tried SSRI's and therapy but found the SSRI's caused weight gain and decreased libido. I'm withdrawing from one SSRI this week. The worst part is I can't have my husband watch him for any period of time without my son screaming MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY, if he gets hurt he refuses to let his Dad comfort him. It's just ... constant. I just always feel like I want to run away or cry. This isn't how I imagined motherhood. |
Anonymous
When did he start this or has it always been this way? |
Anonymous
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It’s very hard, OP. Hugs!
How old is your son exactly? There is a big difference between 24 months and 30 months. How are you handling the tantrums? How are you potty training? I ask because you may be making things harder on both of you. |
Anonymous
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OP here -
He has always been this way. Let me add he is a very loving boy which is part of why I feel so guilty. He doesn't hit or kick thankfully. He has always been active and high energy. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and took Ritalin. He is ... 34 months old so almost 3. He has never slept through the night and still wakes 1-2x/night. He will not respond to my husband at night and cry/scream for me. We are encouraging him to try the potty and having him sit before and after meals and before and after sleeping. We read him books while he sits on the potty and give rewards and praise if he goes (he has 2x so far), but now the potty has become a spot he likes to sit and be read to. The tantrums I just kind of zone out. I have to try really hard to not scream and reciprocate. I try to speak to him in a low, calm voice and give warning indicators that we will be leaving soon. He won't get up and and walk or take my hand when it's time to go, so at the end of the 5 minute indicator I have to pick him up and he begins thrashing. |
Anonymous
It’s not too early for an evaluation. My oldest was like this to some extent and has since been diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. A good therapist can work with you and your husband on strategies too. He can’t always demand you. And the tantrums will resolve faster if you and your husband handle them the same way. I have had that feeling of just…not understanding when other kids sit and play quietly. Kids with ADHD needs tons of stimulation so if that’s something that he is diagnosed with you can start planning how to manage him. My kid it’s so so much exercise, so much simulation and firm boundaries. I have a second child who is typical so I can tell you yes some kids really just are that much harder. But if you are feeling like this you need help. And be so careful during this weaning period off your own meds, just leave the house if you need a break once your husband is home. Your son might scream, that’s ok. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like he could do with more choices. Give him the illusion of choice in everything. Let him say how many more minutes he wants. If he says one hundred then just set the timer for ten or fifteen and tell him it’s up. But also give him 3, 2, and 1 minute warnings. Have something fun to transition to. Like he gets a snack when he leaves or something. Even for things he doesn’t tantrum about, still give him a choice. Does he want the blue shirt or the red shirt today? Does he want his lunch with a fork or a spoon? Does he want to sit on the potty now or in five minutes?
Lord nobody can or should play with their kid for eight hours per day. If you offer “yucky” food, you can just give him 2-3 foods, one you know he likes, and tell him he can eat what he wants but this is lunch. Acknowledge what he’s upset about, give him words for it, when he’s tantruming but then that’s all the talking you need to do in a tantrum. You just have to let it run its course. See if you can go with him to his room, tel him “you’re upset because X. I’ll stay with you until you are calm.” and see if after a dozen times he gets more calm or wants to go to his room with you when he’s upset. |
Anonymous
| Also, put more music on. |
Anonymous
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Eating: you sit him down and put three things on his plate - one thing he loves, one thing he likes, and something new. That’s the meal! No asking, no substitutions. You decide what you serve and he decides what, if anything, he’s going to eat. If he eats nothing that’s okay. If he tantrums, that’s okay. A couple meals and snacks like this and he’ll get it. Be consistent.
Potty training: I am a firm believer in potty training before 2 but if it’s too much for you right now wait. Stop all attempts and just wait until he wants to. There are 3.5 yr olds in my son’s preschool class still in diapers. Tantrums: Don’t engage in the tantrum. Be there for him but don’t try reasoning with him. They’re like raging drunks! I deal with the issue (lost toy) and offer support but don’t take it personally. If my kids want to scream and cry it’s okay. I pretend it doesn’t bother me. After the tantrum is over we talk about how it wasn’t fun for him and better ways he could get my attention or help. Most times with tantrums, there is nothing to do (like when my kid tantrums because the ducks flew away). Hang in there, OP. And talk to a neurologist about migraine prevention. It saved me. |
Anonymous
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Earbuds. Classical piano. Ignore the tantrums.
This is why being a parent isn’t a job. If it was a job, I would have quit. |
Anonymous
| What happens if you leave him with his father for a couple of hours and you are not around? |
Anonymous
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This is very hard, but it will pass. Here’s something you will have to try - when he’s being demanding, you need to be prepared to mentally say “tough $h1t, kid”. He eats or he doesn’t. Leave the house when Dad’s up, or simply don’t open the door of the room you’re in. If he needs to get out of the bath or move to another room, pick him up and bring him there. I had to do these things from time to time because they had to be done. His “consent” was in no way required. He will not die, I promise. Make your husband figure it out. I didn’t yell or shout but when he was being terrible and demanding I would look him in the eye and say “I don’t care” or his favorite response to when he said “I want….” which was “and I want a pony so we’re both going to be disappointed today”.
I also found that wrapping a tantruming child in a bear hug wrapped in a towel or blanket also could help - a lot of tantrums came from overstimulation, so I wanted to get someplace calm, secure, quiet, and dark. That would also break the cycle. Also, throw away the potty and just put a seat on the toilet. If he’s pooping in he morning, just sit him right there as soon as you’ve fed him. Most people enjoy different phases of parenting, I hated babies and actually didn’t mind toddlerhood. Elementary was great, and now we’re in teenagerdom, which can definitely be unpleasant. It’s okay that you’re not loving this. He not doing this to torment you - he just doesn’t have the words or maturity to sprain what he was ants or process his disappointment. It’s why there are a million memes of “why is my two year old crying?” Hang in there. |
Anonymous
| He sounds very spoiled and like he has you well trained. I’d make some major changes or you’ll end up with a child that no one likes. Start with leaving him for the dad with his dad and doing something fun. Who cares what he says or does while you’re away as long as he’s safe? Sorry but your parenting choices are one of the reasons he acts the way he does. |
Anonymous
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Eating:
Snacks- Scatter some cheerios on the floor. He will come along and pick them up and stick them in his mouth the way that he does everything else that lands on the floor. Meals: Make something that you were looking forward to and try to eat alone. He will eat most of the meal. Potty training: have your husband show him how to pee outside. Who doesn’t want to pee outside? Tantrums: Get some noise proof headphones. Place child in a safe space where he can’t hurt himself. Move on with your day. Bonus if this occurs around nap time or bedtime and he just falls asleep tantruming. |
Anonymous
This is good advice about the transitions. You can actually practice too. At home set up a play zoo with stuffed animals and make a game of how will we leave? And tons of praise if he stays calm. It really will get better |
Anonymous
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I had a kid like this, hard as a baby (cried all the time); hard as a toddler, epic epic tantrums; needed to be with me/have attention all the time; always wanted me, never my husband; refused to even sit on the potty until she was over 3. Now, as a kindergarten, she is so much fun. I know it feels like this will never end, but it will. I suggest a night alone at a hotel (room service, bath, sleep in). A night of sleep and a little space can help you get through the slog of right now.
Also, the weather is getting nice and the days are getting longer; I suggest after work you pack up kiddos dinner and take it to the playground. That helped me get thru the hardest evenings with my kiddo. Good luck!! |